Do Opposite s attract actually last?

[Monalisa77]

Im still puzzled why a successful dr who is popular with everyone would like someone like me, i mean he's not the best looking of blokes but still,(good job i dont go by looks alone lol) i could still imagine him being able to get a decent looking girlfriend, but there's always a saying that opposite s attract but can they really last?

Yes

No

[DaveJord]

I was married for 24 years to my opposite. Off course as time went on the difference and gaps grew larger. But we were married for 24 years, and we raised 2 kids together... so it was a successful relationship... but it was a terrible marriage.

But I think opposite do attract and that it's a good sometimes. Along as you respect those differences and allow them personal space to do what they enjoy doing.

[Joshydavid25]

Absolutely, having things in common helps a connection to come along fast, but it doesn't make for a lasting relationship.. As long as you guys have the core values aligned, it can last.

[Monalisa77]

Were both family oriented but 1 of ny downfall s is i dont want kids (although i wouldn't mind adopting), competitive people n like sports (although im not interested in football or rugby 😂) n it seems travelling 2

[Joshydavid25]

The only thing might be a problem is the kids part if he wants some.. Everything else is not so important to building a lasting relationship..

[Monalisa77]

He must already know kids aren't in my plans due to my health tho

[Joshydavid25]

Well if he knows it and still wants to go ahead with you, then you guys are good.. If he's pursuing you, don't over think it too much and just go with the flow.. See how things roll..

[TheSpaceGnome]

Things in common = core values aligned. Nothing in common = different core values.

[Joshydavid25]

@TheSpaceGnome Well they could have virtually nothing in common except core values.. Could not even have the same political leanings.. That's more what I meant.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't see how thats possible, Core values effect interests and hobbies, and interests and hobbies effect core values, they are pretty much the same things but applied differently..

[Joshydavid25]

@TheSpaceGnome I wouldn't say that.. For example.. Your core values is that you guys both want to get married, have children, and have similar values in regards to morals and how one should carry themselves.. But maybe one person hated Donald Trump and the other loved him for different reasons.. Or one person like in her situation is a doctor and the other is an actor..

[TheSpaceGnome]

"Your core values is that you guys both want to get married, have children"

Those aren't core values, those are things people do with people who share their core values. Even morals aren't core values.

Core values are things that bring you joy, things you value.

Stuff like marriage, kids, morals, politics, those are supports, things that prop up, secure, or facilitate core values, but they themselves are not core values, they are not treasured things or enjoyable experiences.

Video games for me is a core value, and art, and literature, and animation.

Core values ARE your hobbies and interests.

You might vote for a politician thinking they will allow you to begin or facilitate your core values, or perhaps you think its all a scam, or that no matter who you vote for your core values won't be allowed or possible. But politics itself isn't a core value.

Lets say a core value for you is sex, or physical affection in general. Well, if you want that from someone, but you also want to live longer, you will get married/be monogamous, because it reduces STD risk, or maybe because it allows an emotional connection, which lets you do more of your core values that require another person to happen.

People can go about supporting things in different ways, but what brings them joy has to be the same.

[Joshydavid25]

@TheSpaceGnome Think of the term "Core" which is basically the foundation.. And values which basically something that is important to you.. Hobbies are not something that is foundation to important beliefs in your life.. They could be result, but they aren't.. In fact one definition of values are the principles.. The synonyms are morals, and ethics..

[Joshydavid25]

Thanks for MHO!

[RavVid]

Lets suppose we have a couple, the guy is not so outgoing but his girlfriend is and an excellent hostess. The guy has a high paying job that necessitates socializing which is somewhat trying for him but her outgoing nature smooths the waters for him.

They are opposites but I think it is easy to see they are very functional opposites and could easily last.

It is a bit of a constructed example but it needs to be simple to illustrate.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, if you aren't basically mental clones in terms of hobbies, interests, lifestyles, goals, etc. then your core values won't be aligned, and you'll argue, fight, or leave.

[love_conquers_lust]

Tou might want to read up on the differences between homophily and heterpohily as well as endogamy and exogamy.

[love_conquers_lust]

*You

[exitseven]

I dated an opposite. Even though she dumped me I knew it was not going to be forever

[SUMAIREBRAHIM]

No i don't think so to be honest i think we should look for similarities instead

[eagle1951]

lasted 37 years if she was still alive would have been 43