Guy with girlfriend is interested in me?

[GirlaskingGuys88]

I recently met with someone from my childhood as we share many fond memories together (both in our 30s now).

This person did not make it known he had a girlfriend until weeks after being in touch (after a lot of flirting and texting) and apologised for not being honest. I decided to meet anyway as I have always wanted to know how he is now. I will admit I was a little gutted he was taken but I always wanted to meet regardless as a friend, I just knew it couldn't go further. We discussed this before agreeing to meet to set some boundaries.

Since meeting, he has told me he likes me, misses me, thinks about me a lot etc. He has also expressed that he has always liked me. (I do know he tried to meet for years but for whatever reason, I just couldn't then things went quiet for a while). He has made jokes about me going on dates and then says he gets jealous at the thought of this and that it doesn't sit right with him.

I have explained if we are to have contact it cannot be in this manner anymore as he is with someone to which he agrees and then continues to apologise for being in a relationship. He also said once he either leaves his relationship or just always appreciates the memory of me and be happy he got to see me. I feel so bad for his partner which is also making me feel like a bad person having these conversations with him.

Should I cut contact with this person? Its all very confusing...

Updates

+1 y

Think i was meant to share this in guys behaviour, woops!

[Oliverlogan263]

This situation sounds messy. On one hand, it's cool you reconnected with an old friend. But he's definitely crossing some lines if he's still with his girl.

I'd say you gotta set clear boundaries or take a break from talking to him for a while. Tell him straight up you can only be proper friends if he respects his relationship. Leading you on about "appreciating the memory" of you or whatever is just playing with your emotions. Not cool at all.

Also don't stress yourself - you didn't do anything wrong by catching up. But now you see he's still caught up on you even with a chick, so you gotta protect your heart too, ya feel? Maybe give him some space and see if he sorts his stuff out, then can be real friends again one day. For now just do your thing - don't let anyone treat you like an option!

I know it's hard breaking away from people you've got history with. But seems like the healthier choice than letting it turn messy or compromising yourself in any way. Stay true to you.

[GirlaskingGuys88]

Hi @Oliverlogan263 thank you for your response!
It definitely feels hard to disconnect given our history especially after building a new connection before finding out about his partner.

Yeah may be best to cut contact for a while it seems. Even when we have regular chit chat about our day it still feels a little off or unnecessary. Not that we cannot chat but It isn't going to go anywhere so its dragging it out almost.. maybe we can chit chat in the future when there's no emotions attached.

100% on the option thing, thats how I am starting to feel. He did say "I can either leave her and chance it with you or just appreciate meeting and leave it at that" I honestly have no response to that and would never want to influence the end of someones relationship. Definitely sounds like I am an option he's trying keeping open. After all this I am not even sure I would want to pursue something with this individual...

[Oliverlogan263]

@GirlaskingGuys88 Yeah, it sounds like cutting contact is the best thing for now. I know it's always tough disconnecting from someone you've known for so long, but this just doesn't seem like a healthy situation.

The way he's talking to you about leaving his girlfriend to be with you... that's not cool at all. No one deserves to be treated like an "option" while he's still in another relationship. You're right to not want to influence the end of their relationship either.

Honestly, after all this drama I'd probably be turned off from actually pursuing anything myself if he did break up with her. Like you said, he's dragging it out and keeping you on the back burner instead of being upfront and honest from the start. That would make it hard to trust him.

I'd say take a big step back for now. Let him figure his own stuff out without you in the picture. Maybe down the line, if he's truly single with no feelings left, you could consider being friends again without all the messy emotions. But for your own sake, don't get pulled back into this until then. You deserve way better than being someone's backup plan!

[ThrillSeeker01]

You should cut contact unless he agrees to be with you instead.

[GirlaskingGuys88]

Hi @thrillseeker01thank you for taking the time to respond (:
Yes I agree however I am not even sure id want that as sounds like a rocky start! Not a lot of trust and honesty for a good foundation.

[ThrillSeeker01]

You're right. From how you describe him, he wouldn't give anyone a lot of happiness.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Thanks for the MHO.