Why do women have to be so flaky?

[Anonymous]

I met a girl a few months ago that I thought we were a really good match for each other. I kissed her at the end of the date and she seemed to be in to it and respond quite well, and even told me that I should come by and see her sometime. My grandmother died a few days later and I was/am completely crushed. Anyway, she said she understood and all, and said if there is anything she can do, let her know blah blah. A few weeks later I felt like I was emotionally okay enough, and let's plan another date. Like... you said if there's anything you can do, uh, you can go out with me again since you seemed eager to do it the first time. Now she is not very responsive and the last thing she told me was she is thinking of relocating and looking for another job.

She did tell me she wasn't happy in her situation. They must pay her fairly well there, but it sounded like there were other significant problems with it. I don't see why we can't talk or do something in the meantime, or why she'd change her mind. We make sense in a lot of ways, and she even told me about how she basically gave up on online dating.. well, uh, okay, here I am... Anyway, I have a trip in a few weeks. I'm just going to let this sit for a bit and try again after that. I can't wait forever... but I don't understand why she's being this way. It hurts my feelings, and it doesn't make much sense to me.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

Sir, I think you have a lot of emotional sorting out to do before you start trying to blame that young lady. You both have significant life things going on but you’re putting your issue on a pedestal over hers. Yes your grandmother died you both didn’t talk or update each other on life. You didn’t update her it seems like. Not that there’s a specific time limit but because she’s going on doing her thing doesn’t mean you get angry and make her responsible for your happiness, when she’s not. Just because you’re ready, with no updates, doesn’t automatically mean things resume. She’s not being flaky as much as you’re trying to justify being transactional. That’s manipulative pulling that “well she said she would help” and that blah blah you inserted invalidating her initial consideration is slimy. Once again, she is not responsible for making you happy, giving you a dopamine hit in your state of grief, and don’t try to twist her wanting to be emotionally supportive at that time.

[Selliebeanz]

I would have kept contact throughout those weeks with her. I mean at the same time she could have understood the situation and me being me I would have reached out myself to see if you were alright and if you were responsive I would have kept up with it but everyone's different and I would think maybe she's just not as into you. Why would you want to be with someone who was quick to jump ship so early in the game?

[Inbox]

Similar to what @Flatmanlewis stated, it may seem you didn’t end up having sex during those few dates. In other words, by not doing so, you’ll eventually be put into the “nice guy” category.

Imagine if she did this to you? You were really excited to move things forward, but then she says I’m going through X right now (if it were me, I’d have written the girl off in my mind because a death of a family member usually takes a while to recover from). Also, you need to understand that even average looking girls have options.

I don’t know how attractive this girl is, but if she’s at least an 8, she’s not worrying about much. Imagine if you had 3 - 5 girls you were going out with and one becomes flaky? You’d probably forget this girl pretty quickly, but then a few weeks later she re-emerges in your life (like you did), you may be thinking “oh, you again. Hmm, emotionally I wrote him off, but now he comes back? Do I FEEL like going back out with him again?”

[Inbox]

@victormachiavelli Help a brotha out my man by giving your POV

[VictorMachiavelli]

I’m on it.

[Flatmanlewis]

I don’t think she’s being flaky. Yes, people can be (men & women equally) but this is a case of you simply lost the momentum to me. You had a narrow window of opportunity where she was interested in you guys and exploring that. Regardless of the circumstances (whether your fault or not) that time window closed and she moved on. Sadly, almost always, when a woman recategorizes her view of a man - that’s just the way it is and it’s not likely to change.


The only advice I can give is to be aware of this dynamic the next time around. In the early stages of talking to somebody even just a week can be a lot of absence, three weeks is huge.

[VictorMachiavelli]

I agree with @Inbox and @Flatmanlewis that this is mainly about lack of sex and losing momentum.

Women will tell you otherwise, but in the modern dating world, speed matters. Mainly because casual sex has become so normalised. Especially with all of the options women have, you’re always competing with all of the other guys trying to pull her.

If this doesn’t make sense to you and it sounds ridiculous, that’s because women will do and say all they can to convince you not to be sex focused. This is understandable - they don’t want to be pumped and dumped. They don’t want to be hurt.

They get hurt by guys who pump and dump because after sex they become more emotionally invested. Unlike men, most women can’t have sex without developing feelings, even many of those who pretend they can.

Plus before sex they have the power in dating because you’re trying to bed them, and they have the power to say yes or no. The tables turn after sex, especially if she’s wanting a relationship, because now the man has the power to say yes or no to commitment.

They basically lie about their nature and the nature of the dating game to protect themselves.

But although it can end bad for her when a guy ghosts after sex, what this means is that if you want the girl, having sex with her quickly is good for you.

As I said you’re competing with other guys also. What often happens is a guy takes too long to have sex with a girl, she ends up having sex with some other guy. Unless the sex was bad she’s most likely to fall for the guy she just had sex with over the other guy, even if the other guy is great otherwise.

This is why @Flatmanlewis mentioned momentum. You have a window of opportunity where you can get the girl, bed her, and then get with her. Once you lose that momentum and miss that open window, yours is closed she’s on to the next guy.

That’s what happened here I think. The reason it happened sucks and I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother, this is probably hard to hear but is the most likely reason.

Don’t wait for her at all, move on.

[Asker]

She’s never had sex. It’s called being Christian.

[VictorMachiavelli]

If she’s 30 or close and still a virgin, it’s not just being a Christian. She’s either got big hang-ups when it comes to sex and relationships which cause her to act this way, or she’s lying.

[RavVid]

Sometimes you can just miss the moment and she might feel the same on her side. In the reverse of your case, the bad stuff happened on the girl's side and I just didn't have adequate words that were not appallingly trite & inadequate. I wasn't going to do any good for her.

Best to let it sit as you are thinking and see if the first feelings resurface.

[VikingWarLord]

Tsk Tsk Tsk... Still haven't taken the RED PILL yet huh?

Here's a video that will help you understand things a bit better

https://www.youtube.com/embed/QyXLtWU6ajg

[Anonymous]

Depends on the woman. I'd say 1/3 of them are toxic. 1/3 of the are traumatized to the point of never being capable of anything healthy. And 1/3 of them are bored and just want to see what they can get away with.

Rather than worry about thier flakiness. Just as a man know what you're willing to tolerate and tell the rest of them to get f***ed.

[Anonymous]

Well, you made her wait 3 weeks. You want her to drop everything whenever you’re ready? It’s not all about you. I get your grandmother passed away and I’m sorry but she has a life too. Respect her time.

[slatyb]

That's dating. Why are your feelings hurt? She's not as into you as you are into her. Ask someone else.

[DarkWinterNights]

Too much time passed and she moved on. Even without all the things happening in her life, 3 weeks is too long that early in the talking stage.

[Monalisa77]

Thats what im learning and i fear happened to me

[loveslongnails]

You went out with her once, and she's being flaky?

[Fromdusktilldawn]

women... they change their mind as often as they change their clothes. Stop pursuing her or women in general, its a game of frustration

[Anonymous]

You’re not her priority at the moment I guess

[msc545]

She is worried about things other than you.

[Anonymous]

Life doesn't revolve around you.

[Jamie05rhs]

Fuck that bitch.