So I’ve been chatting up a girl I met online for 2 weeks. She’s real and verified. We talked on the phone and everything matches up.
I was teasing, funny and flirty in my messaging but never brought up sex. She also usually brought up flirty stuff first.
So anyway we planned a traditional date this weekend. I sent her a joke (clean) pic of myself in an old Halloween costume since it was related to our conversation. I then asked her for a few more pics and to my total surprise she responded with a topless pic. I wasn’t totally shocked but caught off guard a bit. She’s in her mid 20s and very busy herself with a devoted job and she takes care of family. She also recently moved out to my state from far away and probably doesn’t know many people.
So anyway she’s given all signs she wants a hook up which is fine. But that’s not how I approached it first. It’s been a year now since I’ve gotten laid (i work 2 jobs and have zero time) so I don’t mind. She not completely random either. We know each others background.
Should I just ask her to come over my place and make her dinner since the original meetup location is far away from where we both live (it’s also cold af right now where I live)
I don’t usually ask girls to come over my place unless I’ve met them before. But if sounds like she wants to get right at it. I wasn’t planning on that. But I wonder how it might come off with me changing my plans. Should I just outright tell her what I am thinking? It seems like when a girl hints heavily about wanting sex and responds with “alright come one over” they often get turned off.
I should be happy and excited anyway. An attractive young lady (who isn’t a bum) is very interested in me. Got no room to complain. It’s a good thing even it is just sexual.
What Girls Said
I’m being super polite about saying this, but even if you feel like you’ve gotten every indication she just wants sex, unless she verbally states as much then please don’t make that assumption. It wasn’t until recently that I made aware of how common it is for some women to play the role of promiscuous and wanting sex only when in reality it’s totally out of character. That means they’re sending the nudes and thirst traps, talking about sex and whatnot but in reality she is a “good girl”, even potentially virgin! It’s all driven by past trauma and fear. Then they’re shocked when the guy does what you are doing and assume they’re only looking for a good time.
So anyway, now that I know this is a thing I tell men to play it safe. I’m not saying you’re wrong about your observation but basically just act like you are lol treat it as a date then see where the night goes.
It’s such a huge pain in the ass when women do this crap. Its always some sort of shit test. Like if I jump on it then it’s a quick turn off.
I did everything right in the beginning. Kept everything light and funny. Some flirting but nothing dirty or sexual. Sure sex on my mind too but I treated her like a lady and I’m well aware how paranoid women are dating online. I’ve done everything to prove I’m legit and not a bad guy.
I could treat her out as planned but it’s going to be a big inconvenience to take her all the way to my place if that’s what she wants. I also got to plan and pay for the entire date. Lead the conversation. Women think guys enjoy that and the truth it’s a huge hassle for us.
Yeah, I can’t understand why some women do this but unfortunately that’s the way it can go I guess! I hear you about it being an inconvenience (going back to your place) but let’s pretend that’s not even going to happen. Focus on the date, see how it goes then cross that bridge when you get to it.
Planning and paying for the date doesn’t have to be all on you, and if you insist on paying then you shouldn’t look at it as such a hassle because it’s not an obligation. Back when I tried online dating I was totally fine with splitting costs, paying for my drinks or whatever, it’s so common in this day and age. If paying for everything and planning the whole date is you being chivalrous then yes it’s nice of you but remember it’s also a choice…
It’d not just the money. That’s actually the easy part. It’s the feeling of being “interviewed” and tested on the first date. I got to keep things light and funny but also be careful not to say something stupid. Just one wrong unintentional and/or misunderstood remark can make a girl completely change her mind. Given the age gap (I am 15 years older and she knows that) I feel like I’m held to a even higher standard on that.
Anyway it’s been a long while since I’ve done a full on legitimate date. All I did last year was a coffee date with one girl (never heard back) and discreet midnight hook up with another (never heard back from her either). So I admit I’m overthinking this.
Maybe me being teasing and charming (without mentioning sex) is what’s turned her on so much in the first place. I will do the date and just try to relax.
I hear you about feeling interviewed, but keep in mind that it’s mutual. You don’t want to overthink your behavior during the date, like whether what you say is stupid or isn’t funny, because by trying to adjust your personality to fit what you think a woman wants, you aren’t being yourself.
So then if things go well and months go by, as you start to act “normal” it’ll blindside her since that wasn’t how you acted or what you did in the beginning. Which leads to unnecessary fights, drama and all that stuff when it could’ve easily been avoided.
So rather than trying to do everything right just be authentic, because if it’s not meant to be then things won’t work no matter what you do.
I see what you are saying but it still isn’t a “equal” situation. No. A woman’s “feelings” is what makes her say yes or no. So she can quickly self sabotage herself if she misreads a man despite him being a potentially a really good thing for her. She will indulge that “initial feeling”.
Men aren’t as quick to be swayed by a woman’s behavior. He already had his mind made up if he feels attracted to her on her looks and secondary what she does for a living. She needs to be absolutely over the top rude or crazy for a man to change his mind. Either that she needs to admit to a huge red flag e. g. she casually admits to cheating in the past for a man to do a 180. She gets more leeway because me are expected to be patient with women given they might be nervous, shit testing, etc.
So no dating is not an even playing field when all else equal. Women always have an inherent advantage. I just wish they would acknowledge that.
Anyway she’s given me all very good signs so far. Not complaining. But topless pic was out of nowhere. I think she’s embarrassed she sent it but I laughed it off saying “wow your breasts look nice pillows” but I didn’t ask for more or indulge it. She wants to feel wanted. But I will chalk up the topless pic as mistake.
If the roles were reversed the man would be DONE though. No second chances. Nada. Game over. Blocked. Just saying.
I really don’t know what you’re talking about, all I said is the feeling is mutual for her. Man or woman, a first date can be intimidating and of course you want to do the right things, there’s a lot of pressure on both parties wanting to make a good impression. I don't know why you’re going on about equal playing fields, as I haven’t said anything about that. Anyway good luck with everything!
She might want to get close super early like relationship wise. I'd clarify what you both want before moving forward
I think she was a bit embarrassed after she sent that pic. I never asked for that. I told her it was okay and her breasts looked like nice pillows. But I didn’t indulge the sex chat.
How old is she?
Twenty six. I really liked her background and personality.
Sorry it didn't work out