Interracial relationship... Do you need to discuss potential racial issues that may come up?

[lilyanony1]

I'm a black carribean woman dating a mixed race (white English/ black Caribbean man). This following weekend he met my sisters friends for the first time at a birthday party. Anyways one of my sisters closest friends came and spoke to us and very shortly into the conversation after I mentioned my partner cooking dinner on new years day for me and his family. She asked him what cuisine it was. Now I understood what she was trying to figure out. But I couldn't possibly understand why, since we are all black.
Anyways he handled it well and I didn't say anything. Later on that night I mentioned it to my mum. And she was just as annoyed as I was.
I asked my boyfriend if he noticed to which he said yes and he said it didn't bother him.
But it bothers me. I have fallen out with people due to this type of behaviour, and at one stage I even had a mixed race friend tell me that dating anything other than black was not good!

I'm not trying to stirr trouble here with us, infact I have his back but I feel like he kinda tries to just brush things under the rug. No ones saying he's got to be aggressive but I feel like maybe I'm finding it more insulting because I don't see why people can't be happy that I'm happy...

[mandyfire98]

My boyfriend is black and obviously racial issues just in general have popped up in discussion but we haven't had to like sit down and have a preparation type discussion or anything. We just take it as it comes. We are fairly lucky that although we do live in Kentucky, we live in a fairly large and diverse city in the state. So no problems where we both currently live.

Now we definitely got some unwelcome looks back in my actual hometown because I come from a smaller less diverse town originally. People there can still be racist and sexist.

[lilyanony1]

I'm sorry about this. I often wonder what it's like interracially dating in the states. Personally I just think people need to mind they own damn business. I wonder why it bothers them so much. Silly fools.

[DizzyDesii]

He and i have had discussions about racial shit but mostly stupid stuff he's said regarding Asians and native americans. It bothers me because he ha to remember a lot of my fam is native and i constantly have to correct him but shouldn’t. And then he finally admitted that his dad may have a hard time accepting me but i really dgaf. Anytime i dated someone whether they were my race or not, I had to deal with an unhappy parent. That shit ain't gone stop me

[lilyanony1]

Well I hope this works out and you can show his dad how good you two are despite his prejudice. Silly people

[DizzyDesii]

His dad had said pretty unforgivable things so I don't know

[lilyanony1]

Oh wow

[Phoenix98]

Why? If someone has an issue with me dating a woman that's not white or they have an issue with the girl dating a white guy then that speaks more about them then it does us.

Anyone who knows me personally knows that I don't give a fuck. I'm just like o you have a problem with us? Cool good luck with that I'm gonna be over here doing my thing not letting your BS affect us.

[lilyanony1]

It's not ruined our relationship if anything it will make it stronger and make me incredibly militant. I've had questions my whole life about various aspects of myself and choices including why I own a dog and funnily enough it's toughened me up. But it just caught me off guard because we are so happy.

[Phoenix98]

If your happy then that's great, just ignore the people brining those kinds of things up. No sense in making a mountain out of a molehill.

[lilyanony1]

Well he has agreed that we can talk about this. It's no shame that he's mixed. I love him and he loves me. It's been 7 months and this is the fastest but most genuine relationship I've ever had. I just don't want something to ruin things

[Phoenix98]

Well I wish you both the best.

[lilyanony1]

Thank you so much.

[Phoenix98]

No problem.

[Billlewis]

For a white guy who's dating a Black woman, the pressure she'll often receive from her family members and relatives is usually a pretty big one.

[lilyanony1]

I find it quite upsetting tbh. The problem in some black families is that they can verbilize their dislike for x in front of a x person and automatically assume that it's OK. Now I don't think anyone from x can deny the possible reasons for the views, history and reoccurring history but I fear it's a major trigger have x at their table

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am. I've had better luck with women who don't have a lot of relatives (or whose relatives live elsewhere) or who are older, etc.

[lilyanony1]

I think some people think there are too many differences that can create obstacles in the relationship. But I think until both partners actually complain about obstacles people should kind they own business

[Billlewis]

Not only that, but look at what the media is trying to do to Blacks and whites, whites and Latinos, etc. I think about 80% of it is politically based nowadays.

[lilyanony1]

The world is currently set up to create a divide. It's the old way of divide and conquer!

[lilyanony1]

I hope you two can maintain a healthy and happy life together finding true love is hard. And making it last requires work x

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think on your part, I would let things go as they are. Just don't let anyone bring you and your boyfriend down over race issues. We are all God's children.

[lilyanony1]

I don't want this to be a thing... But it angers me. It makes me feel like I did as a child when my father used to call me a Dyke (UGH!) because I liked rock music, liked to wear black and didn't have a boyfriend at 15!

[FunkyMonkee]

I never did with my Induah girlfriend. Everyone accepted her without a problem. Same with my brother and his Mexican girlfriend.

[lilyanony1]

That's good. Because people can be real jerks.

[FunkyMonkee]

They sure can! My brothers Mexican girlfriend was one! It was 42 years ago so, I don't quite recall what the problem was but, she did something pretty nasty that caused her to get kicked out of our house and, before she left, she kicked in my brother's open reel tape recorder and took a piss all over the cushions on the couch he had in his room.

[lilyanony1]

Whatttt... 😳😡🤯

[FunkyMonkee]

Oh, yeah! She was a real bitch when we told her to get out! Seeing as how she had no money and nowhere to go, we allowed her to stay for an extra week or two until she got a job and a paycheck to be able pay rent somewhere else and, just before leaving, she fucked his shit over. We never heard from her again.. For all I know, she went back to Mexico. He brought her up here from Ariz. when he got out of the military in `81.

[lilyanony1]

I think she was a badly brought up human. Not because she was Mexican. I mean we all heard about amber heard right. I think it's a certain type of mindset/mental health/personality disorder that makes people behave like idiots.
I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. I'm life I believe in karma. I try to be good to people in the hope that my kindness just makes them either leave me alone or have a good memory for a fleeting moment you know. I don't have time to have daggers in my back. But somehow they still fly my way!

[FunkyMonkee]

I've heard of amber but don't recall what it was about.
Thank you.
He seems to have shitty luck with girlfriend's.
My luck with them hasn't been the best in the world, either but nowhere near as bad as his.
I tend be nice to everyone, too. Even animals. There's two bunnies in the front yard that come up on the porch almost every day waiting for me to give them a slice of bread. If I have apples, I'll go out back and toss them to deer cutting through my yard.

[lilyanony1]

You're a kind soul. I don't know your brother so can't say. Sometimes there is a little inner work required. Maybe he's missing the signs early on?

[FunkyMonkee]

Thank you! I try! You sound like one, too.
If I had Musk's money, I'd go around giving some of it away to legit homeless people and others that REALLY needed it.
Well, Cindy seemed like a nice girl when he brought her home. The next one, Joanne, started seeing someone else shortly after he started dating her, another one (I recall what she looked like but not her name) was at a Jethro Tull concert with us and he bought a Tull shirt at the concert, $20, and she ran up to him to hug him or something, grabbed the shirt and ran off and we never saw her again! The next one, Carmella, was a bit of a loon. She said she likes to strip down to her underwear at night and walk across the street in front of her house to stop traffic. She still lives 3 miles from here. I think that was his last one but, Joanne married the other guy who we first met when he was only about 3 years old (we were probably 8 or 9), they had two kids, allowed my brother to live with them in their trailer/mobile home and then accused him of child molestation when the kids accidentally saw his naked ass one morning when they passed his room while he was bending over to pull up his pants. Then, one day, his best friend and his wife came over one day with their 9 year old daughter whom Bobby babysat a number of times. The wife was trying to get jiggy with my brother and, when he refused her advances, she claimed that he had been molesting her daughter! That had him in jail for 7 of the 6 years he was sentenced to. About 2 years after he got out, he drove off to a bridge one morning and jumped over the side! Killed himself!

[lilyanony1]

Your brother killed himself wtf! All these stories are so wild and almost unbelievable. I'm not denying them but all that to one guy that's insane.

I'm soo sorry. Damn

[FunkyMonkee]

Yeah, they really happened. Another time, after he got out of jail, I came home from work to find mom in the kitchen crying. I asked her what's wrong and she said she wanted me to find the Bactine. She showed me a huge red burn up her left arm. I asked her what happened, she said that she just walked into the kitchen a few minutes before I got home, where my brother was drinking fresh coffee and staring out into the back yard and she just, "Hi, Bob." to him and he whipped around and hit her arm with the scalding hot coffee pot and the water burned her arm! This was about 2 years after she'd just had a stroke and lost the use of her right arm for a while. It was NOT a happy time! Especially with him around! He was perfectly fine when he got out of jail and then, suddenly, a few months later, he started turning into a raging bitch, again!! Mom & I weren't allowed to be in the same room with him!

[lilyanony1]

Sounds like he had ptsd. I'm sorry he didn't get help before he ended things. How is your mum these days?

[FunkyMonkee]

It could be but, he was a raging bitch a few years before going to jail, too. My brother-in-law was one after his boating accident and, when he "killed himself" (possibly accidentally), my brother took over his piss-offedness. While in jail, he kinda became a holy roller and settled down quite a lot, then, like I said, he just started going bad again for no reason!
Mom died 7 years ago, that's why I'm here at her sister's house, now. When she had the stroke, she was just about to go in to check on her possibly having cancer. She did have it but opted not to do anything about it `til she got mobility in her right arm, again (3 years later). The stroke Dr. said he could get rid of it then and there but she'd lose the use of her left arm for a short while as it in her left armpit. By then, it was all over her body. She had huge green and purple welts all over her chest and back! I IMMEDIATELY went across the street to the grocery store near the hospital and bought her some stuff to make a cancer cure for her and saw to it she took it twice a day until she was clean! So, I saved her life or at least gave her another 3 years. What killed her was, basically, living with effects from the stroke. She ended up getting a saddle sore from spending 24/7 in some kind of chair and they told her she needed to stay in bed `til that was gone. But, while she was in bed, she just withered away and died in about 2 or 3 weeks.
Yesterday (or Sat.) was 18 years since dad died.

[lilyanony1]

Sorry to hear of all your loss.
I hope you are able to take a few moments to remember the good things in life with them. I'm sure they wouldn't want you spending your life in the darkness.

[FunkyMonkee]

I'm sure, too but, none of them took steps to keep that from happening.

[FunkyMonkee]

Oh, and, thanks.

[SotiCoto]

So... your sister's friend reckons half-black isn't black enough?

Is that the long and the short of this?

[lilyanony1]

I don't know if she doesn't think he's black enough but she certainly went out her way to find out what his race is. It was an ex friend that tried to tell me I should only be dating black men. Which was odd given that she is mixed of race!

[Joshydavid25]

My ex was "White".. I loved with her for a bit and both our families were cool.. At least immediate family.. But yeah a lot of "Black" people are outta pocket with the overt racial bias and even racism..

[Joshydavid25]

Lived**

[Roudyrebel8]

Just don't let outside people determine your happiness

[lilyanony1]

I trying not to. But as I mentioned I cut a friendship or two off simply because they focused on the race of my choice of partner when it was working and tried to justify the behaviour when the guy was black. How is that fair?

[PositiveNote]

In my opinion, Reyes is always an issue even if people choose to not voice it. It may be a big thing to them or it may be a little thing, but it's always there and it's present.

[Tim2nice]

I don’t see how asking a question about cuisine is a racial issue. By the way I’m white and dated a few Jamaican women in the past.

[lilyanony1]

The assumption is that it's something foreign

[Tim2nice]

Or just curious. “What are you cooking” would be the question 99% of people of all backgrounds would ask.

[lilyanony1]

Precisely... Cuisine is implying otherwise

[Juxtapose]

You are in your thirties and you are letting someone ask about your cuisine bother you?

Lady, you need thicker skin. Know who you are.

[lilyanony1]

I don't have thin skin. As I said I let him handle things. But it pissed me off. Coz why does it matter

[PeterLegg91]

Anything other than black that's racist and discriminating

[lilyanony1]

Agreed and she was mixed herself!

[PeterLegg91]

Yeah it's fucked up 😆

[jshm2]

Well, technically it's a mixed relationship, as you're dating a "mixed" guy. So neither here nor there. But mixed people tend to be fucked up as they cannot defend either side.

[lilyanony1]

That's rude... Defend what do they have to defend? Two people found a connection hopefully in love and created them...

[Massageman]

One race = human race.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with interracial dating

[OddBeMe]

Ask him how he feels about reparations.