Anyone else think dating is a waste of time if you aren’t attractive?

[JHAYES317]

For the past couple years, I tried to convince myself that I was physically attractive despite my lack of height (5’6” ish). I would dress up nice, stand with decent posture, act confident and what not. None of it worked. No I never asked out any women, but hardly any women I found attractive matched with me on dating apps. And hardly any of them ever approached me in public either. I typically only got attention from obese or disabled women, or gay men. Feeling dismayed, I posted to Reddit several times, asking if I was wrong and if I was indeed ugly. The problem was that they would say I wasn’t ugly, that I was handsome yadda yadda. But then I saw some other posts where the most mid guys ever were getting called hot and cute and what not, so that’s when I realized…women will call anyone hot or cute, to them it’s a generic compliment. To guys we hear that and think it means we are attractive…no. It just means they are trying to be nice. If a girl actually thinks you are attractive, she will go out of her way to talk to you, spend time with you, etc. Look at your dating app success, if you are getting matched with women you find attractive regularly, then you are either rich or attractive.
So once I became aware of the truth of the matter, I deleted the dating apps. Now I’m just going to focus on getting my career off the ground and doing things on my own that I enjoy. In a strange way, I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders, like I no longer feel like I have to worry about what I say or look like to girls anymore, just gonna do me. I figure that if I haven’t been in a relationship in 25 years of life, it’s probably not meant to be. I recommend any guys in a similar situation to consider doing the same, delete the apps and just focus on other things besides dating. There are more men than women, so not everyone will find a partner, and the sooner you accept that, the happier you will be.

[mattthefatbat]

I remember in my first relationship which went on for a year i was lied to about her actually being into me because to her i didn't have any qualities she wanted a man shed be with to have, despite me being there for her everyday, despite me staying loyal to her helping with things she wanted help with.. she used me for my money and buying gifts for her little fantasy kink bdsm, which if you with a woman that is into bdsm or whatever and she says "ugh this is so weird and boring you're not like this and that for their certain kink so im not into you" or "if you don't get a job so I can buy more gifts and pizza for myself with your hard earned money then I'm not talking to you anymore" then just forget her bro, she's materialistic and wants nothing to do with a real relationship with you. Was only after she told me she cheated on me around my birthday about 13 times when i found out she's not worth any of my time. Finding that one woman that loves you for you and wants you and not anyone else will take time but is still possible keep looking forward, don't forget you're values and self worth still. No one stays attractive forever in time we will all get to look like our grandpas or grandmas. But usually the thing about most women and height most prefer to find a man that is taller than them sure. But doesn't mean all women want a height difference that makes them look like some child standing next to their s. o. but for the best relationships I suggest finding a woman that especially cares about you, your values and how you treat her. So far I've always enjoyed a relationship where morals and good communication played a key role. There's plenty of variety out there despite how much it seems like most women want a singular type of guy you still have a possibility of finding one that wants you, besides no one I've met or talked with deep down wants someone that treats them like shit and doesn't show care about their emotions and needs.

[JHAYES317]

I refuse to date a woman who won’t date a man an inch shorter than them, or wouldn’t be satisfied by a 3 in dick, based on principle alone.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I have this weird theory that you're probably going to meet what you really like when you quit trying.

Like I slightly scrolled down and I read that waiting for women to get to you is a bad idea basically... no... just hit the waits and they will go out of their way to get to you. Leave it to us dudes to come up with theories that attraction only works one way.

Dude... you could be 5'4" but if you're ripped and rocking out on a guitar having a great time...6' 2" chicks will be raping you. Be fun, have fun... take care of your health... but don't put the pussy on a pedestal.

[JHAYES317]

Ironically 6’2” chicks are more into me than 5’4” chicks lol.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'm not surprised. I have no idea how tall you are but I've had my share of 6'2" chicks hit on me and I'm only 5'10". Just having fun I think is what attracts them and the others. I love clapping cheeks on really tall chicks. I get to pretend I'm a midget.

[JHAYES317]

I’m like 5’6” ish, maybe 5’7” if I use like an inversion machine lol…but I got shitty posture and a big head so I look more like 5’5” probably

[TenderFantasy]

25 I would say is a tad too young to give up. I'm 40 this year and at 39 last year I thought I finally found the one. But anyway, if you're not really desparate to have a family (a wife and have children), then yeah of course I'd agree! You do you! HOWEVER, if you think you might still want it... Anyway, I also didn't know that there were more men than women, where did you get those statistics? ! I thought it was the other way around? ! At least I could have sworn, that is why I am havin trouble lol, and always had been, too. My luck when it comes to the love department = 💩😛

[JHAYES317]

There are more men than women in the 20 - 40 demographic…there are more women overall but that’s mainly cause men die younger but that inequality doesn’t occur till like age 70

[TenderFantasy]

"There are more men than women in the 20 - 40 demographic…" Really? ! Where's your source? Maybe it also depends on where you reside.

[JHAYES317]

In the urban USA at least

[HappyWoman34]

I don’t think there’s anything ugly about you.

[JHAYES317]

I didn’t say I was ugly…I said I’m not attractive…there’s a difference. You can be good looking but not be attractive overall, in my case it’s my lack of height which tanks my desirability.

[OlderAndWiser]

Waiting for women to approach you is not a wise strategy. Blaming women for your lack of success is counterproductive. You may want to argue about this, but my response is quite simple: how has this approach worked out for you?

[JHAYES317]

I’m not blaming women for anything. If anything I’m thanking them because now I know that I’m not attractive enough to get approached, I have to save money to get cosmetic surgery so it’s allowed me to focus on making money instead of spending money on dates that go nowhere

[milyjohn]

I asked a guy in high school why he's so successful with girls.

Mike: I grew up in Kodiak Alaska.
Me: And?
Mike: Let's just say that I don't have a fear of human girls. LMAO

[JHAYES317]

Funny but again I’ve never denied that men can’t get girls by asking them out. But my point of view is if guys that look like Jensen Ackles don’t have to ask out girls…neither should I, I just have to save up enough money to get tons of cosmetic surgery.

[milyjohn]

Sounds like a good plan.

[JHAYES317]

I don’t think it’s a good plan, but considering I’m unwilling to ask out women…it might be my only option besides just not dating anymore…

[milyjohn]

I agree 100%.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you are unwilling to ask a girl for a date, you are either a troll or you are very unprepared for adult life in general.

[milyjohn]

I don't have any advice for the asker, because Mike was a rare anomaly. He wasn't tall, but he was handsome. Every time I saw him, he was with another girl. So one day I asked him about his success in that department. He laughed and told me that his rejection rate was about 99%. But he never viewed that as a bad thing!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGdhc9k07Ms

Looking back on that, Mike reminded me of the story I heard about Thomas Edison.

Bob: Tommy, are you still wasting your time with that stupid light bulb idea?
Tommy: Yep.
Bob: But your last 700 experiments were complete failures. Why do you keep going?
Tommy: I've never once failed. I'm just eliminating possibilities.

[JHAYES317]

Ok good for him. But I’m not willing to go through that.

[imtiaz45]

It's a common misconception to link dating success solely to physical attractiveness. While initial attraction can play a role, meaningful connections are built on various factors, including personality, shared interests, and communication skills. Beauty is subjective, and what one person finds attractive can differ from another's perspective. Confidence, self-esteem, and a positive attitude can enhance attractiveness. It's essential to focus on building genuine connections and self-improvement rather than viewing dating as solely reliant on looks. People often find deeper connections when they prioritize authenticity and compatibility. Remember, everyone has unique qualities that can contribute to fulfilling and meaningful relationships.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/yx8tNMxpyWc

[JHAYES317]

Sure but I don’t want to have to approach women to get dates …I want to just be good looking enough where they will throw themselves at me

[slatyb]

"I never asked out any women..." How do you imagine that is going to work? I divorced in my 30's, got on match. com, asked women out. At 5-8 I'm a little taller than you but so what? You have a great face. My brother is like 5-7 and has never had any problem getting attention.

How many female friends do you have? Find some activity that attracts single women around your and make some. Don't hit on them the first time you meet them. Have a little patience, learn everybody's name.

[JHAYES317]

The thing is I can’t stand being friendzoned…I can’t be friends with women I’m attracted to it just doesn’t work. And guys that look like George Clooney get approached so they don’t have to ask women out generally…

[slatyb]

So basically you are saying that what you are doing doesn't work but you are afraid to change your behavior. Do you even like women? If you just need sexual release you can hire someone for that.

[JHAYES317]

I do like women…but I just wish I could attract women without having to initiate…

[slatyb]

Have you considered counseling? It helped me.

[JHAYES317]

That won’t suddenly make me taller…

[slatyb]

So what? We're all shorter than some and mostly taller than others. Your problem is more psychological than physical. There are plenty of men your height and shorter with lovely partners.

[JHAYES317]

They are probably obese or disfigured or something though…not any guys who are 4’11” walking around with supermodels on their arm

[ChicoFromThe305]

Dude ima be foreal, looks don't matter, I can assure you That, I'm not that good looking but wouldn't have a problem in dating if I put the full effort for it, it's the confidence, sometimes insecurity slips, just how you are a dude and you can pick up physical signs on a woman, they can do the same, let me ask You, when you turn to look at a woman, do you fully turn around or just your head? Cause its known and said by psychology experts that this can show your confidence levels and I'm sure women can naturally pick up on things like that unintentionally, I'm sure there's probably other things I'm unaware about that has similar effects, id say don't fake confidence, Actually find it.

[JHAYES317]

Did you not read my post lol? Of course you can get a woman if you are ugly…but you have to APPROACH THEM. Good looking guys GET APPROACHED. That’s the difference. I don’t want to have to compete or try hard…so I’m just gonna stop dating until I can get enough plastic surgery where I look good enough not to have to try hard.

[ChicoFromThe305]

No I didn't actually, many posts here's don't give responses so if it's past a certain length I just answer the question without reading the paragraph, it's always worth the risk to me of people not finding out, you found out lmao

[DreamCrescent]

i’m not sure where you got the idea that men get approached? i’ve never approached anyone in my life. and i don’t plan to

i don’t have an ego or something, please don’t misread this. but the types of girls who “approach” guys and flirt and put themselves out there like that aren’t the highest quality. in my opinion. i’d say be careful if you’re seeking that type of

not saying i want to be chased. i’m not saying men need have to make the first move. I’m not reaffirming any of the toxic BS. but some of us are too mellow and mature to “approach” men. it’s just not in our nature. but you’d be surprised how down to earth and intelligent personality if you interacted

by the way, your strategy is sound. working on increasing your own value. success and repertoire matter, too. probably even more so than looks, height, and money

I’m not sure about plastic surgery 😬 no comment. you do you, friend

[JHAYES317]

So if a guy looked like Damon Salvatore you wouldn’t approach him?

[DreamCrescent]

So
A) i had to look up who the heck that is
B) hell nah. he looks so full of himself. and there’s a such thing as having so many women flinging themselves at him left and right that he’s lost touch with reality

i don’t approach people. in my 37 years, i never have. and look at that, I’m single so I’m not saying i do everything right

buttttttttt, there’s a vibe. there’s agreeable attention/friendliness, you’d know if i welcomed a chat with you. if i wasn’t interested i’d make that clear, nonverbally also. it’s the intangibles sometimes

good luck, friend.
i actually liked reading your question (which is more of a myTake than a question, really). i see that some people found it negative and whiny, but i see your perspective and thank you for not going on a misogynistic rant

[DreamCrescent]

i wrote B ) hell no but somehow that got auto corrected into an emoji sorry

[JHAYES317]

I would love to have women flinging themselves at me left and right tbh lol. But I get what you are saying.

[getwiththepg]

Make a boatload of money but spend it sparingly on them. Sleep around & find another one. Rinse & repeat. Don’t fall into the idea of finding a girlfriend, just have fun. I don’t think your height will be a factor if everything else is in play. It’s still a competition out here.

[JHAYES317]

Except I hate competition. I only compete at things where I have a greater than 50% chance of winning, otherwise I half ass everything else

[BoopBoopBeep]

Plastic surgery isn't going to change your attitude/outlook. I'm just throwing that out there.

[JHAYES317]

No but it would change my height…and that would make a big difference as far as getting approached by women

[getwiththepg]

@JHAYES317 women seldom approach men you know that right? I don't know you have one life so if you want to get that king lengthening surgery by all means. It’s gonna cost you not just financially but physically.

[JHAYES317]

Yes women do seldom approach men EXCEPT FOR THOSE THAT ARE INSANELY ATTRACTIVE. Hence why I need to get loads of cosmetic surgery to BECOME INSANELY ATTRACTIVE.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm not insanely attractive and I'm only 5'9" and I get approached by women every weekend when I'm out doing charity races and every time work takes me to a college campus. You know why? Because I'm actually talking to them and I'm funny, so they stick around. I'm also confident, whereas your victim mentality is a huge turnoff for women.

[JHAYES317]

5’9” is average height though…if you were 5’3” good luck getting approached

[getwiththepg]

@JHAYES317 then you’re gonna have to approach them with serious game. If Gary Coleman, Jason Acuña (Wee-Man) & Verne Troyer (Mini-Me) had partners.. you can too. You sound weak though.

[JHAYES317]

That’s my point though I refuse to approach women…because then that gives them the power in the relationship…I need to be the prize, not them

[Anonymous]

Disabled girls can’t help being disabled, but obesity is something that can be helped. Speaking as an obese woman who did online dating, I matched with a lot of fit/healthy men. I reached out, not because I thought I had a chance with any them, but because I was attracted, and also hopeful that a fit/healthy man would take a chance on me and encourage me to be a better version of myself. After all, I’m not ugly, just fat.

[JHAYES317]

Ok personally the reasons I don’t date obese women are multi fold:
1. Women tend to gain weight after childbirth so if they are already obese it’s only going to get worse.
2. I got a “small” dick so practically it’s much harder to have sex with an obese woman.
3. It shows a lack of self control in most cases (note I know some people, myself included, legitimately have medical issues which make weight loss nearly impossible, so in those cases I’m more forgiving).
4. I don’t want to be the lighter one in the relationship, due to my own insecurities of being a small guy…I like being able to pick up my partner if there’s an emergency etc
5. Obesity is unhealthy…

The thing with disabled people is more about my lifestyle, if I was more of a homebody dating a disabled person would be much less of an issue.

[Squatting_Slav]

What works for me is confidence success, charm and being funny, and to never take things to heart or seriously. And keep mysterious never open yourself up. Keep it real, and chill.

The less you give a fuck the easier life is and No.1 priority over everyone and everything is career and health. Money, body, routine and discipline. Women dig that big time. They are attracted to strength and confidence which can come in many forms tailored to match each guy.

[JHAYES317]

Sure but that all only applies if you are willing to ask out women. I’m not. If I don’t get approached…it’s not worth it for me because then they have all the leverage

[Squatting_Slav]

You don't even need to ask them out just converse and then say you need to go or whatever after giving them your no. Leave the ball in their park

[JHAYES317]

But you still need to approach them first is my point. If you are attractive enough they will approach you…which is why I think it’s a better use of time to save up money to get a bunch of cosmetic surgery to become attractive rather than building confidence to ask out women

[Squatting_Slav]

Not if you're around them at a club bar event hobby work festival concert etc you'll meet them through others and make more connections. Getting out abd about, cashiers, etc I'll ask women at clothing stores for help and what they like on a gut make them laugh have small talk givevmy number easy

[JHAYES317]

But you’re still talking to them first is my point…if you are attractive enough, they will come up to you out of the blue…I’ve seen it happen.

[Squatting_Slav]

It's how you present yourself, they will come to you. An average confident bloke will do better than an good looking shy blole

[JHAYES317]

Yeah no. Women will not approach an average looking guy hardly ever. Now the average looking guy may be more successful if he approaches them, and if the good looking guy is too socially awkward, but the good looking guy will get approached more is my point

[Zestyassmf1997]

Waste of time might be a little bit harsh. If you think about it, unless you enter into a committed long term relationship, most dating is a waste of time. Most of our relationships in life will fail, and go nowhere. You gotta go through the haystack to find the needle.

[ImHere22]

Maybe you're looking too desperate? Try to not look like you're dying for a woman to walk up to a strange man who's just standing against the library's wall, looking at every woman walking by herself.

[JHAYES317]

Lol I don’t do that at all. I sit by myself yeah but I don’t stare at women if anything I try to avoid eye contact

[NathanDavis]

people that are this insecure AF are definitely wasting their life and time being this insecure AF, yes...

[JHAYES317]

Well sorry that I will only accept dating if I’m as attractive as a supermodel, suit yourself if you want to be settled for, but that’s not me. If I can’t be any conventionally attractive girl’s dream guy, then dating is pointless for me.

[NathanDavis]

something tells me that you won't have any dating to be worried with...

just a guess though

[JHAYES317]

For a while no, at least until I get all the procedures I would need to get. But if they work then I’m projecting sometime in the next years I can start having a real dating life (i. e. women throwing themselves at me like they would a supermodel)

[NathanDavis]

procedures... do you mean surgeries and shit?

[JHAYES317]

Yeah specifically leg lengthening surgery, and facial surgeries

[NathanDavis]

lmfao...

[BoopBoopBeep]

There are ways to date that don't involve apps. My calender is full and I've never been on one.

[JHAYES317]

Yea but that involves cold approaches which I’m not cool with

[BoopBoopBeep]

Not necessarily. I meet a lot of women at the charity races I go to. Volunteering at a local animal shelter... same thing. You're around someone with common interests, might as well talk to them. Doesn't have to be an approach, just a conversation. Take an adult education class... gardening or painting or whatever women do in your area. When you're surrounded by women, women are going to be talking to you.

[JHAYES317]

But that’s my point…you gotta talk to them…I wanna be so good looking that I can just wink at them and they get weak in the knees, like a Henry Cavill or Chris Hemsworth level guy

[BoopBoopBeep]

You can't buy that. You'd have to have so much surgery you'd look more fake than a Ken Doll. If you flat out can't even have a conversation with a woman no amount of good looks will make up for that because you'll have her dried up long before you get home.

Henry Cavil can still have a conversation with a woman.

[JHAYES317]

Well then dating is pointless because the only thing that would make me happy would be being that level of attractive. Anything less and I can’t be happy. So I’d rather give up on dating entirely than not be able to live my dream

[BoopBoopBeep]

That level of attractive that you think exists isn't a thing. If Chris Hemsworth drools on himself and can't have a conversation with a woman he's not going to last long either.

[JHAYES317]

Ok fine so yeah conversation skills help…but he wouldn’t get that initial interest without being that attractive is my point so he doesn’t have to try as hard…

[BoopBoopBeep]

Right but you're not willing to try and make any effort, and you'll never make enough to pay for that level of plastic surgery, and if you did you'd look fake and it would be a turnoff and if that still managed to not kill it, your inability to have a 5 line conversation would kill it. There's 4 billion men in the world. Someone is always hotter than you. The difference is they are further away and you are there now, but if you can't BE there, NOW, then you're just more of the same.

[JHAYES317]

I’m not sure how you are thinking you are helping…if I can’t get plastic surgery then I just wouldn’t date…if I can’t be the hottest man on the planet…there’s no point in a dating life.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm helping by being honest. You want someone to blow sunshine up your ass and tell you that all your plans are great, talk to a woman. Oh wait...

You can waste all the money on plastic surgery you want, or you can spend a fraction of it on therapy and learn to be a functional adult around women, which will do far more for you in the long run, and for a fraction of the price.

[JHAYES317]

Yeah but I know for a fact I could never be happy in a relationship if I knew I wasn’t that girl’s dream guy, cause I’d constantly be worried she’d want to cheat on me with a guy that matched more of her ideal.

[SolitarySolace]

Dating and relationships in general are a waste of time, energy, and money. Regardless of whether you’re fugly or not.

[JHAYES317]

Well no I disagree with that…if you look like Chris Hemsworth, you’ll have all the leverage and then it will be easy

[SolitarySolace]

Well sure but then he has to deal with all of her bullshit. Is it really worth it? It’s probably better to be ugly

[JHAYES317]

At least he gets laid though

[SolitarySolace]

Women gain power through sex. Hell have false claims of rape to deal with if she ends up pissed at him for whatever reason. Hell have to pay the punishment of child support if she had a baby with him and if she wants the baby aborted he ain’t gonna get a say in the matter now is he? An opinion sure but she most likely is gonna throw to at opinion up her cunt and abort it along with his baby

[JHAYES317]

No I agree that it’s a fucked system…but that doesn’t mean it’s better to be ugly…

[SolitarySolace]

Ugly guys don’t have to worry about the fucked system like attractive guys do.

[JHAYES317]

Actually it’s the opposite…attractive guys can get away with a lot more shit

[SolitarySolace]

How would you know? Are you considered attractive?

[JHAYES317]

Clearly not if I made this post…but my mom and little brother were models

[SolitarySolace]

While I believe pretty privilege is a thing I don’t believe it works for men. Attractive men can get women but they experience shitty ass women far more than ugly men do. Attractive men get with attractive women and attractive women are self centered to the max. Those types of women only give a fuck about themselves more so than your typical woman who still only cares about themselves but not at the level an attractive woman does.

[laly520]

if he or she only interested in looks/whats on surface then its definitely a waste of time

[JHAYES317]

Disagree. If a woman isn’t insanely attracted to me from the get go, I’m constantly gonna feel like I need to be hilarious or successful or something else to compensate, especially if I’m bad in bed.

[laly520]

I'm not disagreeing with u
she would like the appearance at first what I meant is not to make it all about the looks

[JHAYES317]

Well sure…but my point was that if I looked like Brad Pitt, women would approach me regardless of my personality…now that doesn’t mean they would date me, but they would still express interest first, which wouldn’t happen if I looked like Danny DeVito…

[Billlewis]

I just try to find a woman who's interested in having a personal servant, etc.

[JayBones]

I doubt it. Look at Selena Gomez' boyfriend. It's not that your ugly, it's that your ugly, boring, and weak

[JHAYES317]

Woah dude, chill…first of all, ugly? That’s a bit harsh…I’m not the best looking guy but I wouldn’t say I’m ugly, objectively speaking; boring, well that’s subjective, I’m the lead singer of a rock band and like to go skydiving, hang gliding, bungee jumping etc so I don’t think I’m boring but it’s possible to some people who aren’t interested in adrenaline sure; weak, definitely not weak, I’m stronger than most of the taller men I know…however, the one thing Selena Gomez’s boyfriend got over me is fame and riches…neither of which I have in the slightest.

[JayBones]

Are you retarded? Maybe that's why girls don't like you. I've certainly seen many do more with less.

[JHAYES317]

Yo I think you are projecting a bit here…why are you so pissed at me lol? And I don’t ask out women, if I did I’d probably have some success, but I refuse because if men who look like Channing Tatum don’t have to ask out women, neither should I, I just have to save up to get a ton of cosmetic surgery

[JayBones]

I think maybe you should stop lying to yourself before you turn yourself into a cosmetic freak show. If you are unsuccessful at dating it is because you are one or more of the things I mentioned. I'm shorter, uglier, more dull, probably stronger, and I have a shifty personality and I never for a second though dating was a waste of time.

[JHAYES317]

Good for you. If I can’t look as good as prime Ian Somerhalder, then there's no point in dating.

[CozyCoffin]

My confidence was shot after my last rejection, which was five years ago. I think that way, too.

[Unit1]

That's why passport bros isn't just a popular fad. Try dating in regions where women are crazy if not almost desperate for men.

[Anonymous]

It's an absolute waste of time if you're in the USA no matter what. Ask Deshaun Watson, Jameis Winston, the Duke lacrosse team or Johnny Depp. It's over.

[JHAYES317]

Well those are pretty specific scenarios…

[Opinion Owner]

When you're on the front page of the news called a rapist by "anonymous" people-who are all willing to settle out of court -and the entire nation swallows it no questions asked... your LIFE... is a pretty specific scenario. Just because 540,000 front line soldiers came home from Vietnam doesn't mean those other 59,000 aren't still dead.

[Anonymous]

Its funny that you think you are a victim because women you find attractive reject you. Yet you yourself have found women not attractive for being obese or disabled. You are not female attention you have your standards and women do too.

[Opinion Owner]

Not owed female attention*

[JHAYES317]

The difference is that obese women can lose weight in 99% of cases, so it’s different than height which can’t be changed. And there are disabled men too so you can’t compare it…

[Opinion Owner]

Its a lot more difficult for women to lose weight. No points were made. You are the one who wants to bash women for having a preference as you have your own.

[JHAYES317]

Because their preference is based on something men literally can’t change…yes it’s harder for women to lose weight on average but that does not mean it’s impossible…changing height is impossible

[Opinion Owner]

It’s literally impossible for so many people to lose weight for so many different reasons. I personally have struggled with weight loss for years since childhood and i have always been on weight loss medication but i am not able to successfully lose my weight. So this is an ignorant comment. You are also free to have your preference in disliking women with certain body types but don’t be a hypocrite and judge women for having a preference. Also there is surgery to grow taller now. It’s interesting that you point women have so many options to lose weight (including surgery) which you have that option yourself to grow taller now🤷‍♀️

[JHAYES317]

Is your diet and exercise routine on point? If it is and you still can’t lose weight then maybe you are one of the 1%…also no men can’t get taller…there is a leg lengthening surgery but 1. It’s hundreds of thousands of dollars to do it properly and takes half a year to recover, and 2. It only lengthens your legs which makes you look super disproportionate also it can cause arthritis and all sorts of other issue.

[Opinion Owner]

Even weight loss surgery is expensive like what’s your point? Gym memberships are expensive, healthy food is expensive so what’s ur point even weight loss medication is expensive i pay 300 dollars out of pocket monthly for that? Like who are you to judge our struggle. To add on to your hypocrisy you say women judge men for things they can’t change yet you went put of your way to judge and shame disabled women as if they can control that?

[JHAYES317]

You don’t need weight loss surgery again in 99% of situations…you don’t need a gym membership…literally just go for a run everyday…and you can eat unhealthy food and lose weight…just eat less. If you are in a calorie deficit you will lose weight regardless if it’s mcdonalds or veggie grill. And again i never shamed disabled women, all i said was that they generally aren't compatible with my lifestyle that's all. Like a woman in a wheel chair can't go on a jet ski or sky dive…

[Opinion Owner]

Once again it’s interesting that you pull stats out of your a** tbh. That’s not how weight loss works at some point i was eligible for weight loss surgery! So yes you can get recommended weight loss surgery if your BMI is above 30, period. I was fully functioning even at my highest weight. Also i am and i always have been on a caloric deficit in fact i suffer from disordered eating that IS caused by dieting. I still struggle to lose weight. The old “diet and exercise” is a myth obesity is a disease and I don't know when you people will understand the harmful narratives you paint. I am not in a gym but i have machinery at home and i hit 12k everyday at my work place and i eat once a day literally. Still i am missing more than 10kgs of muscle and i am still obese. I have previously lost 40kgs and i still gained them back due to the “yo-yo effect” its proven that obese people can NOT maintain weight loss. Its not an easy switch and a lot of doctors recommend the surgery. Yet you want to simplify all of our struggles simply to bash women for having a preference as you justify yours. Also regardless of your reasons for rejecting disabled women you still rejected them for something they can’t control at all. Not to mention a lot of abled bodied women would not participate in these activities with you, but i am sure if they looked like a VS model you wouldn’t have your doubts. But go off.

[JHAYES317]

You can be eligible for lots of surgeries you don’t need to have first of all…and I know plenty of obese people who are now skinny and have kept the weight off…the only way the weight could come back would be if you stopped doing your normal activity levels or started eating more…typically the yo yo happens when you eat very little and then rebel by eating a lot afterwards…and again their preference is based around something I can’t change…weight loss is still possible even if extremely difficult, you even did it you just couldn’t maintain it which proves it’s technically doable. If they looked like a model it wouldn’t make a difference for me. My standards are probably a lot lower than yours…really as long as they aren’t obese, disabled or disfigured, physically I don’t really care if they have small boobs, small ass, not the prettiest face as long as it isn’t gross like super jacked up teeth or something, I don’t need a pretty woman.

[Opinion Owner]

I am not eligible for any surgery other than weight loss (not anymore) but i was so technically that’s a false statement. Also me yo-yoing and then getting disordered eatings proves that its a failed strategy, and requires a new approach. I am stuck and have been stuck in endless cycles of dieting since my childhood (difficult but doable) is the most dismissive thing you can say about our struggle. Not to mention, the people you know you don’t know how they truly lost their weight i got the most compliments i ever received in my life when i lost 40kgs (due to my disordered eating) and that i never healed from i struggle quietly because of constant affirmation that i am doing the right thing and because i desire to fit the beauty standard. Yet here you are acting like you are some form of victim because women reject you as if we don’t get rejected all the time too.

[Opinion Owner]

The matter of the fact is you would reject obese women cause you find skinny women to be more attractive and skinny women would reject you because they find other men taller and more attractive. Both are standards that you are both free to have but just don’t be a hypocrite. You can simply state i hate obese women and disabled women because they don’t fit the standard, they don’t fit my type, I don’t find them attractive, end of the discussion. But don’t go around judging others for having standards like you DO.

[JHAYES317]

No I would reject obese women for a variety of reasons, very little to do with attraction, more for practical reasons. And I don’t need a woman to be skinny, in fact skinny is a turn off I don’t want to see their ribs. A little Chubby is fine just not where they look like the Michelin man. And again, because I can’t change my height, women rejecting me for my height is worse than men rejecting women for weight since that can be changed in 99% of cases. And I never said I hate obese women or disabled women, I said my lifestyle isn’t compatible with them that doesn’t mean I hate them. In fact I’ve found several obese and disabled women attractive in the past, but for practical reasons it wouldn’t work.

[Opinion Owner]

Also i don’t mean to trauma dump but there is a large connection between s*xual abuse in childhood and obesity (this is true in my case) i eat a lot of the time for comfort and i am stuck in vicious cycles of punishing myself for eating but then only finding comfort in food and then regretting every bite i ate and punishing myself. Its a lot more complicated than you make it seem and a lot of emotional damage truly causes that to simplify obese people as lazy people who love food is such a funny thing, but its not surprising.

[Opinion Owner]

More excuses and that’s why I cannot respect your opinion. Lizzo moves and is more practical than you i am sure of that 😂🤷‍♀️ also a lot of skinny people are not as active or practical its simply a stereotype. There is nothing a skinny person can do that I can’t in fact i am a full time student and i work two part time jobs that are both physically demanding yet i am stereotyped as unfit lol

[Opinion Owner]

If it was easy to lose weight we wouldn’t have medication and surgery…

[JHAYES317]

So we proved here that YOU CAN lose weight and that it’s not impossible, so you aren’t even a member of the 1% who legitimately can’t lose weight. For what it’s worth, I have the same problem…I have PTSD from my parents fighting when I was a kid and I tend to binge eat…but I’ve never been obese, only overweight. I’m sorry about your trauma, I think you need therapy to heal those wounds before any sort of dieting would work long term

[Opinion Owner]

But I can’t lose weight because when i do i gain it back and what’s the point of its not sustainable?

[Opinion Owner]

Well yeah we all need therapy im sorry about ur parents too. It is what is i think i said everything i need to say so yeah good luck dude hope you find a girl that suits your preference, needs and lifestyle someday (if that’s your dream) 🙏

[JHAYES317]

That’s my point that I think it can be sustainable if you stop binge eating but that would take some serious therapy to resolve that. And yeah I have found several obese women attractive in the past but I’m a short guy so an obese woman just looks huge compared to me and I want to be able to pick up my woman…also I got a “small” dick and sex is challenging when they got a bigger butt/belly…but it also depends on the person, if I feel like they are making an earnest effort to lose weight and they don’t judge me for dick size, or height or whatever, hell I’d give it a shot.

[Opinion Owner]

Well I can’t get treated for disordered eating when every doctor doesn’t see my problem because i am fat the expected result is that i am over eating or desperate to lose weight it doesn’t really qualify me for treatment because I don’t fit the standard of someone who has an ED. Obese people continuously experience barriers in the medical field.

[JHAYES317]

Yeah I’m sorry to hear that, I have several chronic medical conditions and I’m not taken seriously because I’m young and they think I’m too young to have these conditions when I’m displaying clear signs of them. I mean yes you are overeating but it’s disordered eating if it’s caused by SA, so you should be getting treatment I agree.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah but no doctor is willing to look past my obesity to uncover the reasons and I don’t feel like begging doctors to do their jobs so id rather try things by myself cause more often than not they aggravate the problem; making things more complicated doesn’t help me.

[Opinion Owner]

Also i relate to you in some aspects i would recommend that you protect yourself rather than project your insecurities it doesn’t help. I for example avoid dating apps because i know the rejection/comments could hurt my feelings but I don’t go out my way to shame men and women. That is a healthier approach that you should consider. Protect yourself from people or apps or places that cause you emotional harm.

[Opinion Owner]

I have been single my entire life and it won’t change anytime soon. But if a good man comes along the way i will take him but i am not ready for that until i resolve my issues obviously. There is a lid for every pot and i hope when the time is right i will find the lid that fits. But it’s important to not project as we wait.

[JHAYES317]

You have been single your whole life? Don’t mind me asking, but how obese are you? I see plenty of obese women with partners out and about…but I suppose if you are like Wall-E level where you need a cart to get around the grocery store then I’d understand…

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t use a cart and i fit in regular clothes XL women’s department. I am just considered medically obese because i am short so whatever weight i gain adds up to my obesity. I still choose to be single even when men approach me. Because i have my own insecurities and i always think if a man is approaching me he is desperate or he had no better options so he chose to settle for less and i’d rather not be a “temporary gf”. I also am not sexually interested as i recover from my trauma. But the main reason remains that i am not willing to be someone’s temporary girlfriend until they find better.

[JHAYES317]

I have the same problem…I’ve only been approached a couple times in my life but I assumed that if I went through with it I’d be burdening them by preventing them from being with the guy of their dreams…no woman’s dream guy is short, thinning, small dick and slightly overweight…

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I understand where you come from and I understand i am not the dream girl either but we can’t really change that. I can’t just hate people and turn against society for being vile at the end of the day we should enjoy our lives and fulfill it in different ways. Dating is the not the only thing that matters, there are other things that matter. I won’t go out my way to look for a relationship if it happens it happens but with it or without it i will focus on living a full life and that’s a better approach.

[KittygosMeoWW]

No even ugly people need love. Shit I’m mid and I want love too.

[JHAYES317]

This is more for guys…basically I’m saying guys shouldn’t ask out girls if the guys are unattractive, instead they should save up money to get plastic surgery to become attractive so then girls would approach them instead.

[KittygosMeoWW]

Ugly guys shouldn’t not date lol they just have to understand they will have to make it up in other ways, same as women.

[JHAYES317]

Well that’s my point I don’t want to have to make up for it…I’d rather just save up money to get of the ugliness and then I don’t have to compensate…

[KittygosMeoWW]

Just read the whole paragraph you wrote, you’re not ugly from what I saw just give a weird vibe tbh.

[JHAYES317]

I don’t think I’m ugly…but if I want the 90s Leo DiCaprio treatment then I need to get more attractive…

[KittygosMeoWW]

Lol re read your own question “For the past couple years, I tried to convince myself that I was physically attractive despite my lack of height (5’6” ish).”

[JHAYES317]

I’m confused…what do you mean by that?

[KittygosMeoWW]

Ok bud gotcha ✌️

[JHAYES317]

I’m not being rude…Daniel Radcliffe and Elijah wood were considered sex symbols at one point and weren’t tall. So I know it’s possible to be short and attractive, at least to some degree. I may not be…but I know it’s possible for others.

[KittygosMeoWW]

👍🏼

[Misscouincouin]

Everyone is attractive to at least one person …beauty is subjective

[JHAYES317]

Well of course. I didn’t say zero women find me attractive…but they are usually obese or disfigured or disabled or something. No conventionally attractive women have ever approached me…

[Misscouincouin]

maybe there is some but theyre too shy to approach?

[JHAYES317]

All I know is, I see conventionally attractive men getting approached so if I’m not that means I’m not attractive which means I need to get cosmetic surgery to rectify that

[Misscouincouin]

geez no way!!! dont do that! im tired of people putting themselves down just because they dont get the opposite gender attention! so now, listen to me young stranger: in life there is rocks and diamonds. diamonds are rarer and more tough to find but when you find one it lasts. my point is that i believe, in my opinion, that the best relations are those who come naturally, when the person learn to know you and fall for YOU not your look! when the person get to love you, you win! do you think people who get approached by strangers are loved? nop! just my opinion here sorry for the passion but im soooo tired of people wanting to change to please others

[JHAYES317]

I hear what you are saying and maybe when I’m like 60 sure…but I don’t think I’ll ever be happy in my late 20s & 30s unless I become as physically attractive as Henry Cavill or Jensen Ackles

[Misscouincouin]

geez sir... are you latino? i saw your picture

[JHAYES317]

No I’m not. I’m white and Indian.

[Misscouincouin]

then its better i always hear things like ''mixed kids are georgous hihi'' so enjoy your mixedness and your life

[JHAYES317]

I’m mixed on paper but I look like a white guy and sunburn like a white guy so it doesn’t really mean anything…

[JHAYES317]

Also maybe some mixed people are attractive but not all.

[Anonymous]

If you stop looking for excuses, you might get somewhere.

[JHAYES317]

What excuses? It’s a fact that almost all women aren’t attracted to men shorter than them: www.huffpost.com/.../dating-women-men-whos-taller_b_1527117

[UnknownAdvisor2024]

I think dating is a waste of time regardless of being attractive or unattractive I think it's a pain! I tend to attract the wrong kind of men..

[JHAYES317]

Which is?

[Curiositykilledcat7]

Love yourself, first mentality

[JHAYES317]

Can’t love myself unless I become as attractive as a supermodel…

[jahaims]

Just date someone else unattractive

[JHAYES317]

That doesn’t work because then I can’t get it up if I don’t find them attractive…

[Goahead76]

It is a waste of time even if you are attractive.

[Anonymous]

It’s a waste of time even if you are attractive.

[LRSJame]

No...

[JHAYES317]

Care to elaborate?

[Blacksnake285]

I’m guessing what you wanted were compliments?

[JHAYES317]

No…I legitimately was wondering but it didn’t help because it didn’t line up with my real life experience…

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you’re part of MGTOW now

[JHAYES317]

What the hell is that?

[Opinion Owner]

Men Going Their Own Way, not dealing with women anymore

[JHAYES317]

Well no…I mean I didn’t say I hate women or would avoid dating them…I just said I’m not going to ask any women out or use dating apps like tinder, bumble etc…

[Opinion Owner]

So pretty much wherever fate takes you I guess

[JHAYES317]

Yeah I mean there are more men that women so some men won’t find partners maybe im one of them. I refuse to simp for anyone.

[Opinion Owner]

Supposedly there’s more women than men in the world but they are older women. You have time still since you’re young

[JHAYES317]

Yes but I don’t want to wait till I’m 70 to date lol