Is it a red flag if a man asks how much money you earn on a first meet?

[Anonymous]

First meet with a man within the first 20 minutes before we'd sat down to have a drink he'd already asked how much money I earn or how much per month? I was trying to dodge the question kept asking and I gave vague answers. I mentioned future job roles I want to do his first reaction was how much money would you be making. Whatever amount I said he said I could never earn live on that something. Came across very judgmental. He's foreign guy not sure if it's a culture thing to ask about money nobody asked about my salary before. Met other foreign guys from other places they never asked either.

He started the date/meet with a handshake and ended I went for hug instead handshakes are awkward. Neither of us have texted each other yet he was going away for the next few days. To be honest the whole asking about how much I earn trying to end on a handshake almost put me off.

Updates

2 mo

Apparently according to Albanian culture someone said chatgpt discussing finances is not rude they're more open discussing that. He asked deeper stuff before that like how many friends I have, how often I talk to my parents.(that one was odd too)
I text him to test the waters didn't ask him out only how he was , how it was when he was away He replied wasn't expecting one may be being polite . Only me being curious

[Finchie40]

You are best to put him off period , people
That act like money is everything , are people that you should stay clear from, because money isn’t everything , don’t get me wrong , It’s nice to have but it shouldn’t be a reason you get into a relationship or pursue a relationship with someone , what so ever , Sadly to say, you will never be good enough in his eyes, if you don’t make good money. So right there tells you , he will only accept you , if you meet his expectations, Do yourself a favor and don’t date him anymore , find yourself a guy that wants you by his side no matter what , that loves you from the heart , not for what’s inside your wallet , Money comes and goes , but True love lasts forever , People that prioritize money over love are selfish people that only really care about themselves, that think their shit don’t stink , they were pretty much born with a silver spoon in their hand , and given everything they wanted for the most part , they were raised to think they do no wrong , so he clearly sounds like a selfish guy that only wants things his way , he will sadly make your life a living hell if you don’t meet up with his expectations, Find yourself a guy that wants to be your team partner that wants to work with you , not against you , someone that will not try to control you and demand you to do what you tell them. He is better off finding himself a selfish girl that thinks her shit don’t stink as well , that was raised with a silver spoon in her hand , those type of people are meant for each other

[Asker]

Yeah that definitely put me off him after that question saw him to be potential controlling, condescending judgement person. I wish I avoided answering telling him to mind his business or ask why he needed to know he caught me off guard. I did text him only to check if he would reply he did a bit not saying much. Anyway deleted his number unmatched him. He’s probably thinking I don’t earn enough for him

[Finchie40]

You did the right thing , that is definitely a disrespectful question to ask someone that you just met and went on a date with , if a girl asked me about how much money I made within a few minutes on a date, I would pretty much lose interest in her right then and there. If she asked me what i did for work? I would be ok with that, but to be concerned about how much money I made? , will make me think she is a gold digger just weighing her options. . She wouldn’t be the girl for Me. I can’t stand people that are mooches , that put their hand out to you, expecting you to provide for them without even really getting to know each other , That to me is a huge red flag , I have been on some dates with mooches that came off as nice and sweet in the beginning , but as soon as we went on a date they were putting their hands out to me asking for money. I would tell them wait right here, let me go to an ATM and then disappear. Especially if she was the one that asked me on a date first. I met a girl at a club one night and her and I hit it off , we spent the whole night together , she asked me if I would like to go to the casino with her and her friend the next night and I said sure that sounds fun , when we got to the casino , she puts her hand out to me and says can I have some money to gamble with? I looked at her like are you fucking serious? You invited me to the casino and you don’t have any money? I disappeared lol

[Asker]

It seems he has money has a normal job and a side business, he'd given me two number one personal and business the whatsapp comes up as business only noticed he has linked to a site selling luxury clothes he owns found his instagram says he owns it. He never mentioned this business was curious about why he has a business whatsapp. If he has money don't know why he asked that or wants woman to earn a certain amount or thinks I would be a gold digger if earn less. We also go to the same gym we never met there hoping we won't run into each other that would be awkward. Maybe he's interviewing for his future wife

[Finchie40]

It sounds like that is what he is doing, looking for a girl that he feels is beneficial to him , I feel sorry for any girl that falls for his selfish mindset , like I said he needs to find himself a selfish girl that sadly thinks like he does , The relationship will be focused on money , not love , The relationship will be focused on himself and what he feels he benefits from , , he can sadly have that relationship all by himself , his way or no way , Sadly i witness girls’ that fall for this shit when she meets a guy that makes a lot of money or says he makes a lot of money , but what these girls’ sadly
don’t realize he is going to treat her like shit and control her every step of the way , probably cheat on her left and right if things don’t go his way , I have witnessed so much of this happening when people choose money over choosing each other. It’s sad to watch or hear about , Nobody should be controlled in a relationship, sadly most people don’t know what the difference between controlled and boundaries are when it comes to relationships. From what you told me about this guy is he is all about control , he wants a girl that he can control and meet his expectations constantly, be thankful you didn’t fall for this shit

[Asker]

Yeah he definitely came across as a control freak and extremely judgmental cares more about status. Maybe has list of what he wants the woman to earn. Never met anyone like that. I'm not surprised he's single if he's asking everyone about money. Hopefully won't see him in the gym. Thankfully I found out now rather than later.

[Finchie40]

Yea people that think status is the most important thing on this planet are in for a rude awakening , Status doesn’t mean shit , just because someone has a nice home and expensive cars and a huge bank account , doesn’t make them a good person, if that’s all they care about , Money doesn’t buy love. Love comes from giving to each other , trusting and respecting each other , choosing each other , removing selfishness and resisting temptations for each other , knowing someone has your back the same way you have theirs. Nobody should be controlled in a relationship period Setting boundaries with each other isn’t controlling , it’s respecting each other. Sadly a lot of people have a hard time following boundaries and think boundaries are controlling , when really it has nothing to do with it what so ever. It’s common sense , what you don’t want your partner doing to you needs to be the same boundaries for you as well , not the other way around. Sadly a lot
Of people have a hard time grasping this concept , and wonder why they keep failing in relationships. It’s never their fault , it’s always someone else’s fault , They don’t realize they have a selfish mindset that only thinks about what is best for themselves. For any relationship to last and for love to grow , you both have to choose each other over everything else in this world. We can’t force someone to love us , all we can do is treat someone the same way we want to be treated in return , it won’t always be perfect , because no one is perfect , if you can’t accept your partners’ flaws , don’t expect them to accept yours period. If a partner chooses to walk away from you , let them go , and realize you deserve someone that chooses you the same way you choose them. Someone that fights for you the same way you fight for them. Someone that wants to bring happiness into your life , not misery , You should be a team not enemies , when something is broken between you both , you fix it , not run to someone else

[Finchie40]

To save you , unless you are being controlled and abused and cheated on then that’s a different story , but other than that , you fix what is broken with each other. Some people act like they were put on Earth to be catered to , that act like their shit doesn’t stink , that were raised to believe they do no wrong , sadly those people will eventually hit rock bottom and hopefully realize they need to make some
Changes in their lives for the better. We live in a cruel world , sadly social media contributed to a lot of it by brainwashing people to believe in useless things that shouldn’t really matter to anyone , Social media was designed as a money making platform , to draw people in to make money , they did a damn good job because most of us are glued to our friggin phones and computers , I lived in a time before social media was really even a thing , when we didn’t walk around face planted in our phones , people actually respected each other
More and people valued each other more because they weren’t misguided by the nonsense they read and see and hear about from social media , People lived a more content lifestyle and focused on your loved ones over focusing on people that are not even part of your life. People didn’t really compare their lives to others’ like they do today , it’s sad living in a world that we allowed technology to corrupt our mindsets. Sadly it’s only going to get worse because it all comes down to money and greed and sex Before we know it, Relationships will sadly be a thing of the past , Marriages will be pointless because they will all fail from people having selfish mindsets thinking grass is greener on the other side , Every relationship I have been in with a girl , ended because of selfishness and temptations that were easily thrown right in our faces , the thing is , if you can’t water the grass you are already standing on with someone , don’t expect love to continue to grow with that someone.

[Finchie40]

For a relationship to survive these days , the only way they will last is if both people prioritize each other over everyone else , and remove selfishness for each other , and resist temptations for each other. If you can’t do that for your partner be prepared to be single again and again ,

[yepdonethat]

No. Could be a man of experience. I ask these questions over the phone before even the first date so I don't waste my time or money with a user or loser. I have money, so I don't want a loser sandbagging me. First phone call, I get a lot of things out of the way. If that is good, then I set up a date, which I pay for. If that is good. There is no second date, it's we are in a relationship and having sex or not. It is so dumb to not ask questions figure the other person out and drag things out. That is just so dumb. I no longer do traditional dating, which is incredibly stupid. One phone call. One date. That's it. Decision time for her and me.

[Valdemort]

Is he neurodiverse?


If anything, it could be his way of seeing how compatible the two of you are.
He might just want to know, not because he is judgmental but because he is a practical thinker and wants to know what/who he is dealing with in a practical sense.
That would also kinda explain the handshake. Like a business meeting.
If anything, marriage used to be about finances. Now I know that's no longer the case, but you could (bluntly) see it as an interview and he is (quite literally) going through the contract to see if the two of you are on the same page and whether you are compatible in that sense.
Now I obviously don't know if that's his way of thinking, but still, I could understand.
As someone who is neurodiverse, I would probably ask practical questions on a first date as well, it can throw people off because it's not considered 'normal,' but it's just a way of communicating without immediately getting emotionally involved.


If you are sure he isn't neurodiverse, it might be a cultural thing or he might genuinely care more about income than anything else...


Anyway, if it felt unnatural or uncomfortable to you in a sense that doesn't want to make you see him again, cut the ties. It's not your cup of tea.

[Asker]

I can't tell he came across different to other guys maybe more cultural still in his a ways. Asked more deeper questions too.
Its more the money thing caught me off guard wasn't sure if that was a good someone asking about income early on. We chatted ok felt still early days. and then the handshake at he end although I changed it to a hug wasn't sure.
I don't mind seeing him again it's been a week he didn't text me and I haven't text him he was away for a few days. I might send a message tomorrow to test the waters

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

He is looking for a sugar momma lol. That’s not appropriate especially when you just said Hi for the first time in 20mins. I’d ask him what his tax return looked like if he wanted to play those games. That’s a something you ask in a little bit of time seriously dating one person. Unless someone voluntarily says it. He sounds like he’s looking to be a sugar baby/gigolo though.

[Asker]

Lol apparently according to albanian culture someone said chatgpt discussing finances is not rude they're more open discussing that. He asked deeper stuff before that like how many friends I have, how often I talk to my parents .(that one was odd too)
I text him to test the waters didn't ask him out how he was , when he went away. He replied wasn't expecting one may be being polite not say anything else.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I find it a red flag.

It’s none of his business.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Starting with a handshake seems common in scandanavian women's practices from what I've experienced. Ending with a handshake would be very odd.

I don't tell people how much I make and I'd never ask them what they make. You can figure out general range if you know what they do and that's typically enough. I'm not going to say it's a red flag in and of itself, not knowing which other culture he's part of, but it's certainly not something I'm going to answer.

[Asker]

He's from Albania maybe common over there to ask

[BoopBoopBeep]

Dang I don't know anything about Albanians... never dated any of them. Maybe some Albanians here will weigh in and we'll get lucky.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

That would be considered extremely rude here in Japan. Also it didn't seem like he took the hint when you tried to evade the question. I am curious what country he is from. Perhaps it is a cultural thing in his case. It seems very social clueless from my perspective though.

[Asker]

He's Albanian

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I tried to search to find insights on this and failed through Google, so I tried asking Chat-GPT and it gave me this:

>> In Albanian culture, discussing financial matters, including income, is generally not considered rude during social interactions. Unlike some Western countries where such questions might be sensitive, in Albania, it’s often seen as a normal part of conversation. When an Albanian man asks a woman about her earnings, it’s typically not perceived as a violation of her dignity. Instead, it can be viewed as a way to get to know each other better.

So it might actually just be a cultural difference in this case.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Apparently that's true of the surrounding regions as well like Greece and Croatia. So it might still be too off-putting to you but maybe it wasn't rude from his own cultural standards.

[Asker]

Oh right maybe it's cultural cause I was thinking he handshake , asks about salary then tries to handshake at the end. I wasn't sure he seemed ok only money thing definitely seems very different to any other guy I've met. Might text him in a few days anyway he was away in Albania.
He asked more deeper topics as well to a typical date.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Nice! There might be some more culture shock in store but maybe you two can work it out.

I had so much culture shock when I went to the US for the first time. For example, here in Japan, it is considered extremely rude to say "no". We'll say more agreeably, gently, like "I'll think about it," or "Perhaps," to protect the other person's feelings but Japanese understand this is just a very polite way to say "no".

But I found many Americans took this as leaning towards a "yes". So that resulted in lots of misunderstandings to the point where I had to learn to directly say "no" even though it is considered so rude in Japan.

[Asker]

Oh really thats interesting I didn't know that about Japanese culture saying no.
Interesting hearing about other cultures

[SphynxUK]

Nothing to do with where he’s from. He’s asking a personal question that has absolutely nothing to do with him. He’s rude, and likely to find out how much you can give him.
He ‘may’ also be trying to find out if you don’t earn much, as if you’re going to try and take his money….
Either way, that would be a no from me.

[blueonblack22]

It isn’t an inappropriate thing to know at some point. Men are looking out for freeloaders and gold diggers.

However it was very rude that he asked this within 20 minutes of talking to you. While I’ve unfortunately encountered a few freeloaders of my own I would never ask that so bluntly and quickly. I’m sorry you got treated that way.

[Asker]

Yeah we hadn't even sat down yet , usually I don't care or know how much they earn as long as someone is working able to support themselves. I didn't ask him by his reactions I was like well I'm assuming he earns way more then that. I'm not the sort person to ask people for money either way. I actually found out it seems he has a normal job then a side business selling online something gave me both personal and business number. He never mentioned the side thing.
I text him to the test the waters to see he replied a bit not as rushed to text back. Assuming he thinks I don't earn enough.

[Drew-1990]

On the money thing, he probably shouldn't have asked how much you make on the first date. It's one thing to ask what you do for a living but to ask numbers. I don't think that's a first date thing. I wouldn't call it a red flag but it's definitely not a green flag.

[BadApple69]

To me it’s a big red flag. In the future I would tell them that you are a student and don’t work…. See what happens. If I was dating a girl and she told me she was a student that would be fine, but a guy trying to scam you out of money probably doesn’t want a student.

[bobby_bush_eater]

I mean him being foreign doesn't deny the lack of obvious social cues and having tact. The handshake definitely makes it sound transactional. I've known multiple Albanian men (friends/colleagues) and they were completely normal to US social culture. Dating wise I don't know it could be different but definitely sounds weird

[Asker]

Yeah I found it weird and couldn't read him very different to other men.
Was very thrown off by the handshake at the end he hugged back when I rejected the handshake.
Neither of us have texted he went away for few days back now.
Maybe didn't like me lol I'm not sure if I liked him or not was probably thrown of by the money question at the start and the handshake at the end.

[sheikalana]

I would take it as a red flag. I think is kinda rude when someone asks how much money I make. I don't even like when people ask me what I do for a living I feel like people are trying to check how successful I am. I would never ask how much money someone asks ever it's a very personal question and it's none of your business.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'm glad you asked this because it seems every woman asks me this right from the start. I'm a fucking billionaire, but I tell her I just have enough to get by. I want to see how the ladies deal with fucking gold diggers.

[Asker]

I didn't think women actually ask men about their money I never do.

[D_Bone_Steak]

That line..."Soooo, what do you do?" has never slipped out of your mouth. I just bought you a beer... that's what I did... let's start there.

No women do it and it's annoying. They ask about education, job experience, and so on. All tickers to estimate money-making potential. Even the old gas station attendant selling me my beer grills me about this shit even though she's all blown out looking and knows I wouldn't even rape her. Like why does what I drive mean anything? For poor broke bitches they start with "do you have a car" and after yes, they want to know what it is... come on... why? I have a car and you don't... I have 3 vehicles and you don't have one... STFU woman, because I know why you're asking.

So you may not think women actually ask men about their money... they ummm at least indirectly ALWAYS ask about their money, in my humble opinion.

[Asker]

Thats weird I've genuinely never asked a man about that usually care more about the personality they can't impress be by their job like lawyer etc or status

[D_Bone_Steak]

All of that is connected to $$$, don't you see? May I ask what you do in return?

[RingOfFire]

You have good reason to be put off. Culture or not something is very wrong here. I would run, not walk away from that one. Whether it is his culture or his own personality it is crass, classless and disrespectful to ask you such a question on any date let alone in the first 20 minutes of meeting you. Sounds like a real loser.

[bobalife]

Maybe he wants a sugar mama jk lol. Very odd indeed. It’s a yellow to red flag for sure… but yeah you never need to give that info on a first date if you’re not comfortable.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I find it weird and how he said you couldn't live from the amount you managed left a bad first impression. I don't know about red dlag, but I don't like it.

[Asker]

He's probably thinking I'm broke or something which I'm not

[Ms_Facesitter]

Or he is worse at maintaining his budget than you.

[Asker]

I text him to test the waters was curious to see if he would reply asked how he was when he went away. He replied to my surprise might be being polite. Yeah probably

[DreamLife7]

@asker is your self esteem that low? He doesn't like u.

[Alwayreckles93]

Hebask you a weird question no one ask that. When I was single I would ask about religion back ground what are their beliefs are they strong christians.

[slatyb]

Yes, it is. That is seriously weird. If a woman asked me that on the first date my answer would be "check please."

[Flatmanlewis]

Not a red flag, per se. Those are absolute hard wave offs. It may be a data point worth collecting though as things develop.

[Paris13]

Wow!!! Buyer Beware. If He is Like This-------Judgemental, Time to Toss The Ball Out of The Court-Ship. I do Not Trust This guy. xxoo

[selfish-and-cruel]

Leave this loser. He asks inappropriate questions and judges your answers. Why would you even want to meet him again?

[JacobJordan]

I wouldn't say it is a red flag it definitely isn't a green flag it is just weird to bring that up super early

[JacobJordan]

For your update asking about parental relationship is actually really clever. If you have a good relationship with your dad specifically you are more likely a good woman meaning you will be a good girlfriend/wife. For guys if they are in a good relationship with their mom then they are likely a good man meaning they will be good boyfriends/husbands.

[sage2021]

I would say "None ya" - none of your business.

Yes, red flag