Hello, I am a 35 year old single mom. And I wanna start dating again. But my kids dont like it. What should I do?

Question

wysiwyg2525 · Accepted Answer

Start dating. Do not let your kids control you. Show them that it's ok to have a second chance at life. Your in charge of showing the morals and respect. If you let the control you then you will be single forever. I'm sure their dad is dating and if they told him not to he would of laughed at them. Overall your the adult/parent. Yes it's ok to be cautious with who yoh bring around them but it's ok to bring the right guy over. It's ok to like someone, it's ok to live life, it's ok to be happy othere the being a mom and giving them what they want. When they start dating they will soon realize that it's ok to move on from a bad boyfriend/girlfriend. It's up to you to show them how and this is the first step on moving foward in your life. FYI do not go with a guy with kids. It will be drama and no they won't have anything in common with you and you will always be left on your own because guys will chose their kids like women do. You will alway fight and be apart of drama. You won't be able to discipline his kids and vice versa. You will all get it thrown in your face that you can't tell me what to do your not my mom. See if you find a guy that don't want any kids of his own but don't mind your then that's the key. Yes your kids will rebel but if he is a good guy they will learn to love him like you do. Good luck on your search and stay away from tinder, bumble, POF and other hookup sites. Hinge is ok, farmers only is ok and Christians mingle is ok.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Keep your dating private from the kids , I went through the same thing with my kids after my ex and I split , also don’t introduce anyone you date to your kids as well , until you know for sure that guy is in it for the long haul and not the short haul , I can’t stand when single moms’ introduce their kids to me right away , mainly because I know kids can easily get attached quickly , and if things don’t work out between her and I , the kids suffer as well. Why I do not introduce girls’ to my kids until I feel she is in it for the long haul , if she can’t respect my decision , then she isn’t the girl for me , period , also tell her upfront that I have kids before I go on a date with her , to make sure that’s something she is ok with , I can’t stand when girls’ lie and don’t mention to me that they have kids , like oh by the way I have 3 kids , hope that doesn’t bother you , after her and I just had sex. Don’t be that kind of girl. It’s so pathetic. So if I go on a date with a girl , I just tell my kids that I am going out with one of my friends , Ask one of your friends if it’s ok for you use them as your cover up , Kids are smarter than we think lol That way if one of your kids calls , your friend knows to cover for you lol ,

PetLover24 · Accepted Answer

1st off consider WHY are you wanting to date again.

Are you wanting to date simply for convience or companionship factor? This can be very determental to the children's development - disruptive, encouraging bad behavior, etc. - having strangers in and out of their lives constantly. If you are not seeking any permenant relationship it is far better to keep any men met OUT of the children's lives.

And you wanting to date again for a potential long term partnership? This is of course entirely different than the above. It is less likely to be determental to the children's development, less disruptive and potentially less encouraging of bad behaviors, etc.

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Either way keep the men away from your children for a minimal 6 months.

Far too many "single mothers" (and even single fathers) let strangers near young children far too early & 9 out of 10 times it is the children who end up suffering because stranger is not really a good person (e. g. abusive) or just doesn't care for others' kids.

Rei13 · Accepted Answer

I don’t see anything wrong with you dating again personally, 35 is still pretty young and relationships are important. You just have to be really selective on who you actually bring home to meet your children and I wouldn’t do so right away. Get to know them first to see if it they’re a good fit and see if there is potential for a future there. Do listen to your children and take their opinions into account, but at the end of the day you are the parent and need to choose what is both best for them and what is best for yourself

AviatorTom · Answer

Your kids are important, but you also have the right to live your life... and be happy.

Have a short sit-down talk with your kids and tell them that you will be going on a date... because that will make you happy. Your kids may protest, so be firm.

During your date, make sure the kids have a babysitter they know, like and trust.

After the date, tell them what you and your date did ... in simple terms... and whether you will date the guy again.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It would help to know more about the circumstances? Are you divorced or never married to the father/s? How many children? Ages/sex? Do they spend overnights with their father/s?

Pinay_ako · Answer

How old are your kids? You have the right to love again… and find your happiness. But please expand more..

Cody2004 · Answer

So here is some stuff I would strongly recommend if your kids are under 18 legal adult worry about your kids first. I'm going to put it this way and people will fucking hate this you don't want to bring some man into your house that might sexually abuse them you might think you might know person but speaking from experience you don't you really don't I'm not saying that will happen but it's a risk as long as they're under the age of 18. Pass that age which I'm 18 myself it's up to them to take care of their own health and well-being but you have to be a parent first it's extremely important I've seen so many of my friends have shitty ass parents because one of them start to date after they separate and they neglect their kids I'm not saying you'll do this.

Your parents look at you as a mother figure act like it don't go around sleeping around that's going to set a bad example and I'm pretty sure you don't want your kids to be like that.

Some people will be very offended by this and say oh you're 18 what do you know. Having to be there for some of my friends because their parents aren't and they're more focused on selfish desires. Don't talk to us about this talk to your kids this isn't fair to them to keep them out of this. You might not view it this way but they have a father that they care about you might not give a shit about him whatsoever but if you don't want your kids to resent you always bring them into the conversation.

The end of the day is up to you how you want to parent. I just hope that you'll be a good one

BullShark · Answer

Although you deserve to be loved and happy too, as does everyone, but the responsibility of your kids will always still come first as a mother, which I suppose you probably already know. If they're under the age of 18 and still too young to be considered independent, I'd stay you focus on their growth and wellbeing first and then as they're old enough to understand the world better, bring the question up with them and lay it out for them gently; that you're considering getting out there again and finding a partner.

If they love you and they've been given the same freedom you gave them, they will surely understand and support you. It'll also be best if they've already moved out as well because nothing is as traumatizing for a child to hear their mother "get it" in the middle of the night in the bedroom right next to theirs, regardless of what age they are. Trust me, I'm 24 right now and even though both my parents are still lovingly married, there are some nights when I'm up late and I can just hear the bed squeaking.

lightbulb27 · Answer

start dating privately. many people in my family remarried. I have step kids.

kids are selfish and want to know what this all means to them, to the parents they love. they seek security and comfort and unity. Its important to affirm their fathers position in their, e. g. noone can replace him, he loves you, etc etc.. But you can have extra father. that's one way thinking about it.

multiple such 2nd marriages in my family including me and working out well. gotta find good person and don't make same mistakes or worse.

Fireguy17 · Answer

That is tough.
Possibly don't involve them right away, let them get used to the idea that you are going to see someone that is not their father.
If he is dating that might help, and go out when he has the kids.
Don't bring him home too soon, kids are smart, they will know what is going on.
They just don't have to see it right away.
Explain to them that you also need or would like to be happy, and have fun.
I had a long-term relationship with a mother of 3.
The father had them on weekends so that made it easier.
So, I gradually entered into their lives, was there to help their mom with stuff, and got to know them, and did not try to be their father as they already had one.
It worked out fine.
We still keep in touch from time to time.
You are not the only one that has gone through this, so reach out to others, possibly some sort of moms deserve to have fun group and see what and how others did it.

jadeXcatastro62 · Answer

Me personally, I wouldn’t listen to them. You are the parent and that is you’re business until you are ready to explain to them, that you are serious with the person you are dating.

You have to move on with someone else, and hopefully when your kids grow older they will understand the reason of having a companion.

On more of the nicer hand side, you could try your best to explain to them how it is important for a parent to find another person in their life. If they are really young try to make it more PG-13 friendly.

Jellyfish120 · Answer

I was that kid too. The worst thing what you can do is to date in a secret. They still feel that.

I think that they're affraid to loose you, your attention. Maybe you could show them and tell them that you will love them very much and that man won't be loved more? You could give them attention that man could give them attention too. If he's nice with them, I am sure he will adore him and won't be affraid to lose you if you give them a lot of love and attebtion while dating.

Guido · Answer

You deserve to date but do not let them meet your kids until you find a serious partner that wants that responsibility and you want a long term relationship with them.

I dated a woman with a son but we knew each other before she had kids and when she was single after, we used to go out as friends for supper occasionally and her son knew me and joined us all the time. It was quite normal as there were just outings as friends. When we started actually dating, it was no issue since he was used to being out with us together many times. That is not the norm though. Her and my kids are happy for us as it has been almost 31 years together.

aceleon · Answer

you don't.

if they don't like it they don't like it, they don't have to emphatize with you and compromise their disliking.

youbring them to this world and they are your responsibility you OWE the to be a decent mother and not do things they are not okay with it.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

No kids will like their parents dating. I'm in my 30s and hate my dad's girlfriend and I hate when my mother dates, I always be rude to them. So just do it, there is no need to wait till they are older because they will always hate it. I would suggest keeping the realationship away form them until it is something serious.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

Have a straight talk with them. Explain how important it is for you and that you would like them to understand and support you.

In the end, you have to make yourself happy. Even if your kids don't like it, it's not hurting them or anything.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Tell them you’re an adult and you have the right to date if you want to, but you won’t date someone if they really hate the person. That’s what my parents told me when they thought they were getting divorced. I guess your kids really miss their dad.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

You date anyway. YOU are the boss. YOU also have a life to live. What you can do is not introduce him to your kids until you know he's a genuine good guy. KNOW, not a feeling, not a vibe. You KNOW. I don't know how old they are but they should want the best for you, and I see no harm in you finding a partner.

Anonymous · Answer

Be a parent first kids should always come first before anything or anyone else. What's the big rush? Please protect you're children people want to date single mom's just to hurt children Lets just put it that way. People are evil you can't trust anyone with your children.

Anonymous · Answer

i don't know how young your kids are, but they should be your top priority. i remember when my mom started dating again after the divorce. it fucked up my mental health even more. but i know if she didn't start dating again, she'd depend on me for literally everything and that's also not a good spot to be in.

Anonymous · Answer

You're 35. Even starting now it's going to be so much harder to date than the last time you were single. Especially as a single mother. Start now. Be prepared for how different and difficult it's going to be. Your kids may have nothing to worry about as you learn how hard it is.

Twalli · Answer

It's ultimately your life, but anyone you date has to realize that you're a mother first and a girlfriend second. Also, your kids might like it when you find a guy that you can be happy with. Seeing the woman you love the most (your mother) happier than she normally is will smooth over any issues you have with her dating. Maybe tell your kids that they'll still be #1 in your life, but you are still young and still want to experience love with someone close to your age.

RebelinSteel · Answer

Explain to them that if you date you may get a guy that can help pay the bills, which means life will be easier.

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Go in relationship with a man, who is willing to accept your children as his own, for longterm relationship, not just one night stand. So your children will be attracted with him.

If you like casual or one night stand, relationship, then hide from your kids

SphynxUK · Answer

Do it anyway.  One of mine still doesn’t like it, and he’s 28 😂  Just date, and keep the kids out of it. They needn’t know any details or even see anyone unless your getting serious.

elizamichale1 · Answer

Well there's nothing wrong in tht honey u deserve to be happy honey...

How old ur kids?

I m 29, i m not single but i work as a stripper n prostitute n i hav made my kids understand tht... u can also make ur kids understand honey

pascal_climbs · Answer

It is your life and your kids should accept it. When you have a new relation and your kids see you like him and he is reacting good towards them, it will change. But give it time

IslaTheWitch · Answer

talk to them... explain to them your feelings and needs... let them understand what "being considerate" means. Also, you can exercise negotiating and compromising...

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Tell your kids they don't have to date. ;) You're the adult. It's not up to them. They can get over it. Or not, their choice.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Get rid of the kids :D ... Or strike a deal: when they don't let you date, they can't see their own friends in return. This of course can be negotiated in an amicable way

Pudsmucker · Answer

If your your children are not old enough hire a child care provider to come to your house and you meet your date at the designated place of the date. They don't need to know until you become serious. You need time for yourself. Good luck

JacobJordan · Answer

No judgment just context needed. Is there a reason you and their father are not together? That is the best possible outcome for the children.

DarkLegacy · Answer

Lol, you have problems. Most men won't want to date you for being a single mum such as me, and your kids not liking it causes you even more problems attracting and keeping a guy.

disappoint3d · Answer

Tell you're kids its none of their goddamn business and mama needs some love too. If they are bothering you, tell them to go outside and play with their hoops and sticks so you can get some action.

BCRanger10 · Answer

How old are your kids and why don't they like it?

deus_ex_sisyphus · Answer

Ship them off to boarding school, haha jokes aside, just give them time they will slowly come around to the idea if you the person is a good fit for you and your kids

Mangospacho · Answer

How old are the kids? And why would you discuss mommy starting to date again with your kids? And why do the kids get a say in your dating life if you are, indeed, single?

sheikalana · Answer

You either listen to your kids or keep that information away from them.

Akam93 · Answer

I don't let my kids control my personal life. So you shouldn't either. But just talk about how you need companionship also.

serious_miss419 · Answer

Keep it separate from them for a while if you haven’t been consistent with someone don’t bring that person around your kid (s).

milo2u · Answer

You're a grown women, find your happiness for yourself. Sit your kids down, and talk to them about it, they may not like that you're dating, but you need your happiness as well.
My mom was a single mother too, but never talked to us.

Slapmynuts · Answer

You have to do you! Your kids will come around but they need to think about you and your happiness not just their own!😁

MackBoy · Answer

Please date because when you get sick, you need someone to look after you. Staying single is impossible according to my experience

JohnK123 · Answer

Well ur kids’ opinions do matter but if you want to date they should be fine with it really. How old are ur kids? What type of guys do u like

Anonymous · Answer

I don't understand why you can't work things out with their father.

HouseMoat · Answer

When you stop caring what others think, you'll be much happier

Anonymous · Answer

Give up custody to their father and then start dating.

Anonymous · Answer

Your kids have very valid reasons no to like it.  They want their real dad.

jshm2 · Answer

Put them in the orphanage.

slatyb · Answer

Have they had a bad experience with other men?

Danny_dan92 · Answer

How old are the kids?

jahaims · Answer

Stay single for your kids

boggboss · Answer

How old are they

Deserter2 · Answer

We don't want you or your booger eating kids

DryGermanGuy · Answer

GTFO, troll.

Anonymous · Answer

How old are the kids? That's a factor.

vicphilips · Answer

Can we talk in private?

riverrat3 · Answer

Kids need to get over it, live your life

Anonymous · Answer

Either you break their hearts or you don’t.

DreamLife7 · Answer

Yawn 🥱

jimmy2 · Answer

It depends how old

Hello, I am a 35 year old single mom. And I wanna start dating again. But my kids dont like it. What should I do?

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