My boyfriend dumped me and I found a new guy that seems actually perfect! BUT he has heroes type 1. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I knew this guy for many years but I never actually talked with him much.

i started talking with him when my boyfriend decided to just leave me.

I want to start a family and I can’t wait too long.
this guy I’m talking with also wants to start a family and he’s attractive and has a good job and his own home seems stable and a good person,

HOwEVER, today I found out he has herpes type 1.

i don’t know much about this since I don’t know anyone at all who has this.

i got sad and scared.
I don’t know what to do.

it’s not genital herpes it’s only on the lips and I had never seen them before because he says they only appear one to 3 times a year if it happens at all.

he said he had it from childhood and has no idea how he got it.

what do I do?

Leave him (better risk no family than a life with herpes even if it’s only on the lips)

Stay and make a family with him

I wouldn’t know what to do either.

[Anonymous]

It may not be genital but it can be transferred to that area if one is not careful. But lets be real here. If you had more options and time, you wouldn't be considering this. Therefore I don't think it is honest. Regardless of time, any form of desperation surely will never end well.

But the main issue is you are placing all of this seeking on your own shoulders, when our Heavenly Father, who has gone before us, knows us before we were even physically manifested, and knows exactly who we need... is not being acknowledged or sought with the finding of a partner. That is the part that makes no sense.

[Asker]

Of course if I had more time and more options this would not be my option. But there are times in life that one must choose something. I don’t want to be alone, I want to have a family. To see if that’s possible I have to starts today right now if possible.. and nobody is going to say sure! Let’s go start a family when they don’t even know me, so you’re right I have no time to get to know people to see who would be the “best” option, which is why the only option I have now I’m seeking advice from strangers as to if they too would go for it or pass..

Without the herpes I say I’m lucky to even have this guy in my life, because he’s good looking and had a good job and nice and sweet and has seen himself in a very similar situation as myself that we both just want to starts a family without all the get to know each other intimately and romantically that normal couples do before deciding to stay together to form a family.. BUT he has this herpes type 1 that I know nothing about but it’s contagious and I’ve never been sick with anything I don’t want to be sick and much less pass it on to a baby..

I don’t knowing what your message from God is or Jesus, but I’m starting to think maybe he doesn’t want me to have a family.

[Opinion Owner]

You said ''.. and nobody is going to say sure! Let’s go start a family when they don’t even know me, so you’re right I have no time to get to know people to see who would be the “best” option''

That is why I mentioned God and that your issue is that you are doing all of this from your own strength, as opposed to through your Heavenly father who already knows exactly who would be the best choice for you. I used to be a non believer and also used to do everything from my own strength but it makes no sense. I had to learn a new way of doing things.

You said 'I don’t knowing what your message from God is or Jesus, but I’m starting to think maybe he doesn’t want me to have a family. ''

But God specifically commanded us in Genesis 9:7..

“And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.”

God wants you to have a family but in order to receive his wisdom, you need to seek Him first. A woman can be much older than you are, and through God find the perfect match and have a healthy family in less time than it would take you to do so alone.

My advice to you is to seek God, call out to Him and ask Him to help you build a family. Although some argue that we have no right to ask God anything until we have worshiped Him first.

We have very limited sight and cannot see what is around the corner. Does sit make any sense to seek from that perspective and off our own backs, or to seek wisdom and help from our heavenly Father that sees all...

God bless you and be well.

[Asker]

Your words seem promising but yet I’ve done that all my life, waited for something to happen and nothing ever comes my way unless I actually put some effort into it.

If I don’t try I’m gonna stay alone forever and it will be my fault for waiting around to see who magically pops up, just like everything else in life.

So many people stay alone and unable to form families perhaps not be wise that’s what they es Ted but rather because nothing came their way and they didn’t put enough effort into what they really wanted in this short time we have here.

[Opinion Owner]

''waited for something to happen and nothing ever comes my way unless I actually put some effort into it. ''

Is not the same as seeking God's wisdom and help and then doing what is instructed or sensed.

Who said anything about waiting for things to happen? I never mentioned anything about something magically popping up either. At the moment your steps are your own. What I am talking about is having your steps 'God ordered'. That will mean He will make it so your actions really matter, you will be in the right place at the right time, take the right turn, move the best way or do things that end in better results. I am not talking about you sitting on your behind waiting for anything. God blesses our actions.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I guess it depends if at the end of the day if you do catch them if you'd care a lot, the reason why I personally wouldn't give it a chance is cause if you get it and for some reason things don't work out, you lost the person and you gained an STD

[Asker]

Well it’s not an std because it’s not type 2. Anyone can get it if you touch them in the affected area. That’s why we shouldn’t kiss little babies because you can give them something by just kissing them.

But yes your answer makes a lot of sense. But then again I am risking not finding anyone at all in time to have a family with.

I was planning on making a baby this winter.. I feel I don’t have much time or let luck aka life, just do it’s thing. :/

Thank you for your answer it helped!

[laly520]

hmmm hard one
dont go for it ig since u not fully sure

[Staximus]

You don't need to rush into having a baby.

[Asker]

But I do. Im late 30’s I feel I am running out of time. I know some people just have bad luck and even at you get age can’t have babies but if I’m gonna try I have to try before 40 even when many women today are having healthy babies after 40, it’s not guaranteed so I feel a pressure.

I don’t regret not trying earlier because I don’t feel I was ready, but I also didn’t know I was going to be dumped by the person I’ve been with for over 15 years now when we supposedly said we were going to try..

For men this clock is more forgiving, but for women our eggs end and possibilities of having issues increases as well.. or so studies show.

This guy seems so perfect and understands my situation because he too wants to have a family as soon as now.. but he has this.. I’m so torn to what to decide :/

If you say to anyone you just met I want to start a family right now! They will run lol

People need time to get to know each other and decide this but I feel I don’t have time but also I don’t want the risk of having this herpes type 1 which I really don’t know anything about and I’ve never been sick with anything. I don’t even get colds or fevers. I’ve probably had 5 in my entire life.
I feel I’m Gonna stay Alone all my life and no family, that seems just as terrible

[Staximus]

You should have had a baby 15 years ago if it's so important. It's not really important for you to have a baby. You don't have to have one. It doesn't make you a failure if you don't. Something like 50% of the adults in the world have some type of herpes. It's rarely a risk to anybody's health, it just looks nasty. What you're talking about is not like the herpes that cover your whole body, it's what everybody calls "cold sores". Cold sores are HSV-1 (herpes type 1), so anybody with a cold sore on their mouth has herpes.

[Staximus]

So it's not a big deal

[Asker]

I always wanted a baby. I want to have a family. I just feel I didn’t mature fast enough. Even now I feel I’m not mature enough. I don’t understand how life works. But I see now you don’t have to be ready to do things, you just do them and find a way to make it work because if you wait then nobody will ever truly be ready. Only a small percent of people are actually “ready”.

I didn’t think this way before because winkiest didn’t know that. I see it now.

So it is a big deal. I am sad to not have a family not because of society norms or what we other people say, but because I take care of my little nephew and I feel the love but he’s not mine.. I want to make a family and create love in my own little family not watch others.. take care of others etc..

Also what do you mean all cold sores are herpes type 1?

[Staximus]

What you described the guy has is known as a cold sore, is hsv-1

[Staximus]

How good are you at taking care of pets?

[Asker]

Im amazing with pets and real babies. I took care of my brothers kids as if they were my own. And my cousins too. I remember they would ask me what if you were our mom instead? Because they were with me so much that they always preferred me it was sad..

And now with the smallest one he is even MORE with me because ever since he was born they handed him to me and he slept with me and we stayed together for a long time alone because his so rents left on vacation and left me with him, it was difficult but I did it! By myself! When they have him they help each other but when it’s me, it’s only me, no other person helping me and it was a lot of times they left for a number of days while he was just few weeks old so I became attached and so did he.

When he falls and cries he searches for me and his mom hates it because she wants to comfort him but he goes to me.
They left me alone with him too long when he was too small so he prefers me. And I know one good with kids because if I weren’t they wouldn’t want me or to be with me and they all do but especially this one. I relay feel they abandoned him to go have party single life , but at the end of the day he’s still not mine regardless if all else.

If your question about pets was to I’m okay replacing s family with pets, no thanks!

I’ve had many dogs growing up and it’s fun and nice but that will never replace a child or a family no matter how much you love your pet.

I had a cat that was not a family cat he was MINE! My cat! I love him so much and lived with me and slept with me and did everything with me all the time, until he died because of veterinary incompetence because they fed him pain meds for 2.5 years instead of addressing the real issue when it was too late to save and when he died I cried a lot and decided I would never have another pet ever! Unless I have kids and my kids want a pet and it will be a family pet not “my” pet.

[Staximus]

Sounds like your brother married a woman who is a bad mother

[Asker]

And the herpes type 1 you say are regular cold sores? But don’t most people get that at some point?

When we were little me and my siblings we all had cold sores at some point. I remember my mom would say it was because it’s hit and we’re not drinking enough water.

But that only happened while we were little (elementary years)

From what I read about herpes type 1 is something that occurs almost every year and no cure for it?

And I don’t embeber ever having cold sores as an adult.. I really only remember it from childhood years and only like once or twice.. and i knew a lot of kids that had it too and I would just tell them it’s because you’re drinking water.

[Asker]

Not* drinking

[Asker]

But they both left for vacation. All the times not just her. It’s 3 years later and they still leave. I’m serious when I say that child is pretty much mine. I told my mom THEY are my babysitters, because the time they spend with him so so minimal and I’m with him almost all the time including many nights because they prefer to still be out partying and going on long trips. I can’t understand that because even when I have to go to the store and i can’t take him, I feel sad that I’m leaving without him so I don’t understand how they can leave for a number of days and not feel sad, if he’s me nephew and I feel this way, I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would be to leave my own child.

I feel he’s mine. But he’s not that’s the truth. I need my own family.

[Danny_dan92]

Heroes type 1?

[Asker]

Autocorrect.
HERPES type 1. It’s on the lips only and wasn’t because of sex. He said he’s had it since he was a child and doesn’t know how he got it. Maybe parents or another child with it etc.

[Danny_dan92]

Up to you really

[Asker]

Yeah I need advice I don’t even know anything about herpes other than it’s contagious. I didn’t even know there were different types.
:/