How do you know when you’re rejecting or ruling out a guy for a good reason or a bad one? Do you think my reasonings for ruling out guys makes sense?

[Anonymous]

I don’t get much male attention, dms, approaches, casual conversation. At times the most I have is around 3 guys in my messages at the worst none. At my most recent best with around 3 guys in the end I ruled them all out for different reasons and let the conversation die. Men always complain women reject men for anything so I’d thought I’d give some perspective into why I reject or stop communicating with guys.

The first one was a year younger than me, too popular, boring, and unrelatable. He had no hobbies aside from exercise, he didn’t have any favorites, I’m automatically not attracted to younger men, and I couldn’t tell if he engaged back but he seemed to know a lot a people including a lot a girls who seemed into him which I find to be a unattractive.

The second was plain no connection. He was very attractive but incredibly bland I wish I could’ve met him out somewhere to see if he was just a bad texter but the conversation was awful.

The third is a friend of mine but we only do well as friends. If I had a partner who talked to me the way he does we’d constantly fight but as friends we do well. Also he’s very far from my type because not very capable at all. I like handy guys or at least semi physical as long as it’s not their entire personality.

These are things I believe are justifiable reasons to get a conversation die or reject a guy because you have to tolerate and be tolerable to date someone. What do you consider a justified reason? Do you think my reasons are justified?

[ProbablyClueless]

I think your reasons make sense, but I also think you're prematurely drawing lines in the sand when/where you don't need to. I think you were too quick to cut those first two connections off. If your assumptions about the men are correct, then you had legitimate reasons for ending the connections, but you didn't really seem to have enough information to actually make that determination.

One of my biggest complaints about dating today is just how little effort so many women will put into their interactions with men. They'll talk about guys being a dry texter, but when you read the women's texts, you see them giving the freakin Gobi Desert. If you have at least one person refusing to engage in conversation; passively looking for effortless communication is like asking the stars to align.

So many women barely give anything to guys to go on; it's like pulling teeth. And then they complain that men suck at having engaging conversations. Of course the conversation is dry; one of the participants is acting like she couldn't be bothered to give the slightest [french fry] that she's talking to a human being.

Both women and men talk about wanting effortless, easy love connections, but you have to be actively receptive to having those interactions.

[ProbablyClueless]

In response to not really feeling the vibe, the woman cuts off the relationship and decides it wasn't meant to be. But the reality is that she couldn't possibly know if it was meant to be. She didn't give it a chance. She didn't have enough time to know the man she was talking to. It's so much easier to just slow down and let things develop.

I think your approach to those first 2 guys was the same way. I think you jumped to a conclusion without enough information.

[shoeboxcerealcard]

Honestly, in my personal opinion, I thought your reasons were illogical except the last one. But it's all irrelevant in my eyes unless you know what you want.

You're just picking someone based on beliefs and feelings. And we all know beliefs and feelings aren't meant to direct or lead your life. Feelings are for the experience.

Reread your own words. And ask yourself is that my belief system and feelings making those decisions or did I let logic guide me. Real logic because belief can trick you into thinking you're being logical.

People rarely live the way they want to live and it is almost entirely due to their decisions. Why do people make bad decisions? Because they have no guiding light but their environment.

People choose people and then try to create the relationship they want. That's illogical.
1+1=4 <--- That's illogical
This is what people should do: Choose the relationship you want and then dissect it to see what 2 people actually create that relationship. Start with the end result you want and work backwards. You'll never have to guess the person you'll looking for.

And if that type of relationship is what you truly want then you will have a connection with that person that matches.

On top of that you know what you want. And so you can tell anyone and instantly they will know whether they want that too. Wanting does make you a match though. But that's the thing... if someone wants it... they can become a match. You don't even need to find the person you're looking for. You just need to find someone who wants what you want and is sure about it. Everyone is trying to pass the test without knowing the answers. That's illogical. Get the answers and then go take the test.

[Hammertimeguy]

Just how you love sucking different dicks.

Hey stop trolling 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don't think there is a such thing as ruling someone out for a good or bad reason... It's your life, which means- you have to live with your decision. So someone else opinion really doesn't matter.

With that being said, they all seem like valid reasons. However, when you said you don't date anyone younger than you and you said the 1st one was a year younger, I had to check your age. And 18-24- it's understandable why you said that. When I was in that age stage- I didn't want anyone too many years older and anyone younger at all. As you get older- I promise tho- that year will NOT make a difference. The only thing you will care about is their maturity level. And I'll tell you now- even in my 30's, men don't mature as quick as woman. Lol

[OddBeMe]

Seems like you analyze these guys pretty well. We’re not in your shoes. All I can say is “social media dating” can have pitfalls like judging potential dates based on profiles instead of in person. Remember the old adage 90% of communication is tone, body language etc.

[JacobJordan]

You definitely should have met up with second guy. I am an awful texter that is why my wife and I didn't text we talked in person or over the phone

[Asker]

I’m really bad a suggesting stuff like dates and I think he was getting disinterested but in the future I think that’s something important to keep in mind. Instead to continuing to try with text just seeing if they’re willing to meet up.

[Anonymous]

You make your best guess. Generally for me it starts with does she have legitimate interest in me or she just dangling a hook. Most women just want guys attention. That eliminates probably 80% of women off the bat if she doesn't make legitimate effort towards me.

[spartan55]

You will find something with every guy. Why? Because you are afraid of any sort of relationship and will continuously self sabotage.

[Asker]

This isn’t true. Not sure how you got that from this one post? I’m not afraid of relationships nor do I self sabotage I just don’t believe in frivolously getting into relationships without making sure I’m compatible with a person.

[spartan55]

That doesn't really set you apart much. Few peopls wish to recklessly enter into a relationship. Those dudes never had a chance because of assumptions you made which is unfortunate.

[Asker]

The first guy was not an assumption. I am 19, he is 18. He’s in college like me but 18 is still high school age. If I was older I wouldn’t mind but 18 is just too young for me.

The second was most likely getting disinterested in the first place plus I approached him first so I believe I have a right to withdrawal it’s not like i’m crushing his sprint because he most likely wasn’t super into me anyways.

I would’ve liked to gotten to know the second guy better but it just doesn’t work out like that sometimes, I wasn’t willing to try to set up a date because I’d alr approached him first. I don’t think that means I’m an anxious avoidant self sabotager. It means it didn’t work out which isn’t a big deal when there are a billion other 19-23 year old guys in the world to meet.

[mattthefatbat]

I think this rule could be a good rule used for anyone.
Would you find it a fair and morally right if someone rejected you for the reason you rejected them?

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am, I agree wholeheartedly with your reasoning for rejecting the men who pursue you, and I'd like to chat with you about this if you have time. Thank you very much.

[JHAYES317]

The “automatically not attracted to younger men” one is silly, the rest are ok.

[Asker]

I’m 19 so 18 could be a high schooler which I find weird. He was in college too but as of now It’s its just not typical

[JHAYES317]

Ok in your case that’s fair…but if you were like 21…nah

[KrakenAttackin]

Most women are terribly boring and completely lack depth or conversational skills. So you are getting a tiny taste of what men have to deal with.

[Asker]

That’s exactly how I feel about most men. I guess it’s just difficult on both ends.

[Huntingnfishin]

Life's too short to waste time on people you don't feel a spark or connection with

[laly520]

if reasons makes sense then its right to reject

[noohair]

Social media is all fake.