Guy I’ve been seeing said girls have called him “cold” what do I do with this information?

[Anonymous]

Basically I said the water was really cold and he joked “like you” and then proceeded to tell me that girls have called him cold in the past…. like…oh?

[Anonymous]

That’s weird.

Its not weird that some girl or girls said that about him. Who cares. People say all kinds of things.

What IS weird is that he would say “like you” when you mentioned the water was cold. I’m sorry, but WTF does that have to do with anything? Also... was that some kind of half-insult or something, some passive-aggressive remark?

Perhaps you had said something about the temperature of the restaurant being cold? (I’m being generous here and trying to figure out his rationale for his comment.)

So... in order to recover from this clumsy, ham-fisted weird remark he made about YOU being “cold” he had to deflect, and bring it back to him...

”Girls have said that about me.”

What he’s really doing is this: (I just stepped in it and said something stupid or weird, I know! I’ll say I’m cold too so I won’t sound like a dick! A little self-deprecating humor and a little joke about how girls I dated think that I, too, am cold, and I can get this date back on track!)

So... it was a very weird comment. It’s a strange thing to say, especially in a date. Tell her she looks nice and that her hair looks really pretty or something. Be charming. “Cold like you.” Lol. Wow.

[Asker]

Yeah I mean I’ve been playing hot and cold because he’s a bit hot and cold as well. But yeah, he does say weird stuff. I really appreciate your insight is was very helpful

[Opinion Owner]

No problem. His comment was definitely weird. And saying something about a person’s character and personality so early in dating is really odd. You’re supposed to be getting to know each other, see if your personalities click and you two mesh well and can get along. Making characterizations about a person’s attitude or personality on a date is just rude. Even if you THINK the person is cold... you don’t say it. Who the heck are you? Some random guy she decided to have a meal with. And if you think she’s cold dont tell her on the date, keep it to yourself, and don’t go out with her again. Problem solved.

I think on its best face his comment was clumsy, stupid, and not very socially graceful. On its worst it may be some kind of... behavior of his where he puts people down in a passive-aggressive way.

Best of luck out there. Only you know the guy and all his mannerisms, his pros and cons, and whether he is the right guy for you.

[DoggyDude]

Could be a totally innocent comment (might even be an attempt at humor).

That said, it might also be a player move. Players often deliberatly undermine a girls confidence such that she might be more likely to be more desiring of intimacy (since saying your cold, might make you concerned you come over as uncaring and therefore increase your intimacy threshold toward him).

Since either could be true, I'd just observe over time and see if he has a pattern of 'putting you down' that is not connected to some reasonable disagreement or misunderstanding. If you perceive that pattern you might want to actually show him what 'cold' is.

I think though it might just be a 'moment' meaning something said and its got false seeming of additional meaning. So just laugh it off, for now.

Hope that helps.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. This actually helps me a lot, because now that you mention it. I feel like it is a weird pattern with him kind of. I can’t tell if it’s negging or something but he just says stuff that’s really strange sometimes.

[DoggyDude]

Nod. It does seem like he might be on the 'player' side of things; Though in fairness, I suppose it could also be he's fallen for one of these online 'courses' that supposedly teach men how to get women into bed or get lots of dates (I have awareness of these because I enjoy Coffezilla and his YouTube content of exposing real scammers online, he covered one of these sites).

Thanks for your reply, hope everything works out for you *bow* :)