Guy I'm seeing was sending rude texts about me to his friend?

[helpha]

I reconnected with a guy I dated years ago and we've been hanging out for 2 weeks. Whenever we see each other, we hang out for 12 hours straight and he's made it clear he likes me and is really into me. Last night I came over, stayed at his place for the first time, and we had a great day together - ate breakfast, had sex all day, cuddled. He talked about how he was going to have sex with me all day and didn't give me an indication he wanted me to leave. Around 6pm I hug him from behind while he's texting a guy friend - he said he's "been with some girl since yesterday" and then said "but I'll get rid of her soon" and that they will meet up after dinner. I saw it and didn't say anything, and ended up getting dressed and leaving about 10 mins later. He gave me a hug and kiss and was saying goodbye and i was acting cold, and he asked if everything was ok and I said yes. When I left I said goodbye quickly and he asked if I was mad before I walked away, to which I smiled and said no and just left.

I'm not sure what to think. I know that if I told him I was done with him he would probably be hurt and try to do something about it, because I do think he likes me (at least somewhat). I also don't know if I'm being too sensitive and if what he said to his friend was just gross guy talk, and I shouldn't care. I'm not sure if I should tell him I saw the texts, and also don't want to come off as crazy or controlling or anything, but I don't feel good around him now. Above all I'm incredibly confused because we've had a good connection, talked just a few days ago about where this is going and have some moments where we're really intimate and cute together. Looking for any opinions on this! I don't know what to do.

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, that's messed up what that guy said to his friend in the texts. I wouldn't blame you for being upset about it. Saying he'd "get rid of you" and meet up with his buddy soon is just disrespectful.

It sounds like he was really into you when you were together, but then turned around and called you something to "get rid of." I'd be questioning how he really feels about you if that's what he's telling his friends. You deserve way better treatment than that!

If it were me, I'd definitely say something to him. You don't have to go crazy or be mean, but just let him know you saw the texts and it really bothered you how he talked about you behind your back. See what he says and if he even apologizes. That would tell you a lot.

Or you could just cut him off and not deal with it too. Up to you. But personally I don't think I could trust a guy after that. You deserve someone who respects you all the time, not just when you're together. Don't settle for being someone's dirty secret! You can do way better.

[helpha]

I agree. I truly dont understand why he'd go from spending 24 hours with me, pushing me to sleep over with him, and spending the whole day together to saying he'd get rid of me soon. He didn't indicate once that he wanted me to go, or even mention any plans he had today. He said he was going to fuck me all day lol.. I don't know how to bring it up and also don't want to seem crazy. I feel like I have to say something because I feel like if I just dumped him he would probably be upset.

[Oliverlogan263]

Boo, don't worry about upsetting him or seeming crazy! You don't owe him any explanation after what he pulled. But I get wanting some closure.

If you do say something, keep it brief and don't give him a chance to make excuses. "I saw the texts you sent your friend about me. That was disrespectful and I won't tolerate being treated that way. We're done here."

Then block and delete, no further contact. You don't need his drama or disrespect in your life. Some dudes will straight up lie and manipulate to keep you as an option - don't fall for it!

He may try to turn it around on you, but hold your ground. You did NOTHING wrong. Own your self-worth, sis! Let this be a lesson about weeding out low quality men.

Don't lose sleep over some fool, okay? You're amazing and you deserve a partner who treats you like a queen. Chin up - better things are coming your way once you take out the trash!

[ManOnFire]

No guy who really likes you for more than sex is going to treat you like a fly to swat away and imply as much, not even to his guy friends.

"been with some girl since yesterday" and then said "but I'll get rid of her soon"
- I mean, to even acknowledge you in that way in a text to his buddy says he doesn't see you as much more than a fuck. "Some girl" and "I'll get rid of her soon." Yeah, pretty hurtful. I am honestly not really sure how you should go about dealing with it, or saying anything. All I know is that your gut instinct of not feeling good with him now is probably true, and you've got to figure out what to do. If I were you - and this is just me personally - I would've never even gotten back with somebody I used to date years ago anyway.

Also cool username by the way. Creatively unusual.

[helpha]

Is it possible it was just guy talk and he was hyping up his ego to make his friend think I was obsessed with him and I wasn't leaving? He didn't mention or indicate one time any plans he had, said he would stay with me all day to fuck me lol, and never mentioned anything about us ending our time spent together today. I'm deeply confused.

[ManOnFire]

@helpha I mean, it's possible he could've been talking to him in a kind of bragadocious way about getting laid, but why refer to you as just "some girl"? He could've easily said something like "I'm seeing a girl I used to date, let me catch up with you later," or even could've bragged about getting pussy with "I been fucking a girl I used to know, follow up with me later." Or if he's like me, he could've given nothing away about what he's doing and could've just said: "Got something going on at the moment, let's plan for later/another day." If someone messages me while I'm with a woman, I don't tell them that's what I'm doing, and I sure as hell don't say "some girl I'm about to get rid of."

You could try to be honest and tell him, "Hey, the reason I was upset was because I happened to see a text you were sending when I hugged you. You said I was just some girl you're gonna get rid of. And I don't know if you were being serious or not but I do admit that it bothered me."

[helpha]

Do you think he will think I'm crazy if I tell him I saw it? He already texted me saying he's thinking of me/misses me after a few hours, so why would he say that if he was actually trying to "get rid of me"

[ManOnFire]

@helpha I think the bigger question is: does he really miss YOU and is thinking about you? Or he's thinking about the sex with you and wants some? If he thinks you're crazy because of how you interpreted what you saw, that also should be a message to you of what kind of person he is. Somebody who really cares about you would hear your concerns and reassure you. They'd be like: "What? No, babe, it's not like that at all, no need to worry. I was just goofing with him. I really like you and I'm not trying to get rid of you. Don't take that seriously."

[ManOnFire]

@helpha Update?

[helpha]

I ended up texting him saying i saw it, and it bothered me, to which he denied ever saying it and then lied/sent screenshots that weren't of what I saw, and lowkey started gaslighting me saying it never happened (major red flag). I didn't let it go and told him he didn't have to make it more weird by lying, and i know what I saw, and I value honesty.

We hung out after that and I didn't mention it, just dropped it, and then last night he came over at 1am for a total booty call and the sex was horrible and I ended up sucking his dick for 45 mins without any results, to the point where i got bored and told him I think I have to go to bed because I just wanted it to be over. He ended up staying in the end and finishing , but he's probably lost interest after that incident, whcih i don't really care because it was him making the sex horrible lol. Now he went from acting like he really likes me/is enamoured by me to acting like he has no interest at all lol.

[helpha]

But I guess if he ever was ACTUALLY interested like he said, he'd still be interested and wanting to see me regardless right? Or even be worried that i didn't enjoy my night. So I guess he just used me for sex? Which is confusing because he told me many times he likes me, always texted saying he misses me/is thinking of me, and we also had intimate and cute moments together where I felt something between us. He's also told me repeatedly that we have a phsyical but also a great mental connection and that he's told me things he's never told anyone. SO CONFUSING!

[ManOnFire]

@helpha Well, there's your answer. And it's what I was saying the whole time. After he lied is when you should've cut that whole thing off and not hung out with him again, but doing it did help you to see the truth even more though.

I think all he ever wanted to begin with was a booty call, yeah. A steady fuck buddy. His actions are the answer and telling you everything.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I see it this way. If you are OK with being disrespected, then fine. For me? That would be 100% unacceptable!

Oh but I wouldn't just say goodbye. No, I would pick my moment to unleash. For example. See him for a few weeks and see how he treats you. When he thinks things are getting good, tell him.. 'So I'm some girl you wanted to just get rid of huh? '

If however you do it too early, before he is hooked? He will just break up with you.

[Agent_Elflord]

I think he must have told his friends about the last time you two were together so he's trying to save face with them.

[jahaims]

Used you for sex and validation

[Alex-Snow]

Dump his ass

[OtterMan68]

he's using you