My Chinese boyfriend says he will break up with me if I don't learn Chinese. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I don't want to learn Chinese. A very difficult language.

[Avicenna]

While it is always a good idea to speak your partner's language (at least to some extent), but to give you such an ultimatum is not OK. Even if you are living in China or Taiwan, in which case you do need to learn it, making it an ultimatum is not something that happens in a healthy relationship.

If you aren't in a Chinese-speaking country and don't want to learn it, I'd break up with the guy. Not only is Chinese difficult to read and pronounce, but it's also really a language family with many different dialects, some of which are as different from each other as English is from German.

[ZamerZ]

Depends on the context. Do you live in China together? Are you dependent on him communicating in your place on Chinese and handling everything bc you are unable to do it on your own? I've been in that situation and it's a shitty one of your partner relies on you here. In this case, I'd say do both of you a favor and learn Chinese ffs. Don't make life harder for you two.

If he's just making this ultimatum bc it's his requirement for a relationship and it has nothing to do with your living situation, talk things over. Find out why he's so fixated on you learning the language. Most partners will learn the language of their loved one to make them happy, so maybe consider this instead of being lazy just bc it's hard. If he's an ass about it, dump him. Be an adult about it.

[bobalife]

Well what’s his reason for you to learn it as a break up? I believe it’s important to be respectful and considerate of each other different cultures (obviously culture means language too) if you’re considering a long-term relationship. He may wanted someone who will be able try to learn and be more involve in his culture and engage in his family in the future. Obviously if one day you guys wanna get married, it’s essential to communicate and be more involve culturally. Its kinda disappointing to see that people here seem to lack this knowledge and respect when it comes to interracial relationships. Of course if you don’t think it’s what you’re up for in long-term relationships, maybe don’t date someone outside your nationality.

[bobalife]

Though I do wanna add being forced isn’t a good thing either. I’m not sure how he approached it, but at the end of the day it’s about compromises and growing together.

[AviatorTom]

If you want to stay with him, ask him to teach you Chinese. It's really not that hard to speak. I had to learn basic Chinese for a project my company was doing in Shanghai. I know enough for basic communication: pronouns, most-used verbs, counting, how to ask a question. Reading Chinese is hard. I did a project in Hong Kong, working with native Chinese people, and they often told me they had to guess sometimes at what the newspaper headlines were saying.

[Asker]

I dont want learn Chinese

[AviatorTom]

Then you answered your own question. Dump him and find someone who speaks a language you want to know.

[ohsheeT]

Well you can get some Japanese tapes and start learning Japanese or you can tell him if he doesn't learn how to kiss your ass you'll break up with him

Sorry but that's like somebody saying if you don't believe in what I believe in we're breaking up I would say goodbye como estas. Walking out the door. Yeah to be honest with you I can't tell you what to do that's something you have to figure out yourself sorry

[jennifer_bloom]

There are so many cute Chinese guys and you purposely post an ugly one to represent Chinese guys. This is clearly a troll post.

[Asker]

You are the one who separates people into handsome and ugly.

[Pinay_ako]

He can’t force you to do things you do not want to do. You guys have to reach a compromise. If not, cut your losses and move on

[BadApple69]

I would learn “go fuck yourself” in Chinese. That’s what I would do.
You be you…. Tell him he needs to date a Chinese girl if he wants his girl speaking Chinese.
But then remind him that Chinese girls won’t want a Chinese guy like him… that’s why the girls leave China and go to places like America looking for husbands.
Lol I know I am being an ass but I know the Chinese community pretty well and I know Chinese guys are the worst and Chinese girls really don’t like them.

[myloveforuisinfinte]

Just tell me " sir , can u please teach me Chinese?" With puppy pouty face 👉👈🥺🥺🥺and sweetest voice. 👉🥺👈
If he did , then it's good😂😂
Do this, otherwise
Break up with him and find someone else.
Coz language is a major barrier for him.

[abc3643]

Break-up.

Look, this has nothing to do with Chinese.
This has to do with him issuing an ultimatum.

The moment a partner issues an ultimatum is the moment that partner becomes an ex-partner.
LEARN THAT LESSON.

Dump him to the curb NOW!

[Anonymous]

Ultimatums tend to lead quickly to short blunt answers. Which is unfortunate as a partner who speaks a different language is an excellent opportunity to learn something new if they have a reasonable attitude.
Seems like you know what you want to do next though.

[Abbycado]

Tell him to fuck off, in Chinese. That will really confuse him.

[Grond21]

... you have to do this. The council has spoken

[Abbycado]

@Grond21 XD

[tfan1]

My wife is Chinese but speaks great English. I tried speaking mandarin but I can only do a few words. It really is difficult - tell that jackass you are not something to be ordered around. Tell him to find someone else to do his bidding.

[genericname85]

well there's no room for advice here cause you gave the answer yourself. he wants you to learn chinese or he'll break up. you don't wanna learn chinese. so tell him you're not gonna learn chinese and see if he'll break up.

[BCA6010]

Break up, obviously.

He's giving you an ultimatum that you aren't willing to comply with, so you've already got your answer.

[electromagnetic]

Why not ask him to teach you? If you really have no interest in learning then it’s probably for the best that y’all don’t remain together.

[Purpleronnie]

I don’t respond well to ultimatum or threat. So if a woman put that to me as directly as that she would likely be single shortly after.

[RebelinSteel]

Just tell him he is single.

try Italian

[HelpfulWoman]

then break up. not being able to show basic respect for his nationality and such is a huge red flag

[Shy_Steve]

He odviously does not have feelings for you if he really said that, So you should breakup with him.

If he cared about you he wouldn't be giving you an Ultimatum, So why be with someone who doesn't care about you.

[Agape93]

Which kind, mandarin or Cantonese?

Also, fuck him

[DrPepper12]

Thanks for coming to my TeD talk.

[onedarkcloud]

Time to say good by. To say he will breakup with you should trip a red light of what your future would be like with him. If you don't do this or don't do that, I am going to breakup with you.

[Drumlin2001]

If you had kids would they be raised bilingual? What languages do you speak?