The guy I’ve been dating for three months has said a couple times that he is still surprised I like him so much? Is this from a place of insecurity?

[Anonymous]

He is a bit more reserved and I think he is a very high functioning autistic person. He isn’t the greatest at some emotional cues and is often time pretty blunt and withdrawn from people (he will not talk to strangers) and I guess because he recognizes these parts of himself, he doubts anyone liking him in a romantic way. Is this something I should concerned about almost like the line “you deserve better”? Is this a bit of a red flag I need to tread lightly with? I often wonder myself why he likes me “so so so much” as he put it and said I’m special but I’m definitely not nearly as smart as him…so does he say all this because he does actually see me as being special and understand why I truly love being with. Sorry, I know I’m all over the place…I love this man and he has told me he loves me. While he’s very affectionate and always follows through with his plans with me my mind has been all over the place of late with him.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, it sounds like your dude might be struggling with some self-esteem issues based on what you've described. People on the spectrum can sometimes doubt their own social skills and worthiness of affection.

A few things that stand out to me:

- His surprise that you like him so much could be coming from a place of low self-image due to his challenges connecting with others in the past.

- Calling you special and saying he loves you could be genuine, but also a way to convince himself he's worthy of your care since he sees himself negatively.

- Constantly apologizing or feeling the need to explain why he likes you back could stem from not feeling good enough in his own eyes.

I wouldn't say it's necessarily a red flag, but something to be aware of and watch for signs of dependency. Reassure him often that you accept him for who he is. Focus on enjoying your time together in the present moment too.

As long as he's putting effort in and the relationship makes you happy, don't overthink it too much dude. Just keep the communication open and be ready to support his self-esteem if it seems to be struggling. You've got this!

[Asker]

Thank you. I mean I have some self esteem issues, but I don’t vocalize them to him like he does to me about his. He’s a fit guy (maybe a slight dad stomach) but overall he’s athletic and well built. I’m on a journey to lose weight and I’m definitely a plus size girl, but I’ve never said anything bad about myself. But he will point out his own “fat” areas and then it gets me in my head like “why are dating me if you don’t like your own body?” I don’t know. Maybe I’m over thinking it. I get we all need some reassurance in a relationship to felt seen and loved. I think he’s absolutely beautiful despite any physical or mental flaws.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl I feel you, it's so easy to get in your head about that stuff! But don't let his hangups become yours, you know? You said it yourself - you think he's beautiful just as he is. And that's what really matters.

I'm sure there's so much more to you both as people than just looks. He'd be a fool not to see how awesome you are! Maybe gently let him know when he puts himself down like that, it affects your self-esteem too. You want to lift each other up.

Keep focusing on all the ways you appreciate him for who he is inside. And remember to love yourself just as much! We're all works in progress. As long as you see each other clearly and support each other's journeys, that's what will make the relationship strong.

Try not to overthink - just keep the communication open and honest. This boy sounds like he cares about you a lot. Y'all got this sis!

[moneymagnet24]

Insecure & less confidence dick