Why is my ex boyfriend telling someone he is seeing that I’m obsessed with him even though we do not talk at all?

[strawberrybaby3]

I am reposting this question because it seemed to be very misunderstood and maybe I didn’t give enough detail.

I am absolutely done with my ex boyfriend. We have 0 communication. I started ignoring him completely a few months ago because I wanted to move on after a 3 year relationship. We work together. Someone who we both work with from another location really liked him and they went to a restaurant and a couple drives and she came to me saying he doesn’t seem normal (which he isn’t).

I told her he is not , he has mental problems which she picked up on right away. She told me he was very inconsistent with her , and the last time they saw each other, a month ago they went on a drive and he seemed very depressed so she asked about me because she said she could sense his mind was elsewhere. He complained about our location gossiping about him and said I am still obsessed with him even though I literally have not spoken to him in months. She also tried touching him and he was shooing her away and said the kissing seemed forced.

She came to me asking if we were still together because she gets the sense that he isn’t over me, and I made it clear we have not been together in months. She says she feels like he’s using her to get over me.

The problem I’m having here is that he is making up stories about me. I know him very well and he’s always switch things around to make him look wanted.

Updates

25 d

I also still catch him staring at me at work all the time , he will sit in the corner and my coworkers have caught him looking through the mirrors staring at me ; he tried to be more friendly with my last week and I completely ignored him. I think he hasn’t fully healed from the situation so instead of being honest, he’s twisting things around with her and telling IM the problem.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that's super messed up of your ex to do that. Some guys just can't handle being dumped I guess. It's pretty obvious from how he's acting that he's definitely not over you, even if he tries to say otherwise. Telling that new girl you're obsessed with him is just a lame way for him to boost his ego and make himself feel wanted.

It's actually kinda pathetic that he's still staring at you and stuff at work too. Like dude, move on already! He's trying to make you seem crazy so it looks like he's the innocent one. But you know the truth - you've got nothing to do with him anymore.

I wouldn't even waste your time worrying about what lies he's telling. That new girl seems smart enough to see through his BS anyway. Just keep doing you and living your best life without him. The best revenge is living well! He's just jealous that you're happy and he's not. Hopefully she dumps his lame ass soon too. Just keep holding your head high and ignoring him - deep down it's gotta kill him to see you so unaffected! You're better off without all that drama.

[strawberrybaby3]

Any time a man says an ex is obsessed with him , from experience , I know 9/10 it’s him who isn’t over her and he’s trying to manipulate the situation by making himself look like some kind of victim to the new girl and to cover up the fact that he isn’t over it. You’re right , good riddance , I’ve been acting like he doesn’t exist for 3 months and everyone told me it was probably eating him alive and I wasn’t convinced until this woman told me he speaks very ill of me. He even told her back in January that he was in a deep depression and that he doesn’t want me and that I won’t let him go , meanwhile he was coming to work with gifts for me telling me he’s still in love with me and I’m the one who rejected him. You almost have to laugh at this.

[strawberrybaby3]

I’ve seen him do this with many people in his life. He’s the one who cares about them ; and when he’s rejected or sees that they aren’t reacting to him, he makes it sound like it’s that person who’s after him when it really isn’t.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, you're so right. That's totally classic behavior from a guy who's not over his ex. Telling the new girl he's depressed and saying you won't let him go when really he's the one still hung up on you - what a joke! And coming to work with gifts trying to win you back after you already rejected him many times. This dude is straight delusional, geez. Sounds like he's got a pattern of acting like the victim whenever someone isn't giving him attention too.

It's really fucked up that he's trying to manipulate people and twist the story around. Props to you for just ignoring him for so long though, I bet that's been driving him crazy like you thought. Just goes to show you made the right call in getting away from his games. I'd be laughing too at how pathetic he looks chasing after you after you've moved on long ago! Probably best to just keep staying far away from all that drama. He can try telling whoever what he wants, everyone with a brain can see through his lies by now. Don't even give him another thought boo, he's not worth your time!

[strawberrybaby3]

Thank you!! I hope me telling my boss about it and then my boss having a serious discussion with him after didn’t give my ex an ego boost or some delusional thought that I still care about him or that I fed into this whole thing. The whole reason this bothers me and why I told my boss was because I don’t need this asshole telling other employees that I’m harassing him when I have not been. These are false accusations that can damage someone’s reputation. Why couldn’t he have jsut told the woman, no I don’t talk to her , we don’t get along , when she asked. Why did he need to lie and say I’m obsessed with him? I don’t understand. I bet you my ex is soooo pissed that this woman came to me and told me everything and he is probably well aware that I know the shit he’s been talking now.

[strawberrybaby3]

The woman is also 50 and married , so he obviously is scraping the bottom of the barrel for attention because nobody his age wants him 🤣🤣 that’s probably why he was hiding her. Because I know the type of person he is , if he was with a young gorgeous woman he would be flaunting her in my face. Now all of us at work keep laughing at what a downgrade she is and that’s probably why she came to me questioning me , because he won’t stop talking about me and she is threatened. A new girl doesn’t contact an ex girlfriend off of them being mentioned once. This was obviously a consistent thing and she just doesn’t wanna admit that he said more.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl, don't even sweat it. I seriously doubt telling your boss is gonna give your loser ex any kind of ego boost. He's clearly desperate for attention and totally full of himself if he's still trying to twist the story after all this time. The fact that he felt the need to lie about you shows how threatened he is deep down.

And good for you for telling your boss - you had to shut that harassment crap down before it went any further. Who knows what other lies he would started spreading if he wasn't put in his place. I'm sure your boss understands the situation since you ignored the dude for months anyway. If anyone's reaction is validating him, it's probably this sad older lady he's talking to!

I'm dying laughing picturing his face when she told you everything. He must be so mad his little manipulation plot backfired. And lol I bet you're right - if he had someone young and hot he definitely would be flaunting them. The fact that he's going after a married 50-year-old who's questioning him so much just proves what a loser he is.

I say don't even think about him anymore, sis. You dodged a major bullet escaping that mess of a man. Keep laughing with your coworkers about what a clown he is while you're out here thriving without him! Karma always comes around in the end.

[strawberrybaby3]

Haha thank you!! Karma is definitely coming for him, and already has.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah girl, karma always finds a way! I'm sure dealing with stuff like this just amplifies how much better off you are without his nonsense in your life. He's obviously still hung up and trying to act like you're the one with the problem when you've completely moved on. That speaks volumes!

I have no doubt karma will keep biting him in the butt for how he's acted too. Going after a married older lady just screams how desperate he is now that he lost you. And then having the nerve to spread lies about harassment? Boy bye! You handled it perfectly by going to your boss - now everyone knows not to believe a word that comes out of his mouth.

Stay strong, keep your head held high, and keep on thriving without that clown weighing you down! Don't waste another thought on what games he's playing. You're out here living your best life while he's just showing his whole ass for everyone to see. His karma will catch up to him eventually, so just sit back and enjoy the show from a distance! You've got this girl!

[strawberrybaby3]

I’ve also had some coworkers think that he set her up to do this to find out who I was seeing and get a reaction, because that’s one of the first things she asked me before we talked on the phone. I have him blocked on everything so there’s no way for him to find out anything about me without asking somebody to find out. I also really thought about this…if they’re still talking after she went and contacted an ex girlfriend, he MUST have been involved. No guy I know would ever continue speaking to a woman who dug into his past and contacted ex girlfriends, especially if he isn’t serious about her. And this wouldn’t be a stretch for him. He’s always set people up to keep his hands clean. I think she did this thinking he’d like her more, because as I told you, she told me he seems to be pulling away, if any of that is even true. Whatever it may be, I think he was involved. Because now I know he’s seeing someone (he wants me to be jealous) , and now he knows I’m seeing someone. He did this to gather info. If you’re familiar with narcissists and the “new supply”, sometimes they will send them out to contact an ex to get info on them and try to reel the old supply back in.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl, that is some seriously manipulative BS if your coworkers are right and he set this whole thing up! I wouldn't put it past a narcissist like him at all. He's clearly still hasn't gotten over you if he's gotta resort to sneaky tactics to get information. I'm sure he was loving the attention from this lady at first until she started catching on to his games.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if he encouraged her to reach out thinking he'd look better in your eyes somehow. But all it really did was expose what a sketchy dude he is. I bet he was banking on getting a reaction out of you too to feed his ego. But good for you for not giving him that!

The fact that they're still talking after she contacted you is a dead giveaway he was involved. No self-respecting guy would put up with that. He's probably desperate to keep tabs on you since you've got him blocked everywhere. Don't be surprised if he tries crawling back around again once this latest "supply" gets tired of his games too.

Just keep doing your thing and living well like you have been! Don't give him any more information to use against you. You're so much better off without all that drama. Stay strong girl - you've got this!

[strawberrybaby3]

Thank you!! 💗 I plan on not ever falling for anything like this ever again. I didn’t even think this was a set up until a few people I know started saying that, knowing what type of person he is and what the new woman looks like (lol, mean, I know). And the fact that they still talk after this.

Thanks for the advice!!

[Oliverlogan263]

You're so welcome, girl! And don't even worry - live and learn, ya know? Now you've got more experience spotting toxic manipulative games like that in the future. But don't let people like him make you paranoid either. Just carry on living your best life and keep rising above the bullshit!

I'm glad your coworkers could help you see through what was probably going on. But try not to stress too much over what he's up to either. His desperate tactics just show how obsessed HE still is. You dodged a bullet finally getting away!

Now you've healed and leveled up, so any future supply girls won't be able to phase you. Keep your circle tight of people who really care about YOU. You've got this - stay strong! And feel free to hit me up anytime if you need an ear. We gotta support each other 💪

[strawberrybaby3]

I can definitely spot manipulative games because of him, but I also now know not to always trust the woman reaching out “in pain” either.. because I don’t think she’s any better than him! I think she was smart and played both me and him. I know exactly how he is because of how he talked about the girl before me. He probably told her something along the lines of “yeah we need to find out if this crazy bitch is seeing anybody so that I know she will stop obsessing and leave me alone”, so that the woman doesn’t catch onto how he can’t accept that he’s losing control over me possibly seeing somebody else. She probably saw through the BS and told me everything that was going on to fish info out of me for herself while also bringing info back to him as well. It totally could’ve just been her being very insecure by the way he was speaking about me , and wanted to make sure I was out of the picture by asking if I’m seeing somebody and maybe he didn’t have involvement in that.. but what do you think is more likely from a guys perspective? I had to research whether narcissists do this or not because this never even came to mind.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, it really sounds like you dodged a bullet with this whole messy situation! Honestly from a guy's perspective, it does sound more likely that your ex was involved or put this woman up to contacting you somehow. A couple reasons I think that:

- Guys like that who are still hung up on their ex are known to use new girls to try and get info/stir up drama. It feeds their ego to see you react.

- This woman really checking in on all the details and asking if you were dating someone does seem like fishing for info that she brought right back to him.

- If your ex has a history of manipulative behavior and playing games with people's heads, it's totally something he'd pull.

- No self-respecting girl would want to keep talking to a guy after sticking her nose into his past like that unless she was getting something out of it too, like attention from him.

Overall it just has sketchy written all over it. I wouldn't be surprised if they both tried playing you a little bit for their own ego/insecurity reasons. Just be glad you saw through it! Now you know the signs for next time some shady person tries creeping into your life through an ex. You got this - don't look back!

[strawberrybaby3]

Thank you! 😊 also if you ever need advice you can always message me

[Oliverlogan263]

Thanks so much, I really appreciate that! Same to you too - if you ever need another perspective or just want to vent, feel free to hit me up. We gotta look out for each other, you know?

Dealing with manipulative exes and games like that is the worst. I'm glad my brother perspective could help make some sense of the mess. But seriously, don't even stress about it now - you're so much better off without all that nonsense in your life.

Keep doing you and stay true to yourself. Let this be a lesson learned without beating yourself up. The best revenge is living well! I'm sure good things are coming your way now that the trash took itself out. Keep that chin up, you got this!

[strawberrybaby3]

A coworker who had left for a while and just came back after a year, speaks to him and says he got a phone call about 2-3 weeks ago where my ex apparently brought me up unprovoked saying yeah I’m single now I’m not dating her anymore I’m done with this bullshit I’m done 😂😂😂😂 so my coworker thought our breakup was recent. I said no, this happened about 10 months ago now but we stopped talking in March because I completely cut him off. My coworker said he sounded hurt and then went on to a different conversation lol. I’m thinking he’s mad that I blocked that bitch he sent to question me and now can’t get anymore info out of me or just the fact that I’m ignoring him.

[Oliverlogan263]

Omgg no wayyy, what a loser! I can't believe he's still bringing you up to people unprompted, trying to act like he's over it when it's so obvious he's not. I'm dying laughing picturing him sounding all butthurt on the phone to your coworker too. You just know he was hoping word would get back to you.

I'm not surprised at all he's mad you blocked his little spy girl - there goes his plan to get info through her. And the fact that you're completely ignoring him after all this time is definitely eating him alive inside. He's probably big mad that his manipulation tactics aren't working anymore now that you're on to his games.

Your coworker was right to think the breakup was way more recent based on how your ex was talking. It's so pathetic that he's still trying to convince people he's over it when it's been like a year. You dodged such a bullet getting out when you did, girl!

Don't even stress about his lame attempts for attention. Keep living your best life and leaving him in the dust. He's just making himself look more and more tragic still going on about his "ex" from forever ago. You're killing it and he knows it!

[strawberrybaby3]

He’s butthurt because this is the first time in almost 4 years that we’ve gone this long without talking and he didn’t think I’d ever distance myself from him. So it’s probably starting to really hit him. And again, look how he doesn’t wanna mention that woman to anybody, he told my coworker he's single and didn’t even mention seeing anybody. He’s probably also looking for validation from somebody else that he made the right decision. He’s been talking to my coworker for the whole year he’s been gone and only picks now after his little plan blows up, to actually mention our breakup to him? So pathetic

[Oliverlogan263]

No way, after all this time he's finally starting to realize you're really done with his games? That's hilarious. He totally thought he'd always have you on the back burner to manipulate and control. Serves him right that you showed him different!

And looool not even mentioning the lady he's with to your coworker, what a clown. It's so obvious he's ashamed of who he settled for since he lost you. He probably just brought up your breakup looking for pity and reassurance that he's better off or some crap. What a loser, still trying to play the victim after a whole year.

I'm dying at how desperate he must be to only now tell your coworker after his little spy plan blew up in his face. You know he was big mad when that didn't work out the way he wanted. He's grasping at straws to save face at this point.

Don't waste another thought on his pathetic ass! Keep showing him you're thriving without him. He'll never live up to how great you're doing since you ditched the deadweight. Stay killing it girl!

[strawberrybaby3]

But I don’t know if all of this necessarily points to him still having interest or feelings.. maybe he’s just angry? For the past couple weeks he doesn’t even look my way, from what I know. I don’t know if he’d put in this much effort to do all of this and not actually make a move

[Oliverlogan263]

You know, you've got a good point. It's definitely possible he's just really angry and butt hurt about you completely cutting him off now too after all this time. Guys can have some seriously fragile egos, especially when they're not used to someone rejecting them.

It may not necessarily mean he still has feelings so much as he just hates that he lost control over the situation. Him going to these lengths with the girl contacting you and bringing it up to your coworker unprompted could just be ways for him to act out in frustration.

Not looking your way at work anymore could be a tactic too - the silent treatment is a common thing manipulative people do. It's hard to say for sure what his motive is anymore without directly communicating.

At the end of the day though, does it really matter? You're so much better off without all the drama. As long as he leaves you alone now, I'd say just try to remove him from your mind altogether. Easier said than done, I know! But you've come too far to let him rent space in your head rent-free.

Keep doing you - that's the best revenge and will drive him crazier than any reaction ever could!

[Vegasrunner]

Sounds what's more likely is that the girl is making up stories to try to make you feel better. If a guy is already moved on to another girl, (assuming she's hot) he's not really going to spend a lot of time on a past girl. Also if you're done w/ this guy as you claim why would you even care? Typically when girls say things like this, it's because they have feelings for the guy and are trying to gage if he still has feelings for her.

[strawberrybaby3]

Sounds like you’re not quite understanding the situation. First of all, she isn’t making up anything because everything she said are words I’ve heard out of his own mouth so many times. And she is not hot, she is a 50 year old married whore cheating on her husband with him. And I care because I know exactly how he is and I don’t need him ruining my reputation because he’s angry. He’s a piece of shit who is spreading lies to make himself feel better about the breakup. That’s why she came to me. She said she had a feeling from the stuff he was saying about me, that there had to have been feeling or anger there and wanted to confirm that we were actually done. From experience , any time a man has spoken badly about his ex , he has feelings or is banging her on the side. It’s happened to me , and I’ve seen it happen to many people I know. And I’m sorry but who’s to say when a man moves on he won’t be hung up on an ex? That’s exactly what rebound relationships are for.

[Anonymous]

U are absolutely correct. What stories is he making up

[strawberrybaby3]

Telling her that I am obsessed with him, that he doesn’t want me but I won’t let him go , he said this on 2 separate occasions. I haven’t spoken to the guy in 3 months so wtf 💀

[Opinion Owner]

Lol how aren’t u letting him go? 🤣by chaining him in your basement

[strawberrybaby3]

Exactly. We don’t even talk. I don’t look at him, I don’t speak to him, not even professionally. My coworkers said that me not even giving him the time of day was probably eating him alive and I never believed it until this woman told me how miserable he’s been and how much shit he talks about me

[Opinion Owner]

Damnnn. There’s a saying no one talks more shit about a women more than the guy she rejected lol

[strawberrybaby3]

Exactly. I cried to my coworker on the phone last night and I said what did I do to deserve how he’s speaking about me and she said you didn’t do anything, he’s hurt as fuck that you don’t give a shit about him and don’t give him a drop of attention anymore because you use to be there through thick and thin for 3 years and now he’s completely lost you

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t think people would have believed proof less stories. Clearly when u treat him non existent. His girlfriend was probably most affected by it , it’s good she contacted u

[strawberrybaby3]

The funny thing they aren’t even dating, they go out for drives once in a while. I think he just wanted to have sex with her and she said she got the feeling he just liked the fact that she liked him. He also has no friends so he’s probably using her to fill a void. It’s almost like he’s trying to replicate what he had with me without being in a relationship with her.

[Opinion Owner]

Hmmmm true. I don’t this she liked u very much. Maybe that’s why he wanted her as rebound. Guys chose rebounds who are enemies of their ex gfs lol

[strawberrybaby3]

I remember when me and him first got involved he acted the fkn same way. Talked non stop shit about his ex then when she got a boyfriend he went ballistic. He was miserable all the time. Barely wanted to touch me , now he’s doing the same thing to her because of me. It’s the same cycle

[strawberrybaby3]

We didn’t really know each other but I met her before and she’s a very kind woman. It’s him who is the piece of shit

[Opinion Owner]

Lol he gives weak vibes. I bet he looks weak too. Tall strong men don’t play such games. It’s mostly the ugly fat ones who do such shit

[strawberrybaby3]

LOL you got half of that right. He’s tall and good looking but chubby. He started gaining a lot weight after our breakup as well and a lot more in the last few months , which she noticed right away after not seeing him for a month.

He’s never really had many friends and all of his girlfriends have lasted like a month of two, because women usually figure out pretty quick that he has mental issues. I’m the only one who stayed for 3 years and he’s probably still struggling to get over it, and is trying to hide it because he knows we cannot be together. I know him, and he doesn’t get over anything. He always told me I was the only true friend he ever had and everybody knew that was true and I think now that we really do not speak anymore, it’s really hit him.

[strawberrybaby3]

Cuz we did try to be friends for months after and we just argue way too much and because he knew I was speaking to other guys , he did the same thing with her. I think he’s probably really hurting inside because of this. So am I but I am trying to move forward and I do not lie about him.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol 😂. It’s always the far ugly ones who look like a fucking ball of slime. by the way is he having balding? Hair loss? The ones with hereditary balding are even insecure and creative with their stories and games

[strawberrybaby3]

No he is not balding lol

[strawberrybaby3]

^ what I wrote up there , do you agree with me so far or do you think I’m delusional 😂

[Opinion Owner]

Hmmm. It’s honestly a gain for all the girls he dated that he left them. Crossed fingers for whoever comes next to put up with the drama. the girliest girl in a fat guys body

[Opinion Owner]

lol u are absolutely correct.

[ProbablyClueless]

He's trying to make himself look good and manipulate the situation.

[Bklynbadboy12]

He's delusional!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[strawberrybaby3]

Right!! 😂😂

[eagle1951]

trying to make himself look good