Guys, what would make you want to take things slow when starting to date someone?

Question

I'm currently seeing this guy I met online from a dating app. We met earlier this month and he said he was looking for something serious and wanted to take things slow as in: no sex until we are serious/in a relationship, and enjoying things as they come.

He had relationships before & hooked up with a bunch of other girls but was starting to realize that having sex did not help him with his loneliness. I know this question probably sounds stupid but I wanted to get other people's reasoning on why they would want to take things slow and start dating seriously. Is it better than moving things too fast?

Lliam · Accepted Answer

What does he mean by taking it slow?

If he wants to hold off on sex, he might be testing you.
- He might think that girls who want sex are whores and wants to think of you as "pure".
- Or he might be holding out to see if you will date other guys when you get tired of waiting for him.
Both of those are toxic attitudes in my opinion.

By "taking it slow" he might be referring to commitment. He might not want to become exclusive yet. He might still be shopping.
That would be fucked up.

Or, he might be referring to marriage.
Now that would be wise. I think you have to know someone for a long time - at least a year - before you can know that you could spend the rest of your life with them.

People who immediately "fall in love" and want to get married and have babies are unwise. And people who think marriage is like purchasing and owning someone ("Now you are mine, mine, mine! You have to serve me.") are desperate and/or clueless or dysfunctional.

The sex phobia doesn't make sense to me. With every long-term girlfriend I ever had, including my wife, we became exclusive almost immediately. We "clicked" almost immediately (within the first few dates and sometimes after just one), started going steady and quit seeing other people.

We became infatuated and our relationship became sexual.

Having sex isn't an indication that you are committed for life. But it sure makes a bond stronger. It's part of being in a committed relationship.

Every day, we would call each other on the phone or see each other. We hung out, went places and did things together; walked hand in hand or with our arms around each other, kissed, chatted, laughed, had fun and enjoyed each other's company. And yes, we engaged in sexuality as often as possible.

By the way, they were all on birth control so we had real sex. No stupid condoms.
Weird guys assume that girls on birth control are sluts. Guys like that make me sick. They think any girl who has sex before marriage is a slut. Those guys are mentally and emotionally stunted.

I think the whole purpose of a committed relationship is get to know each other's behaviors, habits, lifestyles, values, likes and dislikes, hobbies and passions, and future goals. Compatibility in those things is important, and so is sexual compatibility.

If everything comes together, it can evolve into true and everlasting love.

Craftsman · Accepted Answer

My experience and my gut level believe it is wise to take developing a relationship slowly. Sometimes we think we have a goal, a destination, in mind, and lose track of the basic fact that a friendship/relationship is a journey that can be enjoyed. That is the reason the pundits say, "stop to smell the roses" on the pathway through life and living.

The hook-up culture now is as unfulfilling as the free-love culture was when I was a teen in the 1960s. Being together needs to have more than single-function activity. We as humans yearn for companionship, friendship, and fulfillment. We tend to deny ourselves those deeper communications when we rush into the surface pleasures while ignoring the pleasure and satisfaction that grows step by step, often not exactly as we envision, though grow the relationship does, hopefully for the mutual benefit of both parties involved. It is the only way I see to develop a 'together' that is better than the sum of the individuals.
If this all makes some sense, then proceed with the care, deliberation and caution, using all your senses to build a beautiful togetherness.
If it's hog-wash, erase it from your memory. My ego is not tangled into any of these thoughts.
Stay safe and stay healthy!

dovey234 · Accepted Answer

I'm a girl but I think he actually finds a connection with you and wants this rs to work. As they say, "Taking things slow doesn’t mean avoiding commitment or deepening the relationship, it’s about pacing yourselves to ensure that the connection you’re building is strong and sustainable".

Taking things slow in the beginning of a relationship fosters a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other, as it allows for organic growth and genuine connection. It helps to prevent the pitfalls of rushing, such as misaligned expectations and superficial bonds. By pacing the relationship, both partners can build a more meaningful and enduring foundation.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

If he’s interested in the girl’s character and family, he’s looking for something substantial, which takes time. He won’t rush into the physical stuff because he actually respects you, but he’ll mention… you look nice, he likes a certain thing you’re doing or wearing… You’ll see he looks closely and notices everything.

ohsheeT · Answer

To be honest with you there are some guys that would like to do that.

The guy that you're talking about nah he doesn't want to take it slow he wants to rush things I guarantee it...

I bet you a dollar right now the first opportunity that he gets with you he's going to try... To do the opposite of what he said LOL...

It's a dating app and that's why he's on there to get what he can get to manipulate things so he can get what he can get

I hope I'm wrong but I. Really don't think I am..

And the reason why I say that is because he's telling you everything that he thinks you want to hear... Plus a lot more just to let you know what type of guy he is..

A real guy if he wants to take it slow he's not going to talk about it in the beginning he's just going to prove it to you by doing things complete opposite of other guys.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Start too fast = ends too quickly Starts slow = better chance of lasting I guess he is tired of hooking up and wants more from a relationship. That is what happens as you get older.

Big-Joe · Answer

In a lot of scenarios like this the guy slows things down because he previously jumped into things too fast and it ended poorly so in his mind he feels jumping in fast is the reason he got burned the last time. Also there's the real factor that he truly values you in his life and holds you in very high regard so he wants to take the time and make the effort of getting to know you because he wants to have you as a part of his life for many years to come. There could be other reasons as well but those 2 will be the main driving force behind a man taking it slow with you!

Skinhead-1979 · Answer

There is no 'Good or Bad'; things happen or they don't.

The sad thing here seems that you 2 are not entirely 'compatible': He wants to go faster; you want to slow down... and I would say that difference is a bit difficult to overcome.

6 out of the 7 times I have been with a female started the same: Sex happened and from there on we just saw how it went. Most relationships have been short-lived, but with those relationships age and maturity probably played a role too; No 6 was just about a year long, I was 21 when I broke up.

The last one was different. That was a 'long distance' relationship; the day I moved country, I moved in with her and we were a couple. I had never seen her face to face before, everything went online, on and off, over a period of 3 years.

ticktds · Answer

Sounds like he might be a little raw and cautious right now. I've been there. Personally, I would prefer someone who's nimbler and hastier about it, call it an enthusiasm thing. I've always been so quick to jump in and out and whatnot, super-fast romantic metabolism if you will. My last relationship was five days, and I honestly felt like I was dragging it out... lol
When I do want to take things slowly, it's because I feel secure with the girl, like she's not going anywhere, and because I'm savoring the experiences, it's not like I have certain things I want to do and just delaying it. But yeah, I wouldn't know what's normal, because I'm pretty sure I'm not normal at all.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I wanna know who it is I'm dating, first!! When I get myself into a new situation of this sort, I'd prefer it to be a forever thing! I consider it to be a HUGE waste of my time and emotion to blow everything I've got on someone that I'm either not exactly THAT interested in or that's gonna fuck ME over in a short while!! I was with my ex-fiance for 10 years!! I was SURE this was the real thing that was gonna last forever!! Then, I discovered the little mini-bitch had been cheating on me the last 2 years!! GREAT!! So now, I've WASTED 10 years of my life, love and emotion on this fucking cunt who didn't show her true colours `til then!! NOW, NOBODY wants me because I'm not as young as I used to be!! To make matters worse, she dumped HIM only one year after WE broke up!!

Nirmroth · Answer

I think the most important aspect is moving at a pace were you are both comfortable with. If he wants to take it slow and you do too why not?

I kinda regret sleeping early with girls I am dating, I think it somehow takes away some of the sexual tension during the first dating phase.
Dating seriously Im fine with waiting 2-3 months but definitiv gotta have sex before becoming exclusive/official.

Anonymous · Answer

Experience. In my case, almost 50 years. Of living.😆

When you seen almost 50 years. of what women are capable of you weigh what's to be gained vs. What is to be lost. And the unfortunate REALITY is with every passing year the amount of good women on the market become less ergo what remains becomes a bigger gamble. And with every passing year (if the man is doing it right, building), he has more to lose by choosing the wrong woman.

So you see she's either the right woman or she's not. If she's the right woman he's not going anywhere, why would he. But it's better to take it slow then get inextricably linked to the wrong woman.

This guy might just be ahead of the game.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Prior bad experiences. You just get sick and tired of the stress and flip-floppy bullshit that so many women pull in dating.

Anonymous · Answer

Well if I start dating my views are similar honestly.

I wouldn't want to just jump straight into bed as I feel that in doing so is counter predictive to building a good and stable relationship.

I feel that by taking things slowly you can get to know each other well, by getting to fully know each other and slowly building up in intimacy makes it easier and well less of a jump. Also you can be comfortable enough to possibly talk more freely about things to do with bedroom activities and so when you get to that point it would be better and not awkward. While also seeing if sexually your compatible which is an important fact.

I think that sums it up as best as I can word it. I just believe that to make a fulfilling relationship work you need to take care and not rush things but you need to do things at the moment they feel right for both parties.

82lynx · Answer

Not interested in sex which pretty much shoots in the foot any chance of a relationship,, but that aside, rushing into anything significant would frighten me. I even had a significant amount of anxiety about starting a volunteer gig at my first school, something I have complete control over and takes very little of my time. That may sound excessive but facts are facts.

Anonymous · Answer

Nothing is worse when I commit to a girl and take my time with her and g also. Then she gets bored, hops in the sack with some random a**hole and then tries to ultimately friendzone me. It is by far the most insulting and horrifying outcome a woman can do to a man.

Now its been a very long time since I’ve had something like that happen. One advantage of being older is that I’ve grown radar for that crap. However a young man needs to know this isn’t a risk for him.

martian13 · Answer

If I really wanted her to know that I respect her completely as an equal, as my equal and intended on getting her to someday marry me or want to be my equal I would take things slow as to show these things to her and make sure she knows that I want more than just her body.

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

Generally, people who just got out of bad relationships, or ones that were long, but for some reason ended. They just don't want to jump too quickly, as to not get hurt again

However, some guys, like myself, don't want marriage or kids, so, to me, "going somewhere", is, really just making it so that we never see any other guys/girls (if you're bi) but without the promise of marriage, or the idea of having kids

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

His idea is actually great. Try building a friendship first, and see it from there. I bet it'll make your relationship stronger, and the sexual tension.. stronger too. 😁

strangeatcircleK · Answer

It's honestly smart. Sex can make things so confusing. Starting out as friends first, helps you to see if you are a good fit apart from the intimacy. The intimacy should be the cherry on the top, not the other way around

Yannae · Answer

My honest belief that taking things slow increases the chance on picking the right person.

bolverk · Answer

Basically everything - as you would when you are getting to know someone - sex is not the immediate concern when you are getting to know someone, their family, friends etc.

noohair · Answer

Guys have an ego as fragile as an egg. Once broken it does not fix well. Guys are also cautious hunters. In caveman times a man could get killed while hunting, thus the cautious attitude.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I’d always take things slow , what would be the point in rushing it or pushing things along?

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Well, I don't generally think about sex when I use the phrase "taking things slow.". For me, it just means taking it one step at a time and not rushing into marriage.

WhitneySnow · Answer

A guy who wants to go slow is a great thing. Defo give this guy a chance. He sounds sincere.

worldscolide · Answer

The right kind of guy wants to get to know you before sex is involved.

TallAnon · Answer

It's probably just his assumption that this is what it takes to keep someone around and/or he has someone else as well.

Julian7312 · Answer

I think getting to know someone is important. I like to feel a real connection with my so

Taylorcain · Answer

To get to know them better and not jump in bed right away. Don't rush love. I've done that too many times and it always fails.

spartan55 · Answer

Would you rather he just pump and dump?

exitseven · Answer

Her father is in the mafia.

MrGSpotHer · Answer

Rope, tazor and sedatives but that's just a maybe

Guys, what would make you want to take things slow when starting to date someone?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Guys, what would make you want to take things slow when starting to date someone?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.