On a first date, if you have ever said "I just want to take things slowly," what did you mean?

[OlderAndWiser]

I've heard that from a few ladies over the past fifty years and I think they meant "I'm not sure this is going anywhere so don't expect anything." But maybe not. Have you ever said that to a guy? If so, what did you mean when you said it?

I've never said that to a guy

It meant I didn't have any expectations for dating

It meant I didn't want anything more than a platonic friendship then or in the future

It meant I had recently ended a relationship and wasn't sure I was ready for anything then

It meant I didn't want this guy to expect us to be having sex anytime soon

It meant I didn't want this guy expecting sex on a first date

It meant that if we started dating, I didn't want to date too often. . . like not more than once a week

A total of 32 votes were cast: 20 girls and 12 guys. See detailed results

[exitseven]

I sort of said this. On our first date I was cooking her dinner. We were talking and suddenly she asks me if I am looking to fall in love. I got a little freaked out and just said that I wasn;t but just wanted to hang out and see what happens.

[OlderAndWiser]

That comment, on a first date, would get my attention!

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[belle_kai]

She could have worded it better and just asked what you are looking for as in short or long term relationship?

[exitseven]

@belle_kai She loved to get attention

[Part2603]

It means she doesn't want you to think she's a slut.

[VIVANT]

I would mean I literally I want to take things slow. Getting to know each other abs all the rest. So he should expect things may be quiet in the beginning & if he’s not a patient person (fair enough) we won’t do well together for any amount of time. What I dislike about dating is all the assumptions going into it many are not conscious so you have to really make an effort to take things as they are. I’m very much one day a time in dating. Not bc if sex but in terms of awareness in general.

[Anonymous]

It’s 2 ways
1. They don’t like you they are kindly rejecting you and ask distant til you melt away or
2. They have been hurt before when they rushed things and realized rushing is bad it’s a no no
All women are different but times are also different too if I says it now in 2023 it’s due to career money etc however back in the 50..60..70..80..90s Hmmm their focus was simple lol it’s 5pm let’s get a pepsi on evenings lol. Now at 5pm women or men calculate their payroll hrs if they need to do an overtime of 100hrs this week or keep it nicely and sweet at 80 hours lol

[Jamie05rhs]

I've never been one to take things slowly. I like to be proactive and get to the point. I like to just jump in and talk and talk and talk and get to know one another. I like to keep going until we either find out if we're right for each other or we find out we're NOT right for each other. No use to waste time being afraid. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

Of course, AFTER we make that initial determination, then we can start building our relationship. Which will be VERY SLOW. Lol

[Jamie05rhs]

Also, once we determine that we're right for each other, that doesn't necessarily mean that we have to start the relationship right away. For example, some people know which college they want to go to when they are in 9th grade, but they don't immediately enroll in the college. They wait for the proper time. They wait until they are ready.

[meetkitty123]

It means just that slow down I would say it to someone when I feel like they're really into me and it's not that I not into them it's that they're body language or their persona though they may somewhat excite me it's also making me nervous... I can feel when a man is really into me and sometimes so obvious it can be a little overwhelming and I just want to make it clear to slow down so I can calm down and relax their presence. Makes me nervous if I believe the man might want sex faster than I. I'm slow to warm up when it comes to sex so if I'm telling them to slow down I want to go slow that's exactly what I mean slow down it's my way of saying I feel pressured that I'm into You and I'm reading that you're into me but I'm getting nervous.

[meetkitty123]

I've heard that from a few ladies over the past fifty years and I think they meant "I'm not sure this is going anywhere so don't expect anything." But maybe not...
@OlderAndWiser your sensuality must have been sizzling and noticable... When I say slow down Im usually saying so while having the nervous 💗 little fluttering in my stomach and occasionally down 👇 below while squeezing my thighs tight.

[meetkitty123]

Interestingly enough this is how women and men just think differently men think she's turning them down women are literally hinting at the fact that they want more just slower and this I have to say when I reach this point in the relationship where I'm saying to slow down it's actually becomes a testing ground for the man if he ups and leaves then I take it as well he wasn't patient enough to wait for me to be comfortable with him and that's his loss and though it may sting and hurt I shrug it off and I move on to the next one who will hopefully when he hears this phrase slow down won't pick up and leave but will actually be willing to do the work to make a girl comfortable enough to move things forward it's literally all a form of transitioning it's a good thing when a man reaches that slow things down stage but some men or maybe many men don't understand that stage but I have to say those who didn't high tail it and lost interest or skipped town on the relationship but stuck by me we're the ones who ended up in my bed

[OlderAndWiser]

Your response struck a chord with me.

Many years ago, I decided that being patient with women and understanding their hesitation would ultimately get me further than having a macho it's-my-way-or-the-highway, now-or-never attitude.

When I discussed that with other guys, I was called some unflattering names and told that I needed to stop being naive and start getting laid. Some of those guys did have sex with different girls on a regular basis, but they also told me that I needed to lower my standards if I wanted to lower my drawers.

I have always mantained that attitude and believe that women who appreciate patience in their partner will ultimately be better partners for a LTR. And have had a number of relationships over my fifty plus years of dating, flings, relationships, and marriage. And I have waited as much as five or six months but the relationships were mostly good and rewarding. I have no regrets.

But it's reassuring to hear that from a woman who has my respect.

[meetkitty123]

Thank you @OlderAndWiser that was very heart felt and I'm flattered. I feel true same towards you 🤗

[ShellyB]

First I would not consider it a bad thing. To me it implies you really like him and don't want to rush and mess things up. As a practical matter to me it means "no sex any time soon" and the reason may be due to other relationships going bad. JMO!

[zeitgeist057]

When I say that, what I mean is "I want to build sexual tension rather than jump right in bed with you."

If I wanted platonic, I am pretty clear about that. Same for if I want to just see someone less, or not have sex with them, I think I can communicate those things either directly or indirectly. "Taking things slow" to me means we are still headed in a romantic direction, it just means moving more slowly and usually the reason is for greater enjoyment.

[Likes2drive]

I never said it but have heard it a couple of times, usually means friends , no sex for a long time or it’s not going to go anywhere from my experience. This is almost always said by women, if a guy says this he probably isn’t going to see her again since we never take things slowly

[Paul_in_Indy]

I know what I mean if I say that: we should wait until we get back to the room before we have sex.

[belle_kai]

I don't want his tongue down my throat on the first or second date. No sex for 90 days

[Daniela1982]

I would hope they meant "I'm no Ho, so don't expect sex until I get to know you better."

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Usually when I said it it meant I had no intention of seeing them ever again.

[msc545]

I interpret that to indicate a lack of interest and I respond accordingly by not seeing her again.

[fruity101]

It would mean that I literally want to take things slowly. I want to get to know you first before we have sex or get into a serious relationship

[Jennz6]

I meant not to expect sex right now 💃 but we did have sex the same night?

[LemiaOfThunder]

I want to see where it goes