Guys, what would you do if you find out on the fifth date that she is a single mom?

[Avicenna]

Tell her bye

Accept the deception and go exclusive anyway

[Finchie40]

Honestly you should stop dating her , it happened to me a few times with girls’ that made it seem like she was single with no kids , and then when you start to get closer to her , she finally confesses she has a kid , I’m sorry , if she can’t be honest with you from the very beginning , think about other things she won’t be honest about as well with you , if you choose to continue dating her. That right there is a huge red flag that you shouldn’t ignore because it shows what kind of person she truly is , if she can’t be honest about having a child from the beginning? that means she won’t be honest about other things as well, do yourself a favor and stay clear of that shit man. She is trying to hook line and sink you. I dated a girl for a few weeks , we were having so much fun together , and we’re having tons of sex , out of nowhere she tells me she has something to confess , she said I have a kid and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you , I just really liked you and didn’t want to lose my chance with you. I said you wouldn’t of , if you told me the truth from the very beginning , but you clearly lied to me , because I asked you this question before we started dating, and you told me you didn’t have kids ‘ but now you do? Hmmmm so You are a liar and I’m sorry I don’t stick with liars. I told her the next guy she meets , she should be honest about it from the very beginning , she then tried convincing me it wouldn’t be an issue , that the Dad was still in the picture and she has split custody , I said your child isn’t the issue , you are , I can’t stand lying selfish girls’ and sadly man there are a lot of them out there.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, I would tell her we're done. I haven't actually had this happen to me (thank goodness).

[Nirmroth]

Depends on multiple factors.

1. Did we bring up the talk about having/wanting kids and she lied me in the face and said she doesn't have one? -> bye

2. We never talked about it and I dont really want to date a woman who has kids -> bye

3. We never talked about it and I dont mind beeing with a women who has kids -> its allright.

In the end I think you're saving a lot of time for yourself and the guy you date if you mention having kids right away either during texting or on the first date. And feel way more secure too if you know the guy you date doesn't mind.

[Avicenna]

Quite true

[mistiQ]

Wow! The options to choose from... tell her bye or accept the deception. Like really? Is being a single mom a crime? There ain't nothing wrong witholding that information until further in the dating process. U expect someone to lay everything on the table on the first date? And their ain't nothing wrong dating a single mom. Accept the woman for who she is.

[Juxtapose]

Okay, if being a single mom is all fine and dandy then what am I supposed to do if I want to be the number one person in my woman's life and she already has a kid? Don't you see the problem there? I will never be her number one, that kid will be her number one.

[mistiQ]

If u want to be number one is a woman life then go be with a woman that does not have kids. Seems like u dnt plan on getting kids with a woman in the future because it is gomma be the same. You will never be number one. Plus how can u compete with a child?

[Avicenna]

Who said you had to tell someone everything on the first date? But some things are important to know right away so you can filter someone out and not waste their time or yours. You wouldn’t tell them nothing about your interest or hobbies would you? That’s also important.

[mistiQ]

That is why it is called dating. Ur getting to know the person. The 6th date is still early so i dnt see the big deal

[Juxtapose]

Yeah it is early but I figure eventually you wanna know if someone can be as in it as you. If they have different ideas that's cool, I won't hate them or anything. It just might not work.

[Apple1996]

I don't see any issue with this. It's best for women to not share to much info on the first few dates. Like most people would never share their address on the first date for safety reasons so why not do the same for kids? She wants the man dating her for who she is. Not for her kids, where she lives or anything else like that

[Avicenna]

Whether you have kids is not a specific identifiable piece of information like an address. And she should want to know whether the guy she is on a date with is going to be OK with her being a single mom so she doesn't waste her time or his. Besides, I'm not sure how long you can cover something like that up without a guy figuring it out.

[Apple1996]

Anyone can withhold whatever information if they want to. No one is entitled to knowing others info's especially on a date. There is no wasting time considering most 1st even 2nd dates don't turn into anything

[Apple1996]

Like personally I wouldn't even share my last name with a guy till a few dates in. Wouldn't want him stalking me online or in person

[Avicenna]

Whether you deceived someone and withheld an important piece of info people use in deciding whether to date someone isn’t going to matter if there’s only one or two dates, but if your goal is a relationship, you will torpedo that with a person you really like and want to go exclusive with when they find out.

Your last name is a personally identifiable piece of information that someone doesn’t need to know initially and it is not information that decides whether you’d date someone.

In short, you’re probably going to miss out on that special person if you deceive them about having kids. He’s generally going to believe you deceived him because you knew most guys wouldn’t want to date a single mom and he’s going to wonder what else you would lie about.

[Avicenna]

One other thing, Apple- what would you answer on the first or second date if directly asked whether you have kids? Would you lie or tell the truth?

[Apple1996]

Not sharing information is not lying lol that's crazy to even think.
And last names eventually need to be shared cuz that person could possibly be family 😵 don't wanna fuck your cousin on accident

[Apple1996]

I would just find it weird if anyone shared all their personal info so fast a couple dates in. You are dating them. Not their kids or their personal info should come up when getting to know them when you are literally still a stranger

[Apple1996]

If I was trying to keep any info private for safety reasons I would not tell them. Nobody should be forcing you to answer questions or gain information. That is a honestly such a creeper move

[Avicenna]

Well, what I would take out of that is that there trust issues, communication issues, and a lack of candor. All of those things are relationship dealbreakers as far as I’m concerned.

If she can’t at least tell me she has kids (she doesn’t need to tell me how many, their ages, and their gender) will reasonably conclude she’s not an honest person. And that’s a total dealbreaker.

[Avicenna]

Apparently you’ve never heard of lying by omission. But you didn’t answer the question- would you refuse to answer that you have kids if directly asked, would you lie and say you don‘t, or would you tell the truth?

I’m not worried I’ll be dating my cousins, LOL. What kind of tiny rural area do you come from?

[Avicenna]

And if you won’t tell anyone anything about yourself, there won’t be a second date.

I understand you’ve been in a relationship since you were 17 or 18, and so haven’t dated as an adult, but you have some really strange notions.

[Apple1996]

I simply would not answer any personal questions. If I'm dating someone they should want my soul and get to know that before getting to know random information about me.

And wtf no you know I've moved around my whole life. Where I live now is a bit small but I haven't even been here a year yet 😅

[Apple1996]

Honestly I think you might just be a bit old and not understand how young people date. I know many single moms that are now married where they didn't bring up their kids till later on. One of my best friends was pregnant while she dated multiple men and never brought it up 😂

[Avicenna]

I think your social circle is quite a bit different than mine. I am around a lot more people your age and even younger than you assume.

And that friend of yours that dated multiple men while pregnant isn’t relationship material, to put it politely. The fact she did what she did tells me all I need to know.

Being worried you might be dating a cousin of yours- seriously, Apple?

[Apple1996]

It doesn't matter who you hang around. You are talking about dating like my dad would lol

And my friend is engaged so it worked out for her 🤷‍♀️

My family is big this is a worry. Thankfully with my husband race being completely different than mine this was easily identifiable that he was not related 🤣

[Avicenna]

Lol, no one’s family is so big that would be a concern in anything but the most remote rural and provincial places.

You make the mistaken and provincial assumption everyone is like you and your social circle. The dysfunction you describe is nothing to
aspire to and encourage.

When I was in the military, women like your friend were a dime a dozen, hoping to get some simp to marry them. Never happened, though- they did, however, get run through to the point they were standard issue for new arrivals to the unit.

[Apple1996]

I met my friend at church. She would never be ran through lol wtf 😂 also she isn't military or anything like that.

And jeez I can tell you are old military. Most of these guys don't sleep around like that anymore. Imagine the incel basement dweller type but they acutally have a job 😂

[Apple1996]

I don't keep tight circles that's the point. I've known enough moms that date/get in relationships to say they don't have any problems finding a man. Really most women don't have a problem finding a man regardless of who they are

[Avicenna]

Now, Apple, just because I haven’t been in the military for awhile doesn’t mean that I don’t know people who are or have been in recently.

Not ran through? Lmao, she was dating multiple guys while already pregnant.

[Apple1996]

The you'd know this new wave of soldiers are a different breed lol
And that doesn't mean she was ran through at all

[Avicenna]

In your dreams maybe...
I'll be hanging out tonight with a 26 year old friend of mine who is now in the National Guard but was on active duty until last year- I'll show him what you posted...

[Apple1996]

Feel free to. National guard is not as isolated tho so a bit different. a lot of them living basically as civilians in comparison. My husband went to mountain school not long along and it was all national guard there. They were chilling lol

[Avicenna]

LMAO, you completely ignored that he was on active duty until last year. He confirmed I'm correct, by the way.

[Apple1996]

I didn't read that but personally I know way to many incels and also religious guys that are in. Many saving themselves for marriage. The hookup culture is basically non existence in the younger guys that have joined post covid

[Apple1996]

Maybe pre covid I heard it a bit like female soldiers selling themselves as prostitutes lol but I wouldn't say that is hooking up

[Avicenna]

That's some alternate universe you live in Apple. How would you, as a married woman, know about military personnel's sex lives?

[Apple1996]

Because they be drunk at my housing crying about how they can't find a good woman to marry lol. We've had many many of them as roommates so I wanna know who is coming in and out of my house. If there might be women here or where they go out to

[Avicenna]

These guys are roommates? Are you serious?

[Apple1996]

Love that you are still replying from a post that's 15 days old 😂😂

[Apple1996]

We have had roommates everywhere we've lived lol but them and also friends too. My husband's best friend is with us right now. No lie he's going on his 3rd divorce 😆

[OlderAndWiser]

Did she lie to you or was the subject not discussed?

[Avicenna]

This didn't happen to me. This question was derived from a comment made by another GAGer, who said she wouldn't tell a guy she had kids until the fifth date.

[OlderAndWiser]

I have dated single mothers and had no big problems, but I would not date any girl who thought she had a sufficient justification for lying to me.

[Juxtapose]

Well what am I supposed to do then if I want to be her number one but she already has a kid? That kid is going to be her number one, not me. No matter how much I sacrifice or love her, she will always value and love that kid more than me.

And I'm supposed to just be content with that? When I want to give myself fully and have somebody else return the favor?

[Avicenna]

You’re right- whether or not someone has kids is going to hugely affect the parameters of the relationship, donuts something too need to know upfront. Trust idyllisch important in a relationship. ,

[Juxtapose]

I figure once they wanna get serious I could ask about their philosophy on that. I like women that can articulate themselves well and be clear on what she wants too.

[Avicenna]

Absolutely

[Red_Arrow]

Wonder why she did not tell me earlier. I have dated single moms and they were great experiences.

[Avicenna]

Let's say she says it was for safety reasons- she says she doesn't tell guys initially because they might be pedophiles.

[Fireguy17]

Let's put this back on you.
Did you ever bother to ask her at any time on those 5 dates when you were going through what I did on my summer vacation history if she had kids?
It's not a bad question to ask if things like that are important to you.
Since you never asked she didn't think it was a big deal.
If you did ask and she lied now it is a big deal.

[JasonBD7]

Most mothers I know love talking about their kids at least at some point so I would be confused if she suddenly brought it up after 5 mf dates like uh what?

[Avicenna]

This question wasn't derived from any experience I have had. It was derived from a discussion on another thread where a female GAGer said she wouldn't tell a guy she had kids until the fifth date.

[Fireguy17]

Ahh that changes everything now that makes more sense.
The question posted did not come across like that, so that is why I answered it like I did.

[msss98]

Depends on what you are looking for, keeping it a secret for 5 dates would be the red flag for me not the being a single mom

[Avicenna]

I agree that the deception is worse

[JasonBD7]

MistiQ is pretending that me waiting till the 5th date to tell her I have herpes is perfectly acceptable 😂

[ChiTown33]

I think it would depend why she didn't disclose that to begin with. It's kind of an important fact about her don't you think. Most women would want you to know that up front I'd think to avoid wasting eachother's time.

[In_Trance]

I'd learn to ask better questions on the first four dates

[Avicenna]

That's a good point- I wonder what she'd answer if asked directly if she has kids

[spartan55]

I'd wonder why I was learning this on the fifth date.

[MicahRaine]

I'm happy to date a single mom, but she can't hide it.

I know a beautiful and wholesome young woman who is a single mom and loves it

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

That would be a hard one, but the Woman and I would have to sit down and have a long talk.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Damn...

[JasonBD7]

What if a guy waited until the fifth date to mention that he is a felon and lost his drivers license?


Women wouldn’t just say “well I didn’t ask so it’s okay..”

[Avicenna]

She'd never say that. That would actually be much worse depending on what the felony was.

[JasonBD7]

Much worse how? That seems biased.

[Truthatanycost]

That sounds like a lie by omission...

[Avicenna]

That‘s exactly what it is

[brad94j30]

I would still date her

[CVNT5]

ha. no.