Am I being unreasonable for getting irritated when guys say “text me” vs asking for my number first?

[Anonymous]

This has been happening a few times on the apps recently, not as extreme as being beta per say but feels less chivalrous.

Yes

No

A total of 25 votes were cast: 9 girls and 16 guys. See detailed results

[HollywoodP579]

The reason why GUYS (not men), say “text me” is so they don’t seem threatening to you. Pop Culture and social media have made these characteristics commonplace and when life has changed from people thinking that being chivalrous and honest is just being a “simp” and a “beta”. Women nowadays have pushed that in order to be independent, they have to be emasculating and constantly in control and being otherwise means they are weak and need to rely on men… but this sends a signal to guys and men that they can’t be strong without being intrusive, overbearing, creepy or abrasive but also looked at as weak since they aren’t being forward and showing interest and thus risk losing that potential connection with that girl to a guy who is and ultimately only says something because they have ulterior motives. Of course, the biggest problem as to why there is no transparency between the two sexes exists because neither wants to show their true sides until they know they won’t be hurt and can be honest with what they want. That also makes the fear that both individuals are so attracted to one another that until they can share what they want to come between them, both have walls so they don’t get hurt. In other words: if the girl is attracted to the guy and wants a relationship, but they guy doesn’t, the girl will risk going along so she doesn’t get rejected and can still stay in his company.


by the way, unlike the other person who mentioned “beta”… people often get them confused and don’t consider the other 4 personality types.



Alpha prefer to lead in relationships, tends to be dominant and confident, often seeks partners who are supportive or challenge them in a positive way.

Beta seek stability and emotional security, often prefers dominant partners (such as Alphas), values deep emotional connections. Sigmas are selective, takes time to commit, values personal space and independence in relationships. Omega struggle with commitment, prefers partners who embrace their uniqueness and don’t try to control them. Delta are devoted and committed, prefers stable and long-term relationships over short flings. Gamma look for excitement and personal development, attracted to ambitious partners.

[blueonblack22]

He has zero idea you feel that way. And you can’t blame him in our “modern” culture. People are so used to communicating via texts and IMs nowadays that when you say “I will call you or call me” it really throws some people for a loop.

However I get how many women still want a confident man to approach them and be assertive. But you also need to recognize that many of these guys have sent mixed messages for the last 10+ years (especially after all the brainwashing damage #metoo and modern feminism did to society).

Bottom line this is should be a non-issue. If it was in 2010 that would be a different story but not in 2025.

Text with him and say you prefer to chat over the phone. How he reacts to that will say everything.

Women need to recognize that society is healing right now after 10+ years of confusion and nonsense. Plenty of guys are willing to “man up” and be more assertive as long as they aren’t afraid of bad consequences (not giving permission to aggressive dbags here but that’s another topic).

Still though men have been told to be passive and cautious with women for several years now. That’s not something you can realistically expect them to “snap out of” overnight. You need to be aware of that and reserve your judgment in scenarios like this.

[Rosexøxø]

He didn’t really ask/ learn from you about what that quote was from. I know a lot of people who are insecure and heavily rely on the quote as well especially if they don’t know what else to say. So if he’s using that and doesn’t know where it’s from or doesn’t even know where he got it from then…. That’s a displeasing sign.

He lacks confidence. Doesn’t seem serious to get to know you. Doesn’t seem like any chemistry happened there. If he was mature and secure in himself and ideally vibing with you he’d most likely ask more about it so he could get to hear/ see you talk m, see what you know, and idk… just really CONVERSE. Like “oh is it? I didn’t know that.” Or “are you sure?” “Send me that.” Whatever just something other than shutting your angle in the conversation down as “I’m sure it’s from LOTS of places *cue obnoxious/ awkward laugh* 😆😆😆<— refuses to give eye contact/ it’s not that funny..

Then to make it worse he replied that a day later. All that time just to shut your comment down.

later you actually say where it originated and he avoids this. Says reach out to him with his number- seems like an attempt to me to seem chill but it’s very modern age/ lacking chivalry balls and romance.

He probably wants to swap a nxde or two and will ghost you at some point. He doesn’t seem confident in himself, interested in you, or mature. No chemistry! I’m sorry that’s what I pick up from this. I’ve had lots of experience with such lads.

[Rosexøxø]

You’re not being unreasonable. He’s just not ‘it’ sis.

You don’t have to take my words for it either, just go forward having boundaries/standards/ guard up. But ultimately he seems like a big waste of time. You could get sexual fun out this, but I don’t think I’d ever trust him with a nxde. He’s just not mature.

[DishLady]

Typically if a guy suggests you text him he has no intention of texting you so he’s leaving you the option to chase him if you want.

[AviatorTom]

By asking you to text them they ARE asking for your number. Texting is the easiest way for a guy to get your number, and to add it to the contacts list in their phone.

Why do you get irritated for them doing what you want them to do?

[AManOnTheWeb]

I think you're overthinking it. He's putting the ball in your court by giving you his number. Some women are nervous to give out their number because of privacy or creeps using tech to stalk them and stuff. By him disclosing his number he's making the first move, but doing so in a way that allows you to feel safe. To me that's very chivalrous.

I have no idea if this guy is a winner or not, but I think your interpretation of the situation is flawed.

[Valdemort]

Pff no. Tell him to put in the effort himself if he want something. Not even asking if it's ok to exchange numbers? Nah, I wouldn't be happy either.

[Drumlin2001]

It's very reasonable for a guy to give you his number. These days it's too easy to be accused of something, asking for your number gives you all the power to start a conversation. Most women will feel safer that way.

[Nikki1989]

If a man says, “text me” I just respond by saying no, call me and talk to me or don't bother. If someone can't communicate, they are not worth knowing.

[AnonAndrew]

Not really, unreasonable, no. It does seem kinda lame and low-effort on their part.

I wouldn't think it's a big enough deal to actually get irritated over, though.

[HelpfulWoman]

eh, them giving you their number in itself is not worth caring for. But the lack of actually waiting for a response is weird and amber flag worthy

[IslaTheWitch]

if I like him... I text him, if not, I don't... can't see the problem...

[Sevenpointfive]

i had to get arrested before a girl knew i liked her in my day. i don't know if we should even talk to females. maybe the muslims have it right?

[HungTexan]

I’m not big on texting, and would always prefer to get your number. But I’m from a different generation.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I normally always wait for the person to contact me first and now I'm kinda glad I do that cause some women's brains are wired crazily 😂💀

[Tomisworthless]

Im a beta bitch door mat but one thing I know is attraction is built in the waiting. The more time between speaking the more she thinks of u n wants to be with you

[Babygirl_S]

Because one day they’ll steal my lip glosses claiming they want them instead so this is expected

[MikeTheGreek1979]

No it’s understandable. I had a girl texted me every morning. With good morning everyday I didn’t know who it was. When she got my number on Facebook.

[MikeRJ]

Courtesy has flown out the window in the texting age.

[Twalli]

The reason thay ask you to text thrm is so they get your actual # and there's no errors.

[Anonymous]

You sound mid at best. Guys make effort for women worthy of it.

[jimmy2]

May I have your number? Smiles

[Anonymous]

No, you are not being unreasonable.