He first put me on mute, now he umuted me?

I have a off and on thing with someone, we recently reconnected but then pulled back. Then we started to talk again, and put me on mute. Then we had a small argument by text, found out that he got angry with me because we were talking about family things which he did not like, and that we have not taken the next step of getting to know each other. And I'm just like um you dont talk to me about these things, and we´re suppose to speak soon. And just saw yesterday he took off the mute on messages. However still waiting to hear from him

Oliverlogan263

Master Age: 25

1.9K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Oof, that sounds like a super messy and confusing situation, girl. This dude sounds like he's got some serious issues with communication and commitment. The whole muting and unmuting thing is just plain bizarre.

It seems like there's a lot of back-and-forth and tension between you two, and he's not being upfront about what he wants. The fact that he got angry over you talking about family stuff is a red flag - it sounds like he's not ready to really open up and get to know you on a deeper level.

My advice would be to take a step back and really evaluate whether this is worth pursuing. If he's already muting you and getting upset over small things, that's a bad sign. You deserve someone who's going to be consistent, communicative, and genuinely interested in building a real connection with you.

I know it's hard when you have feelings for someone, but you gotta protect yourself too. Maybe give him some space and see if he actually reaches out to you. And in the meantime, focus on the other positive relationships and activities in your life. Don't put all your energy into someone who can't even give you the basics, you know?

I hope things work out for you, girl. But don't settle for less than you deserve. You got this!

Asker

1 y
Thank you so much for your advice. It´s very confusing, I've never experienced this with someone before. I'm not ready for a relationship at all at the moment, however I do like him and have interest for him, but I thought we were on the same page with each other which is what i told him as well.
He explained earlier that he´s not ready, but then he complains about that we do not speak deeper about things and I'm just like you need to have a conversation with me if you feel certain things and when I was with him - this is the part it gets real confusing. Also I am not opening myself up for someone that is not consistent. He would be very affectionate, much more then before, he would ask me very personal questions things that I do not share with just anyone. I´ve also just moved so he would ask me what is my new adresse, and he would use my phone as we´ve been together for 6 months. I have not seen this person for 6-7 months, and I was just asking myself why is he behaving as we have been together for a long time. I pulled away a large part when I was with him because I'm just not ready, sent him a few messages explaining this and he took it the wrong way where he thought I was confessing feelings for him which I absolutely did not.

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Asker

1 y

Now we have not spoken for 7 days, and during our argument he said let´s just speak after Easter. Then a few days after Easter, he unmuted so I know he is thinking about what to say further. Then the day after we spoke, I see a group of his friends are hanging out by a coffee shop near my apartment where two of them are hiding their face, and the day after I get a call from someone that I did not respond to, called them back then they called back but not actually calling.
But I do not understand how a small thing got into this large mess. I have asked him very direct questions on what he want and direction of this further, and he said it´s just a lot at once to respond to which is totally ok, but I do expect him to give me more then excuses.

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Oliverlogan263

1 y
Damn girl, this whole situation with this guy is just a complete mess. The way he's been acting is seriously messing with your head, and I can totally understand why you're feeling so confused and frustrated.

The fact that he's putting you on mute, then unmuting you, and getting upset over you trying to have normal conversations - that's just straight-up childish behavior. He can't seem to make up his mind about what he wants, and he's pulling you in all these different directions. That's not fair to you at all.

And then on top of that, he says he's not ready for a relationship, but then gets mad that you two aren't going deeper? That's completely contradictory. He can't have it both ways - he needs to be upfront and honest about what he's looking for, or else he's just wasting your time.

The weird stuff with his friends hanging around near your place and the random phone calls? That's just sketchy as hell. It makes me wonder if he's maybe trying to keep tabs on you or something. Either way, it's a major red flag that he's not being transparent.

You're absolutely right to be cautious about opening yourself up to someone who is so inconsistent and unwilling to communicate clearly. That's a recipe for getting hurt, and you deserve so much better than that. Your instinct to protect yourself is totally justified.

At this point, I really think you need to have one more brutally honest conversation with this guy. Lay it all out there - tell him directly that you're confused by his actions, that you need him to be upfront about what he wants (or doesn't want), and that you won't tolerate the muting, the sudden affection, or the vague responses anymore. Make it crystal clear that he has to either step up and be a real partner, or you're walking away.

Reply
Oliverlogan263

1 y
If he still can't give you the clarity and consistency you deserve, then I'd say it's time to cut your losses and move on. As much as you might have feelings for him, you gotta put yourself first here. Don't let him keep stringing you along or making you feel crazy. You're worth so much more than that.

Stay strong, girl. I know it's not easy, but you've got to trust your gut on this one. If this guy can't give you what you need, don't be afraid to walk away and find someone who will. You deserve someone who's gonna treat you with respect, communicate openly, and make you feel valued. Don't settle for anything less.

This whole situation might seem messy and confusing now, but you've got this. Keep your head high, and don't let him shake your confidence. You're doing the right thing by standing up for yourself and your needs. Keep pushing forward, and better days are ahead, I promise. You've got this, sis!

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Asker

1 y
Man, you give great advice and just support. Thank you so much!

I'm just going to give you the long-short story here since I need to let all of this out and in order to understand the situation more clearly. But I met him last year in August very out of the blue, I was living with my ex at the time, the whole situation back then was confusing enough for him where I completely understood. And I told him over and over that we were done, but he would not believe me and I was just in a really bad situation. And when we kind of broke up a few weeks after, he was extremely upfront and honest that he wanted a relationship, he began telling me when he wants children, that this is mostly about timing and that tried to convince me to have the door open. That's why now it´s much more confusing then ever, and I'm not going to go back and forth with him forever which is why I'm kind of putting him to the wall now.

Reply
Asker

1 y
When I was with him now after I did not see him for 6-7 months, I was expecting we were just going to hang out and casually be with each other. Did not expect anything at all, but he met me at my tram stop and all of the sudden he kisses me and we hold hands. And I'm just like oh, ok we are in that phase. And then I left for London, and I told him see you when I get back and he said yes. And when I come back, he tries to avoid me as much as he can and I text him you are not telling me what is going on? Then he drops the line " nothing much happening, but I was thinking we had a small one-time fling, and I'm just like ok, what happened. That was the moment I knew something happened when I saw him, and he was depressing it. After he says this, he continues to have conversation and I'm just sitting there so confused, and again he disappears. So I know it´s something he wants that he is frustrated about. Earlier that evening my friend found his number, and tried to call him and it went through normal and he called back up, and she just blamed it calling the wrong number. Then the next day, I think perhaps he found out that was a friend of mine perhaps, and that´s where it started that he put me on mute.

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Asker

1 y
I felt like just really confused the whole night, because he was extremely affectionate all night, everything that he did not do last time we were hooking up in the beginning. He bought chocolate for the occasion, cuddled and he snuggled with my hair and also I had something on my coat which he took off as well as when I was going home holding hands again, and kissed me goodbye and told me to text him when I get home. Like I was so off guard with his affection and did not expect it, and I'm just noticing I'm getting so much anxiety because being this close with someone like we were was not something I was ready for, and I was very quiet which he noticed and I just kept it on the down low that I was tired.

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Asker

1 y
I also had a large argument with my son´s father and then someone else, so I was just not in the correct headspace to see him which I completely regret because I knew I should have just asked him to reschedule and feel like I gave him doubts that night, which is why I a bit more flex and understanding in this situation because he have shown very good signals to me and i have just not been able to give that back to him. And top off this, he kept talking about what happened with us last time and how we met, and all of that stuff. I just sat there was completely confused af, I thought this was just us seeing each other casually for the first time after 6 months but then he brought all of those stuff up. Then right before I was going to leave, he starts asking me all these questions what kind of arrangments do I have in custody for my son with my ex, where my ex lives now, what we fight about, etc. Like very private questions, not even my close friends or my parents know where my ex lives. And now I'm in that sense, he is giving quite clear mixed signals and expectations of both ways.

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Asker

1 y

However when I tried to bring this up, he took it way far and completely the wrong way. I tried to tell him that I regret we did not speak about things that had a more serious matter (I did not explain any further details or anything else) but what i meant was more in terms on what he wants as this is not the first time I'm with him and having a conversation where this is going further. But I told him that I regret we did not speak about things that matter, then he´s like what are you thinking of, and then he's like we barely had sex, we have had sex in small period, he could not make up his mind on that one, and we speak 99% about sex and we have not gone to the extra level yet I have tried to. And he goes further that first you ask me about family, then you tell me all of these things, and he drops the line it´s very mismatch? And I'm just like I dont even know what you are talking about. I told him that I only spoke about family because I was nervous to see you again and I did not know what to say or what to ask you and since you were with your family earlier in the day, I just used that as a topic. It was not an thought behind this like at all. Then I'm like secondly - I dont know what you are talking about, I thought we were on the same page with each other and were thinking the same things. I also told him that I did not see you that night and was thinking that was going to be super serious where we are at the moment with each other, and for him to immediately jump to that conclusion is fast.
And for you to come at me with this is kind of ridiculous. Did not say the last part, but I think he understood what I was saying. I got kind of pissed off where he just assumed things and wanted to back off because I could see he got scared off because he was afraid this was going to get serious that fast without talking to me about this or even asking me.

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Asker

1 y

And then I followed up with a question is that how it is for you, that our conversations is about sex? Because on my part I have told you more things that are very private to me, so I dont even know what you are talking about. And I kind of knew several things he was saying was BS, he was just tired of me trying to get real answers from him where he was just giving excuses.
I also know he was trying to buy time to give the real explanations because he can´t explain in this time, but again this is kind of ridiculous. I also know that he replied because he knew if he did not we would have just been done, so I guess that is positive. I also asked him about the things he said last year to me on what he want, did he mean it. And therefore he replied back where he said this is a lot at once, and let's just talk after Easter. And 5 days after we last spoke that is when he unmuted which you know is good and all, but I hope he is worth all of this. And I did tell him that we will speak further. And told him when there is something that he does not like or does not appreciate, it´s important that he says something and talk about it. Like that is no stress,
Like ít´s very obvious that he is an avoidant and he does not like to talk about things that he does not like, but isn´t this just a part of relationship cycle?

Reply
Asker

1 y

I mean I do understand why he have not responded to me yet, I put him quite to the wall, very like take it or leave it and I have asked him very direct questions so I know it can´t be that easy to respond to or go further with as well. And we can't continue before he actually respond to it, but I am planning when the time comes that we do meet and talk about things, we need to talk about we need to have a talk about all of these things both in terms of what he wants and what he does not want and also if we do continue I will just watch his intentions, and then we'll see.

Looking forward what you further think :)

Reply
Asker

1 y
Also I do not get the part with group of his friends hanging out near my apartment tho? And I feel the same way, I feel like he is trying to keep tabs on me. But I do not understand why? It's not like I'm gone from him, we´re just in an argument.

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Oliverlogan263

1 y
Hey sorry, I’ve been off course lately. Took a break

First off, I can totally understand the confusion and frustration you're feeling with this whole situation. It sounds like an absolute mess, with this guy sending you all kinds of mixed signals and not communicating honestly at all. The way he's been acting - the muting, the sudden affection, the invasive personal questions, and then the complete shutdown - that's just really immature and disrespectful behavior on his part.

It's good that you recognized early on you weren't ready for a full-blown relationship, and you communicated that to him. But it's messed up that he seemed to disregard that and kept pushing for more intimacy and commitment. Trying to get all deep about family stuff when you two clearly hadn't built that kind of foundation yet is just weird and inappropriate.

And then the way he reacted when you tried to have an open conversation about it - accusing you of all these things, shifting the blame, and giving you these vague, evasive responses - that's a huge red flag. A mature partner who actually cares about you would be willing to have an honest, vulnerable discussion to work through the issues, not shut down and get defensive.

The fact that he's now suddenly unmuting you but still not reaching out is just more of the same inconsistent, game-playing behavior. He can't just keep opening and closing that communication line whenever it suits him. That's not how healthy relationships work.

And on top of all that, the weird stuff with his friends hanging around your apartment is super sketchy and concerning. I can definitely understand why you feel like he might be trying to keep tabs on you. That's just not okay at all - you shouldn't have to deal with that kind of creepy surveillance, especially from an ex or romantic interest.

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Oliverlogan263

1 y
Honestly, it sounds like this guy has some major issues with being upfront, handling conflict maturely, and respecting your boundaries. Even if he does finally reach out and try to have a conversation, I would be really cautious. He's clearly shown you he's not able or willing to communicate and engage in a relationship in a healthy, consistent way.

My advice would be to hold firm on your boundaries and don't let him draw you back in with empty promises or more of his passive-aggressive games. You deserve so much better than that. If he can't come to you with genuine maturity, empathy and a willingness to work through things, then it might be time to cut your losses and move on.

Focus on yourself, your son, and the relationships in your life that are truly supportive and fulfilling. Don't settle for this guy's mess when you know you're worth so much more. And absolutely do not hesitate to get authorities involved if his weird behavior toward you escalates at all. Your safety has to be the priority here.

I know it's not an easy situation, and I really feel for you having to deal with all this confusion and drama. But you're doing the right thing by standing your ground and being so self-aware. Keep that up, and don't be afraid to walk away if this guy can't give you the respect and healthy partnership you deserve. You got this, girl!

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Asker

1 y
I think he does not know what he wants, that´what I think. We had arguments, and then started to talk further where he would confess that he has been sleeping with other people while we have been dating, and I told him I´ve already known. And he started to speak further that he is dealing with emotional issues and goes to therapy, where things can feel very overwhelming very fast. He also said that the more we see each other, we will grow feelings for each other when he is not ready for a relationship. And a few days later, I´ve started to tell him that before we connected, I have been messing around more that I was trying to remove all of the feelings in the situation and keeping things light and started to talk all day for 1-2 days straight and was trying to meet up where he wanted to meet my friends, and he wanted me to meet his friends. Then in the nigth, he would ask me these weird questions like what me and him have together, do I do it with other guys, and he would ask me if I like him, and it was the first time I have spent the night at his place. I'm not so much confused, I am more unsure and unsure to go for him or not - however we have not spoken since, but I feel like we need to take some time. I do not want to get hurt by him as well, but it oldmost feels like he wants to make it exclusive, but he is not ready to do so.

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What Girls & Guys Said

Opinion

Oliverlogan263 Follow
Master Age: 25 , mho 97%

1 y
1.9K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Oof, that sounds like a super messy and confusing situation, girl. This dude sounds like he's got some serious issues with communication and commitment. The whole muting and unmuting thing is just plain bizarre.

It seems like there's a lot of back-and-forth and tension between you two, and he's not being upfront about what he wants. The fact that he got angry over you talking about family stuff is a red flag - it sounds like he's not ready to really open up and get to know you on a deeper level.

My advice would be to take a step back and really evaluate whether this is worth pursuing. If he's already muting you and getting upset over small things, that's a bad sign. You deserve someone who's going to be consistent, communicative, and genuinely interested in building a real connection with you.

I know it's hard when you have feelings for someone, but you gotta protect yourself too. Maybe give him some space and see if he actually reaches out to you. And in the meantime, focus on the other positive relationships and activities in your life. Don't put all your energy into someone who can't even give you the basics, you know?

I hope things work out for you, girl. But don't settle for less than you deserve. You got this!

0

15 Reply
- Asker
  
  1 y
  Thank you so much for your advice. It´s very confusing, I've never experienced this with someone before. I'm not ready for a relationship at all at the moment, however I do like him and have interest for him, but I thought we were on the same page with each other which is what i told him as well.
  He explained earlier that he´s not ready, but then he complains about that we do not speak deeper about things and I'm just like you need to have a conversation with me if you feel certain things and when I was with him - this is the part it gets real confusing. Also I am not opening myself up for someone that is not consistent. He would be very affectionate, much more then before, he would ask me very personal questions things that I do not share with just anyone. I´ve also just moved so he would ask me what is my new adresse, and he would use my phone as we´ve been together for 6 months. I have not seen this person for 6-7 months, and I was just asking myself why is he behaving as we have been together for a long time. I pulled away a large part when I was with him because I'm just not ready, sent him a few messages explaining this and he took it the wrong way where he thought I was confessing feelings for him which I absolutely did not.
  
- Asker
  
  1 y
  
  Now we have not spoken for 7 days, and during our argument he said let´s just speak after Easter. Then a few days after Easter, he unmuted so I know he is thinking about what to say further. Then the day after we spoke, I see a group of his friends are hanging out by a coffee shop near my apartment where two of them are hiding their face, and the day after I get a call from someone that I did not respond to, called them back then they called back but not actually calling.
  But I do not understand how a small thing got into this large mess. I have asked him very direct questions on what he want and direction of this further, and he said it´s just a lot at once to respond to which is totally ok, but I do expect him to give me more then excuses.
  
- Oliverlogan263
  
  1 y
  Damn girl, this whole situation with this guy is just a complete mess. The way he's been acting is seriously messing with your head, and I can totally understand why you're feeling so confused and frustrated.
  
  The fact that he's putting you on mute, then unmuting you, and getting upset over you trying to have normal conversations - that's just straight-up childish behavior. He can't seem to make up his mind about what he wants, and he's pulling you in all these different directions. That's not fair to you at all.
  
  And then on top of that, he says he's not ready for a relationship, but then gets mad that you two aren't going deeper? That's completely contradictory. He can't have it both ways - he needs to be upfront and honest about what he's looking for, or else he's just wasting your time.
  
  The weird stuff with his friends hanging around near your place and the random phone calls? That's just sketchy as hell. It makes me wonder if he's maybe trying to keep tabs on you or something. Either way, it's a major red flag that he's not being transparent.
  
  You're absolutely right to be cautious about opening yourself up to someone who is so inconsistent and unwilling to communicate clearly. That's a recipe for getting hurt, and you deserve so much better than that. Your instinct to protect yourself is totally justified.
  
  At this point, I really think you need to have one more brutally honest conversation with this guy. Lay it all out there - tell him directly that you're confused by his actions, that you need him to be upfront about what he wants (or doesn't want), and that you won't tolerate the muting, the sudden affection, or the vague responses anymore. Make it crystal clear that he has to either step up and be a real partner, or you're walking away.
  
- Oliverlogan263
  
  1 y
  If he still can't give you the clarity and consistency you deserve, then I'd say it's time to cut your losses and move on. As much as you might have feelings for him, you gotta put yourself first here. Don't let him keep stringing you along or making you feel crazy. You're worth so much more than that.
  
  Stay strong, girl. I know it's not easy, but you've got to trust your gut on this one. If this guy can't give you what you need, don't be afraid to walk away and find someone who will. You deserve someone who's gonna treat you with respect, communicate openly, and make you feel valued. Don't settle for anything less.
  
  This whole situation might seem messy and confusing now, but you've got this. Keep your head high, and don't let him shake your confidence. You're doing the right thing by standing up for yourself and your needs. Keep pushing forward, and better days are ahead, I promise. You've got this, sis!
  
- Asker
  
  1 y
  Man, you give great advice and just support. Thank you so much!
  
  I'm just going to give you the long-short story here since I need to let all of this out and in order to understand the situation more clearly. But I met him last year in August very out of the blue, I was living with my ex at the time, the whole situation back then was confusing enough for him where I completely understood. And I told him over and over that we were done, but he would not believe me and I was just in a really bad situation. And when we kind of broke up a few weeks after, he was extremely upfront and honest that he wanted a relationship, he began telling me when he wants children, that this is mostly about timing and that tried to convince me to have the door open. That's why now it´s much more confusing then ever, and I'm not going to go back and forth with him forever which is why I'm kind of putting him to the wall now.
  
- Asker
  
  1 y
  When I was with him now after I did not see him for 6-7 months, I was expecting we were just going to hang out and casually be with each other. Did not expect anything at all, but he met me at my tram stop and all of the sudden he kisses me and we hold hands. And I'm just like oh, ok we are in that phase. And then I left for London, and I told him see you when I get back and he said yes. And when I come back, he tries to avoid me as much as he can and I text him you are not telling me what is going on? Then he drops the line " nothing much happening, but I was thinking we had a small one-time fling, and I'm just like ok, what happened. That was the moment I knew something happened when I saw him, and he was depressing it. After he says this, he continues to have conversation and I'm just sitting there so confused, and again he disappears. So I know it´s something he wants that he is frustrated about. Earlier that evening my friend found his number, and tried to call him and it went through normal and he called back up, and she just blamed it calling the wrong number. Then the next day, I think perhaps he found out that was a friend of mine perhaps, and that´s where it started that he put me on mute.
  
- Asker
  
  1 y
  I felt like just really confused the whole night, because he was extremely affectionate all night, everything that he did not do last time we were hooking up in the beginning. He bought chocolate for the occasion, cuddled and he snuggled with my hair and also I had something on my coat which he took off as well as when I was going home holding hands again, and kissed me goodbye and told me to text him when I get home. Like I was so off guard with his affection and did not expect it, and I'm just noticing I'm getting so much anxiety because being this close with someone like we were was not something I was ready for, and I was very quiet which he noticed and I just kept it on the down low that I was tired.
  
- Asker
  
  1 y
  I also had a large argument with my son´s father and then someone else, so I was just not in the correct headspace to see him which I completely regret because I knew I should have just asked him to reschedule and feel like I gave him doubts that night, which is why I a bit more flex and understanding in this situation because he have shown very good signals to me and i have just not been able to give that back to him. And top off this, he kept talking about what happened with us last time and how we met, and all of that stuff. I just sat there was completely confused af, I thought this was just us seeing each other casually for the first time after 6 months but then he brought all of those stuff up. Then right before I was going to leave, he starts asking me all these questions what kind of arrangments do I have in custody for my son with my ex, where my ex lives now, what we fight about, etc. Like very private questions, not even my close friends or my parents know where my ex lives. And now I'm in that sense, he is giving quite clear mixed signals and expectations of both ways.
  
- Asker
  
  1 y
  
  However when I tried to bring this up, he took it way far and completely the wrong way. I tried to tell him that I regret we did not speak about things that had a more serious matter (I did not explain any further details or anything else) but what i meant was more in terms on what he wants as this is not the first time I'm with him and having a conversation where this is going further. But I told him that I regret we did not speak about things that matter, then he´s like what are you thinking of, and then he's like we barely had sex, we have had sex in small period, he could not make up his mind on that one, and we speak 99% about sex and we have not gone to the extra level yet I have tried to. And he goes further that first you ask me about family, then you tell me all of these things, and he drops the line it´s very mismatch? And I'm just like I dont even know what you are talking about. I told him that I only spoke about family because I was nervous to see you again and I did not know what to say or what to ask you and since you were with your family earlier in the day, I just used that as a topic. It was not an thought behind this like at all. Then I'm like secondly - I dont know what you are talking about, I thought we were on the same page with each other and were thinking the same things. I also told him that I did not see you that night and was thinking that was going to be super serious where we are at the moment with each other, and for him to immediately jump to that conclusion is fast.
  And for you to come at me with this is kind of ridiculous. Did not say the last part, but I think he understood what I was saying. I got kind of pissed off where he just assumed things and wanted to back off because I could see he got scared off because he was afraid this was going to get serious that fast without talking to me about this or even asking me.
  
- Asker
  
  1 y
  
  And then I followed up with a question is that how it is for you, that our conversations is about sex? Because on my part I have told you more things that are very private to me, so I dont even know what you are talking about. And I kind of knew several things he was saying was BS, he was just tired of me trying to get real answers from him where he was just giving excuses.
  I also know he was trying to buy time to give the real explanations because he can´t explain in this time, but again this is kind of ridiculous. I also know that he replied because he knew if he did not we would have just been done, so I guess that is positive. I also asked him about the things he said last year to me on what he want, did he mean it. And therefore he replied back where he said this is a lot at once, and let's just talk after Easter. And 5 days after we last spoke that is when he unmuted which you know is good and all, but I hope he is worth all of this. And I did tell him that we will speak further. And told him when there is something that he does not like or does not appreciate, it´s important that he says something and talk about it. Like that is no stress,
  Like ít´s very obvious that he is an avoidant and he does not like to talk about things that he does not like, but isn´t this just a part of relationship cycle?
  
- Asker
  
  1 y
  
  I mean I do understand why he have not responded to me yet, I put him quite to the wall, very like take it or leave it and I have asked him very direct questions so I know it can´t be that easy to respond to or go further with as well. And we can't continue before he actually respond to it, but I am planning when the time comes that we do meet and talk about things, we need to talk about we need to have a talk about all of these things both in terms of what he wants and what he does not want and also if we do continue I will just watch his intentions, and then we'll see.
  
  Looking forward what you further think :)
  
- Asker
  
  1 y
  Also I do not get the part with group of his friends hanging out near my apartment tho? And I feel the same way, I feel like he is trying to keep tabs on me. But I do not understand why? It's not like I'm gone from him, we´re just in an argument.
  
- Oliverlogan263
  
  1 y
  Hey sorry, I’ve been off course lately. Took a break
  
  First off, I can totally understand the confusion and frustration you're feeling with this whole situation. It sounds like an absolute mess, with this guy sending you all kinds of mixed signals and not communicating honestly at all. The way he's been acting - the muting, the sudden affection, the invasive personal questions, and then the complete shutdown - that's just really immature and disrespectful behavior on his part.
  
  It's good that you recognized early on you weren't ready for a full-blown relationship, and you communicated that to him. But it's messed up that he seemed to disregard that and kept pushing for more intimacy and commitment. Trying to get all deep about family stuff when you two clearly hadn't built that kind of foundation yet is just weird and inappropriate.
  
  And then the way he reacted when you tried to have an open conversation about it - accusing you of all these things, shifting the blame, and giving you these vague, evasive responses - that's a huge red flag. A mature partner who actually cares about you would be willing to have an honest, vulnerable discussion to work through the issues, not shut down and get defensive.
  
  The fact that he's now suddenly unmuting you but still not reaching out is just more of the same inconsistent, game-playing behavior. He can't just keep opening and closing that communication line whenever it suits him. That's not how healthy relationships work.
  
  And on top of all that, the weird stuff with his friends hanging around your apartment is super sketchy and concerning. I can definitely understand why you feel like he might be trying to keep tabs on you. That's just not okay at all - you shouldn't have to deal with that kind of creepy surveillance, especially from an ex or romantic interest.
  
- Oliverlogan263
  
  1 y
  Honestly, it sounds like this guy has some major issues with being upfront, handling conflict maturely, and respecting your boundaries. Even if he does finally reach out and try to have a conversation, I would be really cautious. He's clearly shown you he's not able or willing to communicate and engage in a relationship in a healthy, consistent way.
  
  My advice would be to hold firm on your boundaries and don't let him draw you back in with empty promises or more of his passive-aggressive games. You deserve so much better than that. If he can't come to you with genuine maturity, empathy and a willingness to work through things, then it might be time to cut your losses and move on.
  
  Focus on yourself, your son, and the relationships in your life that are truly supportive and fulfilling. Don't settle for this guy's mess when you know you're worth so much more. And absolutely do not hesitate to get authorities involved if his weird behavior toward you escalates at all. Your safety has to be the priority here.
  
  I know it's not an easy situation, and I really feel for you having to deal with all this confusion and drama. But you're doing the right thing by standing your ground and being so self-aware. Keep that up, and don't be afraid to walk away if this guy can't give you the respect and healthy partnership you deserve. You got this, girl!
  
- Asker
  
  1 y
  I think he does not know what he wants, that´what I think. We had arguments, and then started to talk further where he would confess that he has been sleeping with other people while we have been dating, and I told him I´ve already known. And he started to speak further that he is dealing with emotional issues and goes to therapy, where things can feel very overwhelming very fast. He also said that the more we see each other, we will grow feelings for each other when he is not ready for a relationship. And a few days later, I´ve started to tell him that before we connected, I have been messing around more that I was trying to remove all of the feelings in the situation and keeping things light and started to talk all day for 1-2 days straight and was trying to meet up where he wanted to meet my friends, and he wanted me to meet his friends. Then in the nigth, he would ask me these weird questions like what me and him have together, do I do it with other guys, and he would ask me if I like him, and it was the first time I have spent the night at his place. I'm not so much confused, I am more unsure and unsure to go for him or not - however we have not spoken since, but I feel like we need to take some time. I do not want to get hurt by him as well, but it oldmost feels like he wants to make it exclusive, but he is not ready to do so.
  
EmmaMary Follow
Master Age: 32 , mho 37%

1 y
3.2K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Isn't it about time you both Grew Up and started acting your age. smh

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He first put me on mute, now he umuted me?

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