Is it worth it making the first move as a girl?

[Anonymous]

All my girlfriends tell me not to cuz they’ve all been rejected and so has females they know that do so I don't know

[OneViewpoint]

Depends on what you call making the first move. Don't walk up to a complete stranger and tell him you want to date him. Start a conversation. Then excuse yourself and walk away. Then come back later. Read his responses. If he seems to be enjoying talking to you ask him if he wants to meet up for coffee or whatever Sunday morning.

Guy tip for you. Manage your own expectations first. Don't go into it with the goal of "getting the guy". Go into it to have a fun conversation and get to know someone new. If it works out the way you want, great. If it doesn't, you had a nice time talking. Don't be crushed or humiliated. Every interaction is a chance to learn and build your social skills and confidence. Don't look at it as a personal rejection of you. People can have a thousand reasons for not saying yes in a given moment. Be polite and gracious. Smile.

Worth it? That's for you to decide. What if you never try and end up missing out on a great guy simply because he was focused on talking to his friends and didn't notice you? Why not show a little initiative? You cannot win a game you refuse to play.

[Effably]

The fact you write "females they know" is in itself very, very strange.

If fear of rejection was a valid reason to not make a move we would have zero couples i the world.

Between someone saying "You're not my type, but thank you!" and having a life long partner who is exactly your type, is the tradeoff even comparable? Go make your move, silly.

Referencing every elderly person I have ever talked about relationships with the regret is pretty much always the didn'ts not the dids.

[Asker]

I think what brings the fear of rejection down is when someone is so clearly into you so that you alr have that confidence to text them or approach them.. there still would be couples. But for the one of us who want to shoot our shot with someone we don’t have at all if they like us or might be interested in us that’s where it gets scary

[Effably]

Oh it is super scary. I don't think have ever acted uninvited. The norm is lots of eye contact and smiles first. Girls often initiate that! After you both clearly show interest that way, the floor is open to say hello.

But yes, rejection is scary. It is a lot less likely to be rejected as a girl and most guys, due to not being approached so often, will genuinely be happy about it.

[DishLady]

No...

Guys are wired to be "tough" and sort through a pile of acceptances and rejections in life. Women and dating are just one of the many categories in which this social expectation cycles out for them. They're doers from Day 1 of creation. Let them do...

There's no point in throwing yourself at a guy who will then get bored... and move on to a gal who WILL make him chase... You'll just confuse the guy. Let him do his thing.

[jennifer_bloom]

I believe that if God wants you with a man, you will not have to initiate things. Being average looking does not mean guys will not approach you. Guys value loyalty and acceptance more than fantasy hollywood girls they have no chance of ever having coffee with.

[Summeroflove]

All your girlfriends are teaching you how to sabotage yourself and limit your options. Sometimes if the only people making the first move aren’t the people you want. You’re going to have to put yourself out there even if it’s scary, awkward, uncomfortable, and you get rejected.

They can sit around waiting until the cows come home and let the guys they genuinely want run off with someone else. Even if you’re rejected you would have been sitting around waiting on someone who will never approach.

If you’re man or a woman and genuinely want someone. It’s your choice to go for him/her or just let the opportunity pass by

[Finchie40]

Absolutely, if You like someone Go for it , if you get rejected , oh well , at least you have an answer it’s better to have an answer then No answer at all , just like it’s better to take a chance than not taking chances at all, That’s what life is all about , chasing after your dreams and passions because they aren’t magically going to come to you if you don’t try.

[ManOnFire]

Can't hurt. I personally always make the moves on a chick, but I don't think it's always bad for a girl to do it. In fact in today's times it might be a good thing for them because it can teach girls humility. Girls today are arrogant and having guys pursue them goes to their head and makes them think they have a right to be rude.

[Twalli]

And I bet if you found a girl attractive and she made the first move, you'd agree.

[ManOnFire]

@Twalli It's happened before.

[Purpleronnie]

Well if nobody makes the first move then where does that leave us?


It’s horrific and ironic that you have been given advice by women NOT to make the first move because there is a chance of rejection.. what a joke / double standard. You get nothing of any value in life for just showing up , everything with having takes effort and sacrifice.


To answer your question , well nobody can guarantee you success but I can guarantee you failure if you don’t try.


Don’t be a sheep 🐑 in life , following the herd

[alice55]

I guess it depend on the guy in front of you how attractive. confident he's and how attractive confident you're and if you know him to not.

in general though if he don't ask you out it's because he's not interested or low confident so in both case not a good idea to ask him out, not interested. you'll most likely only be used for sex and low confidence he either would think it's a joke and reject you or it would just never work cause when someone is not confident it cannot work.

[Twalli]

Bullshit. If he's not interested, he wouldn't date her. You've also ignored shyness, which is a lot different than low confidence although you described it as such. A shy guy will probably not approach a girl until she's made it painfully obvious that she wants to date him. My girlfriend made out with me before I asked her out. That's what it took for me, and I was still nervous when I asked her out.

[alice55]

@Twalli Actually even if he's not fully inteerested he can just string her along when he's bored and have nobody I saw it happen.
Yeah I put low confidence and shyness in the same pocket it's kinda the same things anyway. If you start initiating cause the guy is too shy you have to od it all the time and the one day you don't the relationship fall apart it's very tiring, feel very one sided.
You kiss before asking each other out in America? That would never happen in France it's so wild, how can you be too shy to ask her out but not to kiss her? I would just freeze if my crush kissed me that's wild...

[Twalli]

She initiated the making out. I aimed for her forehead. She intentionally moved so it would be her lips. As for being shy, it's something that comes from my ASD making me bad at social interactions.
After she agreed to go out with me I became less shy with her, because I knew she liked me.

[Anonymous]

Your girlfriend's tell you that because your girlfriend's don't want to make the first move. And your girlfriend's don't want this catching on.

Now is it worth it? That all depends on the guy you make the first move with. Most women that get rejected do so because they make the same mistake that guys that get rejected do. The approach the opposite gender out of thier league or that is not really interested. Yes, making the first move for a woman's works, but you still have to put in the work required for success.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"they’ve all been rejected"

Like guys making the first move, it's the price to pay. Though you can GREATLY decrease risks of rejection by observing and understanding dynamics in courtship and seduction... That's what clever people do, it works !

[Zack-Bann]

Making the first move implies running the risk of rejection


Doesn’t mean it’s not worth it


The bottom line is the world is full men and women


If you don’t go for the one you wants he or she will end up going for someone else


It’s seldom about the right person and far too often about the right time


And the only right time is: now

[Bricealan]

Yes it is worth it. In my early 30's had a very pretty girl that I met in a market, who was very friendly with me but I did not think she wanted to go out! Later she told me that she had ALWAYS liked me very much and I just never asked her.

Be bold.

[Bricealan]

DON'T MISTAKE them NOT actively pursuing you! The girl I referred to above, would have left her 'then' boyfriend, to go out with me, and in my shyness, lost a probably wonderful relationship.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Fear of rejection is dumb.

If everyone let fear of rejection stop them from admitting feelings/attraction, we would go extinct as a species.

If you like someone, tell them, before someone else takes the one you love for themselves, and you miss out.

[WhitneySnow]

If the guy likes you it’s worth it. A couple of my friends have done it and only one got rejected and that was cause the guy already had a girlfriend.

[glennos89]

Getting rejected is part of the approaching. Men get rejected left right and center or put in the friendzone. You will learn to deal with rejection. If you like someone you should just let him know

[jeffersongutierritos]

What happened to them doesn't mean that it has to happen to you as well.

Besides, you don't even know why they were rejected exactly. How did they approach? What did they say? What gestures did they make? Was the guy shy?

You go for it, without fear of success.

[Twalli]

Shy guys don't turn down a girl who takes initiative.

[Stevepro68]

I think because many people's perception is men will screw a open hole in a wall. Therefore... getting turned down by a guy is socially much worse than a guy getting turned down by a girl.

[wynning]

Sure, why not. If you like the person, I don't see what would need to be in the way of doing that.

[exitseven]

I used to be really shy around girls. I appreciated a little push.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes, go for it. If you had a guy friend tell you he was rejected what advice would you tell him about the next girl?

[Asker]

To expect rejection it comes it goes I have a guy friend who did get rejected my a girl and she came around they’re getting married next month

[dragoblack]

Guys prefer it over playing the mind/manipulation/guessing games. But if you ask, you have to be chill and pass the vibe check. Take interest, be able to push passed slightly askward moments/conversations, and don't jump to assumptions.

[Nikki1989]

If you are sure he or she is worth it, absolutely. Make your moves wisely.

[Alex-Snow]

Of course. Guys like when a girl askes them out or makes the first move. It does not always have to be the guy.

[ProbablyClueless]

If you want it, then you have to get after it. That's just good life advice in general.

[MrChinaski]

Just ask. The worst that happens is they say no. And you are left in precisely the position you are in now.

[Shiprex]

It's worth it absolutely but the chances are that all of us face rejection

[MannMitAntworten]

Rejection is part of it. Some women will do better than others just as some of us men do better than others.

[jahaims]

If neither gender approaches each other because of the fear of rejection then no one will have a partner.

[DrPepper12]

If it feels right, do it! They're all wrong.

[Anonymous]

sure but it's more like shopping for shoes... you try a 100 and get you 1 pair that works. right?

[Hellraiser1984]

It takes a lot of pressure off of guys. Id love for a woman to make the first move.

[Jay-_-]

Yes its worth it, you have a million times more of a chance than a man does.

[Danael31]

I'll let you think on this one.
Just consider how many "stops" men get.

[Asker]

I mean I believe men are biologically supposed to do the perusing so it makes sense

[Twalli]

There's no biological reason men should be the one asking. That's traditional and it actually dates back to asking the girl's father for his permission.

[Asker]

That’s my beliefs on it as I said

[Twalli]

And aim just saying that biology doesn't enter into it.

[SuperZonicGUY1992]

If she's not a Karen or comes my way with a Complaint I don't mind.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course, most guys like it when a girl makes the first move.

[Godihateyou]

Nobody wants a Girl in America. If you dont make the first move, you will die alone.

[Anonymous]

doesn't matter, because i'm sure men will always be stuck with this role whether they like it or not

[Anonymous]

Has never gone well for me , but each person is different.

[Stella1]

Yes but I’m making a move on another woman.

[Sparklight]

@Stella1 well one of you have to! Ha. I am striaght but if that is you in the profile picture I become a little curious for sure. LOL!

[Stella1]

It’s my evil twin.

[Twalli]

And guys are never rejected?

[Asker]

Did I say that? How did you manage to make this about guys

[Twalli]

If you take the initiative then you may he rejected. However, no guy will reject a girl they like because she asked him out first. The asker always has to risk rejection, but your friends saying not to do it because they've been rejected is not a reason not to ask someone out. Guys don't decide not to ask girls out because their friends have been rejected.
I can't say the one you want to ask out likes you. So if you take the initiative, he may reject you. However, if he does like you, he will agree to go out with you if you ask.

[RedInnocent69]

Yes. Very

[Anonymous]

No it is not