Would you date someone who is pregnant?

Question

I (23f almost 24) and currently 24 weeks pregnant. The baby’s father isn’t in the picture. When he found out he told me to get an abortion and left. Said not to hit him up and threatened to take me to court if I try to get child support from him. I don’t want nor need it. I’ve been going through the pregnancy all on my own with the help of supporting friends and family. I have no interest in getting back with the father or “trying to make it work.” I recently started to talk to a guy but I don’t know how to bring up that I’m pregnant and I haven’t seen too many good things about dating while pregnant. That most people will hear that and run. I just don’t want him to get too attached and then find out. Also any advice on how to bring it up would be appreciated as well. We’ve only been talking for about a week and just hung out for the first time yesterday. I’m just worried I’ll be seen as “damaged goods” because I’m currently pregnant.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I hope you do decide to get child support from the father. Its his child. If he doesn't want to be involved, that's his choice, but (I think) you're still entitled to child support. Courts will explain that to him, when YOU take HIM to court.

But more to the point. My answer is "no" I wouldn't date someone who is pregnant. Not because I would see her as "damaged goods," But because it changes everything about her future and situation... in a way... that almost no guy is going to be ready for.

Think about it from his perspective. He's thinking... here's this girl. We don't know each other well but we're vibing. Whatever future possibilities might be in his head... about what things might look like were this girl (you) to work out... he is certainly not thinkinng about taking on a father role in 6 months.

It's just not on his radar being a single guy, talking to a girl.

Your life is going to change in a huge way. It's unclear what kind of role would even be appropriate for a guy you're dating. Is he going to be a part of your newborns life... right away? (if not... you're not gonna have time for dating. Married couples feel they don't have enough time to see each other anymore, once they have a newborn).

It's not something that is easy to bring up, but you need to tell him as soon as possible. There isn't really a "good way" to do it. You just have to be straight up. But, you also need to understand that... yes, this would absolutely scare away most guys.

I don't know what dating while pregnant is like... because it's just not something I've ever known someone to do. But... it's not likely to be well received. I honestly wish I didn't have to give you that answer. But it's the truth.

It would entail a guy saying..."sure, I'll immidiately take on a potential father role... in 6 months... if it seems like I like this girl enough to continue talking"

or

"sure, I'll get involved with this woman whose life is about to become completely different, and super hectic in 6 months, when suddenly she's getting 2 hours sleep, and trying to look after a newborn."

That is not even on his radar. He is going to be surprised as hell when you tell him, simply because, the notion that the girl he's talking to might be 24 weeks pregnant, has never once occurred to him.

I think you should just tell him. Straight up. And hope for the best. That's all there is to do. Waiting longer would be wrong, as you said. I hope this works out for you, but... I do think you need to be realistic about the way, most anybody is going to react to this. Good luck though. 🙂

TheSpaceGnome · Accepted Answer

So if he takes you to court if you try to get child support from him, they will demand that he, you, and the baby get a DNA test, and he will end up paying child support.

If he threatens/attempts to harm you or the baby over it, or refuses to pay, the court will have that child support be auto paid from his account each month, while he's in jail.

You need to do the child support for the sake of the kid, it isn't about what you need.
The fact that family and friends are having to support you, is proof you have to do this.

You have to be upfront about being pregnant on any date, but yes, most guys will run as soon as they find out you are carrying another guy's kid, regardless of how long you wait to tell them.

This is why you don't have sex until you are sure its the right person.
The phrase "damaged goods" as you mentioned, isn't specifically referring to your body, its about the mental capacity of a woman who would put herself in that situation to begin with, let alone refuse to secure the support payments afterward, these are both very bad decisions that you are going to see natural negative consequences to.

Its very dangerous for a guy to be with a woman who does not think things through before acting on them. Had you thought things through before having sex, this situation would not have occured (unless you were raped, but based on your story it doesn't imply that). Only another person who does not think things through, such as a jerk, or single dad, is likely to want to raise another guy's kid with a single mom.

Unfortunately, finding a guy in your situation is rare, finding one in your situation thats got the same interests and hobbies and personality, is rarer still, but thats just one of the consequences when you have sex with the wrong person.

And to answer your question, no, I wouldn't. I'm a virgin, I'm saving myself for marriage to avoid this exact problem happening to me, as well as to avoid catching any STDs.
And the fact that you are in this situation at all is proof of mental incompatibility, as my personality would never allow that kind of situation to happen.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

Just say it.. I just found out I'm pregnant or something.. You shouldn't be trying to date when you just got yourself into this predicament, knocked up by some guy who didn't even like you.. A lot of guys will sleep with pregnant woman (because no chance of having unwanted babies) but will not date them..

Rena95 · Accepted Answer

First get in a safe place did he tell you this in writing take that to the authorities. I’ve never dated a pregnant woman but i’ve dated women with children it didn't go well but she was immature leaving me with the child to go clubbing ended it after that.

Avicenna · Answer

I would have thought you’d be showing by by now at 24 weeks. Anyway, you want to tell a guy about that upfront so he doesn’t think you deceived him. It’s one of those really important things you should disclose upfront because even guys who are OK with it will wonder what else your hiding and not trust you. Tell him face to face rather than by text.

The overwhelming majority of guys won’t be interested in dating you if you’re pregnant by someone else. And you can’t be taken to court by the baby’s biological father if you attempt to collect child support from him (a paternity test will be ordered).

HawkPerception · Answer

No. I definitely wouldn't. Being pregnant with another man's child and not having an abortion is a huge no to me. I don't understand why you would WANT to have the child of a father who's no longer present in your life. And then expecting another man to help out in that child's life?

The only time I think I'd date a woman with kids is if I am divorced or separated and have kids of my own. Either that or I'm pretty old, and women who can have kids aren't suited to be my partner. Either way, I still wouldn't date a woman who's pregnant.

AviatorTom · Answer

To be completely honest when I was your age and single, I would be friends with a pregnant woman, but I wouldn't date her. We might occasionally have lunch together but it would never be a date. Why, you ask? Difficult to answer. My gut tells me I wouldn't do it, which I don't fully understand myself, because I would consider dating a single mom.

Summeroflove · Answer

Yeah I’m sorry it all depends on the situation and you can PM me if you wanna talk more about it

lightbulb27 · Answer

Congratulations on the opportunity to have a baby girl, very exciting, they are precious little needy things, and they grow quickly. We have a few around the house now with relatives and I'm a step parent.

maybe, and I know guys that likely would.

However, in my view from what I read, you should stay away from guys, be open of your situation you are not on the market due to pregnant but in the future. If he's interested, he'll hover around.

You need to take this time to focus on yourself and cleaning up your act. you just mated with a very questionable male. you trusted birth control... that's a big mistake. if you are going to fool around with anyone, make sure they are a long term keeper because that stuff is not so reliable as your mating brain would like to think. Anything else in your head, go see a therapist to fix your issues... including God/Christ, church counselors, licensed therapists, videos, books, etc.. You need to work on yourself before you appraoch making the next one so you/yours can build a stable family. Otherwise, gonna be an expensive disaster in 10 years. I don't care if you are not religious, then go get religious... work on yourself.

you need to figure out why you gave this guy any time at all... if you 'love' that kind of guy, then you need help. maybe he reminded you of your father. time to break that trauma cycle now... working on self is only way.

the babys father needs to work on himself, and ideally would be involved in his kids life... kids need their father if he's decent. If he's checked out, then so be it. If he's not involved, she benefits from a nuclear family and solid step parent.

Good luck to you all. Please make good decisions. You know the statistic on fatherless children right... very high rates of failure, homelessness, etc.. A strong family around her will help mitigate.

Zack-Bann · Answer

I’m gonna just say it:
Why can’t you wait until you give birth?

Do you HAVE to date someone in the coming few months?

Pregnancy is a big deal.
No guy can be faulted for not wanting to inherit that if it’s not even his kid

But as a non pregnant single mom you have a somewhat better chance at a healthy relationship.

Sorry things turned out that way for you.

But right now you need to prioritize things and make sure you do what’s best for you child

RingOfFire · Answer

First sorry about your relationship. That guy sounds like a bad person.

Sure there are plenty of guys who would date a pregnant girl. But you are right that you need to be upfront with this guy. It's not fair not to let him know, and it needs to be now.

Best thing to do is to take a deep breath and tell him. If it drives him away, it wasn't meant to be and it wouldn't work out anyway. So why not find out right now whether YOU should invest any more in the relationship. You do it for your benefit too, not just for his benefit.

If it doesn't work out, there will be others. Just don't get discouraged, live your life and wait until the right guy comes along... exactly the same strategy you should use if you were NOT pregnant.

Shiprex · Answer

It sounds like you're in a tricky situation with regard to getting a man to want to step up and be another's partner and a parent at the same time.

Reasons already brought up here are that it's unlikely a single guy will want to step into a family he's not the parent of the child of. It's not the damaged goods aspect it's more to do with the changes in short term aspirations in a relationship that won't follow the expected pathway to become a family together

tzdc21 · Answer

The fact you're pregnant might put him off, I'm not gonna lie. So you gotta brace for that, not saying it will happen, but you gotta prepared for it if it does happen. But refusing to tell him until he finds on his own will certainly cause him to leave since you're keeping a big secret from him. The best course if action is to tell him upfront and hope for the best.

RHK36 · Answer

Hell no. Not because she has a kid, but because for sure you're fresh out of a relationship. So you'll just use the next guy as a rebound. There's no way any guy would assume it's a good idea to date a hormonal woman fresh off a relationship with a baby. Heal first then look and you'll find a better partner. You pick a guy now and he's probably got bad intentions for you or is a big time simp.

DJB72 · Answer

Personally, yes I would understand the circumstances you mentioned, but I'd insist the biological "donor" be named on the birth certificate. If he's grown up enough to do what it takes to make a baby, he'd better be enough of a man to pay up towards raising them.

As an aside, if he tried to take you to court for making him accept responsibility for his actions he'd lose HARD (unless you're in an islamic country)

molonski2 · Answer

No honestly I would not , there is a time and a place for everything but a 24 week pregnant woman , no way ! Numerous reasons , one being people coming up and saying " you must be so excited " , Id wait till you have given birth to pursue , and you certainly need to talk to this guy.
Over the years I've had plenty of single mothers and that was always pretty good , so it's just a temporary thing really

Levin · Answer

The problem is the nobhead boyfriend that is around for 18 years.

There's lots of women like this at work. Some of these men are downright dangerous and violent, not reached the emotional development of a todler. Not dealing with that shit.

Vevv123 · Answer

Firstly, congratulations, motherhood is a big milestone in life. ☺️ And you should tell him as soon as you can, that changed things for the person you’re talking to drastically, by continuing to hide it you’re just providing false expectations. Also, you’re not “damaged goods”, there is nothing damaged and you are not an object.

Anonymous · Answer

you need to tell the guy you are trying to date about it RIGHT NOW. it's actually extremely rude not to let him know so you both can move on quickly to find someone who actually fits with them better. i also don't think you should be trying to date right now, your main priority should just be about yourself and your unborn baby and your future. no room for dating right now.

slatyb · Answer

Probably not, certainly not at that age. I wasn't nearly ready to be involved with an infant. I spent a summer at 17 seeing a 19-year-old young mother but I wasn't ready to be a permanent part of her life. That may have been a mistake. She taught me to kiss. I still miss her.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

All you can do is tell him and let the chips fall where they may. Better to know now for both your sake before either of you become all the more emotionally invest. Good luck.

SotiCoto · Answer

So why didn't you get an abortion?

... In any case, the answer is no. Pretty sure most guys would be utterly disgusted by the idea of having to raise some other guy's offspring. I don't think most women really understand how much this sort of thing harms their future prospects.

Anonymous · Answer

Nope. Because dating should NOT be her focus if she's pregnant. And the fact that she got knocked up and tossed aside, and she's eager to find dud #2 kind of tells you a lot about her poor decision making.

SuperZonicGUY1992 · Answer

I can give you information my cousin she is 32 she's wealthy a Christian and she is well fit to raised that baby.

Let me know please my cousin has been trying to get pregnant but can't.

My cousin is the perfect mom for you're baby.

LeatherDaddy · Answer

It's really tricky, that child is a permanent link to the man who fathered it. He might not want the responsibilities now and you might not have any intention on involving him in your or your child's life you never know what will happen years down the road. Also you might not let him discipline the child or have as much authority over him because deep down it's your child and not his and you both are aware of that even if only on an implicit level.

Anonymous · Answer

People who are against abortion will tell you they won't date a pregnant woman either. Two clear signs they aren't worth your own time. Nobody wants a man like that.

Miristheiss · Answer

LOL!, Hell no. You let some loser guy stick his baby in you... why in the HELL are you worried about dating?

EmmaMary · Answer

I've lost count the number of times I've read this! smh

Staximus · Answer

No, it's sign of poor life decisions. I don't know why you would want to have a child with a guy who does not want to have a child with you and doesn't live with you, but hey it's your life.

RavVid · Answer

Sadly I have to say it isn't on and I don't see you as having much chance. . Men on average aren't interested in taking on responsibility for another man's child.

bddddd · Answer

I respect you choice. Getting a child from birth to 18 costs about 0.5. If your putative partner is down to pay for another man's child that is fine. If you are at 24 weeks then it is probably pretty obvious already.

Nikki1989 · Answer

99% of the time, the men saying NO are the kind of men no woman should go near anyway.  These men don't know their ass from their elbow most of the time.

WhitneySnow · Answer

If you already hung out in person, he probably noticed that you were pregnant

exitseven · Answer

I have to say no. I am not interested in raising another guys kid.

Berethor · Answer

You going to be seen as damaged goods, why should he date a girl who pregnant from other guy.

Billlewis · Answer

I'd not only date such a woman, but marry her.

zombiewoof · Answer

Assuming we liked esch other, and trusting that she was not just looking for someguy to be in the picture, but a true rrlstionship, yes i could. But i am a bit old for that.

Pohjolan · Answer

Pretty unlikely if I'm not the father.  Maybe if she was the victim of a tragedy and not her own poor judgement.

Anonymous · Answer

honestly, you are way too young to be a single mom at 23. You should abort the baby or give it up for adoption.

DishLady · Answer

No… I don’t swing that way.

Guanfei · Answer

No. It's even worse than dating a single mom.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't worry, almost all men have a pregnancy fetish. Besides, you're young, and of course he'll accept you.

Tempest_Flame · Answer

fuck no. hella damaged goods. also you chose a dumbass guy

MasterKS · Answer

Super yes! I had few preggo already and i must say they are in their best form, just love to be with them for sure.

Anonymous · Answer

If it wasn’t mine, I don’t know. That would have to be some grade A pussy. Although pregnant girls are often incredibly horny and fun to fuck

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Sure I would if the chemistry is there but no sex until you have the baby

robocop666 · Answer

there is websites you can post deadbeat dads who refuse child support

SamWinchester058 · Answer

It takes a special guy to take responsibility for another man's kids.

ambitious_male · Answer

Might have to give a lot of thinking for it.

Anonymous · Answer

Take his ass to court, he’s a piece of shit who deserves ruining

Phoenix98 · Answer

Probably not no.

soe11 · Answer

No not at all.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Oh HELL nO!

Anonymous · Answer

Only if she's pregnant with me.

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

no, and I hope you are trolling

nl171 · Answer

I think pregnant women are hot ngl

CubaPirate · Answer

Never say never

Szellem · Answer

Why in the hell would anyone do such a thing? lol

Anonymous · Answer

I can try it it’s sexy? Isn’t it

jahaims · Answer

No lmfao

anon1903 · Answer

Hard pass

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

No..

In_Trance · Answer

I'd pass

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

Nope

Would you date someone who is pregnant?

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