Why am I not girlfriend material?

[Anonymous]

I was involved with a guy that was obsessed with me, but did not want a relationship with me and did not want to be seen in public with me. Meanwhile, he was taking another woman out on dates, to galas, concerts, music festivals and international trips.

This makes me wonder why I’m not girlfriend material?

[RavVid]

Inherently to answer this it is necessary to focus on negative aspects which may or may not be true of you. I'll do this neutrally as possible.

Whether you knew it or not, you were a side chick and the other girl his #1. He could only run one relationship. Guys like girls who are easy because we get sex from them easily. Guys prefer to have relationships with girls with low body counts - many good reasons for this.

We don't care about your income, intelligence but we do care about your nature. I put a lot of emphasis on inherently nice as I see that as an umbrella of desirable characteristics. A bad girl type falls into the easy category above. The nice girl is in the second category. In particular we dislike disputatious girls and drama queens. Different guys will have different preferences.

Of course we do want a woman that we get sexually aroused by. I think we want to see ourselves as getting hard over you forever. A girl being slender is close to mandatory for me but every guy is going to be a bit different. When we want sex we want to you to be up for it. We are not in a relationship to be knocked back.

Being livable with is a pretty important feature of a girlfriend.

[Makeushiver]

A lot of socializing is akin to role playing. You might think that sounds fake & perhaps it is but everyone does it already you just need to be conscious of the role you're playing a change the script if necessary.

As an only child whose both parents does when I was just a teenager, I volunteered to switch high schools. It seems like someone who lost all of his support in the world would generate compassion but kids don't work that way. If you see animals domesticate and one becomes ill, the others shun him. I was weird because I had no parents or siblings at age 13. The guardians who adopted me were going to a great deal of trouble making sure I could go back to high school there. They were grateful for that and thought I was being brave & stand up. The reality was I had no one to show how to change from a kid to a teen & did poorly academically & socially. At the new high school I somehow dragged out of my repertoire a different person. I became an excellent student, athlete and hung around with the hottest girls. It wasn't solely done by will but it was done. That summer at 13 and new in town & school I lost my virginity to a beautiful girl, got straight A's and played 3 sports

[Rei13]

It could be a lot of different things without knowing either of you, that said just because you aren’t right for him doesn’t mean you aren’t the perfect girlfriend/potential wife for someone else.

I can relate to this tho. The guy I liked prior to my current relationship would spend a lot of time with me and it went into relationship territory without being a relationship. We were compatible in everything but my personal appearance. He ended up going for someone prettier that was also compatible with him. Which honestly worked out for the best because my only ‘flaw’ was my weight and I lost that with my current partner.

Point being don’t waste your time on someone that doesn’t value you. The right person will

[silvermoon84]

You are girlfriend material, just not to this guy. He obviously wanted her more, and that’s not your fault. I’ve been in your shoes myself and it’s definitely not fun, but let this be a lesson to you. Don’t let a man treat you like a back up plan ever again, and if you meet one who just wants to meet up in private and hook up with you (I’m assuming that’s what happened but correct me if I’m wrong) while actually taking someone else’s out on dates and treating them more like a girlfriend, have enough respect for yourself to kick him to the curb

[Asker]

I just wonder what it was about me that made me not girlfriend material for him. When I asked him, he said that we weren’t compatible because I wasn’t confident enough. Every guy that I’ve spoken to said that this was a bullshit excuse. Then he kept insisting on being friends and pretty much became obsessed with me when I ended things (kept looking me up on LinkedIn after being blocked, calling “No Caller ID”, kept asking why I blocked him, etc.)

[silvermoon84]

“Why was I not girlfriend material for him?” Don’t drive yourself crazy wondering why. It’s perfectly human to do so, but that’s what I did when I was in that situation and all it did was damage my mental health, which was already damaged. I understand that you want to know why, but rather than worry about why it’s better to just let this guy go. His reasoning reflects more on him than it does you.

As to why he wants to be friends, keeps calling you from unknown numbers and wanting to know why you’re blocking him, it’s because he wants to have his cake and eat it too and the fact that you’re not giving that to him is a kick to his ego. Next time he calls, tell him to fuck off and hang up.

[AI Opinion]

Hey, don't let someone else's actions define your worth! 🌟 Remember, it's not about being "girlfriend material"—it's about finding a person who values and appreciates you for who you are. Everyone deserves someone who will take them to concerts, create amazing memories, and be proud to be seen with them. Continue being true to yourself, and you'll eventually find that person who loves spending time with you, just as you are! Embrace your unique interests and passions, and don't change for anyone else. 💖

[SteveSmith1985]

That's not what this means. This just means the guy was a piece of shit! If the guy is a piece of shit... then that doesn't say anything about you... aside from... you're a woman who fell for that piece of shit guy, that one time (hopefully).

I don't know you. I don't know much about what happened. Nevertheless, this is super clear. It says "This guy was a piece of shit" and "you got treated like shit by a shitty guy"

Choose better guys. This one was clearly not boyfriend material.

I'm sorry this happened to you. But don't go thinking crazy stuff, like this had something to do with YOU. It's him. Obviously.

[OlderAndWiser]

Without knowing anything about you, all we can do is blindly guess, and that will not help at all. You were there and you know what went down, so what it your speculation about the cause? Could it be

1. your physical appearance

2. age

3. personality

4. profession/job/earning potential

5. openness to having children

6. past history of relationship trauma

7. expectations from a potential partner

8. body count/slut factor

9. not open to developing a sexual relationship

10. plethora of tats and piercings

11. you get the idea?

[AviatorTom]

You weren't girlfriend material for him. That doesn't mean you are not girlfriend material. Sounds like you were his plan B backup if the other woman didn't work out for him.

[Asker]

How was I Plan B if a) he told me that we weren’t compatible because I wasn’t confident enough for him and b) he would give me dating advice and encourage me to date other guys?

[silvermoon84]

💯 agreed

[alli-112]

Girl, if he doesn't want to be seen in public with you, he just wants you for sex but isn't interested romantically for any number of reasons. Get your ass outta there and find someone who likes you for more than just your body.

As for why he's not romantically intersted, could be clashing personalities or values, could some sort of prejudice that he's operating on around appearance, wealth, etc. Could be a lot of things, many of which have very little to do with you.

[RHK36]

Side piece doesn't understand her place? You aren't girlfriend material because either you're for the streets or you have too many red flags. The fact that you're asking strangers about something they couldn't possibly know without context tells me which one you fall under.

[Asker]

How the fuck am I for the streets when I’ve only slept with two men?

[Asker]

Also, the said that he was single, so I was unaware of the fact that he was involved with her until I did some investigating.

[TheSpaceGnome]

The reason you are not girlfriend/wife material, is because you let a guy use you.
And because you move too fast and are too easy and not picky enough or sure enough of your actions before doing them.

Thats not what boyfriend/husband material wants in a woman.

[Asker]

…… lol Thanks

[NoDecision]

How could he be obsessed with you if he never wanted to spend time with you? What information is missing here? 🤔 Anyone obsessed with someone would want to be with them every minute and want to be seen with that girl on his arm. 😍

[Asker]

By “obsessed”, I mean that he begged me for a chance despite turning him down twice. When I found out that he didn’t want a relationship and blocked him, keep looking me up on LinkedIn, making fake accounts to evade the block, calling “No Caller ID”, insisting on being friends.

[NoDecision]

OK, the missing info makes things different.

[Asker]

Yeah… I’m confused by this situation. My theory is either a) He lied about being single and this chick that he was “just getting to know was in fact his girlfriend and I was just the side chick or b) He was ashamed of me for whatever reason

[NoDecision]

Water under the bridge. Time to move on and don't 2nd guess it.

[Billlewis]

I think someone else around here is causing similar interest... lol

[NoDecision]

@Billlewis Who. Gamer Bella?

[Billlewis]

No, I'm referring to you, of course. I recently began following you and I'd like to invite you to follow or message me, as well if you want. Thank you very much! I promise not to bombard you with messages... lol;)

[lightbulb27]

need more info. one experience doesn't make a pattern.

possibly you are drawing the wrong cards from the deck... that be a question on your inner "chooser". Maybe just a wrong one, can happen. maybe something else.

[Lynx122]

You can be girlfriend material for one guy but not for another guy. It doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with you. BUT it can also mean you have issues. That's why it's important to work on your self awareness.

[slatyb]

Forget why and figure out why you might have known. "Did not want to be seen in public with me". That should be an immediate deal-breaker. Why did you accept this?

[OneViewpoint]

It doesn’t mean you’re not girlfriend material. It means you got scammed by an asshole.

[exitseven]

Are you sure that this guy isn't married?

[Asker]

That’s what I was thinking. He said that he was just getting to know her, but he’s been getting to know her consistently since April 2023 and they’re always traveling together, they’re each other’s plus ones, they are always together, and they’ve met each other’s friends and family. Then the few times that we’ve gone out, they’ve been in secluded, dark, and/or low populated and for short periods of time (twenty minutes max). And he acted sketchy and fidgety/nervous the entire time.

I was like, is he ashamed of me? Is he embarrassed because I’m tall (I’m in inch taller than him)? Is he embarrassed because I’m awkward (I’m naturally reserved and some times shy)?

[Tempest_Flame]

sounds like you're ugly

[zombiewoof]

If you do not like the arangement, quit

[Anonymous]

Only you know that.

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆

[MasterKS]

Your attitude maybe.

[Antz303]

Can I see you