What do you do when the type of person you’re sexually attracted to isn’t the type you’d be in a relationship with?

[Anonymous]

I’m dating this guy that checks all of my boxes and treats me well. He’s handsome, but I’m not sexually attracted to him.

On the other hand, men that I’ve been sexually attracted to aren’t the type of men that I’d want to be in a relationship with.

This has been a reoccurring theme.

[Summeroflove]

This is a major problem and can lead to you marrying a really great man and having disgusting affairs on him. A LOT of people feel this way they want their cake and eat it too.

They just can’t find someone whose both. Because you have to choose… Do you want a relationship long term that’s fulfilling that’s a true partnership, you’re one another’s best friend, you love one another for who you are and where you’re at while still pushing one another to be your best self.

Or do you want hookups there are fun in the moment. But are never satisfying long term. Always needing that next high and thrill. And when it’s all said and done you feel guilty, shame, and dirty. Promising that you’ll never do it again but you do.

You caught something VERY important a LOT of people both MEN AND WOMEN…. FEEL EXACTLY the way you do. One route is fun for a while until you’re pretty much used up not youthful and beautiful anymore and either marry someone or whatever. The other route is having a relationship that’s fulfilling.

What’s the other options? Marrying someone amazing and having affairs. That would seriously hurt the man you love and I would respect you more if you’re a whore who doesn’t waste those mens time.

[Zack-Bann]

This happens to a lot of people, men and women.


What we find “sexy” is usually rooted in a morphing of our childhood fantasies and desires


Basically it’s a childish set of expectations


But a true partner requires an adult outlook on life


So the real dilemma is: are you ready to grow up or not


Because when you are ready to grow up you will give a chance to the guy who’s always been there with all the qualities of a husband


Until then you’ll only get excited at the sight of “bad boys” who can make you orgasm but will also break your heart if given the chance

[DishLady]

I've never had that issue. If I'm attracted to someone it's because they seem to me like relationship material. I don't have the "flash in the pan" urge.

[Nikki1989]

The first step is to recognize that what you find sexually appealing and what you need for a healthy partnership are two different things.

[ohsheeT]

Well that because you are looking for something. We all have fantasy's that we want to experience

Nothing wrong will that. One day you will find both types of guys in one package

[exitseven]

It happened to me a long time ago. I dated a girl who was a bar tender. She was the opposite of all the other girls I ever dated. I think maybe that was the attraction. It was fun at first but after a while it was obvious that it would never work.

[HighValue]

That is common among women. It is a mental illness. They are attracted to people that bring drama and problems into their lives because they are mentally and emotionally damaged.

[Zack-Bann]

People are too liberal with the word “mental illness” on these sites

I don’t disagree with the observation itself or the fact that it’s common

But if it’s an illness could please tell us its name so we can look up the scientific literature surrounding it?

[Anonymous]

That's a common problem for men as well. He usually has to choose a woman he's physically attracted to or one who's decent human being. Most women are not both.

[John0986]

I hear you. I've been there too.

[MasterKS]

Bad luck!