Why did he body shame me after sex?

[butterly248]

I made a post about my boyfriend body shaming yesterday. U can read it before this. Anyways I said how upset I was.

He said after sex how much easier it would be to be thin. That me being on top hurts him. He has said nothing until now for the past 6 months we have been together.

I want to be slightly healthier. But he says he wants to keep my large butt. And slim down my legs, wasit and boobs.

I'm pregnant but I don't think I can keep this baby. Not with him projecting his fansatasies onto me and his insecurity about his own body.

He said my ex was letting me get fat like a pig, getting ready to slaughter. That he was making me unattractive so no one else dates me. And that my current boyfriend swiped right to everyone on tinder. I wasn't special. And that I was pretty when I was younger. And then he said I was pretty now.

And I can't lose weight, while pregnant. And tbh I don't want a child with a person who wants to mould me a certain way. I feel disgusting

Updates

4 mo

Hi all. I appreciate all the help. I'm deciding to end my pregnancy. I can't raise a child rn and definitely not with him. I will lose weight. I'm looking at weight loss drugs now. I'm also going back on birth control. And ofc dumping him

Updates

4 mo

I thought about it. I think I'm going to continue my pregnancy. The thought of a 3rd termination is too much to deal with. Me and my boyfriend r on a break. I said I need space. He said I was obese this morning because of the line in my stomach. And then when we were shopping for my interview clothes, I said I was fat. And he said we all r. And they we argued. And he says u always do this. I don't know what I'm going to do. But being around him rn is not helpful at all

[sawno]

" And that my current boyfriend swiped right to everyone on tinder. I wasn't special" this one stood out to me so hard. Why would you ever get in a relationship with someone who isn't special to you? -.-

I had that opportunity last year. A girl was really in to me. All I had to do was accept it, play along that I liked her and that would have been an easy supply of sex and all the joys a relationship can bring.

She didn't like I didn't have feelings for her nearly as quickly as she did, I took my time to gauge if she was actually compatible with me and told her honestly where I was every step of the way as I was waiting to uncover if she was truly special to me or just an ordinary girl which you can't just know in 2 weeks when your dealing with a shy girl. It ended in nothing because I was honest, both to myself and to her. And now she's gonna chase someone who can actually love her for who she is rather than someone wanting someone different.

So for me its wild that he went as far as getting you pregnant if your not special to him. Has he ever complimented you in other ways at least? Or shown some sign of why your special to him?

[butterly248]

That's fair and he says different things. And then insults me the next time

[sawno]

Not all guys are tactful, I just read your previous question and there I don't think it was nearly as bad as what you typed here. He can state his preferences and still find you special at the same time, I don't think that was designed to be an insult. So him preferring a thinner body type when the topic came up I don't fault him for. But what I do fault him for is the whole "I was swiping right on everyone, its not like your special" thing, I hope there is just context missing on why regardless of the fact he didn't find you special at first sight he found something amazing after swiping right he fell in love with and is here for. Because if not the guy made really toxic moves.

[butterly248]

I don't think there was tbh

[Hardon-Collider]

Nothing happens over night. But your goal should be healthy, not "slightly healthier". Because there are no "slightly unhealthy" foods, all poison accumulates in the damage it does.

If you are actually unhealthy, then get healthy ASAP, no excuses. Some people are at peak health with twice as much body fat as others are at their peak health, genetics matter. But don't delude yourself and get healthy. Now. Regardless if it makes you any skinnier or not. do it for the kiddie, not for that weak pig you're dating. ㅤ

https://www.youtube.com/embed/tOJ_E1qH8_Y

[butterly248]

thanks for that. I will get healthier, dump his ass but I am not keeping the child

[HollyK21]

Your relationship status with him should have nothing to do with whether or not you keep that baby. Single mothers exist, as does coparenting, you don’t even have to deal with him directly, take his ass to court. In any case, you should never stay with someone who’s emotionally abusive and toxic. It’s been 6 months, not 6 years, you should walk away from that and focus on having a peaceful and healthy pregnancy. Trying to adopt some sort of eating disorder over a man’s opinion rather than prioritizing feeding your baby is ridiculous.

[butterly248]

I don't want to be a single mum. I understand what ur saying but he has already said he will get his family lawyer. I have no money to do so

[HollyK21]

You’ll rarely ever meet someone who “wants” to be a single mom. It’s just sort of something that happens. In any case if you decide not to keep the baby on his behalf then I do hope it’s the right choice, because at the end of the day you’re the one who has to live with that decision and it’s a pretty big one. Not even saying that in a fear mongering way whatsoever, I fully support a woman’s right to choose. You do what feels right.

[butterly248]

Thanks and ik it is. This is my 4th pregnancy. 2 terminations and a miscarriage. It breaks me every time but I could not cope being alone with a baby

[HollyK21]

The update is disappointing. Not because of the termination, that’s your choice, but because you’ve allowed this man’s view of your body to affect you long term. Nothing is or was wrong with your weight, otherwise he wouldn’t have got with you in the first place. Here’s hoping you learn to think for yourself and act in your own best interest, but a big part of me thinks you’re just trolling. Oh well.

[butterly248]

I'm doing it for me and no I'm not trolling.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That man is a massive a**hole… Discard him.

[ohsheeT]

The odds were because you probably wanted to cuddle. He just got his nut off, and that's all he cared about. Sophie started to fight with you. He knew that he didn't have to cuddle. Sorry, I know your husband boyfriend, whatever. But I mean , it is what he projects. I mean, he didn't have to do what he did right then. And there, but there was a reason for it, he got what he wanted now, he wanted to do what he wanted. So he started a fight. And you wouldn't wanna talk to him. So he got his way both times

[Summeroflove]

Yeah you’re pregnant. I think your relationship is really toxic

[butterly248]

It is. I left one toxic guy for another 🤦🏼‍♀️

[Finchie40]

Because he is a narcissistic manipulative POS , that you shouldn’t be with period

[love_conquers_lust]

This sounds too horrible to be real.

Anyway, yes health and weight are important. However, you have to continue to eat nutritious meals to feed two people. Your doctor would know what a healthy weight should be and what your diet should consist of. They know more than your boyfriend does. He should at least be knowledgeable and humble enough to "know what he doesn't know".

The insults from him are unnecessary and counterproductive.

"I am fat", "We all r". Lol, this guy is a real treasure. If he lives in America, statistically he would probably be correct. A number of us are. It is kind of shameful. But our food is just so tasty and we get such large portions to save money through economy of scale/bulk discount. Not really a valid excuse. Often, when I eat out, I cut my meals in half. Take the other half home for a later meal. I also eat 3-5 smaller meals per day instead of 1-3 larger ones to keep my stomach smaller and my metabolism higher. Also, no soda.

Being pregnant can be a challenge in controlling your weight. Your priority should be the health of your unborn child as well as your own. Your boyfriend should have seized the opportunity to control his own weight as well. Insults from a hypocrite tend to not hit as hard.

[butterly248]

I'm not longer pregnant and tysm for ue opnion

[OneViewpoint]

You are in a tough spot. That guy needs to have the stupid beaten out of him. Seriously, there's something very wrong with a personality who would do that to the woman carrying his child. I'm guessing this shitbag is not gonna be much help as a father or a source of child support.

Why did he say those things to you. He has a cruel streak and he knows you're in a vulnerable position at this time. A guy who would do that is the lowest of the low.

You on the other hand made a really bad decision letting this piece of shit get you pregnant. There is plenty of blame to go around here.

You have 3 bad choices any one of which will follow you for the rest of your life.

• Abortion.
• Adoption.
• Have the baby and stay with the asshole. At least until you can find a way to leave him.

[butterly248]

I was thinking about another abortion. He had a breeding kink u see and he doesn't want me on birth control.

[OneViewpoint]

And what do you want?

[butterly248]

A baby just not like this

[PeachyPie93]

Well I say dump him an dump the kid.. Next time watch for red flags and get self esteem before you jump into a relationship.. You don't deserve to be constantly disrespected just because you are a bit bigger. If he doesn't like it he shouldn't be dating you in the first place.

[butterly248]

I want a baby, just not like this. And yeah, he called his ex the size of a fridge. I will lose weight but just for me

[WonderingManII]

It does sound like he is verbally abusive. I don't understand why He doesn't back off while your pregnant.

[butterly248]

My ex was emotionally, verbally, physically and s*xualy abusive. I ignored the red flags like last time

[WonderingManII]

@butterly248 I hope you can get a good man next.

[CaptainSmartass]

He sounds toxic as hell. You should dump him ASAP and get with a proper gentleman.

Simples...

[butterly248]

Thanks. I will dump him but I don't think I will date again for a while.

[CaptainSmartass]

You're welcome. His insecurities are nothing to do with you. Enjoy being single. I'm sure you're a lovely person, and you're great the way you are.

[shortster]

If sex is hurting him, then tell him he's too weak for sex.

[butterly248]

Lmao I am 100 kg but he is quite small so I don't know

[shortster]

That isn't too big, so yeah he needs to bulk up. Especially with you being pregnant; there should be no expectations on your part.

[shortster]

Why end the pregnancy? Why not have your child adopted?

[butterly248]

Too many children need homes

[shortster]

So you just murder your child?

[butterly248]

It's not murder

[shortster]

Life begins when the DNA of the sperm fuses with the DNA of the egg. Killing a member of your own species is murder. Therefore ending a pregnancy is murder. It even has its own word for it, infanticide.

[butterly248]

That's ur opinion and I have mine

[shortster]

It isn't an opinion, it is a scientific fact. Something I learned in college as I pursued my bachelor's degree in biology.

[shortster]

Knowledge that I am trying to share with you

[butterly248]

I just don't agree sorry. And I'm on the fence now tbh. I don't want to have a 3rd termination

[shortster]

If you are on the fence, and want to learn more; I recommend Idle 9 Months in the app store. It is a free game that goes into the various stages of pregnancy. It isn't perfect, but it is relatively fun (at least the first time through) and has relatively good information.

[butterly248]

Okay I appreciate it as long as it doesn't push pro life stuff on me

[insatiable_curiosity]

I'm sorry to hear that you had those experiences with a partner. I can only imagine how it made you feel.

[Nikki1989]

He sounds toxic, immature, and a right ass.

[sage2021]

So, if you weren't overweight would you keep the baby?
I just can't stand to know that you are going to kill the baby over this!! The baby didn't do anything wrong! 😔

[butterly248]

If I was in a healthier relationship, I would keep it but I cannot raise a child with a man like this. And I can't cope alone.

[David__951]

I have read the other post and he has a shitty attitude

[David__951]

Please don’t go for weight loss drugs, Try to have it with nutrition plan and weight lifting

[butterly248]

I looked into it. It won't work. I'll probably just got back to fasting

[bowenw]

He sounds toxic based on a what you have described. I suggest you move on as soon as possible.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the update. Best of luck to you.

[Still-alive]

Im responding to your update: im congratulating you on taking the steps necessary to get this dude out of your life for good. You made the right decision here.

[Daytoday79]

Anyone who does that is kind of a jerk.. I mean, that's a cruel thing to do.

[butterly248]

I'm depressed tbh

[Daytoday79]

I get that, can't blame you. Maybe just tell him it upsets you and spend some time with friends

[butterly248]

I have told him and I don't have money rn

[Daytoday79]

If I was pregnant I'd tell a guy like... try being pregnant

[SimonK56]

He sounds like he's being a bit insensitive towards you, and maybe he needs to spend time doing some growing-up, you deserve better in my honest opinion.

[AngryCarl2]

You're pregnant and he's bitching about you being fat? More like he doesn't want to bring up a kid.

[MannMitAntworten]

This isn’t an area I ever traipsed into. What I mean is, I have NEVER shamed any of my respective past girlfriends over anything. I have had some mention areas they wished to improve. I just asked if there is some way I can help…?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your history of picking men is bad. Have you been w men like this before? I’m not even sure why you’d get pregnant for him unless you were married to him.

[butterly248]

My ex was abusive and we both wanted a baby.

[Opinion Owner]

You and your ex both wanted a baby? Or the man you’re a now wanted a baby? Like I said why get pregnant for a man when you’re not even married.

[butterly248]

No my ex never wanted kids. The guy I'm with wants a baby. And it's not 1950 anymore

[Opinion Owner]

lol no it’s not 1950, but maybe living that mentality of the 1950s, meaning getting married first would have probably worked out better. That’s such a dumbass reply. Doesn’t matter what year it is some things have stood the test of time. Your mentality is way a lot of women think these days only to end up like you or worse. I supposed you also think it’s ok for women to sleep around with as many man as she wants then expect a man to still take her serious?

[butterly248]

Why not lol. Men do it

[Opinion Owner]

Again, a stupid reply. Men aren’t the ones who are ending up single with children, struggling the way women are. Guess you two deserve each other since you’re both idiots

[Alex-Snow]

He is a complete ass. You can do way better. Block and dump him.

[Alex-Snow]

Good choice it is ur body and ur life and ur choice I respect it!

[LunarEclipse433]

He is a pig. Don't try and change a person to fit your fantasy.

[FenixG45]

Best advice: Terminate your pregnancy and him with extreme prejudice! What an A**HOLE!

Keep us updated!

[Hunter316]

Wow im sorry he sounds like a jerk you don't deserve that and I can tell you, you could do a lot better get a real man that appreciates you.

[Geminiaqua]

Girls focus on that so much. He's playing games or insulting - he's out why can't it be so simple

[Geminiaqua]

Fake post by the way

[SmokyEnrique]

Don't fuck your relationship by reading opinions of gag. at least talk to your boyfriend about the issue. i am sure he loves you

[butterly248]

He does but I can't anymore I'm drained

[SmokyEnrique]

at least try to talk with him

[butterly248]

He acknowledged he hurt me. He apologised but I don't know

[MasterKS]

Its exactly what happens when you deal with typical asshole.

[Badwomen]

He sounds toxic af

[Anonymous]

I think no point being fixated on your weight

Instead focus on healthiness: things you eat
Exercise

Build it into your life

You will see results

No need to be hungry

[Opinion Owner]

You don't need to end the pregnancy either

Think of baby as a gift

After go on the weight loss drugs

[butterly248]

I cannot raise it alone

[Opinion Owner]

It's up to you
But it is possible to raise child alone

[butterly248]

It is but I don't know rn

[Opinion Owner]

I'm glad you're keeping the baby

And maybe if you lose weight that will end his complaining

[Nemesis2k7]

He sounds like a narcissist

[butterly248]

I'm starting to think so now too

[Zionne]

he doesn't respect u enough

[Hagar88]

Being obese is shameful

[butterly248]

Oh yes I forgot about that 😂

[beefcakebradybatson]

DUMP DAT DUDE !!!

[Snowman84]

He’s being a mean asshole.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You're boyfriend is a idiot.

[Anonymous]

He's obviously a jerk.

[jahaims]

You are both too stupid to reproduce

[bananathunder]

sounds like you found a winner...

[Pterodon]

Just dump this jerk