Boyfriend tired of always comforting me?

I'm 22, live with parents, and have many family problems that I can't seem to get away from the moment. Whenever my parents lecture me and put me down, I get upset like anyone else would, but I don't let it get me down to the point where I'm a total pessimist and live in depression, etc. Although, I usually try to be optimistic about the problems, I still would like comfort from my boyfriend. There is nothing better than having someone you love tell you that they care. However, it has gotten to the point where he doesn't want to comfort me anymore over my parents. He thinks I should help myself. In this case, there is really not much I CAN do about my problems other than working hard to get myself out of the house ASAP. I can't stand up to my parents because I know well that it will only make things worse, but my boyfriend doesn't see that I am really trying all that I can and the least he can do is be there for me when I need someone. He has told me he's tired of hearing about my problems and asks why I can't just do something to help myself instead of him having to comfort me because they are my problems and he doesn't want to be a part of it. It has been putting me in the gutter recently because I feel like I can't confide in anyone. Whenever he has problems, my ears are always open to listen to him and comfort him. I don't have a problem to keeping things to myself and not needing his comfort anymore, but then what is the purpose of having a boyfriend then? It seems so black and white. What can I do?

He thinks I'm not "strong" enough because I can't "handle" them and always need his comfort. So then, he thinks it's on him and it becomes his problem. He has a problem comforting me because I can't show him that I can deal with my parents. I don't really know the meaning of this.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, three possibilities, and let's hope its 3, but I'll run through them anyway:

    1) maybe he's just not that caring. Which would mean ... he's not a keeper.

    2) maybe you really do complain a ton, in which case, you need to learn to self-sooth more.

    3) guys don't tend to share problems and comfort each other. They share problems only when stuck. Other guys communicate their confidence in the guy by suggesting some advice to 'fix the problem'. Its a standard male-female communication issue that women want to talk 'about' a problem, but guys want to 'fix' it. But fixing is what guys do when they care (and what makes guys feel better when they have the problem). So he may feel like he's tried to 'fix' your problem. You just want him to acknowledge your feelings. So try telling him directly you don't need or expect him to 'solve' your issue. He may feel powerless and upset about being unable to fix things for you. He may also have no idea that simply being there makes you feel better. You could try explaining to him how much he helps you by listening and comforting. He probably feels he's failing you, but if he knows he's doing a lot, he might be better about it. Worth a shot.

    • He's told me that he doesn't want to listen to the same problem every time and is sick of hearing it because nothing changes and same thing is going to happen again. I guess he is tired of comforting me over the same problem.

    • Maybe, or maybe he's tired of feeling powerless to help you, and doesn't realize he IS helping you.

      Guys instincts in this situation would be to feel very, very distressed.

    • He thinks I'm not "strong" enough because I can't "handle" them and always need his comfort. So then, he thinks it's on him and it becomes his problem. He has a problem comforting me because I can't show him that I can deal with my parents. I don't really know the meaning of this.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • To me...this guy imo isn't worth keeping.

    It's VERY easy to be in a relationship when things are going well and there are no problems or complications.

    But when things get TOUGH! THAT is when you see who's in it to be the partner for you...and who's in it just for the affection and sex.

    Anybody who is in the latter...isn't wife material, thus why date her?

    Ur boyfriend seems to be the latter...hae you asked him why he is so dismissive about you expressing your emotions?

    • He just doesn't want to hear about the same problems anymore if I don't do anything about it. He wants me to stand up to my parents, when I know clearly that if I do, it will only make it worse because my parents are super hard-headed. My boyfriend thinks that I want him to solve my problems. I don't expect him to. All I want is for him to be there and comfort me, even the slightest. He really doesn't like hearing about my problems, even less be a part of it.

    • Then you should consider breaking up with him if he's unwilling to abide to something as SIMPLE as listening to your problems and allowing you to confide in him.

      That's part of the job as a boyfriend; there's responsibility involved as well.

What Girls Said 1

  • A boyfriend should be there to comfort you when you're down, and expect the same from you when he's down. Like Prof Don said, it's during the bad times that you see who is there for you and who isn't. This is a bad time for you, and your boyfriend isn't there for you. No matter how many times you go to your boyfriend, he should always be there to comfort you and just listen, perhaps try to help out. You should think about your relationship with him. Is he truly what you want?

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