How to get people to text you first?

I'm a 17 year old guy and I have to initiate every single texting conversation with almost all of my friends all the time. I want to talk to them that's why I text them "hey" or "what's up" a couple times a week. The thing is some of them NEVER reply to me through text but when were in person they walk up and just start talking. And try are all pretty much addicted to there phones(there always checking and sending messages). But just not from me(these are guys and girls btw). So about a month ago I decided to "test" my "friends" to see how many of them would think/care about me enough to text me. So I didn't send out any messages for almost a whole month(still going), and only 2/10 of my "friends" texted me :(. And I've known all of them for years and its not like we see each other very day(maybe once or twice a week). If a person can go almost a month without talking to you, and doesn't even ask why you aren't texting them do they even care? Would you call them friends? What can I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I totally know how you feel. The fact that 2 of your friends texted you is actually pretty good. If you think about the average person, they don't necessarily want to text everyone in the whole world. The way cliques work is that there's a hierarchy of friends that rank in importance. The average person texts probably the top 3-6 people on their hierarchy, because those people are their "best" friends. They are the first people they want to talk to. They continue to have good friends up to 15, but they don't generally want to talk to all of them. Kind of like clothing. Say you have 15 shirts. It's not like you're going to wear each of them in order on a loop so as not to wear any of the shirts twice in a 15 day period. You'll generally have your favorite shirt that you wear every 4 days, and your 4 other favorites that you wear when you feel like it. Months later, you'll be looking for something to wear, and you go, "Hey, I like this shirt! Why don't I ever wear this?"

    I don't necessarily approve of this method, which means that I get caught on the wrong end of things. I text all my friends, because I have a circle and not a hierarchy. My friends don't text me because they have hierarchies. It doesn't mean they're bad friends, it just means you're a better friend. I say keep close to the 2 that reached out, and be there for the others, because someday they'll realize what they're missing out on.


Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • ignore them

    • You must not have read the question.

    • i read the question...just not what's underneath it. lol. grrr. fine I'll read it since I'm already here. lol. well some people care more than others. Sometimes I text people regularly but those are really close people who I do text reg and others..meh if they text they text and I don't really care. If they wanna do something or if I do then I just call em or they send mi a message and sometimes I don't read em or I may not get em. =/ So if you wanna do something or know what's up then you should call

What Guys Said 3

  • Okay I can explain this. Both guys and girls have best friends that they rank. You probably have people that you want to text more than others and some people that you used to text a little and now never text and even some people that you ignore but you don't really know you are.

    This method is probably not the nicest but it will work. Think of friendship like a chain and that YOU want to be on the top of the "texting chain" which will mean you will be the top priority for the people you want to text you. So you need to start a good conversation and YOU need to start it with them. Once you have you need to talk about something that really interests them and get them into it. But DO NOT overwhelm him/her. You want to stay extremely calm. Once you can REALLY REALLY tell the person is into the conversation and they are seeing your messages sooner than it is time to pull yourself farther up their chain. So to do this its time for you to start taking longer and longer to respond to their messages, but not TOO long that they are losing attention. If they are speed up. Then go in a pattern. You want to slow down and speed up every 5 to 10 minutes. After while you want to instantly see their message and respond fast with a "gtg bye". And nothing other. Then leave. Wait upto 3 days to see if they start a convo. If they do your good to go and you want too follow these instructions forever. Trust me, it will become natural. If they DON'T respond than do it all over again. Do this with all of your friends.

    Another tip I can give you is that you NEED to make sure THEY start conversations more than 75% of the time and remember to find out what to talk about first. Be humorous, nice and calm.

    So maybe you have been doing this for a good two months now and its starting to work well. Now you might want to step it up a notch. You might want to improve and here are two small tips to help.

    1. When they say something you think they might have tension waiting for an answer, read it ONLY at the start menu of your phone so that they don't know you read it. This will give them lots of tension and then after 5 minutes finally read it. Don't type right away tho. This will give them minor tension. Then type and respond with an emotionless text like "okay" or "cool" or "nice". In all lowercase.
    Your Friend: Can I ask you something
    You: Yeah <---- Trying to look happy to encourage them to say it
    Your Friend: (something embarrassing or maybe asking you out, etc)

  • You have started doing the right thing for yourself. Learn to value you time and effort. All relationships should be 50/50. Anything outside of that is a high maintenance relationship. Limit your efforts with those people. Some of them may come around.

    It is a bit of supply and demand. If you constantly give your time( supply ) the result is a depreciated value of it( demand). It may be difficult but you will find your true friends and develop stronger relations with them.

  • Tell then in person "Hey a**hole why don't you text me"?


Recommended myTakes