I am trying to write ✍️ and i hope I will share with you in short
Yeah, I'll do it right now
I was born April 2nd, and my mom was happy, dad hated that he had another daughter so he obviously didn't like me lmao. I grow up and the older I get, I begin to realize that my dad is a shitty individual who clearly never cared about me, but him and mom stayed together "for the children", so there was that. Grew up with constant arguing, knife fights, and other crazy shit that happened between my parents.
In school, I can safely say that I didn't have a lot of real friends since I was mostly just the "tag-along buddy" that girls wanted around just so they had someone, even though I wasn't the ideal person they wanted around them. Then when I get in high school, it obviously gets worse with more fake friends and then they throw some dude who guilt tripped me into dating him on me when I had like zero interest in dating at that point in time.
I even told him I was not interested and he still continued until I just was like, "Goddamn it, fine 😒". And y'know, that obviously was not gonna end well and it didn't. He abused me physically, emotionally, and mentally for 3-4 years, kept me from friends, turned me against my mother, etc. Finally at age 17, I get out of that and thought, "oh yeah, I'll definitely be left alone now". Nope.
When I was working in the school library as an elective class my Senior year a week or two after my ex boyfriend finally leaves for good, this tall *shiver* "ginger" comes in and sits at the table I'm at where I was working on something for my art class. I notice that he's friends with this other guy I was friends with, so I didn't wanna be awkward and ignore him, so I just kind of greeted him, but kept working on my stuff.
We did talk while he was waiting for that friend and I did tell him about the ex boyfriend bullshit so that he would know from the get-go that I was NOT interested in the dating crap right now. And he acted like he understood, so I didn't worry and was like, "I'm sure we'll be good friends. And of course, it didn't go that way, cause' two weeks later, I was helping set up for the book fair in the library and he comes in to help for whatever reason and while he's asking, he asks me if I want to hang out outside of school on the weekend.
I was gonna say "not really", but I didn't want him to think I didn't really like him or wanted to disappoint him, and again, I was still in an emotionally fragile state and years of abuse really does a lot to your self-esteem.. so, I agreed, thinking it would be what he said, "hanging out", a normal outing with shopping, eating, that junk. And yeah, it was. Until we got back in the car after going out to eat. I wish I had brought my own transportation, but I sadly didn't have my own car or a license at the time, so I had to ride with him.
Eh.. but he forces himself on me and forces me to kiss him and I felt disgusted, VERY disgusted after that.. and I'm at his mercy, because again, I don't have my own car to drive off on my own. He takes me to this abandoned house in the woods near where he lives and he drags me into the house and once again, forces himself on me, basically sexually assaults me, and all I did was cry, I just wanted to go home to my mom. And all that crying and the "I don't want this.." must have made him feel some kind of guilt, I guess 😒.
So he drags me back out, and shoves me in the car and drops me off at my house. I spend the whole rest of that day crying and want to tell my mom what happened, but didn't have the courage to. It comes out on accident the next week, and my dad calls the guy on his job and yells at him and my mother is getting ready to call the law, but for some horrendously stupid reason, I tell them that I was overreacting and they stop and are like, "God, you had me worried.."
The next day, onwards, I go to school, he isn't speaking to me and next thing you know, the whole 12th grade thinks I'm some kind of whore or slut all because he went around talking shit about me because I told my parents what he did, like he thought I wasn't going to end up telling someone about him doing that to me. I told my friends and they were supportive, despite his bullshit rumors. One of my friends even offered to be my bodyguard lmao..
I don't wanna go to school anymore, but huh.. still go and then my ex boyfriend somehow finds me again on Snapchat when I still used it, but mainly to talk to friends, not really much else, and was telling me what I already knew about the "ginger" calling me a "whore" and shit. I ignore him and block him, go on with my life. After that, no more guys really bother me. Then the man himself decides to apologize to me AFTER all the shit he caused. Not wanting to be petty and hold grudges, I accept his apology. And that's it.
I was friends with a guy who helped me through a lot of that. For years, actually lmao. Without him, I most certainly would not be where I am today. I was an emotional wreck after graduation, after all that happened and then with most of my friends from school ditching me afterwards. I'm very behind, compared to most of my peers and people around my age, but I am trying to catch up and do better.
I feel that maybe if I was a little more assertive when I was 14-17, none of this would have really happened, but I was really under the impression that if I mentioned, "I'm not interested", they would take it and leave me alone. And I am in no way saying that what I went through is worse than what others have, cause' it's not, but it has effected me in a lot of ways.
On top of my dad being a verbally abusive piece of shit, all this made my self-esteem plummet and made me hate myself lmao (I honestly still do). Not even gonna lie, I'm afraid to be in a serious relationship with guys or be intimate. It's really even a shock if a guy is even nice to me anymore. Or just anyone for that matter. I have a hard time opening up to anyone anymore. I don't hate men, I'm not a feminist or a lesbian, I just don't really know how to handle guys anymore, I guess lmao..
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Nah, I'll let other people decide if my life end up being interesting enough to write books about. I just write about whatever's interesting to me at the time (which usually is a bad thing because I write too much).
I already have in previous MyTakes.
My Experience Struggling with Depression, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and Never Being "Good Enough"
What goes through my head, if you sat down and got to know me.
MCheetah December 2022 Journal Entry to Vent
November 3rd, 2022: Ten Full Years Now Since She Passed Away
The TL;DR: I had a super-sh*tty childhood/life growing up and all of my dreams and life-goals died.
Already did in my diary. Sadly, I lost it.
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I will, yes. I am already incorporating parts of it into a current novel.
maybe when im older
nothing really interesting has happened to me yet
My life story is only interesting if you view it as a religious chronology, what I know about faith is much more interesting.
Maybe some day if I become famous. My mom thinks I should, but do you know how damn long that'll take. I'll most likely hire someone to write it for me, as I don't have the patience to do something like that
Nah. There are people who deserve their life story to be written and have struggled more than me. They should be a motivation for the others
shoot no lol my life not that glamorous or magical. my tween years were a horror movie health wise…
The first thing I remember is some big hand slapping my ass and he must have thought I liked it because he slapped my ass again even harder. There is your starting point…. lol
If I did most of the chapters would be of me masturbating 😛
No, I don't like it at all. sometimes my teachers at school ask us to do this and I don't like to do it
I’m writing it as we speak.
Yeah, surely one day
I got no time for that, I’m on a mission
Not that interesting😅... so no
Maybe
Probably not
No Never.
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