For the longest time, I have been holding on to the past. Yes I did some things I was not proud of in and ended up ruining some friendships with my own hands. I even humiliated myself making fake accounts to reach out to my best friend who blocked me off everything in this world, doing things to change so she could take me back. That was a toxic friendship. I kept thinking back if only I have, if only I hadn't. I put myself into therapy and started seeing a better perspective of life. I still had hope that she would come back to my life even though we hadn't spoken in over a year.
I blamed everything on me but after a while I realized I was not the only bad person in the friendship, therapy allowed me to see that we both had our faults in our fall out and I took it the hardest. I am ashamed to say I cyberstalked her, I let go of my dreams and hopes for the future just so I can get this friend back, and at what cost, my dignity? my dreams? my aspirations? and this same person did not appreciate or even humor me the slightest bit by sending a reply back so I was wasting my time for 1 whole year and let go of who I wanted to become.
I would look back on the past a lot and keep beating myself up about it, feeing so much guilt and angst, having sleepless nights, going on stupid yes, no buttons online, fake psychic websites to find out if we will still be friends again. I had put myself into a toxic cycle. I had started to let her go slowly but surely but what really made me remove myself from the past and move on in life? believe it or not you're going to laugh. Kylie Jenner. Yes! Kylie effing Jenner.
When she posted the video of her pregnancy journey, I saw how much love she had from her closest friends and family. That made me so happy and realized that I too could have that in my life, just because I lost one friendship does not mean I will not gain something better. I have seen "soulmate" friendships as I call them happen to people who are well over high school and college at the most random of places and events. I am yet to find my "soulmate" friend but I will enjoy the journey as I get there. As for my dreams, they are back in track, I have plans to be bigger than any celebrity yet so watch out for me in the next year. I am not allowing anyone take away my happiness anymore. Friend, boy, family. Not anymore. I am in control of my life.
As for my ex best friend, she's in the past now, I have finally let her go and I know there is something better coming for me. 
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