23 Years Old, Lonely, No Friends For Almost 5 Years... What Do I Do? Is It Escapable? My Life Story In Brevity.


In short, I was never really the guy with a whole bunch of friends and a slew of people texting me on my phone constantly as I went through school life. In elementary, I would say I usually had a reasonable number of friends and the students in the class were more or less the same going through most years, so people kind of knew each other well. I remember, even then, I had this 'empty' feeling, though - like I was kind of alone.

After the 6th grade, I was forced to move across the country due to the effects of the '07-'08 economic crash, as it seemed like there was a better opportunity there at the time. I went through 7th grade as 'the new kid' and, while I made some friends along the way, there was still this empty feeling coming and going, you know? In the 8th grade, I cried to my dad after the first day of school and he decided to put me in this alternative semi-home-school type of schooling.

The crying was probably a lot like this
The crying was probably a lot like this

When I came back to proper public schooling in the 9th grade, I still had a couple or few of my main friends, but I guess time kind of drifted us apart as they had each established different connections, so it'd be a little harder for me to situate myself back. One of them got involved in sort of a 'nerd' group during the 8th grade, and while I had been accepted in, I didn't feel like some of them were making too strong of an effort on me, so it'd be a long while before I felt comfortable in it. I was relatively shier back then (still kind of am, depending) and I would choose to walk alone during many lunch breaks as it didn't seem like they were actively trying to get me that much. Another factor was a lot of their nerdiness didn't really resonate with me.

Many of the lunch breaks evoked this kind of feeling
Many of the lunch breaks evoked this kind of feeling

Time passed, and I get better situated in the group, particularly during the second half of 10th grade. I go through the bulk of high school with these guys being my main friends, with some others on a more temporary or acquaintance level. Almost a year after high school ends, we start to have a falling out. It was honestly pretty stupid and a lot of it probably could have been avoided.

The thing is I made certain decisions and felt slighted in certain ways, so I stopped feeling comfortable going to our gatherings. I guess I have this insecurity where if, for once, I'm kind of on the spotlight about something, I start to feel like everyone would be antagonistic towards me and it's better to just stray away. Looking back at this, I wasn't totally wrong in the case of one person anyway, but I was probably exaggerating quite a bit. In any case, I stop seeing them IRL for months, and no one actively tries to get me back for the most part, so that further cements to me that I'm not wanted and it wouldn't be worth my time.

Walking into unknown territory
Walking into unknown territory

This purely online relationship that I have with some of them (and not even strong at that) for months on end leads to dumb and petty arguments - like the kind many of you would have with your friends all the time - being the straws that broke the camel's back, and I'm blocked off from basically all of them eventually.

That's it. Those were my friends. The last IRL ones, anyway (I had a separate online life I didn't go into here). Anyone else I knew from high school I lost touch with a long time ago with the exception of one, and I burned bridges with him as well as he was always quite an asshole. This falling out period was all during the year of 2015. I had no substitute social life for these people, besides some online friends at certain times, but even my online gaming life went through a comparative social drought to the way it used to be during the prime years.

Drought... nuff said
Drought... 'nuff said

My IRL life (and now life as a whole) has been very lonely for a long time. I've gone through multiple jobs and never seemed to actually make friends through them. There's people I can get along with, but ultimately they didn't care about having a friendship with me. I would try to make online gaming buddies out of some of them but there was usually an excuse not to play in the moment, or I would just get ignored if I messaged them. I could have maybe tried with more of them but my bad experiences already tainted my sense of prospects. I even tried getting out of my comfort zone and attending bars/clubs a little bit but, with the exception of one cute girl I ended up dancing and making out with, that hasn't produced much results, and even that one decent situation didn't lead to anything.

Typical night at a club if I wasnt meeting people whod drift away pretty fast
Typical night at a club if I wasn't meeting people who'd drift away pretty fast

In all honesty, I find many people to be quite cliquey, especially going through life as a lonely adult now. It honestly hurts so much sometimes. I wouldn't say I'm always trying to make friends, but when I am, it's just not reciprocated, really. It just feels too difficult. It feels like most people just have their friends now and that's it. No desire for expansion beyond happenstance, and I get left in the mud for it.

I really am lost.

23 Years Old, Lonely, No Friends For Almost 5 Years... What Do I Do? Is It Escapable? My Life Story In Brevity.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • opnbuk59
    Wow and I thought I was the only one who went through life this way you are a loner you don't feel comfortable with being around people for too Long not want to get entangled with their problems your s deep thinker intelligent and you need to be honest with who you are you like being by yourself but wrestle with being normal want companionship but know it won't last because you will eventually sabotage that relationship as you have always done, you made no effort to patch any of your fragmented friendship you had your parents to turn to I had no one had parents and siblings but they had nothing to do with me and still don't you have to learn to like you enough to be by y yourself and decided if your going to be a hermit or part of the social Norm can't straddle the fence here, since I was 9 i have been alone never getting or allowing anyone to get too close never had a best friend still don't it's a lonly existence i know as a kid i only had the library to turn to for answers you need to make a choice and not beat your self up y there is nothing wrong with you you just find it difficult to conform to everyday life like doing what you tease and when freedom your view of the world around you differs, you think out the box sort of speaking if you want to end this solo way of life you would have already there at groups to help with this you have all you need in your hand to change your phone the internet coming here could be consider first step but you have to be honest with yourself and be certain what and how you truly want to live your life i fully understand and relate to how you feel you ever want to talk feel free to reach out ok your not really as alone as you think
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Hi there. I understand and appreciate what you've said. To be clear, I have tried patching these friendships up, but it never worked out for various reasons. I could tell you more about it if you want.

  • SirRexington
    I share a lot of the struggles you have. I'm a unique person. I have several disabilities that affect my social functionality. I have always been at odds with most people as most people are mean and rude and I'm intolerant of their behavior. In high school I kinda was a shadow who went from group to groip with no real identity other than my own. It was lonely, violent and extremely difficult to pass school.

    Now that I'm older, I find that getting a job and holding it is near impossible for me. Its even harder to make friends now and the ones I still have from high school I see only once every few months. I'm terrified of asking a girl to go out with me and even when I had more confidence I was never a ladies man. I haven't been with anyone in years. I'm alone. I'm disabled. I don't have a job. And I don't have a home. All I have is this phone and my mom.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      If I may ask, are you homeless? How was life for you right after high school?

    • I am homeless. I live in my mom's car. Life was fine the first year afterwards despite not being able to go on the road trip my friends and I wanted to. But in 2016 things took a big hit.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Anonymous
    my life is similar to yours. I just wish to find someone who really like me and marry me and start a new life.
    Is this still revelant?
  • Anonymous
    Wanna be gaming buddies? Lol I’ve been playing all games that exist in this world, no 🧢.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Xbox, PlayStation, PC?

    • Anonymous

      Xbox and ps

    • Anonymous

      Xbox Gamertag?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Goahead76
    Wow I have so many thoughts on this, where to begin. I can relate to parts of it although I was always just really independent even with friends. I think the falling out or just distancing after high school is pretty normal. Can I ask what part of the country you live in or what state? I think where you live really determines what kind of hobbies or outdoor activities or whatever you want to call it, but also how many young people there are etc.
  • Darknut
    Just 5. I have just one friend from HS and I hardly talk to him anymore. Had tons of friends in elementary school and it you think itll never happen but it does.
  • zagor
    I went through a lot of depression in my 20's and was in a similar state. Just got to get up each day and try to make things better.
  • Joel876
    Don't take this the wrong way, I want to help you. But let me share a well kept secret: A LOT OF people feel that way. I was really, really down in my teens for that exact same reason. No friends, no girlfriends, no real connection with anyone, feeling like no one genuinely understands you. Then my Uncle told me he was the exact same way, and his "life" didn't start until he was about 25. He's happily married, has cool hobbies, plenty of friends, whatever. American culture tells you the best years of your life are your teen years. If I had actually believed that, I would have killed myself. Stop throwing pity parties, work on yourself, invest in something greater than yourself.
    • Anonymous

      Like what, though? What have you done since your teen years, for instance? What are you doing now?

    • Joel876

      Sorry I just saw this. I started lifting weights, for examle. I was always the non-athletic, timid academic, and so weight lifting was way, way out of my comfort zone. I'm still not "buff" but I have seen some results, and its already massively boosted my confidence. I can't imagine how much it will be boosted once I actually get buff. Changing yourself isn't just limited to superficial things like bodybuilding, it can also be music, or working on cars, or church involvement, but if you want friends, real friends, you need to bring something, some activity, hobby, or quality to the table for them to relate to. After all, that's how friendships form. You say something, and they spurt out, "You too, I thought I was the only one!"

    Make friends at work... The mfers you're hanging out with every day
    • Anonymous

      Well, it's a bit late for that now... I walked out of my last job almost 3 months ago. Been taking a break because I still had/have a fair bit of money saved up. Want to go in a different direction for work which might not give me a lot of opportunity to meet people if I pursue it.

    • How can someone save up enough money to survive without working? Maybe it's just that my pay... Sucks

    • Anonymous

      Well, I don't live alone for now... pay a small'ish degree of rent (used to be no rent at all) and pay for my own internet connection... besides that, it's mostly my own personal expenses. With that, I can afford to save up a fair bit while I'm working as long as I don't go totally crazy (worst case scenario is I might stagnate instead of save if I'm not getting a lot of shifts or my spending is going a little overboard for the time). I was working some decent paid jobs, though, but also some shittier paid ones as well. I honestly could have saved up so much more by now though, but I take long break periods occasionally where I laze out for a while and my savings steadily deplete. For now, I'm still okay, and tax return season will help a little bit, but I'm gonna wanna get back to making money in a short while; don't wanna wait another while until it's all gone. If I were living alone, I'd still be decent for some time with the amount I have, but it helps to not move out yet, even though I kinda want to.

  • littleredhead
    I feel your heart ache I Personally went through some dark times it will get better head up
  • UnknownGagsUser
    No one deserve to be lonely..
  • SecretGardenBlood65
    Good take