Is grabbing a child by the wrist abusive behavior?

[SwolDishWasher]

I dont want to go into details, and I've been googling it so i have an idea that it is. But i witnessed a child today that i know personally get her wrist grabbed, by someone who is not her father. Im incredibly angry and i didn't want to make a scene at the time. Am i overreacting. From what i remember it wasn't a hard squeeze but enough to hinder her movement.

Mho to someone who gives a well thought out opinion, that isn't overly dramatic.

Updates

+1 y

@spnsfi dude your response was the only helpful one. I knew i was going to waste time being asked a hundred questions to be given poor answers. But you were short and to the point. You'll be getting mho

Updates

+1 y

Id like to see how many of you let someone who isn't family grab your child by the wrist.

[musicbrain5]

More context is needed, to be honest. What was the child doing? How old is she? Do you know what the relationship is between her and this man? Were her parents nearby? Was it in public or at a home? Does she often have bruising in unusual spots for a child, or small fingerprint bruises around the neck, arms, or legs?

As someone who is a mandated reporter of child abuse (I'm a teacher), I have a pretty good knowledge of what constitutes abuse and what doesn't. Generally speaking, grabbing/holding a child by the wrist is not abuse. It's a common tactic used in public situations by parents and caregivers to get a hold of a child who is wandering away/misbehaving/not willing to hold hands (but in a situation where they need to, like crossing the street). The point of it is to limit the child's movement for their own safety, especially in a public space.

It's hard to make a judgment on this as there aren't enough details to go on. I've already seen two abuse cases in my young career, and based on what you said here, this is not abuse.

[musicbrain5]

Ok, I see what you wrote in the comments. No, it's not abuse. There are better ways of handling a situation like that. I don't know how old the child is, so I can't say what those alternatives would be - it varies depending on age group and her level of comprehension.

[SwolDishWasher]

Ill explain what i can.

No family relation
At a home
Her mom was not there and he wouldn't have done it if she was.
No bruises, it was intimidation
It was because she was arguing with her cousin over a dollar. She tried to take it away and he grabbed her wrist.

I dont like sharing my personal business, help me if you can with the information provided.

I am incredibly upset, and im not sure if this is a red flag for future abuse.

[SwolDishWasher]

she's 8

[musicbrain5]

At 8 years old, in that situation (taking things from people - the money in this case), she can be reasoned with verbally. Wrist grabbing here is not abuse, but it's also not necessary. It's not like she was running away into a huge crowd at the mall or something. For a non family member, that's kind of a strange way to stop a child's behaviour. Most people would just talk it out.

It's unlikely that this is a red flag for abuse in the future, but if you're concerned I would suggest trying to watch a few more interactions between her and this man. See if there are patterns in their behaviour around each other, listen to how he talks to her, etc. Take some mental notes and bring it up to her mother if necessary. You definitely don't want to jump to a conclusion and make a false accusation - that can have a very negative impact on you personally and professionally, as well as legally.

[SwolDishWasher]

I handled it verbally, but im not out to be the hero. My question, is, this a red flag. His behavior has progressively​ been getting worse, specifically with the female children. He leaves the male ones alone. Theyre all between 8-15.

Its so damn hard explaining without sharing too much, but im worried and need some advice.

[musicbrain5]

Yeah in would consider that a red flag in terms of the big picture. And I meant he should have talked to her instead of unnecessarily grabbing her wrist. Really inappropriate for someone who isn't the parent.

And I only asked those questions so I wouldn't be forced to make a potentially false assumption about the situation and the people involved, including you. I didn't say you had to answer all of them, lol. I was only trying to help you, but if this discussion isn't satisfactory, I'm sorry. At least I tried. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Whatthefluff]

While grabbing a child's wrist isn't fatal by any means, sometimes parents find it necessary to restrain their child in some way.
For example, I knew a young child with Autism who would try to run into the street while they were walking. Given the fear of her child being in danger, her mom would always try to hold her wrist. Unfortunately, this child didn't know she was going anything wrong and, of course, would try to resist.
Another example is how young children in general feel the need to be independent. In this instance, a different child (around 1, just learning to walk) was used to being held by his wrist so he didn't really disagree until he was about three. Naturally his parents were protective of their child and wished not for him to be in danger.
While sometimes it is unnecessary to hold a child's wrist, I do not consider this to be abusive behavior.

[BeeNee]

As far as child abuse goes, if the child was grabbed violently in a threatening manner (aka, I will punch you in the face if you don't come with me) and/or if a physical injury was caused such as a bruise, contusion, or if blood was drawn, it could be considered abuse. Context matters greatly here. However, in general, a simple grab of an arm is probably not abuse of a child and anyone investigating the situation would need additional info, histories, evidence from the child or other witnesses close to that person and child to actually file charges. If you feel this wasn't an isolated incident, keep watch over the situation and take meticulous records of anything else you notice and of course if things get worse or the child reports abuse, call the Police or Protective Services.

[hospitable_pepperoni]

Depends on /why/, /how/, and /who/ grabbed the child's wrist.

If it was done by someone who wasn't the parent, that's extremely inappropriate and the only reason I can think of to justify the action was if the child was in danger.

I've seen parents grab their children's wrists before for a few reasons, either if they were throwing a tantrum and causing destructive behavior, or trying to run away. In that situation I'd say it's okay, as long as the parent is doing it in a way that doesn't harm the child.

[SwolDishWasher]

It was unjustified wrist grab. Something that would fly under the radar if he was the parent. But there's no blood relationship

[hospitable_pepperoni]

I wouldn't call it /abuse/, but I'd call it inappropriate activity.

[SwolDishWasher]

Your response was good too.

[hospitable_pepperoni]

Thanks

[serious]

No, you are not overreacting. Grabbing a child by the wrist can be extremely hurtful and it's inappropriate. Whether that was abuse or not would depend on the situation.

[spnsfi]

I think it's unnecessary at least, there are better ways to deal with kids other than manhandling them

[SwolDishWasher]

This is calming me down.

[spnsfi]

👍👍

[Wonderer89]

No, I don't think it's child abuse.
Hindering her movement so she is unable to continue what she's doing isn't going to hurt her, and while it may be inappropriate depending on his position in her life I wouldn't say it's discipline either.

I don't think it's necessary to get that angry, but if it made you feel uncomfortable then speak with her mother and leave it up to her. If the mother wasn't comfortable leaving her child around the man knowing what has happened she can make changes to ensure that

[Bleh-___-]

Not enough context (like why was he grabbing her wrist, who is he, what was she doing) but 99% sure it's not. You said it yourself that it wasn't a hard squeeze which I assume means it wasn't meant to cause her pain. Not to compare a child to a dog but we treat our dog really well. However, sometimes if she's on her leash and going somewhere she's not supposed to we have to use a little force and bring her back to where she should be. It doesn't cause any pain and it sends the message "yo. Be here and not there". Without the context it sounds more like he was trying to control the kid's behavior

[SwolDishWasher]

Like i said i dont want to go int details. But he is not related. she got her wrist grabbed because she was trying to take a dollar away from her cousin.

Its hard to explain because i dont want to share my personal business.

[Bleh-___-]

Yeah so behavior control. Not the best way to handle the situation but by no means child abuse. Not even close

[SwolDishWasher]

Okay, but he isn't family. I can be very persuasive so please listen to me without being intimidated. A person should never lay a hand on someone's elses kid unless its completely necessary

[Bleh-___-]

Yeah I'd be upset as a parent if someone touched my kid. They're mine to raise, not theirs. Still, that action doesn't qualify as abuse

[SwolDishWasher]

It seemed like a red flag to me. She's very close to me. I quickly handled the situation without confrontation, because i figured causing a scene would be a problem. Im afraid this might happen again but worse.

[RingOfFire]

It all depends on the details and the scenario. If that someone was rescuing the child from danger and grabbing their wrist was the best way to do it, then yes, that's okay. If they were angry at the child and imposing physical force to force the child to do something then it depends on what they were forcing them to do. It could be something for the benefit of the child for example if the child was doing something to endanger itself. And it depends on what authority that person was given by the child's parents. Were they babysitting the child and the child was doing some kind of behavior where they could get hurt, for example? In that case I could see that grabbing them by the wrist to stop them from that behavior MIGHT be appropriate to let the child know it is something they should not do. Of course grabbing them in such a way as to intentionally injure them would ALWAYS be wrong.

So it depends on the circumstances.

[Goodwifie]

Sounds a bit much to me and if it doesn't sit right with you then it could be of a concern.
Can you talk to one of the parents?
There have been times when I have had to hold on to my daughter like that because she'd have a major tantrum while picking up her brothers from school.
I was too unwell and weak from a chronic illness to pick her up so it was the best that I could do. Much better option then having her run out in front of a car.

[SwolDishWasher]

I already messaged the mom on Facebook. It was a very unnecessary wrist grab. Read what i said to bleh.

[Goodwifie]

I wouldn't let anyone grab my kids like that.

[Reem12345reem]

if it doesn't hurt her than no it's not abusive behaviour BUT if she showed that it's really bothering her or it really caused pain to her hand then I suggest to handle it in another way like picking her up and holding her , but then again if it doesn't really hurt her then no it's not abusive

[Anonymous]

I think that something I would have to witness in order to make a valued opinion. But what I can tell you is that sometimes when children are behaving poorly grabbing the rest is not intended to be abusive it's more of a trying to get their attention without really trying to hurt them.

[lareina05]

Depends on the situation as to why the child was grabbed. Anyway you look at it, it is frowned upon. It could hurt the child.

[lareina05]

What I learned working at schools is report it no matter what. Child services will investigate to see if it is abuse. I saw an incident once where a child was on a table and teacher quickly grabbed him catching his wrist as he jumped off. I wouldn't think that is abuse in that situation but she was fired because someone else will.(especially not seeing everything that happened)

[SwolDishWasher]

I've explained it on other opinions. I dont care to repeat myself

[lareina05]

I never asked you to explain. But honestly if you asked this question you should have already reported it.

[Anonymous]

Without knowing the complete details about the situation , its not possible to judge.
I mean what's the reason behind man grabbing her hand?
Did she created a mess or something?

[SwolDishWasher]

Read what i said to bleh. I dont like repeating

[Anonymous]

grabbing anyone by the wrist is abusive. just because they are a child doesn't make them any less of a person. when a man grabs a woman by the wrist, can also be seen as abusive.

[pooper89]

I got my arm yanked out of it's socket not once but twice by my mom when I was a kid. I think she stopped grabbing my arm after that lol

[Leandri]

I don't think it is abusive per se, but if someone grabs my wrist I feel caged. So I would say it is the wrong way to handle someone

[Ladyslipper]

I grab my children's wrists all the time mostly when they're not listening or we need to cross the road quickly

[Elarra]

No it's not lol. You are 100% over reacting.

[peachblossomluck]

I think you should tell her parents what you saw.

[peachblossomluck]

And I mean ASAP.

[gothbxtch]

like violently grabbing them? yes

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

No. It's petty. No harm no foul.

[cutemz]

Nope

[SwolDishWasher]

Yep. You get mho.

[cutemz]

Ok thanks 😂

[Anonymous]

There is no harm