Am I being selfish?

[zoe2187]

Long story short. My mom has stage 4 lung cancer. She isn’t able to care for herself. I’ve been spending 3-4 days a week at her house to help care for her and take her to her doctors appointments. I live about an hour away. My husband feels I am being selfish by spending too much time away from him. Please be kind.

[Jaximus-Lion]

This is a very serious situation! I am assuming there is not much left for your mother. If i may ask? How long does she have left?
I had way many people losing battles against cancer so i have been there, the person whom is suffering from cancer might need creating last best memories with their loved ones, it makes their pain a little bit better to go through, after they are gone then you have all the time to be with your partner for enough time, it's hard to explain, understand and to accept but at the end you both have each other and the person with disease goes away leaving a massive hole in our lives. I hope things get well because cancer is a real shit show that no one wants to see but yet we have to be there. Stay strong

[zoe2187]

I convinced her to fight. Her first responds was hospice. Without treatment I was told 6-12 months. She’s going to start a trial drug, hopefully, soon. It’s hard seeing her so weak. My dad passed 5 years ago. Cancer sucks.

[Jaximus-Lion]

I know that feeling , you will be exhausted more often. The battles at home and the mental battles with cancer. Do not forget to take a paus and breath a little every now and then.

[Andres77]

What's the status of his parents?
What you're doing is telling your husband, and your kids, that this is what you're willing to do for someone you care about.
It's setting the example for your kids.
How long does your Mom have?
I think your husband needs to accept this as part of life and part of what's coming for him in the future.
What is he doing to make your time special when you are home? Or is he expecting you to do that too?
I'm sorry your mom is sick.
I hope she pulls through.
Your husband needs to wake the hell up.
Everything we do is a test... everything. Right now he seems whiny and ungrateful and lazy (seems like... because I don't have all the details but... c'mon).
Take care of your mom while you have her.
Imagine the guilt if she passes just after you stop helping her.
It's all a balance.
It's not easy.
A little empathy from your husband would be nice.

[zoe2187]

Thank you for your kind thoughts and words. My mom passed. The guilt I have for not doing all I could to save her has broken my heart. I learned to follow my intuition. So yeah it’s my fault.

[Anonymous]

I can understand that you have a very tough time right now, having a very difficult situation with your Mom and your husband adds to it a little. I believe that he doesn’t understand that much what you go through right now. Maybe you need to get really vulnerable with him and tell about all your concerns, including the fact that not only you love your mom but want to spend time with her as much as possible now, and that he still is important to you and that you feel overwhelmed and really scared now if you feel like this, or anything you feel. I think that given your husband loves you very much maybe if you will be very open with him, he might understand you a little bit more and give you some support and hold you and comfort

[Paris13]

I am So very Sorry for your pain and what you are Going through. I lost a Mom to Lung Cancer but never went Through what you are Going through. She just went into the Hospital and Died. I do have a Family Member who we cared for at out Home here but sadly it was way too Much and he is In Hospice Now at a Nursing Care Place. You do what you Feel you CAN DO. However, Your Husband is feeling Left Out and is not Sympathetic to this. maybe she could Come and stay with You/ or get a Nursing Home? It has to be Discussed with you BOTH. God Bless and Good Luck. xx

[Paris13]

Thanks to Gag. xx

[DiegoO]

You are not being selfish, she's your mom. Only one mom you have, and only one will be there for you also. I get your husband is upset, however he should be receptive to the situation.

If you have kids be careful. If they see mom sacrifying her self to take care of grandma, they'll mostlikely follow that good example. The opposite could send the wrong message, your husband should be more aware of that.

[zoe2187]

Thank you. I do have kids. I want them to know family is important.

[Agape93]

... selfish for taking care of your mother, who has stage 4 lung cancer and needs your help... as opposed to spending more time with him. Um no, love, you’re not selfish. You’re doing the right thing by helping her. HE is the selfish one here. If my boyfriend said that to me, I’d pop him in the mouth and tell him to kick bricks.


You keep up what you’re doing hon, he can go suck a chode.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Then tell him to come with you when you go to care for her if he misses you that much. I understand he has needs too but right now he needs to understand that there is a more pressing matter and he needs to put his own stuff to the side for a bit. You don't love him any less, you just need to be there for your mom right now

[Nik1hil]

You husband is being a 🐚🐚🐚🐚shell-fish here..

If I were your hubby I would move in next to your mom's place to be with both of you. So you can have these last moments with your mom..

[zoe2187]

Thank you

[888theGreat]

No, you should honor thy mother. She changed your diapers and took care of you once. He is WRONG. I had to move back in to take care of my mom when she got Dementia. Of course I am not married. I would assume some women wouldn't like that either.

[zoe2187]

You’re a good son. I feel like my husband is making me choose between him and my mom. My mom is winning. I can’t watch her die for him. He’s asking to be alone for good.

[Diversity_Hire]

Your husband is the one being selfish...

[zoe2187]

Thank you.

[Wise4myage]

He's being a total jack ass.

[eagle1951]

in my book Mom comes first.

[Pterodon]

He’s being selfish

[zoe2187]

Thank you