How do you deal with someone who is overly sensitive?

[dimitria97]

My best friend and I have been friends for over 2 years and she truly has done a lot for me. She’s a genuine friend and I enjoy talking to her.

However, she is extremely sensitive and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells when I want to have a conversation with her about something she’s doing that bothers me or stand up to her. I have to be overly careful with my words or she will jump to conclusions & then I will have to “back pedal” in the conversation. It takes a lot of patience sorting out issues with her & she will often play victim. As a result, I end up not having certain conversations with her because it simply stresses me out. Recently, I’ve chosen to explain what I mean in full detail about everything I say before she responds to make sure everything is straightened out. She told me that it makes her feel like I’m “underestimating” her ability to understand when I do that.

Honestly, I feel like I’ve silenced myself and my thoughts so much in the past and that was just the last straw for me for whatever reason. It feels like a damned if I do, damned if I don’t situation. If I start the conversation off with her just discussing an issue I have, from many previous experiences, she’s jumped to conclusions and got upset…. But if I start the conversation off by initially clearing up any confusion, then I’m underestimating her? Am I wrong for these thoughts?

This along with many other sensitivities is starting to make me feel like “well regardless of what I say or don’t say, she’s going to be mad anyway so I might as well do whatever I want and not silence myself for anyone”. Don’t get me wrong, if I know someone is sensitive about a few things, then I’m not holding that against them. We’re all sensitive about certain things. However, I don’t know how to deal with someone who seems to get triggered over a lot of stuff. What are your thoughts on this situation?

[AmandaYVR]

Interesting how there's only one [non] response on this after six hours. Probably because this is such a difficult situation that many people encounter, and really, what is the solution or strategy to deal with it?

This is a relationship killer. Doesn't matter who that person is to you - opposite sex lover, platonic friend, etc. It makes everything so difficult.
I let a longtime friendship slip away, on account of this. It was just too difficult to always be on eggshells. It wasn't until there were other communication issues, that I finally made the decision, but in the end, I did. I miss her sometimes, but I didn't like feeling like I was so often being insensitive. It made me feel bad to be around her, her nose often scrunching up. She had many fabulous qualities. But the friendship gave me anxiety about her interpretations. I concluded that I was very opinionated. Many, many, years later, I decided it was more about her sensitivities.

I think it's great you've been adapting your behaviour to try and find a solution to this.
But sounds like all the strategy in the world won't be enough to find a permanent solution.

You'll have to confront her. Tell her what you said here. You obviously are sensitive to others, and are not a brute or any of that. If she doesn't receive what you say with the warm and good intentions it was intended, than, honestly, you'll never be able to truly relax around her as a friend. She needs to understand this, and let it be her choice, ultimately. She will get offended, but perhaps one day she will finally take some responsibility for her part in relationship dynamics.
I can't advise you to do everything you can to adapt and try and save this. I honestly find such insecure people their own form of selfish, and the world does not owe them this much.

[dimitria97]

Hi Amanda, thank you for your response. This was very helpful advice and I am planning on talking to her about this. It’s tough because parts of me don’t feel like talking to her another part of me has hope that maybe I can make this friendship work

[AmandaYVR]

You're welcome.
Yeah, it's a tough situation for sure.
I think the main thing is if you can't bear to lose her, don't say anything, but you will be tormented, as you are.
If you do speak to her, you'll have to accept the consequences, and try to not have any unending guilt about it, because your intentions are good and honest.

[Queenzee22]

It's takes a lot of patience to deal with people like us.
We are extremely highly sensitive,
You try and understand us i. e that aw we are
Take us for who we are
Then also be extra careful with the words you choose to use on us.
When advicing us bring it as an example and let's provide a solution den you can direct it toward us.
Make sure you do not use harsh words when talking.
And make sure any time you make a sentence or you speaks to us , try and explain immediately whatever you mean to say.
If not we can take it the wrong way.
It's takes a lot of patience and understanding to deal with us.
For me I tell people to choose their words when talking to me...

[Queenzee22]

Then also, you AV to stand up and tell her the truth.
There are practical ways.
Before you start tell her aw much you like, and aw much you still need her by urside
Let her have this positive vibe about you
Make sure you let her know with what you are about to say you meant no harm and U aren't underestimating her.
When you give her an assurance words
Then you good to go.
If you like insult us it's nothing

[Jake99999]

Honestly it sounds like a pretty toxic situation, do you really want to be dealing with that all the time? A friend is supposed to be someone who you get along with and is easy to talk to. You can be yourself and you are on the same page, or its very easy if you don't agree on something; and you focus more on the things that unite you. Honestly its hard to be friend with someone who wants to argue with you all the time and makes you feel like you have to shut yourself down.

How can you "enjoy talking to her" if you constantly have to walk on eggshells and explain everything and she gets mad all the time? This relationship... as you describe it... is just way way way too much work. Just stop spending time with her. Life is too short to deal with such crap.

[ManHater]

This is what happens when the university and college system create a safe space for these people. They get out of school completely fucking crazy thinking that they are not capable of taking criticism from. Their bosses.

Honestly find better friends how can you talk with a gun loose girl who can't take blame for her own stupid choices.

[Григорий]

I personally believe that you and her are not true friends. A true friend is someone that you can tell everything you think too and they’ll listen. You shouldn’t have to hold back your tongue and backpedal unless you insulted her then you should apologize.

[mrbean99]

Very difficult. No matter what you say or do, they get over sensitive. They see problems and hidden meaning everywhere. I had girl like that. I was cold - not good, I was sensitive - not good. I was normal - very suspicious. She always thought I keep pretending or trying to tell her something...

[Mofunfour20]

By realizing you dont need them. All you need in life is your name and your purpose, everything after is protecting what youve already worked for.

[Wester1967]

Stop being so callous

[Asianguy123]

Yeah called drama Queen

[Gwenhwyfar]

I agree with you

[Ironic_Method]

I don't.

[jimmy2]

Too much drama