Should I try to contact my dad again?

Question

I’ve only met my dad once in my life, not until I was 22 years old. He took me to get some ice cream. But since then, I’ve never heard from him again.

The only reason we met each other back then is because I searched for him on one of those people search/background check websites. He moved to Alaska while my mom was pregnant with me and was still there for all these years.

But a few weeks ago, I did another search for him and I see that he’s recently moved from Alaska to the state that is right next to me.

Should I try to get in touch with him again? I’d like to have him in my life, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to contact him when he might not be interested in getting to know me.

Gagname · Accepted Answer

Whether you should contact your dad again depends on a few things…

1. You said you met your dad once—13 years ago, and he got you ice cream…how did that meeting with him go—was he interested in finding out about you & your life, and keeping in touch with you at all?

2. Did he explain why he left your mom while she was pregnant, and why he stayed away all those years and never got in touch?; and did he express any regret about all that?

3. Are you aware of his current “life situation,” and any life challenges that he is going through now (such as financial, legal, or drug issues)?

4. What do you hope to get from having a relationship with your father, and what do you think are realistic expectations for having one with him?

BeenThereLovedIt · Accepted Answer

I say no, you shouldn't. It's up to him to reach out to you, he's the father figure. If you have to do it, and try to have a relationship, you will always feel that you aren't good enough and that he didn't make the effort because of that.

Instead, you've reached out, done your part. If he rejects you, it's because of him and his lack of care, but that doesn't reflect on you. Don't chase him, it will only do you harm. He will reach out if he cares enough, and if he doesn't then he's definitely doing you a favor.

cryscrys1 · Accepted Answer

Yes why not do it
God sees the good things you do even if your dad rejects you for some reason you do your share. Give it one more try see how it goes. Who knows maybe he is longing you reach out for him…
Life is short.
My father passed away when I was young and trust me the ego the hate or anything you feel is just you blocking yourself. It’s all a lie. We came into this world for a short visit or trip you me and all at gag won’t be here after 60 years. So yeah don’t question anything if you think something do it. If you love someone say it. Dot take life too seriously.

heartinteeth · Accepted Answer

I voted yes because I kind of got the vibe from your question that you might regret it if you don't at least try. That being said, please be careful with your own heart if you think it's going to hurt you (based on his personality and willingness to stay in touch). Maybe test the waters and see what happens. I just worry that it's going to hurt you. That being said, maybe he feels the same way as you do and he's sheepish about getting back in touch because he feels guilty about not being in your life when you were younger.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Some say if you snooze you lose & unfortunately your dad is snoozing & with all my heart I wish he knew what he is losing or has lost. Thirteen years ago you met him for the first time & I can only imagine that moment & how you were feeling that day. Thirteen years ago you gave that man a chance or at least I hope you did & unfortunately he didn’t take a chance in return after that.

As for the past maybe it’s time to leave the past in the past & move forward. As for the past it’s not the future & the future can change if you want it to & reaching out might be the way to go.

ZackBan · Answer

I think at 35 you're at a place in life where you don't "need" him, you faired well (i hope) without him.

So contacting him now as nothing more than a desire to reacquaint with a relative should be the healthy choice.

I don't know if you blame him for leaving or made peace with it but if you do contact him be ready for him not to be a "father" to you but more like someone who knew your mom long ago and just happens to have your DNA.

All that being said, best of luck hope you get all that you hope for out of this.

lightbulb27 · Answer

yes.
your dad may be a messed up human, that is not your fault.

if you want to try for a relationship, then do so. it's better than having regret when he is gone.

If he is not interested, then you decide what you want to do. you only have one dad and mom, so that's special. He may reject you til his last day, we don't know his issues. People operate under wounded emotions. Until those emotions are resolved, then they are oppressed. Maybe he cannot feel love.

If he's a dangerous person, that's another matter.

Avicenna · Answer

Before you contact him, make sure you are emotionally and mentally prepared for him not being interested or not being emotionally available enough to relate to you or even keep in touch. If you are, then by all means contact him and at least see how he's doing.

sage2021 · Answer

@Flower7 I am a fatherless daughter myself. If you do contact him, you will have to give him some time to think about it. Be patient. Men like to mull things over before making a decision like that. I would give it a try - especially around Christmas 🎄 - he might be wondering about you as well. The holidays seem to make people think of family, and maybe this is the perfect time to contact him. The very best to you. 🌹

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

I'd say contact him, what do you have to lose?

If you don't contact him, there is no chance but if you do contact him, he might feel the same way, he might not and you'll be right back to where you started, except now you can say you honestly tried.

Give it a shot and see what happens.

Jackpot7s · Answer

Look at it this way if you had a friend who never bothered to contact you for years when they could have you would forget about them right? This is your dad I understand that but it is the same type situation. He could have reached out and he didn't so don't set yourself up for disappointment

AviatorTom · Answer

It never hurts to try and contact a long-lost relative. At least you'll know if he wants to be part of your life or not... for now, you're not sure. And if he does want to be part of your life, your life will expand.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

If your dad has a kind heart then try to make a go of it but if he seems not interested then all you can do is pray for him... My Dad has done some hateful things to me with verbal abuse and fighting with my mom... She tended to pick up on his habits but it's
sad for a mom ( late) who can't get along with a kids Dad and takes it out on the kids

Jhonrembo · Answer

Family is the most important thing in life. If there are no very extreme reasons it does not sound the case. In my opinion you should not give up and try what you can to contact your father. This is also important for our mental health. Parents and children is the strongest bond in creation. I also wish you in honor of Christmas that you will get to meet your father and make a new connection that will bring you joy in life. May you have the joy and happiness of others.🥂🥂🥂.

s10sleeper · Answer

I would, if not, you will spend the rest of your life not knowing. Maybe he’s regretting not being there for you and doesn’t think you want him in your life. He’s always going to be your only real father, and there’s only one way to know for sure

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

I'd be reluctant if I were you. Throughout your entire life, he only made one (1) effort over a decade ago. That single meeting happened because you searched for him and reached out to him. If he wanted you to be a part of his life, why isn't he showing any signs of effort in his part?

I certainly hope the outcome of your next reunion will be a more positive one.

Interstate · Answer

You met with him once and since then he has not contacted you. From where I am sitting, it sounds to me as though he only took you for milk and sugar to be polite. He has not made any attempt to contact you since then, so I would say you don't really mean anything to him. I would just appreciate the one time you got to have with him, but (and I hate to use these words to my online friend)..."move on with life" 😞

Adam_INTJ · Answer

That depends. Do you want to?

Would you feel happy to meet him again? We all have to take risks for things. I expect that he would not want to maintain a relationship with you, since he neglected you all this time, but maybe not.

The question is: do you care enough to take that risk? If not, I wouldn't blame you. I'm kind of angry at him and he isn't even my dad.

mark000h · Answer

I think you should. Ask him personally why he hasn't reached out and if he wants to be a part of your life. Hopefully he does but you may not like the answer you get. I think you owe it to yourself to put your mind at ease one way or the other to find out.

RealMarek · Answer

This is a difficult situation for you, but if you want to be in contact with your father it would be good to at least try. You don’t want to look back on your life someday and left wondering “what if?” and regretting lost opportunities. The worst that could happen is that he will say no or do something hurtful, but at least you’ll know you tried.

Wiredone · Answer

You should contact him and tell him how you feel. Ask him point blank if he wants to be in your life. If he says no, at least you know. All you can do is hope for the best but expect the worse.

Jessica405 · Answer

Yes. Be prepared to find a can of worms, but if you don't try, you will never know if he is receptive. There might come a time when he needs YOU in his life.

exitseven · Answer

I had both my parents so I cannot imagine what is going through your mind. I suppose if you are to get any peace of mind you need to do this. I hope it turns out good for you.

GreenLanternI0I · Answer

One way or another it is better to contact him and get the truth if he wants to be part of your life or not and if not why not. VS not contacting him ever and not knowing what kind of outcome you would of gotten.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I didn't answer either way. This is a tough situation. Not sure what I would do but it will be interesting to see how it turns out.

PeterCharie1991 · Answer

No leave him be Victoria, he should be trying get hold of you not you doing it your his daughter, dont mean sound uncaring or horrible but if he really wanted know you he wouldve by now, im sorry X

jessicarosen · Answer

If you feel like it's a relationship worthwhile/worth the effort and time, go for it! :-)

pleasestopthis · Answer

You could, if only to know at least you tried. Still, you should be prepared for whatever outcome.

noohair · Answer

What is the worst thing that could happen? If you need an older male to talk with, you can ask me anything.

baserunner611 · Answer

Unless you really and will go through some pain or uncomfortable situation and

WowwGirl · Answer

He doesn't want a relationship sadly it seems. I'd move on

jimmy2 · Answer

Bsby if he can be postive to your life then yes but if he so wild that negatives come to your life no

dustybiker · Answer

Yes, because you want to.

linka_pat307 · Answer

Try to fix your relationship

boobliker · Answer

if you think it's the right time to do so!

Neosporin · Answer

If it was on good terms sure

Iron_Man · Answer

Yes do it before Christmas ❤️

Wise4myage · Answer

Yes, don't pass up an opportunity.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

You should

BobbyC65 · Answer

I wouldn't.

Should I try to contact my dad again?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Should I try to contact my dad again?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.