Does buying expensive gifts for friends who are not well off come off as generous or like bragging about their financial standing to you?

Question

So from time to time I have been known to drop a few hundred dollars on friends just because I see them want something I know they can't afford even though they never asked me to do it. I have bought different friends a bed frame and mattress, a Nintendo Switch, sent them money just so they could order out, and even just dropped a few hundred so one friend could start a secured credit card and build credit for a house she wants one day.

I have been there myself and know what it is like to struggle. I remember a time when $25 was our monthly grocery budget. I never asked for money, but it would have probably been nice to get it. I feel like I have been blessed financially now with our jobs, my kids are well taken care of and we have everything we could possibly want. My spouse is perfectly fine with it, but I worry about the perception of it.

Would you be grateful if it were you receiving the gift or would you feel like that person is flaunting their money over you?

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

interpretations should not matter much in this case... because this is something among friends, you're supposed to know them well and they're supposed to know you well... they should know that this generosity comes from a good place and not with the intentions of bragging about money

interpretations and assumptions should come from others who don't know you well or don't know you at all... not your friends

also, your friends should be aware that this does not really represent a problem for you

my best friend is like this, he's always willing and ready to drop 100, 200, 500 dollars in one day when we go out... and I've always told him what the hell is wrong with you... lol

I know he can afford that, but I think it's way too "generous" but he's just like that, he likes to spend a good time, and the times we do have free to go out and hang out, he wants to make the most of it... I've been telling him to stop that for 16 years but that's just how he is, with all his close friends, not just me

among (good/true friends), it should not matter... it can all come and go, while I've never let him spend money on stuff like that, there was a time in which I needed some money, and then he sold his brand new truck... to give me a loan and he said to me "you can't say no, it's already done" and this pissed me off greatly but I took the money anyway, because I knew that I would pay it back entirely and timely so I just took it

I never saw it as bragging, because well... he's my best friend and I know him very well, he has never been one to brag about his money or his family's money

so... there's another thing, if these friends are not close or long time friends... let's say for example, you met them a couple of months ago and things have been very friendly and going great so yes, you call them friends... and then you drop plenty of money on them, maybe this could be something different, but I am not sure which case is your case

ChrisMaster69 · Accepted Answer

I try not to flaunt it but where possible target it where they need it.

such as buying their Christmas dinner Groceries and meats.

inviting on a trip some place as I need company, however it’s really me getting them something

last year I hired a caravan for a week and then suddenly could not go… so had to persuade couple I know to take it or I would have to pay for nothing.

It’s also not the expense it’s the reasoning and purpose of them

@SaoirseS

Dinklex3 · Accepted Answer

I think intent and thoughts behind gifts mean a lot.
A thought on if a friend of mine can afford something never crosses my mind.
If you give someone a gift and your thought is something along the lines of " I noticed you wanted this, but know you 'can't afford' it so I got it for you instead 😀"
Then they could pick up on that and be offended.
I give and receive "expensive" gifts from my friends all the time and we don't have any issues. We don't think we're above each other or think the other can't afford something. We're just grateful that the other is thinking about them.

If you know a friend is going through a hard time it's nice to be careful and slick on how you go about helping them depending on their personality.

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

I don’t think it’s bragging, Braggadocious, or a grotesque display of wealth in anyway whatsoever… Certainly not for a simple gift that just happens to be slightly expensive. If however, you previously agree on a previously agreed upon spending limit… Then yes! That is CLEARLY showing off! If you agree on say $20 spending limit and the person with the money buy’s the person without money a $20,000 Rolex… Then yes! That is CLEARLY showing off! And is definitely a grotesque display of wealth!

SamIam96 · Answer

When I was in middle school, we didn't have much money. My best friend would buy me lunch every day. He never said a word about it. He knew I couldn't pay and he did what his heart told him.

Over the years, we've fallen out of contact. Thank you for reminding me of his kindness.

I really am answering your question... What's in your heart shows. People are extremely perceptive. If you're truly generous and expect nothing in return, it shows. As would flaunting.

Кураж · Answer

No, I wouldn't feel like they are flaunting their money.
I'd still hate it, because I hate receiving gifts for my own maladjusted reasons, and expensive gifts are the hardest ones for me to accept.

I wouldn't be grateful, I would be uncomfortable accepting it.
The only gifts I give are handmade and I ask others not to get me any.

exitseven · Answer

I voted for A. However there are people who will do it to show off for everyone. My wife does home health visits and has a lot of elderly patients. Many are trying to live on social security which is difficult. The government has basically written them off. My wife often buys gift cards at the local supermarket and sends then anonymously to some of these people.

Guccigabbana18 · Answer

If it's something they've really wanted and have been eyeing, I will try to get It for my friends, but usually if it's really expensive I'll split the cost of it with a mutual friend so it's a joint gift. I personally don't see it as bragging as long as it's something that's meaningful to them. If they interpret it as bragging, I'll apologise and tell them that's not what the intent was. You can't always please people. As long as your intentions were good I don't see anything wrong

Anthontcillio · Answer

I would be grateful. In my experience though, my generosity is never returned. I feel under appreciated for the things I do for others. For this reason I started doing these kind of gestures. I enjoy making others happy but having them never reciprocate even on a smaller scale makes me feel used so I no longer do this for friends. Parents are the only ones I enjoy going out of my way to make happy now

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

I do like you do with my family and very few dear friends to me. I buy the things i know they need and they talked about for a while, or! At times i do help them with some money so they can buy things they have been saving for and still few short 🤷‍♂️. It's not bragging to me and they never complain 😁

SweedyPie · Answer

Once it's done discreetly and not in a showy way for others to know you did something for them, then it's 100% fine. You're doing it out of the goodness of your heart, I think they've appreciated it. If anyone has a problem or anything then you'll know they're not open to your kindness and not do it again.

whirled_up_girl · Answer

I wouldn't be offended if someone bought me an expensive gift but I would feel bad if I thought they bought something they couldn't really afford. As for me I'm terrible at buying gifts so most of my close friends and family will get a gift card and I don't spend a ton of cash on those, lol.

20yearsolder · Answer

I would say that it's showing off, they're not accustomed to getting expensive gifts. Buy them something practical

DonkeyDan · Answer

I see it as generosity, when I left home at 18 I relied on people's generosity quite a lot and was very appreciative of it. Now I'm far more stable and doing well myself I'm paying it forward where I can.

FriendlyDrugDealer · Answer

It depends on the person, we all see the act but process the act differently. I have no concerns so if they buy me a gift that’s expensive (everyone knows I’m not a materialistic man), I’ll just accept it but I’ll want to do something kind in return.

OneNineZero · Answer

Depends on that person, they might think you are generous or just trying to prove you have so much money you can afford to buy expensive stuff for others
Everyone thinks different you can't be 100% sure what they are thinking they might say you are so generous on your face then call you a bragger later
I used to donate regularly to kid shelters but now I dont I realised that it's meaningless

Mark987 · Answer

Depends how you handle it? I have boughten great gifts for people that didn't have much but I don't publicize it, I do it for personal satisfaction. When I donate to a charity is the same way. I won't go tell all my friends and family or post it somewhere I like to keep it private

clampfan101 · Answer

I’d definitely be grateful, but ask if they were sure instead of just running off with it. lol

Msputiton · Answer

All depends on the person and how they perceive it.

douride2 · Answer

Personally I would see it more of flaunting their wealth.

michael1469 · Answer

I would actually buy something new for myself and give the hand me down to them... cause what would you do with 2 anyway...

nik4play · Answer

I think if you can make someones life a little more enriched. I think it shows you a descent person.😁

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

It's probably going to make no sense, but I gotta type it.. Ghetto philanthropist. Nothing against you, but as personal experience, flaunting is what I've seen.

Bluemax · Answer

I would feel grateful.

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