How do I stop hating my friend for wanting to connect to her culture?

[Anonymous]

To be clear I don't hate her, its just things she does on this topic that annoy me... firstly I'm half? Hispanic my mom from PR and my dad from Belize and my friend is barley any Hispanic whatsoever but she has talked about how she wants to gain more culture (she got annoyed when my family said that she's a fake PR even though it was only out of good fun) and sometimes she travels to PR for the summer like I do and I cannot hate her for that it is just how she plays Spanish music sometimes and butchers the words, or freaks out about pronunciation for Spanish class or eats/drinks food then has no idea what it is when my mom says it correctly... I don't mean to I guess gatekeep, but maybe I'm just jealous of how she connects better or tries to connect at least. I remember as a kid not wanting to learn Spanish since I could never remember the words or pronounce them correctly, and it was harder since my mom never taught me or spoke to me at home, I still don't know much Spanish and I'm not doing well in Spanish class. I never grew up listening to Spanish music or eating many foods and its been harder to go over the summer to PR cause of covid. I feel so disconnected and I feel less Spanish when I see her trying to connect, I'm probably just jealous in some way and I feel terrible because my thoughts are so mean. I want to allow her to feel happy learning about her culture but its so hard when I wish I could do the same...

[Anonymous]

You are being very jealous, and there’s no need for that. Connecting with your culture is NOT a competition, and you shouldn’t bash her for trying. It’s like getting mad at a friend who’s starting to work out and lose weight, but you aren’t motivated to do the same thing so you envy them and try to stop them instead. That is not you being a good friend. Maybe work on it with her, put in some dedication and stop gatekeeping a heritage you should actually be willing and proud to share. Especially since she wants to learn.

[JoyGirl]

Just try to reconnect, too. There is no need to be jealous…lol