I was abused since i was like 10 years old. I was So poor i had almost nothing to eat. I am 27 years old right now, graduated from the university with a bachelor's degree and i got 6 years of working experience under my belt. Recently i moved out to another country (Germany) so my parents can't reach me anymore. I got a pretty good distance from them. I am all alone here but i feel very safe here and i am doing pretty alright with an adequate job in Germany. I never have to endure hunger or abuse or stay low in their proximity. I plan to get my masters degree here sometime later.
For Those with toxic parents - how do you fare in life?
Oh, yeah... Mother is a narcissist who constantly threatened suicide until I was in junior high, stole $5k from me in university and forced me into debt, and tried to keep claiming herself as a stay at home mom well after I (her only child) moved out as an adult.
Father is enabling and cowardly and never fought mother after one day giving up. Facilitated the $5k theft and tried to "pay it back" by letting me live rent free - but I still paid for utilities and food.
I've been no contact for only 5 months with my father and almost 3 years with my mother. My father has admitted he only wants a relationship with me to convince me to go back to my abusive mother, so I went no contact.
Now, I'm doing better in life. I have my own place, car, cat, and money. Unfortunately I still have a lot of work to do.
It's very frustrating because I can see others whose family isn't as bad as mine have progressed so much further. But then, I have to remind myself that we're not all blessed with the same conditions - and that I should instead celebrate that they've been able to achieve things and recognize I can do those, too, but likely later on in my life.
I finally am feeling safer on a daily basis. I'm able to handle crises well, and I have more experience than many of my peers.
It'd be great if I'd have been able to inherit a car or a house, or money. But that's okay that I haven't. It might take me longer and I might never reach as high as my other peers in terms of possessions or wealth.
But I'm leagues better than what my parents would have provided me and I'm proud that I could raise myself to be who I truly am.
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I can relate so much about never being able to achieve the same wealth that of your peers. I felt it too and i still do. I suppose the system doesn't care about inequality in backgrounds. But only who is doing better than the low class. That means for you and me if we want to reach their level of wealth, then it takes working 2 jobs and commit 60 hours a week.
Struggled to know how to write this and for it to make sence, my head just vomits at the thought. I believe everything started with my parents toxic relationship, my dad had multiple affairs resulting in a half brother 6 months younger then me. I remember very little from being young, visions or flashbacks mostly, having no hot water, electricity or food was a daily thing, usually only one meal a day, winter nights were long went darkness set in my sister and I would get into bed together to stay warm. My mum suffers many mental health issues that she refuses to receive help for, still to this day she lives life as patatoe hating the world and her children, sending daily/weekly reminders or a visit to take her food often results leaving in tears. In 2006 at 15 I moved in with my nan just as my grandad passed away, thankful to her support found a job, started college, then later went on to complete university in dance and preforming arts, took a job in a well known gentleman's club in London, in 2016 started my own dance school (recently just sold) in 2021 purchased my first property. Throughout the years I have followed my nan's passion to helping others, we often volunteer with the local church groups and a few charities over Christmas.
Think im doing OK, have moments of unworthiness and insecurities but have many people I'm greatful for ❤
Oof. Just thinking about it can send me some chills. Glad you made it. Good to know that fellow survivors of abuse are pulling a reversal of their imposed fates.
I think there is a lot pit there we can learn from and see things different. We should never have had a toxic upbringing but if he allow ourselves to heal and take responsibility for healing our inner child we can have rewarding lives. I learned from a very young age I didn't have to be like my mother. As much as I love my mum, she is responsible for her own help and her own healing and to be accountable and seek therapy herself. Children can grow up to be very observing of the actions of their parents and generational trauma. My dad, I love him but he's been away most my life due to his career being demanding (outback mining in Australia and flying away). My parents had a bitter divorce when I was 12 and then my mother dated a few very abusive men and my dad chose his career. Anyway, I'm 23 now, and I did therapy for 2.5 years, got on medication, got in to the gym and lost 45kgs (100 pounds) now to date. At present, I just bought a car, and moved back to my home state. I flew states and moved to Queensland 3 years ago and decided to move back when the opportunity was right. I'm originally from Western Australia (Perth). I decided instead of flying to drive the 43,000 kilometres back across the Nullabor. Made it back safely. 🙌 A great achievement so young. I have also worked multiple jobs, two or odd ocassions 3 jobs at a time since I was 18/19-Years-Old. I've now been offered a degree at one of Australia's top universities to study, in my home state for 2023 which was part of my reason for moving back now. 🥰🥰
hmm, parents both abusive narcissistic Arseholes, could go ages without a proper meal. Being late to dinner etc meant you got no food, and or were beaten. The feel of belt buckles and being told you would never get anywhere was constant. some fairly major trauma before was 13, coupled with everything else had a long lasting impact.
the above resulted in the usual self harm side of things, and other stuff lol.
left home as soon as I could and joined Royal Air Force.
Somehow, managed to get a degree in Aeronautical Engineering, then another degree later on. Also with my sister and ex wife started investing in property, which have kept going.
Apart from the depression, PTSD, and zero sleep I’m managing fairly well. Bizarrely GaG gives me some release if you call it that lol. Also a few people on here over last 14 months have really helped me put a lot in to perspective. 🤗🐈
Oh missed a bit, which is relevant, I also spent 8 years as a volunteer at a counselling centre (12-24, counselling, outreach, homeless, sex workers, young carers etc), while fairly emotionally heavy, very therapeutic for me and really good giving back to community.
Nice. You made it out of there. I would pad you on your shoulder. I can totally relate about not getting food. What a nightmare. It made me a money monster but still better than being anything else worse. Being broke made me associate money with everything.
I'm doing well with them, I "detoxified" them and forgave them for their bad actions while exalting the good things they did for me. I could have gotten back at them in a number of ways, but eventually decided against it - to forgive, pardon someone of their crimes, is the being the biggest person. After all - "Power is when we have every justification to punish someone and we don't" - that's real power, in my opinion. Punishing someone is justice, but justice is not always the right thing, as it does not account for human nature.
I'm doing better. I learned from a very young age I didn't have to be like my mother. As much as I love my mum, she is responsible for her own help and her own healing and to be accountable and seek therapy herself. Children can grow up to be very observing of the actions of their parents and generational trauma. My dad, I love him but he's been away most my life due to his career being demanding (outback mining in Australia and flying away). My parents had a bitter divorce when I was 12 and then my mother dated a few very abusive men and my dad chose his career. Anyway, I'm 23 now, and I did therapy for 2.5 years, got on medication, got in to the gym and lost 45kgs (100 pounds) now to date. At present, I just bought a car, and moved back to my home state. I flew states and moved to Queensland 3 years ago and decided to move back when the opportunity was right. I'm originally from Western Australia (Perth). I decided instead of flying to drive the 43,000 kilometres back across the Nullabor. Made it back safely. 🙌 A great achievement so young. I have also worked multiple jobs, two or odd ocassions 3 jobs at a time since I was 18/19-Years-Old. I've now been offered a degree at one of Australia's top universities to study, in my home state for 2023 which was part of my reason for moving back now. 🥰🥰
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Well done. Good to know i am not the only one going though great extends to fiercely take autonomy and succeed.
We got this. I lead with compassion and care in my life which I think was partly shaped to becoming the adult I needed as a child, but now I also know my own worth.
I am resting from my pasts. Since i moved recently into Germany all should be well. I can do many things now. I know where to start but i wish i could be with some of my friends again. Oh well. That is the inevitable price for relocation.
My birth parents abandoned me when I was like 4 years old. I was in foster care till I was 16 when I got legally emancipated. Experienced a lot of abuse, a lot of traumatic experiences. They caused a trigger to go off in my brain causing a crazy chemical imbalance which has taken better part of a decade to get under control and even then things change and my body becomes immune to medications rendering them useless. Been working since I was 16. Slowly working my way towards a psychology degree (taking my time as I need to pace myself and also need to work). I think I've done pretty well for myself given what I've been through.
I have a salaried career, great friends and wonderful partners. I have dogs, I own land and I own my own home. I'm planning to move once I get the finances in order to do so.
But, I have only minor family support, from a cousin in Norway and my sisters brother in Germany. I have 0 idea what it's like to have a family that cares about you, i dont know how parents are supposed to act with their kids. I don't usually express how I feel offline because doing so growing up usually lead to being called a liar or dramatic, or simply ignored.
I could go on but I'm already angry as is and I don't want to make it worse
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Yeah, fair enough. Lets not dive into that to make you angry. When i spoke up about it i usually got hostile looks or condemned, so its only for the open minded.
I’m sorry to hear of what happened to you. I know and glad you are in a better place now. many grow up just like them…or the opposite. you seem to want to be the opposite but have such dark past that you want to wish that never happened to you. Did you ever have a good role model to look up to? you can also go to therapy for a bit for support. time heals and can slowly move on from the hurt.
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I go to the medics often. I Had 3 distinct surgeries in the past 3 years all financed by myself. Therapy, well, sometimes i go there. But for me antidepressants and money do help a great deal. I didn't really need a role model. I needed money most of all to afford food and safety and all. I simply became my true self and explore the world at my own risk so to say.
I am undergoing what i call operation recovery. Still on it.
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