Grown Adult Children of Abusive Households, how do you fare now? How has it changed your world view?

[Chlo3_2001]

My experience for me personally, is more towards psychological and emotional abuse and emotional neglect and parental unavailability. I think it's shaped me psychologically to be more empathetic and compassionate. I care a great deal on helping people and as an adult I'm really work driven, ambitious and I am progressive and care about helping others. Now, I'm 23-Years-Old (yes I know my profile says 20). After graduating high school I'd always had a job. From 18/19-Years-Old I'd work 2 jobs at a time and sometimes over Christmas 3 jobs. In 2019 at age 20 I moved states from Perth (Western Australia) to Queensland and now after 3 yeaes I'm moving back to home city now borders are down. I bought a car myself due to working a lot, and instead of flying back, I just finished driving 43,000 kilometres across the Nullabor safely back to my home city of Perth and moved with trusting family and I also got accepted for 2023 in to a top university here in my home state (in the world rank top 150). Part of my reason to move back. I'm looking forward to next year. I've done all I can to not become my own mum, I love her, I want her to do well, but she needs to be responsible for her own healing and I realise her behaviour is toxic and harmful, detrimental to my personal well-being. My own mother refuses therapy but I did it for 2.5 years straight. I live in Australia where I do have access to universal healthcare so I know for some therapy can be a barrier, but I was able to have a clinical psychologist for 2.5 years and get on medication. My dad, my parents had a bitter divorce when I was 12 and my dad and I still talk. Growing up we were close, but most of my life he has worked away so he was unavailable and still works away. So I mostly raised my sister and I when we were kids. All I can say to those struggling in life with mental illnesses and a hard hand dealt through family, that doesn't have to be that way for you. ❤

[xEivorx]

Not an abusive household but i felt like i was a bother 90% of the time and that it'd be better if i wasn't around, kinda never good enough.
I preferred being on my own and away from people even as a kid, which made my fam make fun of me/belittle me and they always questioned me why i "couldn't just act normal". Same when i never got into dressing up, make up or girly things (i have always been more of a tomboy) having a handwashing-tick and weird ticks like that, didn't help either. It made me "difficult" to be around. It's kinda funny when you realise that you have some kinda mental problems and your own fam makes fun of you for it and shames you.
There was a lot of arguing growing up, especially during vacations and holidays/birthdays.
I honestly hate holidays and birthdays. I never look forward to them and It's a chore more than anything. I hate receiving presents and i hate giving them too. I'd rather those things didn't exist.
I avoid every social interaction that can be avoided. I don't really go out more than i have to but if i do, it's with my friends (3 of them they i made back in school, like 10 years ago, 1 of which who moved to the other side of the country)
I have no desire to interact or meet new people. If it's unavoidable (e. g. work) I'm extremely nice and likable, which is mostly due to never talking about myself or anything negative/controversial and asking question that make the other person talk about themselves/ their interests. People do enjoy that and they tend to take a liking to you. Extra points if you're soft spoken and have a calm demeanour.
This is why i don't think I'll ever be able to have a husband or even boyfriend. Faking a whole personality isn't something i want to do for the rest of my life, in my own home.

So all in all: growing up the way i did, i learned to read people's personalities/auras/vibes and act in a way for them to be content, which used to make me cry a lot, bc i didn't always want to be "the bigger person" and act grown up when i was just a kid, but because i was "mature" i was expected to. When my mother or sister were acting childish or something i had to be adult enough for the both of us, and care about their feelings more than mine.
In the long run, it became easier to put other people before myself, but at some point i really just stopped caring alltogether.
I don't care if i get that promotion, or someone else does. I don't care if someone has a "better job", money is money. I don't care if i ever get a lover or not. And if he decides he doesn't aant to be with me anymore, that's okay too. If i see someone fall down thw stairs, i hope they're alright. Not because i care for their wellbeing, but because i don't want to be involved in the whole thing of being a witness/first aid provider/ talking them through it.
I don't really get attached to things, because i might have to give them up/ loose them.
I guess instead of being the main character in my life like in a video game/movie, I'm more of side character/npc/extra.
Or kinda like a rest/sleep/ standby modus on your laptop. Not on, not off, just kinda functioning. 🤷‍♀️

[SnakeBoop]

I'd say so. I have a hard time in realising I suffer a lot from making sure everyone else is happy before myself. I also battle an unhealthy relationship with food. And now I have a neutral/negative view of marriage as well since my mother merely weaponised it when it suit her to the man she was with at the time.

[Chlo3_2001]

It's a great step in realising that. I can't recommend the importance of a good clinical psychologist and doctor enough in my instance. One thing I think shaped me majorly through my childhood experiences is that I never plan to have kids, rather heal my inner child and live in peace. It hurts my mum knowing I'll never have children and I'm choosing not to, but I think I'd much rather focus on myself now, after many years of my own needs not being met.

[Mynameisbobby]

I was physically and emotionally abused. I have a lot of anxiety from it and I am more empathetic towards people. I also stand up to bullying I can't stand bullying especially of little kids. The abuse has made me very sensitive towards others.

[Chlo3_2001]

Hugs xx

[Mynameisbobby]

Thank you 😊

[Anonymous]

I am perpetually single; but otherwise I do well for myself.

[Chlo3_2001]

It's okay to be single. The world far too much over exaggerates the idea we constantly need partners. It is good to have connections to others, but being single is a fine option. 😊

[Opinion Owner]

I want a wife and kids. I also don't have any friends; so I don't have others to socialize with aside from my family.

[Agape93]

I don't understand how parenting works or how that whole relationship is supposed to work. I also gained a hatred for sex offenders, even ones that don't act on it.

All in all, I'm not ok and that's ok with me.

[Chlo3_2001]

Remember it's okay to get help. Therapy is useful. But only if you want help and commit to it can you get the most from it. If you're okay, that's okay. Also, registered s*x offenders are vile.

[Agape93]

I'm in therapy and I'm medicated. But that only goes so far.

Agreed. As are unregistered ones.

[Chlo3_2001]

Agreed

[KrakenAttackin]

Very well said.