What to do about a friend who can never be happy for you?

Question

I've had a lot of big milestones in the past year, my longterm boyfriend and I got engaged, we started to plan for our wedding. And I found out just over a month ago that I'm pregnant.

Naturally one would be excited to tell their best friend about these things, but my best friend seems more disappointed than happy? She cried when she found out I was engaged because she wants to be engaged too, she cried last night when I told her I was pregnant and then said she had to hangup.

I understand that she wants these things too but it's so upsetting feeling like she isn't happy for me; and I know she will want me to be there for her when she reaches these milestones herself. Should I confront her? Or just let it be?

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Honestly she doesn't sound like a very good friend if she can't at least fake like she is happy for you.

I personally don't have much time for people like that. But I don't have a lot of friends either. I had tons in highschool, but as you grow up and have families you grow apart, everyone just gets caught up in their own lives and personal dramas and I was never one that much cared for those types of people or things.

I got married and had kids, and got all caught up in my life. I had friends that did the same and other that didn't get married or had kids... but I didn't have much time between work and family to do much about it. So maybe she is just upset and stressing over the possibility of losing a friend and not having someone like that has been there for her all this time. Don't pretend it doesn't happen or can't happen... so it harder for some people than others.

With that said, brides to be planning for weddings can become some what taxing on their friends because they want to believe its supposed to be all about them and their special day... then coupled that with the fact your are pregnant... well you are going through a very busy and anxiety packed phase in your life. So emotionally you might be a little sensitive, and not as focused on the impacts you have or are having on other peoples lives. Its not like other people don't have things going on in their lives that are any less important just because they are not pregnant or engaged.

So on the surface yeah, your friend sounds like she is being a bitch... but honestly I am only getting the one side of the story. So you got to ask yourself are you being the best friend possible as well?

JSmuve · Accepted Answer

Why is it important that other people are happy for you? Why do you need that? There's a very thin line between telling someone of your accomplishments and bragging about them, especially when the person you're telling them to can't get them for themselves. It's tone deaf and insensitive.

"and I know she will want me to be there for her when she reaches these milestones herself"

IF. If she reaches those herself. She's not guaranteed to get married or have kids and she probably realizes this and feels terrible about herself. Try looking at it from her perspective. She doesn't need to be reminded of her failures. She probably wants to be happy for her but is really upset that she's falling behind. If you were her friend, then you'd understand instead of demanding that she has to be happy about your accomplishments. Some people can't fake happy while they're dying inside. If you confront her then you're just reaffirming that this is all about you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

One would hope a friend is happy for you, but you have to realize too that for some people it's hard on them watching what they perceive as a friend moving on in life. I mean, I was happy for my friend when she got married, but I also knew this meant that we wouldn't hang out nearly as much and that she would go off and hang with married friends and that's exactly what happened.

Your friend may be struggling with her lack of reaching the same milestones as you and feeling like she's being left behind. Instead of just assume she's a jerk for not being happy, just talk to her like a friend. Ask her what's up in her life and how she's feeling about all of this. You might find out more than you think by just getting her to open up about her true feelings. If it is however, just immaturity or jealousy alone on her end, then you can't hold her hand forever with that. If she can't find it in her to be supportive of you, maybe you will need to move on.

ShaTTeredMasterpeace · Accepted Answer

Talk to her about it and tell her how she's making you feel. She could very well be happy for you while also feeling sad because she wishes to be experiencing those things as well. And it's coming out as if she's upset when that might not be the case. I was very happy for my best friend when I found out she was pregnant and when she got married. But guess what? I also cry often thinking about thhe fact that i dont have children yet. And i have expressed this to her. And she has cried with me. Now im not saying that your friend isn't jealous, she could be. Im saying to communicate with her. Share your feelings and hopefully she'll share hers.

Emiliamazing · Answer

I’m willing to bet that she is happy for you, but her maturity level needs to be adjusted a little bit. I can’t imagine any of my friends or our family being jealous for me or anyone else in our circle hitting and enjoying milestones. Remind her that you would certainly want to be there for her when she reaches these milestones. It may just be an odd way of coping with the fact that she hasn’t reached the same milestones as you. Perhaps she has other accomplishments that you could remind her of, but in the end she should be happy for you both

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Envy is a pretty serious issue in situations like that. Women your age tend to start looking around at their friends and when they see their friends settling down, they start to feel the pressure to do the same.

I don't understand why so many women hate the idea that there is a point in life where the "Mommy Clock" starts ringing. It's a real thing, and your friend is coming to the realization that her mommy clock is ringing, but she doesn't have any men to help hit the off switch.

menina · Answer

I can tell that she's jealous of you. I believe she likes you, otherwise she wouldn't your friend. You need to talk to her, your friendship won't last longer if it stays this way. And I'm sure that you're not happy with this situation.

By the way, congratulations on the engagement and the pregnancy! :)

sw1916 · Answer

I’ve met a lot of friends like this. I had a friend who I cut off last year because he was being very obvious with his jealousy when I got promoted. Then when he got fired he ended up telling my boss shit about me that wasn’t true. People like that are a ticking bomb and a cancer and you should a distance yourself asap

maximumpower · Answer

I have a childhood friend that is like "Schleprock" - really.
Every success for me is a downer for him - and he lets it be known.
Although the son of millionaires, he's a basket case in almost every regard and - at 57 years old - has proven he's certainly NOT a self-starter.
Have let it be known that I'm still a friend but flat refuse to let him move in with me or otherwise drag me down.
Don't feel as though you need to coddle her along or she'll run you into the ground.
Life is a do-it-yourself endeavor.
Most step to the plate, some never will.

laurieluvsit · Answer

It sounds like your friend is going through something.

She needs a hug very badly, that is all this is.

Give it to her, and when she comes out of her darkness, your friend will be there for you as well again.

What to do about a friend who can never be happy for you?

emmajoyforever · Answer

I don't exactly have much for "friends" anymore because I learn things about them for instance not being true friends and the other reason is because of how honest I am and people just don't like that apparently but I don't care because I am happy for everyone else doing whatever it is they do but I'm not counting on anybody else to be happy for me so I just keep on going my own way because who cares what they think as long as you're happy with yourself

Ευδεμονια · Answer

I think honestly she has serious envy issues. She lives the friendship with you with an envy for your milestones and successes and probably expects someone to “save” her… she has the wrong attitude and prefers to have a self centred and complaining behaviour, as you said. I think sincerely you should confront her, in order to make her comprehend these are YOUR milestones and she can have the same ONLY if she moves and stops complaining. Being self centred is not a good way to be a friend.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

A friends that is "left behind/have a grudge" on you'r well being is not really a friend, that can have repercusions later, such has being "upset" with you, of what you got and "why she doesn't " got! So i guess is better to leave her be, she will come around eventually...

Theabcking · Answer

You leave them. If all they bring is negativity you leave that friend to be miserable all on their own. Friends should lift you up not weigh you down.

You dont want someone in your life that always says "I know you're happy but..." it's annoying and you can never tell them anymore good in your life. You can't share your dreams and happiness with them because they always have someone negative to say.

petitedollbabee · Answer

I’d end that friendship. If she can’t be happy for you and can only ever think about herself, then that’s not a friend, that’s just someone who’s jealous and wants to BE you, rather than be by your side.

dustybiker · Answer

Ugh. I’d have to put distance between them and myself. Energy vampires. You have so many positive things going on.. let them wallow in their own misery.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Speak with her on the situation and if you see things aren't changing, then it might be time to cut her loose. When friend starts acting like a competitor, it's not a genuine friendship.

GoodEnoughThen · Answer

That person could be a soul sucker. Be ready to eventually move away from that unhealthy relationship.

Pinay_ako · Answer

She’s not your friend. Talk to her in person how you truly feel and see where it goes. She sounds envious.

SunnyCaliGirl · Answer

People won aren’t happy for other people are usually miserable themselves or perhaps learning their love language might show the ways they do show happiness for a friends achievement

LexiXide · Answer

I would get rid of that friend I don't need that kind of toxicity in my life

lightbulb27 · Answer

It’s a girl… she will change her emotions and mind at another time or within 5 minutes…

sheikalana · Answer

I would distance myself from such person. That comes out as jealous and toxic.

TroyDT · Answer

I personally would drop that person way down the friend list. I want positive friends, not downers.

What to do about a friend who can never be happy for you?

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