I've come to the realization that part of the reason why I've reserved myself in the dating enviroment has to do with internalizing the view I had of my dad. I do love him, but he's pretty much a man child. He preaches and acts as a responsible figure but my dad has no congruency between his words and his behavior (or legacy). He's more in tune of how people can be useful for him, and help him, care for him rather than how he can be there for others, including his closest ones. In other words he's a "taker". At the same time, he says how matters to him that me and my brothers and sisters are near him. But when we do visit him, it's all about "serving" him.
I dont want to generalize, that's one of the reasons why I go to therapy to understand in a balance way that even when he is my dad, he's not the prototype of the person with whom I'd be eventually if I choose to.
However, sometimes after talking with him or engaging I feel exhausted, he's now older and lives alone. So maybe solitude also brings to him a bit of more pressure to want to relate more to his daughters and sons. Again, I do love him but he has just a very self-centered personality, like a child.
I wonder, How does being the daughter of a man child impacts your romantic life? I would really appreciate advice on how to not repress myself in the relational aspect while understanding this.
