Is it more hurtful to lose an older or younger sibling?

[Anonymous]

If you had a great, loving relationship with you sibling (s), which is more hurtful? Losing the older sibling that you looked up to or losing your baby sibling you cared for/protected?

I have two tragic stories to share:

My friend lost her older brother (10 years her senior) whom was like a father figure and her personal martial arts instructor. Their father left when she was just a 3 month-old baby. He taught her how to cook and several other skills too. When she lost him in an auto accident a couple years ago (the dude was just 34), she felt lost in life. She felt nothing without him. Eventually she worked it out with a therapist.

I was reading a terrible story about a woman's baby sister getting stalked and killed. The girl has barely turned 18 and was the baby sibling in the house. All her siblings felt hopeless and powerless that they couldn't be there to protect her, to save her.

Losing your older sibling

Losing your younger sibling

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I wouldn't know.

My sister was older than me, she died largely because I ignored her and refused her to have her part in my life and I have cried exactly one tear.

I'm not sure whenever I'm feeling grief or not, I just keep seeing her whenever I close my eyes and basically her image won't leave me alone. Today I even mistakenly called a collague her name, now they are suggesting I take another period of leave.

[Asker]

I think you're grieving through different stages. Sometimes you don't feel it at that moment but later on, it might kick in.

[beernbacon69]

I only have older siblings, I really hope I don't have to find out for a long time!

[Asker]

True. The ideal way would be to lose the older sibling by old age, in the correct order.

[Sour-rose]

Honestly, yes tho. It hurts either way :c My big bro isn't dead but it kinda hurt a little seeing him leave in the middle of the night while my mom is just breaking down. I couldn't care much about her because she is just being a mom.

[Asker]

yeah to a mother (or father), we will always be their child, their precious treasure
My siblings are alive and healthy (thanks goodness)... I can't imagine losing them.

[Apple1996]

Its probably painful either way but I've only ever lost a older sibling and it was extremely painful because I was so young that I barely have any memories of her and had to deal with grief at such a young age.

[Asker]

I'm sorry for your loss. If it helps you can speak with a counselor about it.

[NotTacocaT6969]

This is a horrible poll.


There is no difference in the level of pain.


Losing a sibling hurts exactly the same regardless of their age and asking people to pick one is fucked up.

[Asker]

No doubt it's so painful. The ideal way to die would be for all siblings to reach old age and die in the correct other. At least that would make sense.

[cryscrys1]

I prefer to die first
Pls god mark my words

[Asker]

If you're the oldest sibling then it makes sense. The ideal way would be for all siblings to reach old age and the oldest dying first, then the younger one.

[cryscrys1]

I’m the youngest 😟 but sometimes doesn’t meant anything

[cryscrys1]

My dad was the youngest child of the siblings way younger he died first

[Changiis07]

Losing a sibling period

[Asker]

True. I don't ever want to lose any of my siblings. I imagine all of us reaching super old age and if we have to die, then die in the correct order.

[AsaKyo]

Both would equally suck, so..

[Asker]

True. I feel terrible for people that have experienced that.