I don’t know if I’m ready for this baby?

[Anonymous]

So I’m 20 and I’m 10 weeks pregnant. The dad who got me pregnant was basically a one night stand and he said he won’t be around. I live with my parents and theyve said it’s irresponsible of me to bring a child into the life with nothing. I also suffer with depression and anxiety and they said it’s probably not best for me to do that. I’ve been on no holidays and I really want to go on holidays with my friends and experience life I’ve never left the country. The only thing is I’m so emotionally attached to the baby? It’s my emotions that are making me think this, I know that logically my life would be over but emotionally I care SO much about the baby I keep crying at the thought of getting rid of it and having a breakdown but if I’m honest with myself I don’t think I could cope being alone with a baby? I really have always wanted a baby in my life and now I’m in the position I don’t know if I can give it TLC and care? But my emotions are the thing stopping me from getting rid of it, it’s just my emotions but I know logically I don’t have much to offer?

[SteveSmith1985]

This is an extremely difficult situation for anyone to try and give you advice on from the outside.

Let me start off by mentioning that, personally, I am staunchly "pro-choice." Vehemently pro-choice.

I think nobody can tell you what you should do here. But I do what to say a couple of things. First, I do absolutely appreciate and understand where you're coming from in not feeling in any way ready to have a child, alone at this point in your life. I think your worries are fair and valid ones. I would understand completely why someone in your position might choose to terminate her pregnancy.

That being said... something about the way you're looking at this bothers me. You seem to be talking about "your emotions" as though they are not valid things that matter, and should be given their due weight in your decision making. You speak as though you're suffering from some sort of irrational "pregnancy brain" or something that's clouding your ability to judge this situation in a rational way. That is not what's happening.

What's happening is that you're developing a genuine emotional attachment. That's perfectly fair. It's perfectly valid, and it's not... like..."fake" or "hormones" or something. The way you feel is fair, and its real, and you need to give the way you feel more significance than you seem to be giving to it.

Your life would not be "over." Your life will certainly change drastically, and your life will look very different from the way it would look if you choose not to continue your pregnancy. But it will certainly not be "over." But it will change in a way that's impossible for you to really fathom right now.

Very few people feel ready to have kids. Even people who have planned pregnancies, and aren't worried about the practical aspects of how they're going to raise this child... even THEY don't usually feel ready by the time their child is born. I've asked so many people with kids about this. The answer always comes back as: "There's never a "good time" to have kids. But you make it work. Because you've got a kid to look after now. You have to make it work. Its not optional once you become a parent. And, as long as there is a willingness there, then people DO figure it out... as best they can.

I think that there is nobody who can tell you what you should do here. You really have to do that internal soul-searching and decide what is truly best for you. But don't think the way you feel about what's growing inside of you is fake, or temporary, or not the way you truly feel. It is how you truly feel. Make sure you don't downplay the importance of the way you feel. That's really what's most important here.

I want to wish you all the best. No matter what you decide. 🙂

[misogynistic_pig]

You are not ready, but you are obliged to have that child, it is the consequence of opening your legs.

[metalheadphysicist]

I'm a pro-lifer (oo... scary), so I will always say to keep the baby. However, it is ultimately your choice and I really can't do anything.

Whatever emotions you feel now will be heightened if you proceed and kill the baby. You will probably feel some level of regret for the rest of your life, and this can be extreme in some cases. Especially if you already suffer from depression.

You were the one who decided to have that one night stand, and unfortunately, pregnancy is the consequence of that. It may seem cold and harsh, but actions do have consequences.

That being said, having a baby can be life-changing (for the good). It grounds you, builds character, and you will always have that little one to care about.

In this day and age, its a hard thing to bring a baby into the world. There is little help available. So I'm definitely not saying you are a bad person, and I can understand why you would want to abort, but please remember that that is a life that doesn't deserve to die. Consider the child, as well as yourself.

I really hope you get help though! x

[Agape93]

Just abort it. You're thinking through emotion, not logic.