Why do people avoid discussing sad topics with me?

[Anonymous]

For just one example, happened a while ago, but a really good example. A few friends and i were discussing some sad topics. One of them said that their mom had mental illness which of course is really sad. Everyone in the group was really sympathetic and said how sorry they were. Then it somehow got around to me saying my mom had died from cancer when I was 12 as the topics was moms so I just had to reveal it. They all just said they were sorry and changed the topic. Now they discuss other stuff with me no problem. I’ve also unfortunately been diagnosed with melanoma recently at 28 and of course many of my close people are really upset but acquaintances some are upset but others it’s like they don’t care less because they just sound emotionless and say their apologies and then change the topic. Same attitude from some doctors. Almost seems they imply I’m being over the top about feeling sad about it or others are just distant and cold and try to figure out how I got it. Don’t know whether this is interest or whether they are implying I brought it on myself. Anyway sorry I’m going on a bit

[AaronKrieger]

People often don't know how to respond to sad shit if they can't relate to it, so they feel awkward

[Asker]

Wow you’ve summed up that up so simply but makes so much sense. They don’t know how to respond so they don’t respond/ avoid it. I guess medical people not responding, as they could relate to it, would be a case of a defence mechanism to not lead to emotional burnout? So similar sort of thing too. Thanks for your insightful opinion

[AaronKrieger]

Yeah, I've been in that situation before of not knowing how to respond if I don't see a segue into making a joke about it. I don't want to make it awkard by giving them pity, but I also can't think of something to say in the moment. This doesn't happen always, although it does sometimes.

For the doctors, I don't know the context for each situation you've encountered with them, but I imagine for them it's just them being in work mode. That could involve it being a defense mechanism, but I think doctors can often be very factual and cold. Usually it's the nurses or assistants that are more friendly/socialable.