Mother is essential, father is optional - agree or disagree?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

This is a popular saying where I live, and usually tradition has that fathers do not get too much involved with their children.

My father and my grandfather were like that, and to be honest I feel I'm going in the same direction - a bit because I find it difficult to connect with my daughter, and a bit because of the environment I live in - for example my wife appreciates that I spend time with the baby and take care of it, but also says that sometimes I'm "overstepping" and taking her space.

Seems that at least on this, she wants for us to adhere to the traditional roles.

Updates

+1 y

My grandfather started paying attention to my father only when he was 25 or so. Likewise my father started really talking me after I got out of University.

I don't know, I try to be different than them but almost everyone says I'm trying too hard and how good and proper my grandfather and my father were, so at this point I don't really know what to do.

[NamerOfStars]

The single biggest predictor of future serious criminality in a child is growing up without a father. Not only does that cross the lines of every human culture, it crosses the lines of different species- you see the same with elephants. In fact, although their societies and relationships aren't nearly as complex, you even see elements of the same thing with crocodiles; there's much more misbehavior in groups without a strong adult male presence.

It's not just fear of discipline, either; it's more about the sexes' different attitudes towards responsibility and personal ethics. We very much need each other; there's probably serious psychological damage that growing up without a mother gets you, too; it's just so much rarer that we don't have many cases to compare with.

I remember seeing a Ted Talk a few years ago (I'd post a link, but apparently they're all hosted on Youtube now, so I can't access them) by a divorce lawyer talking about the importance of fathers, and all they learn from and teach their kids that their mothers don't.

Now, when you're dealing with a baby, it's pretty much dependent exclusively on mom for survival, and it's understandable that their relationship is going to be closer, and that's okay. But as your daughter ages, her world is going to expand, and it- and she- will benefit more and more from your presence. You'll see personal benefits, too.

This may bother your wife, especially at first (she'll probably become more willing as your daughter becomes more and more her own person), and it's okay to set some boundaries and divide up the interactions you have with her; life is about figuring the world out, after all. But don't let yourself be pushed out of your daughter's life, even to the extent of just thinking of you as another person who just happens to live in the same house (not beyond the age of two or so, anyway); have things that she does with you, and things that she does with your wife, and things that you all do together- and let there be pleasant things in all three of those groups.

All three of you will be grateful for it later on.

[Sunssong]

That's a load of bs. If 1 person without a father can be a successful, upstanding human being then that proves the problem isn't a gender problem. I need not say anything more tbh...

If a kid is dumb it's not because of the fact they weren't in school. It's because they didn't learn certain things that they needed. School isn't the main thing. The main thing is what they need to learn.

What's between your legs doesn't matter. You're trying to boil mindsets and awareness down to gender and that is ridiculous. I have no doubt you believe what you say because of what you have studied but all a human is is habit and awareness. Those things are not limited by gender. Knowledge is not limited by whether you go to school or not; certainly not basic knowledge.

[NamerOfStars]

@Sunssong You absolutely need to say more, since the existence of the odd exception doesn't prove that a rule is false. Earth is a planet, and that planet is teeming with life; ergo, life is possible on any planet and doesn't require a long series of unlikely circumstances.

It's no less stupid when you do it.

[OlderAndWiser]

That may be a cultural issue for you but it is different in the US. Mothers protect and nurture children; fathers get them ready to face the world in their own. Kids need both parents to develop into a healthy adult.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Here the father is mostly seen as a separate figure from the children, more akin a school teacher.

[Simslover92]

I disagree with this. Did not grow up with a father in my life and it's made me have issues. Luckily not all of the typical daddy issues but some were there such as having trust issues, using sex to feel loved, choosing the worst type of guys to love in the past, and idealizing my partner.

If I had a father growing up, I would have been taught how to properly be treated and loved by men. I wouldn't have gone through my bad boy phase. I wouldn't have used sex as a way to feel loved and I certainly wouldn't have had a guy treat me like dirt.

Having both a mother and a father is essential for the child. While you need the nurturing from the mother, you need the wisdom and masculine guidance that only a father can give.

[Sunssong]

You didn't have issues because of a lack of father. You had issues because you lacked awareness. You have no clue if your father would have even taught you all that. I'm sure many girls with fathers do the same thing.

[Simslover92]

I disagree. I think had I had a father in my life to help guide me, I wouldn't have made a lot of the foolish choices I made in my early 20s. Yes there are girls who had fathers that still had some of those issues but I feel like it is much easier to become susceptible to those issues when you don't have a father in your life.

[TrueConfection]

100% disagree. Children need a mother AND a father. In your family, you should be an example of the kind of man you want your daughter to marry. Whether you're involved or not, you are teaching her about men. Also, mothers and fathers bond differently with their children. Your daughter needs to see your face light up when you look at her. You should feel privlidged and not burdened when she wants your attention.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I don't feel burdened when spending time with her, but I feel awkward especially when my mother says that my father or my grandfather never did that.

[TrueConfection]

Remind them that it's our job as parents to be better parents than those before us. Too bad your father and grandfather missed out on the magic!

[Anonymous]

"Mother is essential, father is optional - agree or disagree?"

Disagree, that route leads to a screwed up society, much like your seeing at the moment,

Fathers teach their children things that Mothers do not/cannot, my Father was fully involved in the bringing up of myself and my four sisters leading to us being independent long before children of a similar age where I lived, but most importantly both my Mother and Father gave us room to fail but in a safe environment, we learned where the limits were without any serious risk

[LovingJo]

Both my parents had qualities, but both were a let down in the end, unfortunately.. When they were together and when they were apart!! 💯

They messed me up, then blamed me for the way I became, leaving me to pick up the pieces!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Both are very important try to find something you and your daughter enjoy doing. Talk to your wife about how you feel you don’t want to overstep I think she will reassure you that she appreciates sharing the baby care.

[Massageman]

Both are essential. This was the way God made things. Humans keep messing it up.

27. So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
28. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number. . . "

Gen 1: 27, 28a

[LazerBean]

No, children raised by single parents are significantly higher risk for every negative outcome in life.

[Anonymous]

False!

https://lifeisbeautiful.org/statistics-on-fatherless-homes/

Any man looking for a women to marry and have children with is wise to avoid women who grew up without a father or didn't have a healthy relationship with him.

[Nikki1989]

I grew up without either from the age of 12, and I rarely saw them before that anyway, so for me, you can do just fine without any parents.

[Katebfun]

Disagree most men that are incarnated did not have a father growing up. Girls without a father will have rough dating life as an adult. Both parents are needed.

[inhua]

both are essential

this attitude of expendable fathers is the reason society has degenerated into shit

[jimmy2]

Don't agree for the way God design is both are needed for the healthy ground relationship with their children

Want to know how the werid people are inductions of boys thinking they are girls
Girls in shower and dressing room knows when a duck is not to be in with them.
Family bathroom are the way

[Anemone978]

I disagree.. both parents are essential for a happy child but only if both parents are there and participate. I don't really get the you are overstepping and taking my space thing though..

[Jamie05rhs]

No; I don't agree with that.

However, I don't want to impose my views on someone else's culture.

[Jamie05rhs]

I would say work it out with your wife. Don't worry about anyone else's opinions. They don't matter.

[Daniela1982]

Children without a father turn out to be gay.

[Poliker]

100 percent, absolutely disagree. I believe both are necessary to attempt to raise a well adjusted adult

[DextroShade]

I disagree for the most part. The mother is essential during early childhood, but the father is more important as the child approaches and enters puberty. Children raised by single dads have better outcomes than children raised by single mothers.

[Molly1997]

In our family fathers and mothers and equally essential, although my parents got divorced, I always had a loving father in the picture.

[Wild_princess]

No... both the parents have their own role in a person's life. my sister is very close to my father more than my mother whereas i am closer to my mum

[lightbulb27]

False.

Children can survive any scenario with good parenting but no doubt it leaves a hole to fill.

Do your job...

[BlissfullyCurSed]

If that was true, there wouldn't be such term called "daddy issues".

[Rosexøxø]

Depends on how they think and what they have to offer

[RavVid]

I disagree though that is not to say there might be higher involvement by the mother. The father is still required.

[SaoirseS]

I mostly disagree with this. It just depends on the household.

[Twalli]

A parent of the same gender is generally more important to said child than that of another gender. But mothers are generally more loving towards their children because of the bond that typically forms when the child first breastfeeds.

[NathanDavis]

both are essential... as well as optional

case by case scenario

[AaronKrieger]

A mother is more important, but a father's role is still vital to a child growing up

[stepyo99]

lmao all you need to do is look at the sorry state of single mothers to know this isn't true

[Anonymous]

Disagree. Both are truly needed in some capacity for a functioning child to learn from both sides

[Anonymous]

A father's role is more subtle but it becomes obvious which adults have had a steady male influence and which have not.

[LiamJHayden]

Both are essential to a point. Both are optional afterwards.

[LinaSa]

Parents are equally important, each finds his own place

[msc545]

That is the same shitty attitude of courts in the US. Fathers have no rights.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

100% disagree. Fathers are essential.

[Paige90]

Completely disagree

[Summeroflove]

I disagree. Having both parents is very important

[Cubus]

The left would disagree.

[XXblack88]

disagree fathers are just as essential.

[itsalyssaagain]

I think both are essential.

[SnowedIn]

Thoroughly disagree.

[SnowedIn]

Regarding your update: it's kind of not relevant what your father and grandfather did. That's in the past. You have the opportunity to be the involved, present father that you should be. Be there for your children. Be involved in their lives. Don't use your dad and grandfather as models. I'm not maligning them, just saying to be your own person.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Disagree, both are needed.

[Babygirl_S]

Both are equally important.

[Wise4myage]

I disagree, both parents are needed.

[gorydetails]

Absolutely disagree.

[AimeeKyle]

Disagree completely. It takes both.

[Mettbltt]

father figure is important for a boy

[Kelly6]

disagree

[Anonymous]

WRONG

[Pterodon]

Disagree