Is it normal to feel like your mom doesn’t love you?

Question

I don’t think she hates me or anything is just think that she doesn’t care much about me. I feel like I’m the only one that makes any effort and if I stopped she will be fine not even talking to me. When I was younger she never spent time with me and I was always kinda just alone. I feel like she has more of a nonchalant care about me in the same way you would an aquaintance.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It’s totally normal to feel like someone else doesn’t love you.

I think that similar to how we as humans express love to others in our romantic relationships — as is postulated in “The Five Love Languages” book by Gary Chapman, and discussed in my posted question…

Which of the 5 “Love Languages”—Acts of Service, Gifts, Physical Touch, Quality Time, or Words of Affirmation—is your preferred way of receiving love? ↗

…I think PEOPLE also express familial love — as I say in a reply to someone’s opinion on the above question, and extrapolated to your situation — “in the “language” that [THEY] prefer to receive it (instead of the language that [another] prefers); [and your mother] might be giving you love in the “language” [she] prefers to receive.”

Also, parents and older people in general can be “dogmatic” about certain ways of doing things which don’t make sense to us — like for example: my mother likes to mention how she hasn’t seen or heard from a sibling of mine in a while, but thinks her children should contact her (but not so much the other way around).

mstbooblover · Accepted Answer

Not being a woman, I must use some caution when answering this question. Two older women, who were good friends of my wife and me told something similar, but their relation to their mother was worse. Their mothers really didn't show them any sign of love, which raises questions in me...

Although I also know many mother-daughter relations to be excellent, I guess their relation can be difficult and contradictory. Maybe something connected to a feeling of concurrence? If the mother doesn't trust her husband, the daughter may be considered a potential concurrent? I don't know for sure, but still worth considering, the more I heard and read testimonies of young girls being abused by their father. No offense meant to anyone!

Now, don't believe it's only girls having questions about their mother's love: as a child, my intuitions and all testimonies agree to state my parents really didn't love me, as well my mother and my father, and I'm not a girl... Meaning I still have unanswered questions...

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

When I was a little girl, oh how we loved each other! I love being her little girl. She would play games with me, make homemade chocolate fudge and let me lick the big spoon after it was cooked. She always left a big glob of warm fudge on the spoon for me. We hugged a lot as I would sit on her lap. When I would fall asleep on her lap, she would rock me. She was the best mom.
Then as I grew was a teenager, our relationship turned into what you described about your mom.
When I became a woman, she stayed even further away from me. It was like she was uncomfortable around me. I never could figure it out.
My teenage years were pretty bad. I guess I just wanted to be with my friends and kinda pushed her away - I think I may have pushed her too far away.

It must have been very hard on her when I wasn't her baby and toddler anymore. She was alone after that.

Sorry Momma ❣️🌹❣️

WonderBell99 · Accepted Answer

Yeah, that’s pretty normal if you have parents who are not good at expressing their affection. I’m not a hugger, and I hug people only if I’m comforting them. Whenever I try to hug my mom, she literally flinches and pushes me away. Both my parents work.. and they work a lot. They weren’t around much when I was younger, so I was alone a lot of times too. But I know that she loves me though. My grandparents practically raised me. If you have working parents who have demanding jobs, I’d say that’s pretty normal for them to not be able to spend time with you (it really sucks though, big hugs 🤍)

Was she the same way when you were younger? I’m not sure how your mother is though, because some parents can be narcissistic and emotionally abusive. Have you tried talking to her about this?

NathanDavis · Answer

some parents are just not that affectionate... so they seem to be very cold, distant or apathetic, or they actually are in some or many ways

I grew up with my parents being mostly like this... and it was rather confusing to me as a kid, took me some time to understand why they were like that, and big part of it was the fact that they would both work a lot, and the always did, always have... both of them had similar childhoods, lots of brothers, and also working parents that were not that much around, so they had to grow up quicker and on their own, and they also started to work very young, and became quite independent early on

and then, I did clash with a lot with my mother as a kid, and more so as a teen... we would argue almost every day, perhaps not big arguments, but it was a constant state of tension sometimes... if we had not had these arguments through the years, we would have been more of strangers than a family

but I grew up... I adjusted and so did she, while we're not the most affectionate and we will probably never be, we get along great, and we're still close in other ways

I should mention too, my mother lost the two people she loved the most when she was young (my grandpa and her grandma) so she had to grow up with the one that she had most conflict with, which was her mother/my grandma so yeah... that's part of why she also became less affectionate as a mother herself

we just found other ways to connect more and reasons to be around each other from time to time

MementoMori777 · Answer

I doubt she doesn't care about you or she wouldn't have raised you, I think as you grew the bond decreased and you are the only one putting in effort because she might just be worn out, I believe you should have a serious discussion with your mother and speak of these things because considering you are on here asking strangers about it I can tell you are not much on opening up to your family about your feelings and considering you must have gotten it from someone I'm going to assume your mother is the same, you put effort to spend time with her but not effort to open up to her and speak about the important things in the bond between you and your mother, if there's something bothering her you won't ever notice it until she says it just how she won't ever know what's bothering you rn, y'all are letting lack of communication break the bond between you and your mother, same goes for her but someone has to break that cycle.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Everyone loves in their own way & it saddens me to hear you feel your mother cares about you the same way you would care about an acquaintance. As for your mother she may not show her love for you or she may not say it but deep down she loves you & she loves you in her own way. In communication with your mother you can always say you feel like no one loves you & if she says she loves you bingo.

BeMuse · Answer

I always felt loved by my Mom. She was actively involved in raising me and reaches out to me as an adult to show she cares about me regularly. I know she'd take it hard and worry about it regularly if I were to stop talking to her for any reason. Not that I would, but I know how she is.

ImalwaysrightOK · Answer

I think that's not because of you, it's just some people that are like that, cold basically. Others have mothers that are smothering. I'm sure she loves you, just doesn't have a very attentive or affectionate personality. You can be closer with your own child.

saint_reezy · Answer

It’s probably quite normal. People are always looking for their parents love in one way or another. I pretty much know for a fact my mother doesn't love me but I dont think she loves anyone so I dont take it personal. Could life have been better of she did? Maybe, but things could be way worse, so I’m thanking my lucky stars.

spartan55 · Answer

This was just heartbreaking to read. I'm so sorry you feel this way. Have you tried spending more time with your mother as an adult?

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Normal? No. Common? Maybe!

I definitely know what you mean, though. And the reason is because my mom had a lot of kids. So we're kind of expendable. It wouldn't matter if any of us suffered or died, because we are all just a number.

desidoll · Answer

My mum was somewhat like this but a lot more toxic and mentally abusive that I had to cut the bond. We don’t talk to each other anymore. She doesn’t even know I just got married. I don’t want to hear anything from her. She hurt us so much that she only has my brother with her now.

MemeSupreme · Answer

welcome to the club buckaroo. i don't think it's normal but it also is? i know a lot of people who have never felt this way fortunately yet i've known a lot of people with shitty parents who've felt this at some point

Anonymous · Answer

yes it happens. my mom has NPD and is partly sadistic so i can relate in some ways. you can be happy without her tho. I wish you the best!

Lionman95 · Answer

Though I´m a guy I would say yes. I´ve heard of a couple of women that they have a complicated relationship to their mother. I don´t know a reason or a solution though.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s hard to say. Some people don’t know how to show that affection. Maybe she was never shown it herself growing up so she doesn’t know how to show it either. Does she contact you much or are you the one always initiating that contact? Have you tried taking to her about it?

nawtee_me · Answer

If you truly feel that way please do not be like her with your child... choose to be different...

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Damn, that's messed up for people to feel that way.

I don't think it's uncommon, some people just don't love their own children which is crazy to me.

My mom can be aloof but I know she loves me though.

Quackthulu2 · Answer

I doubt she ever did. As far as I know the bitch ended up as another Jane Doe years ago. But who really knows?

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

It's not normal for moms to act like that, but your reaction to it is.

AmeerX · Answer

Don't hold it to her. May be she had a difficult life. You are a parent now you should feel a mother's pain and love for her children

Sparkie460 · Answer

I have never had that feeling about my parents. You should really try to discuss this with her. I'm sure she loves you

Friendlybro79 · Answer

It would be normal for you to feel this way based on how you described your mother.

Nahid1707 · Answer

it depends, as every women wants to be a good mom and show her motherly side  Does this make sense? I’m sorry to hear this though

Tomisworthless · Answer

Depends, nobody really likes me so I can’t blame my parents since they are people too. I’m the least favorite child lls

Anonymous · Answer

I know the feeling precisely. I was abandoned by my first mother and later adopted by an ardent feminist who had no business raising a boy. All you can do is embrace being an adult and not having to worry about this person feeding and protecting you.

BrookeS · Answer

Yes, it is normal. Every child feels that way

leahzrc · Answer

I feel like my mother hates me secretly

DizzyDesii · Answer

Its not normal but its common

AngryCarl2 · Answer

At your age, yes I would say it's normal. It's possible you might change your mind when you're older.

Anonymous · Answer

My mom hates me and she reminds me of it everyday😔

HippieVeganJewslim · Answer

No, because I often feel like that and I ain’t normal.

noohair · Answer

Was she married to your dad? Maybe she hates him and you get the crap.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

No that's not normal! Question do you have any siblings

Emanon25 · Answer

No mom hates her own kids.

pethouse · Answer

I used to, I kinda felt like a pay check to her when I was younger😬😬

Sevenpointfive · Answer

no, that's usually the father's role

Anonymous · Answer

Usually when you are in your teenage years least you have control freak mother.

Beth1212 · Answer

no its not normal  tall to her

motownplayer2000 · Answer

How young did your mom have you?

slatyb · Answer

It's common enough.

Kelly6 · Answer

normal special for middle kid

OddBeMe · Answer

Or love you too much?

EaterPeter · Answer

Yes.

Christoff92 · Answer

Yeh most likely.

Is it normal to feel like your mom doesn’t love you?

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