Has someone ever directly or indirectly told/ implied that you're a cause of someone's suicide or downward spiral into suicide?

[19magic]

My estranged cousin basically said the reason my mother went into a downwards spiral and committed suicide was because of me and dad. And that after us, 'she was never the same again' 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

It's been knocking around in my head for days and I'm still not sure how to process that. I mean do I accept it, do I accept it as bull, ignore it - which I'm failing miserably at. I mean I can get a bit heated on chats, but in no way am I a violent person, it just keeps coming to the forefront of my mind and it's mind boggling and quite frankly, distracting.

[AllAloneInTheWorld]

I got told by my daughter's dad I was a contributing factor for him being pushed to the brink of wanting to end his life. I didn't know what he was talking about until I looked back on things I said to him via text messages and emails and how instead of supporting him all I did was tear him down with my toxic words.

You don't have to be a violent person to contribute to someone's suicide or downward spiral. Words hurt deeply. Are you sure that your mum 100% chose to abandon you or did something happen between her and your dad and she didn't feel safe being around him and as a result it meant also losing you in the process.

[19magic]

We all went to court that took around 6/7 months. The main thing she did to me was neglect, but she also starved me, beat me, said deeply upsetting things to me, left me in rooms with a recognised child predator, superglued our cats eyelids together cause it was looking at her, smashed my playstation in a fit, used to go into gambling places and then leave me outside for an hour or so cause it was adults only. She cheated on dad with multiple guys, used to spend all the money on herself so there'll be nothing for food, used to ignore the rules with phones and racked up to £200/300 phone bills each month and that's about 20 years ago now too. She used to not cook or clean even though she was a stay at home mother, yes there were many arguments or rather screaming matches between them, but they were all about things that she didn't do for me or wasted money he specifically put aside for us and she'd find it and spend on cigs and diet coke, she'd smoke about 20+ a day. He never once laid a hand on her, nor does he drink and even after the court case she begged him to take her back.

[19magic]

It's a lot when it's all put together, but none of us has had any contact with her for 16 years before her death, just seems a bit weird. They had some terrible screaming matches, but they were both contributing with that.

[AllAloneInTheWorld]

You are in no way to blame. I'm so deeply sorry to hear what you went through and im so sorry to hear someone is blaming you when it is not your fault at all.

[19magic]

It's okay and I didn't mean to attack you at all, I can definitely say I was feeling a bit triggered and didn't mean to blow up on you, thanks for your kind words and the original message. I have done it myself, to a much lesser extent to my daughter, and it's trying to catch myself from saying something mean to her so that she doesn't adopt those mean things into her personality

[AllAloneInTheWorld]

Don't apologise. I re-read what I wrote and I could see it came across like i blaming you so I can understand it be upsetting and you wanting to attack so please don't apologise.

[razelove]

I wouldn't worry about it. One of my friends had schizophrenia and went that route, a few of his family members and our friends tried to blame me simply because I sold guns, even though I didn't sell him his. Nor was he barred from legally buying them (his family pulled strings with his diagnoses).

Only the person doing the action has any control there, everyone left behind will try rationalizing in any way they can. Guilt, hatred, depression, you name it. All you can worry about in a situation like that is how you're dealing with it, and try to keep that healthy.

It doesn't sound like your cousin is dealing with that well, but though it may sound harsh, that is not your problem. My mom still blames my grandma for my grandpa because "she should have done something". Don't expect other people to be rational trying to make sense over what is often an irrational act.

[Andres77]

That’s an evil thing for them to say.
I’m sorry that you lost her. Maybe in their grieve they’re trying to make sense of it and they can only make sense of it if they can find someone to blame and you seem to be an easy target.. don’t let it get to you. I’m sure you miss her too, but don’t ever take that burden on because it’s not fair and it’s not right and evening. Agree for them to see that is actually an evil thing to say reject it don’t give it place at all it’s wrong

[19magic]

Miss is too strong a word here, maybe annoyed she'll never give me an answer. But you can't miss what you've never had, and she was never really a mother 🤷‍♀️

[Agape93]

Yeap, he was just being manipulative. Didn't work.

[slatyb]

Your father could have contributed, but as a child you have no responsibility for this. If you feel guilty about your mother's suicide, I suggest you seek counseling to eliminate the unwarranted guilt.

[19magic]

It's more of a confusion/ wanting to defend your name, put the facts straight kind of thing. But at the same time that's hopeless and I would be pouring water into a bucket with a hole. It's just been 16 years since she saw us and 2 years since I found out she died, it just seems like a lot of crap to me. I just keep thinking about it, and it's annoying.

[Lliam]

Your cousin is an ass hole and doesn't know what she's talking about. It sounds like she trying to get you to commit suicide. Fuck that piece of shit.

[19magic]

It wasn't quite like that, but it's been 18 years since I last saw her and she killed herself 2 years ago - so 16 years, the cousin was 1 when I last saw her at 8. And it's like I can't see in any way, shape or form, how either me or dad is responsible. Plus the thing is, I know it's my uncle, her dad, and our aunt who's been feeding her this info. I still don't get how that is the assumption that losing me brought on terrible depression when she chose to abandon me. Urgh a part of me wishes I didn't contact her, but I did get some questions answered, just brings up bad memories and apparently as I learned the other night, repressed emotions.

[Lliam]

I think you are 100% right.

[nolabels]

Yeah, me too.

I won't detail it here.

It is the most upsetting remark that anyone has ever made to me.

It's hard to deal with, I know.

I don't have a solution.

I'm sorry.

[AngryCarl2]

No one has told me that and no one I was particularly close to has committed suicide, for which I'm grateful. Now I'm curious to know what you did to this poor woman?

[19magic]

Beats me, at the time of death I haven't seen neither hide nor hair of her for 16 years 🤷‍♀️

[AngryCarl2]

File under crazy statements of the recently bereaved I guess.

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope and I don’t enjoy discussing suicide online.

[19magic]

Fair enough

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks and good luck

[Jmmmfi4]

I wish one girl would

[19magic]

Why would you want something like that said to you?