Is he too poor to start a family with?

[Anonymous]

I am planning on having children with a guy but we are neither married nor are we in a romantic relationship. He has a house, mortgage, car and tells me that he only has $600 remaining after paying all expenses every month. This sum seems quite small for raising 2 kids. Right now, his parents and brother are also living with him under the same roof for a small fee of 500 a month. His parents are retired and barely work. If he kicked his parents out, they would have nowhere to live. Right now, he is upset about his financial situation and the fact that his parents are being too much of a financial burden on him.

He said he would have to work an extra job on weekends just to an extra few hundred bucks. But this will mean that he would barely have time to care for the kids. I would have to either hire a babysitter so that I can go to work. I also have a career that I have to work. who is going to take care of the kids on the days where we are both working? he works 7 days a week. there will be nobody to watch the kid while I'm at work. I work 5 days a week.

If I were to have kids with him, I feel like I would have to do most of the working care of the kids and paying most of the bills. At the end of the day, he will contribute little to nothing.

I own a separate house and after all my mortgage and expenses, I am left with 2500 a month.

[Anonymous]

Yea, need a million in the asset column and 60k a year take home pay (100k ballpark gross)

[ashish804]

yess he is

[inhua]

who's gonna take care about the kids?

then what are the grandparents there for? they're already retired so this would be the perfect job for them. no need to waste money on a babysitter

maybe this is a culture thing but in other parts of the world, grandparents are respected and often help with raising the kids. being raised together by an entire family often makes the kid feel more loved as opposed to just letting a babysitter look for him/her

[Asker]

and how am i going to force the grandparents to take care of the kids? i can't force someone to take care of the kids. they're just going to get angry bitter and mistreat my children. its simply not going to work. A lot of grandparents charge money nowadays

[inhua]

you shouldn't have to force them to take care of the kids. they should want to take care of the kids for free. seems to me, it's a case of westerners putting themselves first ahead of the family

[Asker]

well i live in a western country. you can't just walk around expecting every other culture to be like yours

[inhua]

I don't expect every culture to be the same. sometimes flaws need to be pointed out

[Asker]

its not exactly a flaw. because you need to realize that elderly people who have spent their entire lives raising children aren't interested in cooking and cleaning for more children.

[inhua]

their entire lives raising children? more like what you and your "partner" are going through right now which is going to work and having no time for the kids

[Asker]

@inhua

he's not my partner. typically what happens here is that parents hire babysitter or put their kids in afterschool programs. This was the same way how I was raised. And it costs money.

[Asker]

i probably won't have kids with him if I could find another man. He wants kids but can't afford them. Seeing how things are... he probably won't even have enough money to retire on.

[provokeesmokee]

You don't have a relationship with this man, but you want to have his kids. And he wouldn't be very involved as the father, from what I'm gathering.

Why are you forcing your poor decisions onto children who won't be able to opt out of the consequences?

Don't do this. Spare those kids.

[Asker]

because he WOULD be involved. and also because you clearly didn't read the question.

[Berethor]

If you both working then you need a babysitter, thinking so much about money is not good.

[Asker]

money is what feeds the kids and sets the kids up for a good future. so yes, it is important

[Berethor]

So you want to be a gold digger? you ruin your relationship only because of coins.

[Asker]

you can ruin your kids by having kids with a man with no coins