Why is my bestfriend being weird about my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

i broke off my relationship of three years with my toxic ex boyfriend two months ago. it was really hard for me to get out of that shit hole. i was so happy and free but my bestfriend, all she could say was- 'youl get back with him after a month or so' and acted really weird. i knew that this was the final breakup as i have restricted him from everywhere and it was a long distance relationship so there is no other way for him to contact me again and i had already decided that i won't be talking to him again.
then this guy- full of green flags, cute and intelligent, entered my life and made it so much happier after so many years. i never felt that happier before. but my bestfriend? she ignores my messages where i talk about him and what all he does for me and calls him a 'simp'. im sorry but its better for me to be happy with a 'simp' rather than a toxic ass guy who does nothing but put me down. she never talks to me about this guy and she doesn't seem happy about this. which really really turns me off. i expect her to be happy for me. she always compares my three year old toxic relationship with her one month situationship with a guy who she barely knew. it doesn't make me feel good. am i overreacting? how do i talk to her about this? is this usually how bestfriends are? because i know I'm not that type of a bestfriend

[Anonymous]

Because you’re boy crazy and she’s tired of hearing about it. Just think of how many times she’s had to listen to all your relationship drama, the fights, break ups, make ups. How many times you said you were done with him and went back, or she had to deal with him to some extent on your behalf. It’s exhausting trying to be a supportive friend and give advice only for you to go back to your ex. She’s used to all of it which is why she feels certain you will go back. You’re saying it’s fully the end? Cool, time will tell but in the mean time she has a right to not believe you and honestly she doesn’t have to, it’s your situation not hers. Now you’re dealing with a new person so quickly after your ex as if you just can’t be single, she’ll have to hear all about this as well and whatever drama will follow. Take this how you want, I’m aware that I’m blunt but my views are as someone who’s been in her shoes and I relate her exasperation completely. The fact you’re incapable of understanding and writing it off as her being weird shows you hardly pay any mind to the burdens you put on her, of consider how tired she is of watching you pick the wrong person.

[Asker]

i can understand what you're trying to say, thanks for your opinion.
but honestly I've never put my relationship drama on her because i know how it feels like to be a therapist and listen to shit like that and how mentally stressful that can be. I'm not an overthinker thankfully and i never put any emotional burden on her. infact whenever she talks to me about her toxic situationship once a week for 5-6 hours straight, i know how it feels like. before my breakup she couldn't even listen to me for even 30minutes and always made it and compared it to her situationship instead of telling me what is right and what is wrong when i needed it. this really hurt me. i just wanted to know if in overreacting or is it valid

[Opinion Owner]

I’m sorry if you feel hurt, that’s not my intention, and don’t get me wrong I understand friends should support one another, that’s the point. I’m just speaking as someone who’s watched their best friend be put through the wringer by men only to stay with him and it’s not only hard but just flat out exhausting. I understand that you feel like you put zero emotional burden on her, but would that mean you never mention your ex? Surely she knew about the toxicity or you’d update her when something was bad, and everyone handles that differently. I got to a point where I couldn’t listen to my friend for 30 mins without zoning because after 2 years it felt pointless, as she always went back. This doesn’t mean I don’t empathize with you, honestly I’m surprised you’re down to sit and listen to ANYONE vent for 5-6 hours lol I doubt i could.
Maybe this is a sign to set some healthy boundaries with her. If you feel like she’s being weird when you talk about your new guy, maybe you just don’t talk about him or even really deal with her if your friendship has become unfulfilling.

[Asker]

thank you so much! maybe you are right about putting some boundaries in our friendship. we have been bestfriends for more than 12 years and i still don't put any of my ex-boyfriend bullshit on her because i know what it feels like. i only share the happy moments with her about how this new guy made me feel special and did all these things for me and i never do it too much. i always used to ask my elder sister for some advice on my previous relationship as she has more experience and can understand things better. but sometimes a little advice from the bestfriend also helps a lot :(

[Opinion Owner]

No worries hun and I hear where you’re coming from, my best friend and I have nearly 2 decades together, it’s been a lot of trials. At the end of the day, my biggest advice is to protect your peace, even if that means keeping your happy moments private despite how much you want to share with her. Unfortunately I just think she’s in a place where she can’t be the friend you need and want her to be right now. Like the last thing you want is to feel bad about yourself and your choice’s because of how she’s responding to you with her “advice”. Yes it can be hurtful, but it’s better than having your feelings hurt. From her position, she’s seen and heard about so much transpiring between you and your ex while you were together, she probably doesn’t have confidence in this new guy, especially since he came around so soon after the breakup. All you can do is let time show the progress. You don’t have to talk to her about it but you know for sure you aren’t going back, and that this new person has a lot of potential. When she realized you were serious then her responses might be better, but at that point you may not even want to share, and that’s ok.

[jaskin777]

It sounds to me that he told her some crap maybe even lies . But at the same time it also sounds to me that she wants y'all together but I'm sure she doesn't know the darkest of what he done to u

[Asker]

ofc.. she doesn't know about what all he did to me. she doesn't even know about the 'date rape' or whatever you call it because she won't understand as she doesn't has much experience on all this

[jaskin777]

I'm very sorry what u been through 😔 if u wanna chat privately u can message me whenever.

[Asker]

omg🥹thankyou so much❤️❤️that is so sweet of you!

[jaskin777]

Yw anytime
Np
I'm here for u
💙

[worldscolide]

Jealousy is literally the major reason women hate on other women. And in this case jealousy would fit.

[OlderAndWiser]

Jealousy.

[Asker]

I'll be shattered if that's true