Is anyone else steeling themselves for Thanksgiving with a bitch of a stepmother?

[Anonymous]

Seems to get great delight out of picking on me, I don't want to cause a big drama again like last Christmas by putting her in her place. It created a bad vibe last year and of course she played the victim. Of course I want good enough for her son. She always mocking my height, my ginger hair, my weight, my accent, my cooking, my cleaning, my child rearing etc and has quite a few times in front of me deliberately mentioned how well a few of my husband's exes (one an athlete, another a model, another a lawyer) were doing and how pretty one of them was. A while back she casually mentioned that it was a shame I was so uneducated compared to everyone at table and got offended when I pointed out that I have 6 GCSEs, 3 A levels, 2 BTECs, a 2 NVQs and others all before I was 18 while dancing & playing in a few sports teams and had gotten into Queens, Trinity and Leeds Universities with and a couple of American colleges, while all she has is a high school diploma which means she has a piece of paper confirming she attended an American school until she was 18 & flunked out of community college. She was quiet the rest of the evening. My mother has warned me in the past not to allow myself to get riled up and angry like that because when I do I can be very sharp with my words and cut people to the bone.

Updates

7 mo

Just to be clear it's mother in law that's the problem his Stepmother is lovely

[AmandaYVR]

You mean your mother-in-law, right?

Your husband/her son should have a sit-down with his mother and say that she cannot keep treating you this way. "If you insist on degrading my wife, we won't be able to come over for dinners like this anymore." He probably doesn't want to/won't do and say this, but he really should. He is the prize that she wants, and once she realizes that there will be a repercussion to her behaviour, she may find she has no choice.

How do other members of the family feel about what they witness? Do they support you or her? Maybe if you say how hurt you are, one of them will help a bit?

It's nice that you regret getting angry previously, but it also can't go on forever, that you dread every single visit there, knowing that this person is going to make constant digs at you. I used to just stay quiet, and try to grin and bear things, but I now have a different opinion, which is you need to cut this shit off at the pass, and not let it develop into a habit where a really nasty and unreasonable person thinks they have free rein to do and say whatever they want. Everyone has to bite their tongue, but there are limits to how much people should need to endure in silence.

Mothers and their 'celebrations' like Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc... they run those shows. If you were older, I'd say try having it at your place instead. It changes the power dynamic. (Some mothers want to have the workload taken off them, after having spent their lifetime doing it, but the ones who refuse to give up the reigns like things their way, on their turf, because it's more comfortable for them, they get to eat their own food and recipes, and they like the praise for putting the event/meal on. In practicality, it often works a bit better doing it at the largest home, where guests have more room to roam and socialize before and after. But there are many factors at play that often supersede that.

You'll get the most respect from others if you reply back to her, but with utmost control. If your exterior demeanour is calm, and your words are logical and fair, you'll come off as having a backbone, but not a vicious temper. That would be the ideal, if your husband refuses to stand up for his wife, which all men should, if the wife is being reasonable. It shouldn't be automatic, in every case no matter the circumstances, but you are his future. His mother is his past. It's up to him to make this time, with both of you in his life, equitable and reasonably pleasant for all.

[RoseySarah]

Just fake sick

If your husband realizes she causes issues he should be happy your not going.

Yeah we have the same thing with my brother. He is so lucky to have married her and yet she will never be good enough for my mom?

No idea why she is great person and a friend.

[ohsheeT]

Sometimes in life there's going to be that one person who looks at you and envious you and instead of being honest and coming straight out and saying I wish I was just like you they belittle you and they put you down they have to be better then you

And they can't be so the only way that they see in doing so is by degrading you making you look stupid

They can do that very easily if you start to fight back or get angry

But if you smile and keep your mouth shut and understand who they truly are

It doesn't matter what they say because they will just keep digging their hole deeper and deeper and deeper


And somebody around you will look at her and say WTF are you doing can you hear what you sound like can you see how you're acting grow the f**** up

But that's the whole thing is you need to let somebody else do it as long as you know keeping your heart who you truly are it doesn't matter what other people think or say or do because it all backfires in the long run as long as you have the patience

[Constatine]

Uhm first of all she is completely out of place, how you are or how you look or how your are educated is not up to her... So putting her where she belong is good..

Your friend should stick up for you and say something.

Now the question.. Thank God I do not have those problems. But I have to mention that sometimes we fight months before... Where are we going to celibate Thanksgiving., 🤣😂

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

The best way to handle those who ridicule you is to let your actions speak rather than sharp words. There is no need to impress others, just quietly move your way through the world and find your own successes :-)

[Anonymous]

your mother in law sounds like a total cnut.
although she has one good point.
being a ginger is unforgiveable.
noone likes gingers

[Asker]

She is. Maybe being ginger is why she doesn't like me.

[RedInnocent68]

@irishgirl02 I’m sure being ginger isn’t why anyone doesn’t like you. Jealous maybe, but not doesn’t like you.

[Emmann]

Lies, gingers are hot

[Sparkie460]

We don't have to worry about it this year. We're not inviting anyone over and we're not going anywhere

[Asker]

There's a plan.

[Sparkie460]

Just stay home and have Thanksgiving by yourselves. I bet it will be the best peaceful holiday you ever had

[DarkLegacy]

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving here in the UK. It is a American event

[Asker]

I know. I'm not American either and technically from the UK.

[OfMiceandMen]

hahaha... nope don't have to do that anymore. I had Thanksgiving with my parents and daughter. It was fantastic.

[FunkyMonkee]

No, all of my mothers are dead. My ex-sisters and 3 of my ex-cousins are motherfuckers! That's as close as I get to having a mother, these days.

[RealMarek]

Just try to step over it. Sounds like someone is jealous. Most Americans have little room to criticize others for not being adequately educated.

[Likes2drive]

Well it’s her son that decided you were the best one for him not her and so she should be happy about that because he is the one that is married to you. Maybe you should tell him to tell his mom to stop bothering you

[Masterodd]

NOPE... got ride of her when I ditched the baggage

[Asker]

You had sex with your mother in law? Am I reading that right?

[Masterodd]

no... I ditched the daughter, so the MIL went away too. :)

[Asker]

Ah...

[Billlewis]

To me, the worst thing about family get togethers is arguing over politics.

[jeffend888]

There's no solution to this. This is what it is. You got the short end of the stick, it happens.

God does not distribute his gifts or his curses equally.

[Mansearching]

If family doesn't invite me, so be it. I'll just go to a 24hr joint and eat there. No dishes to clean... lol

[Drewtate]

I'm looking forward to it. My future mother inlaw wants to marry me herself. She's a good cook too though being white the food can be a bit bland.

[Drewtate]

Sounds like you got your hands full. Narcissistic women like to make everything about themselves, best to ignore her and as they get older and theyve had their wedding, their babies and everythingelse and their looks fade a bit they get worse. I'm sure your husband doesn't want to have to choose his wife over his mother so don't let him put himself in that position. The high road is best.

[CubaPirate]

Thankfully not, but as a I'm sure you know we don't really do Thanksgiving. And my and my partner are going away for Christmas so we won't see annoying family members then either

[Charliefretz329]

Nope, although I prefer my stepmother over my soon to be exwife.

[shortster]

Stepmom or mother in law? It sounds like the latter.

[Sevenpointfive]

thank god no! what a nightmare that would be!

[Bklynbadboy12]

He needs to have a little talk with his mom about how to treat you then she'll stop the nonsense until then the bullshit is gonna keep coming

[Emmann]

Plan a Friendsgiving, and don’t invite family. It makes it way easier.

[Exterminatore]

What does steeling yourself mean.

[Asker]

steeling: (verb) get ready for something difficult or unpleasant. (verb) cover, plate, or edge with steel.

I think I used it right

[Exterminatore]

Hmmmm….. this is unfortunate. I have found that prayer and sometimes in addition, table wine soften the blow in such circumstances. Whisky is a good substitute. Just a glass though. No reason to be spreading holiday cheer early.

[love_conquers_lust]

Nope on either.

[Grond21]

Thankfully not.

That sounds terrible

[Christoff92]

Nope not me