If there was nothing left in a marriage, do you think it's wise for those people to stay together just for their kids or divorce and move on?

[Anonymous]

From the moment I met my friends parents (she was adopted), they would argue in front of me. It was like I literally wasn't even there. I was babysitting their biological kids at the time, and the kids would sit silently trying to ignore the shouting and yelling and up and down the stairs they would go yelling after each other. It made me extremely uncomfortable and wonder why they bothered to stay together because even just being there to babysit, if they were coming home, I felt stressed just being in that environment because as a teen I wasn't used to seeing parents argue like that. Mine certainly didn't. From your own experience or just out of curiosity, do you think parents in that situation should stay together and stick it out for the sake of the kids or leave and try to find their own separate happiness while giving the kids a hopefully better home environment free of yelling/fighting.

No, I think if you're not happy being married, get a divorce and move on, kids will adapt eventually

Yes, I think even if you are unhappy in your marriage, you should stay together for your kids

[IlllllIll]

As a child with parents that couldn't withstand each other, I'd say that I wish they divorced.

I was even cheering for the man my mother was meeting regularly at the time. Oh, not on her own, she always brought me with her. I was a teenager at the time.

I've witnessed her being depressed for years, so I was wishing she'd move on and try to be selfish for once. The only time she wasn't withdrawn into silence was when she was arguing with my father.

It didn't happen though. She must have realised her "friend" was interested in her and rejected his advances. Overnight he disappeared from our life.

As for my father, I know he loves my mother. He never stopped, he just have trouble walking her shoes sometimes since he suffers from asperger. He never realised my mother was lonely in a foreign country (she's Chinese and we are living in France) and that she needed support. I believe it was the root of it.

Sometimes it's not a matter of not loving, but of being ill-suited to each other to the point you are just making yourself miserable.

[Rei13]

Speaking from my own personal experience I can’t remember my parents ever being happy together. They would argue all the time and avoid each other, they hid it well from other people and acted like we were all a happy family. My siblings and I would have been much better off if they divorced earlier on. I learned a lot about what unhealthy relationships looked like from them vs healthy and I carried that into my adult relationships. It took me a long time, and some therapy, to break myself from that cycle. If the parents are unhappy that carries over to the children, if you split up you can still have a healthy dynamic

[Naruse]

So I can some insight here. I wasn't fucked up by my parents divorce. Do you know what did fuck me up HARD? My parents fighting over who would get me, shitting on each other and throwing more money than they had at me in an effort to get me to choose one of them then immediately dropping most of the interest as soon as I'd chosen. Being held in contempt by my brother until my mid teens for choosing my Dad, it's all this interpersonal shit. If you divorce do it amicably even if you hate each other, don't use your kids as bargaining chips and it should be fine. Remaining in a hateful or abusive relationship is also shitty for the kids by the way there isn't an easy solution like that.

[RingOfFire]

Tough question and I think it depends on the individuals involved including the kids. Divorce hurts kids, but so does living with parents who don't love each other or get along. So which is worse? I think the balance one way or the other depends on the people involved and the nature of the problems. No one size fits all.

[petitedollbabee]

Divorce and move on. You actually do more damage to your kids by staying together in an unhappy marriage. You think you’re sick of bickering with your husband or wife? Your child is also sick of it! Kids can pick up on how miserable your relationship is. Staying together for the sake of your kids is a terrible reason.

[Anemone978]

If you are constantly fighting in front of your kids, you guys have issues and should just move on..
Me I don't fight with my husband but it is far from a happy marriage I just do the bare minimum so I can stay with my kids.. we essentially are just roommates but also bound to each other with no sex.. I already don't see a future for myself since I am so old now but as long as I raise my daughters to be smart, strong, successful women who don't get trapped with an asshole like their father I don't care what happens to me in the long run.. All I know is death will be sweet.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

I think it's best to divorce and move on if it's irreconcilable differences. At that point you're doing the children more psychological and emotional harm than good, as they're witnessing toxicity and will grow up thinking it's okay to commit to people or things not good for them and sacrificing their happiness.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you are miserable and you have tried everything you can do to save your marriage, but all efforts have failed, and your partner has either given their best effort or they simply don't want to try, then a marriage may be unsalvageable. But I think people give up too soon without making their best efforts.

[IslaTheWitch]

It's also a lesson for kids, to let go in a healthy way.

Both parents should take responsibility for kids well being during separation/divorce. Both should make agreements to not fight in the court.

It's important life lesson, that not everything goes as planned, but we can make it healthy and as much acceptable as possible for everyone.

[nastyb]

healthy marriage is created , it doesn't just happen. people cannot have healthy relationships / marriages if you care more about your own self-interests instead of UNDERSTANDING your spouse's needs. If both spouses can just try to understand each other and put each other's needs first , there will be no problem. but you wouldn't do that right? you wouldn't. so divorce

[molonski2]

NEVER , never ever , use children as an excuse to stay together.

[HelpfulWoman]

NEVER stay unhappy and stay together for the kids. You WILL be fucking them up mentally MORE.

[Fireguy17]

the kids will know even if you are going through the motions of staying together for them.
they aren't stupid.
It is better to move on.

[Andres77]

I stayed for my kids. I am more concerned about their well being and stability than I am with getting in another relationship.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Its unwise to have sex, let alone kids, with someone you can't spend the rest of your life with.

[exitseven]

My parents stayed together until I was in high school. They did us no favores.

[Anonymous]

You do what's best for the kids. If that's stay together, then stay together. If it's break up , then break up. But always do what's best for the kids.

[Sabretooth]

both carry emotional issues.